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The Commoner.
VOLUME 4, -NUMBER 25,
10 "
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SOME LITTLE FABLES IN RHYME.
The Day Wo Colebrate.
BEING THE FETCHING FABLE OF
THE FOOLISH BROWN MAN
WHO COULDN'T UNDERSTAND
IT AT ALL:
r A Brown Man from a far-off Isle
carao to this land to stay a while; and
'as tho days sped quickly by there carao
the Fourth day of July; ana loua anu
clear on ov'ry hand was roar o gun
tw1 hinrn nf hand, while noise ana
smoke arose in air about tho country
everywhere,,
Tho Brown Man looked in great
amazo at, all tho scones that met his
gazo, and wondered in his "heathen"
way what was the meaning of the day.
Twas Whoop! Hurrah! ort ov'ry side
and up and down tho country Wide;
but why this state of things was so tho
"hoathen" Brown Man didn't know.
"Why all this noise and lusty
cheer?" tho Brown Man asked. "It Is
not clear to mo, and I tho cause would
,seok. If you4 can toll mo, haste to
lepeak?" Tho man addressed lot forth
a shout that woke tho echoes round
about, shot off a gun and gave a whoop
that roared from York to Guadaloupe.
"This is tho day wo celebrate the
winning of a victory great!" tho man
replied. "The day o joys wo cele
brate with smoko and noise." "But
"why?" the Brown Man asked again.
"A victory for what? Arid
'And quick tho man with, glee did say,
,'Qur glorious Indopendenco Day,
' "This Is tho day on which we fix to
whoop it up for seventy-six. 'Twas
then we said fore'or we'd be a people
independent, freo. That tyranny
should never stand a chance in this
bolovod land. That's why yon flag
floats in tho air to scatter freedom ev
erywhere." "So vonder flair means all are freo?"
the Brown Man queried eagerly. "You I
net your niei" tno man ropnea, ana
echoes woke on ov'ry side. "We won
our. independence by heroic struggles,
therefore I observe tho day with pomp
and show that all my loyal pride shall
know."
"But yon flag floats in iriy land, too,"
the Brown Man said. "But I tell you,
somohow tho meaning's not the same
here and the land from whence I
came." "Of 'course not, chump; that
flag-was sent with most benevolent iri
. tent Now you hike back to Luzon's
shore, and don't ask questions any
more."
MORAL:
Whooping it up on Fourth of July
Don't mako that flag less a living He.
that sort of thing with me won't wash.
A freeman you must never. drag to
durance vile beneath that flag with
out some reason, which must bo quite
satisfactory to me." And thus ho
yawped aloud and said: "That man
alive, or else your head."
Remember now, and don't forget,
the' cause of all this dreadful threata
man imprisoned without cause on for
eign soil then slowly pause and pon
der lor an hour or two upon another
case or two; and tell mo if you can
why thoy don't wake up Hay in the
same way.
In our own land, beneath our flag,
they seize a freeman and they drag
him to a "bullpen" without cause and
in defiance of tho laws. They keep
him there and pay no heed while starv
ing wife and children plead. His
rights ignored while men despoil tho
home he won by honest toil.
Because he joined his fellow men
in union he's thrown in the pen, and
kept there till some haughty chap who
wears a glitt'ring shoulderstrap de
ports him from his home and wife and
warns him he will lose his life if he
returns; that he will get a fatal dose
of bayonet.
Why is it that In our own land tho
government won't raise Its hand to
guarantee a freeman's rights, but al
ways seemingly delights to brag and
when?" boast what it will do across the ocean
broad and blue to any man who dares
ignore a freeman's rights on foreign
shore?
MORAL:
Don't miss the point it's just because
Some men pay cash to break the laws.
Horo and There
BEING A FEEBLE FABLE RELAT
ING THE DIFFERENCE IN THE
TREATMENT OF VARIOUS
KINDS OF CASES:
A bandit, fierce and brave and bold,
once on a time did, seize and hold in
cavern deep and durance vile a free
'American a while. 'Twas on a far-off
foreign shore- the bandit was a
greedy Moor and when the news came
of tho crime tho nation's anger was
ublimo.
. At once tho wheels began to turn,
and flreg of anger fierce did burn to
think a freeman should be seized and
for a. ransom tightly squeezed. Tho
nation's head let off a roar that
reached tho tar-off Moorish shore; and
aald, "Rolcaso him p. d. or I won't
do a thing to you!"
Ho said: "It must bo known, b'gosh,
Tho Chump.
BEING A LITTLE FABLE CON
CERNING THE EXPERIENCE
OF A MAN WHO PUT OFF
THINKING FOR YEARS:
Abijah Chump A. Chump, for short
was won't to rip and tear and snort
and howl with all his lusty might,
"Protection's just the thing, all rieht!
We've got to have a tariff high on for
eign goods so you and I can get good
wages and not fail to have a well
filled dinner pall."
And each election day A. Chump In
to the ballot box would dump a vote
for a high tariff rate, and couldn't see
he paid the freight until the trusts
grabbed country tight and hoisted
prices out of sight. Meanwhile they
brought to lowest stage Abijah
Chump's ne'er, too high waece.
They charged him double price, or
more, but sold to those on foreign
shore at lower price and all tho while
A. Chump "stood pat" and wore a
smile. "Protect me from tho pauper
pay of Europe," did Abijah say. And
all tho while thoy put tho screws
upon A. Qhump to boat tho deuce.
They soaked him on tho price of
meat and everything he had to eat.
They soaked him when ho bought a
suit, and reveled in their golden loot
They soaked him early, soakfid him
late, and piled up fortunes simply
great; and laughed with oily, unctuous
gleq w,hen A. Chump's little voto
they'd see.
