"' '", -ji3fi;.'vpr -" i" -"vwo!
if
V
"V .
The Commoner.
V VOLUME 4, NUMBER 45
.'
10
1
MDN
w T
O, Mlsseuril
O, Missouri, Mizzoo, I'm a weepin' for
you.
. My tears are a fallin' like rain.
I'm a sobbih' boo-hool! 0, Missouri,
Mizzoo;
My heart Is nigh broken with pain.
On you I've relied with a whole lot of.
pride,
And counted you safe from the fray,
But 0,. what a. slidewhy I mighty
near died,. . ,
At seein'. yo.u wander away.
O, state of ray birth you have squelched
... all the, mirth
; Arid made me feel lonesome ,and
blue.
Though I wander the earth of all joy
there's a dearth,
O fickle Missouri, Mizzoo!
rhavo always avowed that of you I was
proud,
But this is a blow to my pride.
t am sobbin aloud, and my spirit is
cowed .....
To think that you'd ever blackslide.
.
1-
'
You havo' wandered away from the .old
: ( path today.
Aild you'll find that the pipkin' is
poor.
You will find it don't pay do you
catch what I say?
Ypur new. friends will, bunco you
sure.
When on husks you must dine in com-
i;.(-"p'ny of swine
Just recall wliat I whisper to 'you:
For the old ways you'll pine, and you'll
get back in line.
Repentant Missouri, Mizzoo!
O Missouri; it's tough! You were quite
old enough
To know a lot better than that.
But you swallowed the guff 0, Mis
t souri, it's rough
To have all our hopes busted flat!
"0, no; that's where you are wrong,
Mr. Jones. We are selling our choicest
porterhouse steak at 11 cents a pound."
"Give mo ..three' pounds," exclaimed
Jones.
Then he hurried off to tin grocer.
"What can i do for you?" asked the
groceryman.
"I want a quarter's worth of granu
lated susar."
"Better let me send you a half-barrel'
said the grocer. "1 can make
you" .....V
"Po you take me for Rockerbilt?"
queried Mr. Jones. "I couldn't pay for
a half-barrel of. sugar with a weeks
wages."
"Why, ho.w you talk, Mr. Jones. Wo
are selling our best sugar at three and
a third cents, by the dollar's Worth,
and three even by the half-barrel."
"Send me a half-barrel," gasped
Jones.
Happening to pass the clothier's on
his way ome Mr. Jones stopped in co
take another look at a suit that had
caught his eye a few days before when
he stopped in to pay for the suit he
bought for his boy last spring.
"Fine goods, that," said the clothier.
"Here, let me try it on you."
"No use," said Mr. 'Jones. "I can't
buy it."
"0, try it on. I'll make the .price
right."
The suit fit like the paper on the wall
and Mr. Jones eyed himself with pride.
Then he sighed and began taking off
:the coat. . .
- "Better let me wrap. it. up for you,
sir'
"0, I can't afford it now."
"It's all wool, hand finished, extra
padded, well lined-and extra finished,
arid I'll make it to you at $8.25. We.
sold 'em just like that at $18 six
months ago."
Mr. Jones took the suit. He did not
have it wrrpped up, .but donned it at
"What's tho Liberty Bell'?"' asked the
small brown man. '
"Great Scott man! Do you mean to
say you are ignorant of that precious
old relic?" v
"I must confess that I am, sir," re
sponded the small brown man.
"Why, it's our most precious relic
Over a century ago it rang out oUr
freedom. It's tones sounded the knell
of. government without consent 'and
taxation without representation. It
tolled the death of government by
force, sir. We "would die in defence of
that bell, sir. We think more pt it
than anything else we. have in the way
of national relics. We love it, sir.
Wo "
"So it rang out all of. these things
for ybur country, did it?"
"Yes, sir. Its clarion voice in days
long ago called the people to the" de
fence of their liberties. It -"
"O, yes, so you said before," re
marked the small brown man. "It must;
be a precious relic. I'll look closer."
Crowding up close to the heavy truck
whereon, rested the old bell the small
brown man looked earnestly.
"Beautiful old bell, isn't it?' queried
the talkative stranger who had volun
teered the information.
"It is just as I thought," said the
small brown man. '
"What did you think?"
