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The Commoner.
10
VOLUME i, NUMBER tt
$1 W 1CTh(!
teminoai(()t
My Choice
Thoy aroN flocking to St. Louis
Full of hopo and politics;
.With tholr spccchca they're to give us
And tholr pockets full of tricks.
.Thoy are swoating, tolling, scheming,
And they're planning day and night;
But I'm nodding and a-dreaming
That tho big fish bite.
They aro in St, Louis tolling
Round tho cycle- of tho clock;
And their brains aro fairly boiling
As thoy gather round and talk.
But I'm getting rod and tackle
Ready for a sudden flight,
And you'll hear mo loudly cacklo
When the big flsh bite. .
Let 'om sweat and join in cheering;
I'll tako none of it In mine.
Sweeter sounds than that I'm hearing:
'Tis tho whir of reel and line.
Politics In torrid weather
Never fills me .with delight
As for me wellj I'd much rather
Watch tho big flsh bite.
"Georgia casts her' vote "'Now, ready!
Thoro, I've got him hooked at, last!
"Tennessee casts " Whoa, now
stoady!
There's he's fighting quick and fast!
"Mississippi casts" Now reel in!
Don't ho make a gallant fight?
What's a vote compared to fcelin'
Such a big flsh bite?
after members?"
"That's what I said."
"Strange I never heard of you. What
district do you represent?"
"0, I'm not a congressman. I'm
one of tho official stenographers, and
I'm the fellow who inserts 'laughter
'loud applause 'loud cheering and
all that sort of thing Into the
speeches."
Awf vil.
No .greater woo a tongue can tell
Than woman when hor jell won't jell;
Unless 'tis man whose onlv bite
. . .. Was when ho tried his plpo to light.
Urvclo Toby.
"It's my opinion dat do richest man
In do wort' is do man wid do memory
of a life well spent, an dat do poorest
man in de worl' is de man who ain't
got nuthin' hut money."
Tho ILoolI Trouble
"I see by dis paper," remarked Hitte
De Rhodes, lazily turning over Into
a deeper shade, "dat some scientific
sharp has found out dat we eat too
much."
"Dem science sharps make wo
weary," drawled Will Knott Toilsome.
"It ain't eatin' too much dat is de
cause o' my troubles. It's worse dan.
dat."
'"W'ot's de matter, Willie," queried
Hitte De Rhodes. "Ain't yer -gittin'
enough tor eat?"
"Plenty, but it ain't too much of it
dat is killin' me. I toll you. It's de
awful variety we gits handed out ter
us as we travel about de country."
Groo.t Schomo
"I thought Scratcherly was adver
tising manager of the P., D; & Q. rail
road." "He was, but he suddenly lost his
job."
"What was the matter?"
"0, Scratcherly conceived what ho
thought was the crealest advertislne
I scheme over planned out. He went
to the management and suggested that
It ipay its just share of the taxes, make
equitable freight rates and quit giv
ing passes to legislators, judges and
politicians, and then advertise the
fact that aU over the country."
"What did the management say?"
"They didn't say a word. When tho
ambulance came the driver found
Scratcherly lying at the foot of the
stairs."
Ho
Poor Met r.
"What's tho matter with Jones.
lookB like he was half starved."
"He spent so much money for break
fast foods that ho couldn't buy any
thing for dinner or supper last month."
Limerick.
A bandit in far-off Algiers
Aroused quite a bundle of fiers,
Till one day Uncle Sam
Brought him to with a slam
And knocked his hat over his iers.
At Lest.
Long years he wrote of life and lovo
And all that sort of thing.
But all tho while he nearly starved
And grew too poor to sing.
At last he struck a little lead
That filled his heart with hopo
Ho's got a job at, ten per week
Of writing songs of, soap.
Fixtal.
The surgeon bent over the bleeding
form of tho' soldier and felt tho faint
and flickering pulse.
"Wtiat is your namo,, .my bravo
man?" asked tho man of medicine and
instruments.
"My name is Pzxjlzky-y-y-z-z-z-z "
A gasp, a convulsive movement and
tho wounded man was gone.
