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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 1904)
r ;"mvwm.ni nmifnrOT mmmmmimwlwm WBttS - V? The 66mmoner. . VOUTfl ME. 4, NUMBER $5 r n i iv mvt ww " 10 Musings Once more the melancholy days Tiioir dreary cydles roll; . And we must hustle out and raiso The winter's jag.. of .coal. The autumn wind sighs through the trees, As southward turns tho sun; And we must pay, If we'd 'not freeze, Eleven plunks per ton. Tho leaves are curled and turning brown, v - And soon the frost will blight; And ev'rything is coming down Excepting anthracite. The skies have turned to summer gray, A blue haze fills the air; And thoughts of coal bills I must pay t Turns likewise gray my hair. Tho coal trust smites me hip and thigh, And laughs my, grief to scorn; It grabs off ev'ry dollar' p Can make 'twixt morn and morn. The barons who control the coal Indulge in ghoulish glee, Because they have supreme control At Washington, D. C. Tho Household Magician The vanishing coin is one of the favorite tricks of the parlor magician, qnu" ' although Very sample it never falls to attract attention! The trick of 'making the coin vanish is per formed in this" way: First socuro a coin., TJsually this is not a difficult matter, although often attonded with considerable outlay of onergy. Having secured the coin walk to the polls and vote the high tariff ticket. The rapidity with which the coin will vanish from your pockot is really startling. After the coin has vanished from your pocket you can further mystify your audience by pointing out the trust pocket in which it may be found. The obedient card is another favor ite trick easily performed. Take a pack of cards and designate one as the "Knave of Trusts." Put the pad; in the box open at one end, the top of the cards pointing upwards. Two things now remain to bo done one is to neglect your opportunities and tho other is to call for the designated card. It wlllshow up on top every time. "Financiering." A word used to ex press the idea of selling nothing for something to- people who want to get something for nothing. "Stocks." Present tense of gold brick. 'Protection." Making a man pay for tho privilege of indicting wrong upon himself. - - "Trust." An- anchor to windward for the administration's campaign managers. "Rociprpcity." Synonym for" fatfry Ing. (See Cortelyou.) J understand I was Explek.!nod "Look here, Snaverly; that you told Hammerly that the biggest liar you ever met." "Hammerly misinformed . you. I merely told him that your stories dif fered as much as the newspaper war maps of Manchuria." Stuck , "What makes Pusherly look so blue and down in the mouth?" "He's got a fine business proposition but can't make it go." "What is it?" "He's mapped out a splendid adver tising campaign, but he can't get money' enough to make an article to put on the market." Satlsflod - The Shrewd Politician stood., upon the corner while the Labor,. -Parade moved by. ' 1 - "That looks as if the politicians were losing their held on tho labor vote' remarked the Casual Observer. "I am always delighted to see Labor marching in grand review," said the Shrewd Politician, ignoring the re mark of the Casual Observer. "When Labor puts on its holiday clothes and marches in solid ranks it shows a growing spirit of fellowship that de lights me." "BUt do you not fear for your polit ical supremacy when you see Labor thus marching?" queried the Casual Observer. Placing his finger in the buttonhole of the Casual Observer and leading him around the corner into a dark alley, the Shrewd Politician whispered: "My dear sir; there is no danger as long as Labor confines its solid march ing to Labor day. When it begins voting solidly on election day there will be trouble for us." tweon making religion attractive and making religion profitable. Man can not lift himself by his bootstraps, but many a man has pulled hiiriself down with a corkscrew. Some men have to undergo a terrible 'jolt before they realize the difference between partisanship and patriotism. The happiest day of a youth's life is the day he first notices that he wets his mtistache when drinking" out of a" saucer. Fortune knocks once at every man's door, but many of us are "Chewing th3 rag" so hard we "fail to hear the knock. The fellow who is always claiming that tho world owes him a living is usually too lazy to make any effort at collecting the debt. Some men ..swear because they think it is smart; others because their vo cabulary is very limited, and all who do swear do so because they are fool ish. Recently, we have tried to 'read two or three alleged diaries' of "bad boys." We confess that we never met any boys quite as bad as the efforts of the authors. When a woman is baking and burns her 'hand, she feels well repaid for her suffering if her husband says, "0, dear; that's too bad!" when -she shows him the blister. . ' The Candldo-lo And now the wily candidate Does roam about the land, And grasp the weary voter by His sturdy, strong right hand. But when the votes are in tho And totals all are taken, I'Tfs not the sturdy voter's hand But the voter that is shaken. box Hoocvy Loss Slowcus I lost a half million last' night. Crowcus Speculation or poker? - Stowcus Neither. Miss ' DeMunn said "no." Modorrv Slang "Old Fogy." One who believes that might docs not mako right, and con tends