"It's cracked, just as badly as your
constitution, your traditions and your
principles."
Turning slowly and sadly away, the
small brown man was soon lost in the
crowds surging over to where the Igor
rotes were about to give their famous
danfft
in ft same drawer with their society
clothes.
soon
BroJj Locks;.
Kindness thrives on kindness.
Charity begins at home, but
gets away.
Money is often best invested when
given away.
When a man wants to he can gen
erally concoct an excuse.
.., Envy is always looking for empty
heads . wherein to lodge and grow.
Whenever we hear a boy calling hi3
father "the old man' we yearn for a
paacue.
The best times are those which per
mit us to look back at them without
regrets. .' ,
We feel sorry for the man who ia
always too busy to remember that ho
was once a boy. ,'
Did you ever think that perhaps tho
heavenly 'music we read about is only
the laughter of little, children?
There are business men who would
scorn to turn a dishonest trick in their
business who act an the theory that
everything ia fair in politics.
nuti ,, 1- j I ,; ;, "
fint, Missouri, Mizzoo; we're a lookin' MJ f "re ana Bwrwa prouuiy ipr nomo,
I LIlllllVllItL III I. 111-? mil III NH IIH Will III IVM
Excelled
The eagle sat despondently upon tho
top limb of a dead tree.
"My reputation is ruined. Once I
was monarch of the air, and "none could,
fly so high, as I. But now I am second
In the race."
Casting a jealous look at the turkey,
.which was. soaring higher than ever,
an eagle had flown, the dethroned king,
of the air dropped down to earth and
sought to hide its humbled head in the
underbrush.
DIAMOND
YOU Can Wear
or Give a Fine
Don't buy a Christmas Diamond until you hare
rccolvcd our cataloguo and read tho story ot the
WONDERFUL ZAMBESA DIAMOND.
Looks and wears Uko a real diamond costing twenty
times as much, and Is bolne vrorn by thousands of
iuu uusbpoopic. vmy iine,sonugo
mountings used, wo send them
on approval. We
press charges you do not pay
a penny until you novo seen
andtostcd tho article and ds-
eldotobuy. You arc to bo
tho solo judge. Our cata
logue answers every ques
tion write today for a copy.
IV.
gift worth vUU oa tbatnlUUit fon
A postal card will fetch
with 13 too era euka a ChrUtmki
rr. Slpied gumnte ofptrramtncj
lent with ererr zamtwt a uiamraa.
BOYLSTON DIAMOND CO., Int.
Jl&BojUton Uldg., CVlcaea; 111.
IUfer to A. W. Jcffii h Co., lltsktri,
mm
sxss&mFmm
for you
To come back again to the fold.
And the day that you do. what a. hulla
baloo We'll raise when your 'form we be
Bvit
1
John Sivlter Jones, tjred and worn
I oul after a hard day's work, had hard
ly seated himself in his easy chair
(alto; supper. before his wife said:
'John, dear j you'll have to go right
dYn town and order some coal, some
fttw, some meat, spme; sugar and some
68. "Weware out of everything."
All right, Mary' said the obedient
Jolm. '
'J want a little hard coal," said Mr.
Jones. . "About a half a ton is all I
can stand at a time."
, you are mistaken, Mr. Jones,"
Mfti the coal man. "Coal la 'way down.
Tke kind wo sold at $11.50 last week
we are selling at $6.25 now, and. charg
ing nothing for delivery."
3Ir. Jones was surprised, but he or
dered two tons. The next . place was
I th butcher's.
""Jive mo a quarter's worth of round
teak," he said.
his wife. She had long been scolding
him about his personal appearance.
"She'll feel good when I tell her
about all the bargains I made this
evening," saldJones to himself as ho
entered the gate. "I'll walk right in on
her without saying a word, and she'll
Just then Mr. Jones foot slipped and
he fell with a thud. He awoke with a
start and found that his chair had.
skated out from the wall and let him
down upon the floor.
"Wh' wh-what's the matter?" he ex
claimed.
"Are you awake, John?" -capae" tho
voice of his good wife. .
"Yes." & ,
"Well, I wish you'd order some coal
and flour in the morning."
"All right," said Mr. Jones, and
forthwith he began counting the small
uuuii&u in iiie i)uuivt uuu mt'U xuauq
a lot of figures on the .margin of the
evening paper.