Once In a while A. Chump would
fret and dimly think he didn't get a
fair share of tho joys of earth-and
then the trusts would shake with
mirth, and toll A. Chump with laugh-
; V i i nG a 3ust stand
. vmuuiii, witn norse-sense
not a' speck, would let them soak him
in the nock. ..,,.
A. Chump "stood pat" until ho felt
his backbone rub against his belt
right where the buckle held it tight,
and then he saw a dawning light.
From week to week he'd never fail to
whoop for the full dinner pall, but lie
was forced to give it up when th' bot
tom reached the cover's cup.
Ho got to thinking good and strong,
and then it didn't take him long to see
he'd been held up and robbed; that
ho'd been very neatly jobbed. And
when he saw it he declared that if his
life was only spared until election. day
ho'd vote to take the trust grip from
his throat.
MORAL: '
When men begin" to think it's sure
The trust hold-up won't long endure.
Roll Co.II.
"Meat Trust!" loudly did Cortelyou.
cry, .'..""
The campaign roll in his Tiand.
"Here!" was the ready and instant re
ply,' ' . v
And the smell of the fat beginning to
fry
Pervaded the whole of the land.
"Steel Trust!" and loudly the answer
came
As quick as the lightning's glare.:
"Here!" and the'.caller marked the
name
With the little marks which mean
"the same,"
And some more of the fat was there.
"Coal Trust!" Orderly Cortelyou cried,
His voice in the key of "C."
"Herp!" came the answer with great
pride,
And more of the fat was quickly fried
For the use of tho g. o. p.
"Railroad Trust!" then cried Cortel
you, And swiftly the answer ran:
"Here!" with a cadenco ringing true,
As the managers with abandon threw
Their fat in the fryingpan.
"Bank Trust!" loudly the name was
called,
And tho answer came straightway:
"Hero!" And the bank trust gladly
hauled
Tho goods they'd wrenched from
land enthralled,
And great was the fat that day.
ing it was tho worst you had ovpr
seen." ,
"I'm not going to stand this," be
gan the fat man, Tmt the solemn man
demanded silence and continued:
"You're always lacking and making
yourself, arid the rest of us miserable
I have here a weather report dating
back to January 1, 1834. Take it
home, read it carefully, and you will
see that on every day I have men
tioned the weather has been quite near
the average, .and Instead of being the
worst they were from 50 to 98 per cent
better than many other dates."
Thrusting the report into the fat
man's hand, the solemn man left the
car amidst thundering applause from
the passengers.
Tho Dlffernco
"This is the' greatest government on
earthy because it' always protects its
citizens' .
"I don't see it. Did it ever protect
you?"
"You bet it did. "When that Turkish
bandit captured me and held me tor
ransom the, government used every
energy to secure my release and an in
demnity for my suffering."
"Well, when I was arrested in Colo
rado without warrant of law and
thrown into a bullpen and refused a
trial, I had to take it without a mur
mur." This shows us the paradox of a gov
ernment with an arm so long that it
can reach across the ocean to protect
its citizens, while that same arm is
too short to reach half way across tho
country to protect a citizen.
a
I pat.'
it?'
Swiftly the roll was called, and all
At once to their names replied.
Not one there failed to heed the call
That echoed along the street named
Wall,
And oodles of fat was fried.
Called Down.
"Phew! . This is the worst weather I
ever saw," grumbled the fat man wip
ing his perspiring brow and gasping
for breath.
"Look-here, sir," said the solemn
man sitting across the aisle. "You
were on this car on the 10th day of
last January, were you not9"
i suppose so. What of
growled tho f at man.
j. tuuuijut so. t was a cold day
and you made us all colder by growl
ing and declaring it was the worst day
you ever saw." . y
"Well, ain't a man" ,
"And on May 14th you were on this
same car, growling because it was
raining and saying it was the worst
weather you ever 'saw"
ook here, sir; I've got a right
"And on June 3d you boarded this
same .car, kicking about it being such
a backward spring and saying it was
me worst season you ever saw."
Say, you infernal"
"?di fday Veto yesterday you got
?nn nf ?g Jjecauso the neither was
too cool for the growing crops and say-
JUL-
Tho Dbly Aftor.
"Wrap him up tenderly, grease Him
' with care;
Comb the burn fragments of his curly
hair.
Easy how, mister
Don't rub thai: ' blister !
Poultice the burns on his face wan
and fair.
Sew up the rents in his badly torn
clothes;
Put some courtplaster upon his poor
nose;
Bind up the wounds in his legs, arms
and toes.
Put him to bed, there to peacefully
lie
He was blown up on the, Fourth of
July.
Queer Case
"Cheer up, my friend," said the visi
tor to Convict No. 6739. "You will
have Another chance to .make a man
of yourself."
"I ain't a worryin' about that
chance,'' said the convict. "I'm wor
ryin' about tho. chance I'm-losln' by
the Injustice of my imprisonment."
"How do you explain that?" queried
the "Visitor.
"It's just this way," replied Convict
No. G732. "I'm in here for seven years
for runnin' a lottery, and. I won't git
out in. time to register for a ticket in
the .government land lottery at Bone-steel,"
Brain Leaky.
You can't keep close to God by get
ting away from your fellowmen.
There are some men so cranky that
they would kick about tho weatner
if they had the malting "of it.
Opportunity knocks once at every
man's door, but. a lot of men are so
busy grumbling- that they do not near
The most dishonest man is tho man
who is honest, simply because he ieaw
that he will be punished by tho courw
if he is dishonest;
A FeU Job. .
"I see thaf Cortelyou wants asa
a'ry of Woo year for serving
chairman of ttio republican natlona
-committee." -inn"
"I'd rather take it on commibsioo.
T.-r
AZkimZ',
',P.:Jt "V'feuaia8li! a