for principle Instead of pelf. . "Little American." One who be lieves in setting a great example in stead of playing the great bully. "Benevolent Assimilation." A con venient excuse for taking that which belongs of right to another. "Destiny." A shoplifter's excuse when caught in the act. "Economic Evolution." The usual explanation of the man who can not otherwise give a reason for his wrong doing. . "Duy' A word by which some men eas.o their conscience when tueyj. wrong their fellows. - ,- T Suspicious "I am quite sure Soakerlv wns fntnv- leaded last evening. When I passed him- on the street he was trying to talk, but, his words were terribly chewed up." "You do Soakerlv an iniustlcG. Wa was perfectly sober. When you passedJ uu was trying to describe the route miven uy Kuropatkin's army." 1' Brein LoolIcs -Half tried is twice condemned. There are more hypocrite outside .of uie cnurcn than inside Statistical That "figures don't lie" is a. story as . .- old " I As the hills or valleys Uetween' But the' genuine-fact 'is," by diligent! practice They will lie like a patent machine. For when liars figure, between you and I .The figures themsolves will quite read ily lie A fact which no honest man will dare deny, For the proof is too readily seen. There's Carroll D. Wright who is al ways dead wrong Because he don't try. to be right. Ho sputters and fidgets while juggling digits To keep the plain truth hid from sight. ;Ho tells you that living is cheap as can be; . Much cheaper and better than in '93 But your grocer's bills tell you that Wright is n. g., And living expenses a fright. He figures an average with nutmeg ' and meat. And averages spices and shoes 'And would have you believe that you always receive More" goods for the dollar vou w He'd balance a nutmeg against your meat um; The itemof rent in Wright's view is but nil. And 'tis thus that he juggles the fig ures with skill To serve the trusts as an excuse. Yes, figures will lie just as quick as a ' wink m i3gs5$S?.rAYtt ... .,m7SI, Emaiaaa, ffio.; Uuntsvllle, a $75 ? i"V "J,".,H"?.1... "perlenca iu.u:u, iiunifciuii permanent; sou scIIit PjsabkMiu Co., Stat'ufc), Cincinnati!, 0! TTOUSEKEEPERS FUIEND. MOST PUACTT , cal household artfolo In existence. Wr tn nnd learn how' to Ret it for nothing. Price sin Bullock Swing & Chair Mfg. Co., Milcsburg i'a PIUVCIIP f26.0po.oo made lrom holf ncro U itotnb siJrgrmvn in Garden or li , " , UU Roptaand aeeds for sale. Sen. for postage and get booklet A. Q.telllng nil about it. Mcdowell, Ginseno Garden, Jopmv m" FENCE! STROPStSFftv MJHSF- rti iFsrfew. FflUrWimataL p.tj,i-TT!? COlIrfCfiSPRIHQFKKCRSo Bos an WjMkert.I-dUD.a.A. Patent Secured ORFEEroturncd. FHEI opinion as to patentRbil ity. Send for guidebook and what to Intent. Finest publications luuedfor free distribution. .Patents secured by us adwtlied free in Patent Hocord SAMPLE COPY FHEK. Etans, WUkcniCo., Dopt F, Washington, D.C. ,0. (TWtQiraMiii 4, -. taughtlhorouuhly. Institution established 1871 Endorsed by omciala Hallroads and W. IT. Tel. Co. IT pltlons socticed. ENTIKE COST, tuition (teleRrnphy and typewriting) board and rq 3 in 0 MONTHS COUKSti J89. ,CAN BE ilKDUCED: Homo instructions also given. Cataloguo W free. DODGE'S INSTITUTE OF lELEailAJPHY, Valparaiso, Indiana. wwunii,",yAVM,z. T yMVLA-ZTfiiMSrx 'ino n-v;nT if 1 I Fascinating and Exciting NEW CAUD GAME Tho only, Political framtfevor Invented. Has caught tho popular-fancy throughout tho United Sttntna Trlplr miWAT 'I'lIR TIII1ST" and JOUt OP" ponent and .'elect your choice for President. Best ProKrcsslve- Qame-out: can bo played Partners or in dividually the more tho merrier. Do tho flrst one 10 start things in your "neighborhood. Form an ELEC- ITION CLUD.Slinplo to learn. An evening 01 mn ior 50c a pact by man. uiu Eago roc. uv Clubs write for prlcos.' ELECTION CARD CO., Dopt. rc'onvrlchtod bv'o. IL Cockier. 19ai. Patent Pending. 1 When the figurer means to deceive. The man who has nothing but And the man who believes Z money is worse than a pauper. Tne uay started with a frown is quite apt to end with a failure. The man with a message never has any difucuty in securing a hearing. The best way to forget old ago is to have a joyous childhood to rojmember, It takes a really good. and brave man to listen to the truth without flinching There is considerable difference be- or 3umps to receivfi 'o J-Will later have reason, to grieve U Pass 25 S Jr,8ht aaa the & T1,eySr.;baOs',f-o-anaWoa, From nutmegs to spices, thoy'jfo -lull i. uiiBiuKes. even Wright does not . be- Which lleve. li ,js 0NE-WAYa RATES UNION "PUCIFIC i FROM LINCOLN AND Missouri River Terminals, . (Kansai City 'To Council Bluffs, Inclusive.) EVERY DAY Sept. 15tH to Oct. 15th 1904 00 K hfi to San Francisco, Los Ange $ZDiUU les, San Diego, and many oner uantornia points, to Everett, Fairhaven, What com, Vancouver and Vic toria. to Portland, Astoria, Tacoma and Seattle. to Ashland, Roseburg, Eu gene, Albany and Salem, in cluding branch lines in Oregon. 000 KO to Spokane and intermediate $ZZ.DU O; R. & N. points to Won- atchee and intermedial nriints. 00 n fin to Butte, Anaconda, Helena, ;$&UiUU and ll intermediate main nn points. 0Ofl All .to Qgden and Salt Lako City gZUiUU and intermediate main line , points. For fuller information call or address E. B. SLOSSON, Genepl Agtr LINCOLN, NEB. $25.00 $25.00 $25.00 i I A i rn - JL