And the tariff tax still taxes.
GrecLt Sohomo
''I've written a novel that will be a
winner'." exclaimed DeS'cribbler. "It
can't help being at the head of the 'six
biggest sellers.' "
"Historical, problematical, sensation
al, realistic or rur.al?"
"Nothing of the kind'
"Well, what's its main feature?"
"It's printed backwards so the ivom
en can .read it without-turning tho
leaves from left to right."
"Let mo give you a choice cut off of
1 tkls porterhouse, Mr. "
' "My goodness, no!" exclaimed Mr.
Jeaes. "It's aljj can do, to pay. f it
jimnu and chuclc steaks A'porterhouse
qijB enougu ror my family, .would take
(
a'lfcay's wages."
With & MentoJ Reservation
The noted orator had just finished
his peroration and apostrophe on tho
Liberty Bell, tho crowds were cheering
and the guard of honor was preparing
to escort the old bell on its long jour
ney to its permanent home.
"What's all this excitement?" asked
a small brown man who had just ar
rived. ."They are-bidding goodbye to tho
Liberty Bell' said an eyewitness.
Ruined
"I feel sorry for poor Billson."
"What's the matter with him?"
' "O;' for a long time his wife talked
about his wages, and they managed to
live' on it and save a little. Not long
ago she made the acquaintance of some
nfew arrivals in town, and from them
learned to talk aboujt her husband's
salary. Since then Billson has been
unable to make both ends meet."
Kind
"Our landlady is . the most thought
ful woman in the world."
"How dp you make that out?'
"Why, when we sat down to our
Thanksgiving dinner each one of us
found the picture ofa turkey lying
under our plates." '
The Best Cooking fiaoge
Sold" for Cash or
on Monthly
Payments
$10 to $20
S
MImKJBBSSu
KCniHiHnH mam
fllilinp
iBJMTJPlPSBn
Freight
paid.
Your money refunded after bc month's trial if
bll&pps iaoB.i oieoi iiijo
U net 60 p cont better thn otlwri. Mf V' lL1
Sri., whiVriron, iteel. cod, fr.t(U W'""..
lt embU, a. to furlih TOP KOTCM 8U.I tap
siring of 110 to IS). Bend for tn eatabpiM of Br. dlitlnct Unci, ,ww
W atlea 44 !u, ulth or without msTolr, for dty, tonn, or emit?
Chester D. Cfapp, 657 Summit St.,Toledo, Ohio.
IBmrrifMI STflUOND KANOE. mnu''
'WE
UY
. Vnclo Josh, .
"I have often noticed," : remarked!
Uncle Josh, carefully replacing the lid
of-1 .the crackerbox, "that a,, whole 'lot
of men keep their Ncompany manners
FURS - HIDES
IO to 00 more money for yoa u tP Bg
Heree and. Cuttlo Hide to w tbn toi" ,
Wilia forTrlco Lilt, market report, iWPP '" rt
wpun-uiranniraouKis duiu
UUrv iihihw. iA.oI.tltteB.
JBm thlnfi on nBJ?nDJS"iaii Cloth
klllnstratlng nil 'griiCw VW
1 bound. 8q0pagoB. Price oi,
and Fur Shippers, 1. r J .,,.
tnvvaflHItBflfL Hest.aU jUMMpouw
LATEST in Ml
Keep in touch with what 1b doing n "gg'S
vorld. mil MDortt- from wch ".AXSrw
aoiafleld, CrippU Creek, etc. A "1'P',ln"a imited
weekly pipor. To Introduce It In the east, ' B
number of Bubsorlburs will bo received at 10c i
YEUt. BKABUUJD1QUT, weaver uoiu.
NING
JPATKNTS
guahantkbu
Bond model or sketch for froo 1 pPnn l contain
ability, bond for ' illustrate Ouldo .Book, ton
100 mechanical moTeraontiand 1st of invenuoug
ed. TelU how i J obtain and leU wiikeni&Cfti
rorBaloatouroxnoHBu. j"-',-cl0D p.u
it Attorneys, 015 JT btrcot, WtsMnE
advortlsed
XOfir. Patent Attorneys,
m
a n
IHHS