"Alas," said tho surgeon, "the strain
wa3 too great.;' . x
Influential.
"You say you havo been in con
gress thirty years, and that you are
one of its most influential and sougkt-
Koop Whistling.
My friend, when you aro a-feeling
blue
And tho whole world seems a vale
of tears;
When the current wrong is a-setting
strong,
And the cloud of trouble o'erhead.
appears
it ain't no use to just turn loose
A-kicking against the ways of fate.
Just whistle a tune and pretty soon
Your troubles aro bound to pull
their freight.
Whistle a bit and hum a tune
Better times aro a-coming soon.
When tho clouds loolc black and the
wuury iracit
Is nigh knee-deep in trouble's mud;
Don't lose your grip and drop your
tho iron that's in your blood
Just step ahead with a Arm, stout
tread,
And get a smile spread o'er your
face.
Whistle and sing till tho echoes ring
T??iyou,'I.1ib0 sure t0 wln tue race'.
Whistle a bit and wear a smile
Things get better after while.
Brain Leaks.
Smiles grease the wheels of progress
' A song in the heart Is worth two in
the choir.
Hurry & Worry are always trying to
borrow from Slow & Steady'
ThO true finlrilnr a 1, ., .
help put a stop to the fighting.
MWU"""W, ueiween our giving out
and giving up God begins giving in.
You'll never run up the hill of
progress by running down your
neighbors.
Men who aro willing to let you In
on the ground floor usually havo a trap
door' ready to lot you into the base
ment. , . .
We havo rather a poor opinion of
the man who is so afraid of doing
something wrong that he never under
takes to do right.
"Bill the Bunk" says that if men
have a right to sell their labor to
whom they please he Is ready to em-,
ploy a few men In the work of crack
ing safe3.
We never try to eat strawberry
shortcake at a restaurant - without
thinking we havo grounds for charg
ing the restauranter with obtaining
money under false pretenses.
Only when we give up all do, we
begin getting things .from God.
Think once before you act, twice
before you speak, and spend the clay
In thought before you commit it to
paper.
When hope wanes strength goes.
We would like to read a good novel
wherein the heroine was not tall and
willowy with "sun kissed hair' and
the hero was not forever "gnawing his
tawny mustache." n
Whenever we see by the convention
reports in a newspaper that "the dem
onstration lasted twenty minutes'.' we
know that the reporter was working
his imagination. These twenty-minute
demonstrations are usually short
about eight minutes on each end.
Curious Condensations
Wine 150 years old exists in Switz
erland. Chemists say arsenic is present in
eggs.
Incombustible celluloid is a French
invention.
Crossing tho knees is a common
cause of sciatica.
Turpentine has been found to be. an
antidote for carbolic acid.
Camphor, is now being made near
Now York by chemical means.
An Ambidextral Culture society has
been organized in England.
The bamboo Is said to grow some
times at the rate of three feet a day.
The compound chemical lecithin
tends to promote the growth of giants.
Doctor Klrkland reckons that in 90
days a toad will destroy 9,720 injuri
ous insects.
An electric current of 5,000 volts is
fatal. Increase the voltage to 500,000
and it will be quite harmless.
Mortality from cancer Is very high
in beer-drinking districts of Germany,
such as Bavaria and Salzburg.
Except the sun and the moon, only
Venus, Jupiter and some of tho bright
est fixed stars give a sensible shadow.
A New York department store em
ploys a "social secretary," whose duty
Is to look after the welfare of sales
women and cash girls.
One variety of bamboo is cultivated
as a vegetable and the young shoots
eaten like asparagus, or they may be
salted, pickled or preserved.
That there is sufficient radium in
pitchblende to make it possible for a
photograph to be taken by it directly
is announced by Professor A. R. Crook
of Northwestern university.
A chunk of coal releases, during
combustion, enough energy to lift it
self about 2,000 miles, or say from Now
York to Panama, vertically upward
against constant sea-level gravitation.
The toad is an exceedingly greedy
animal, it feeds continuously through
out the night, and in 24 hours con
sumes a quantity of insects equal to
about four times its stomach capacity
The great flood at Topeka, Kas last
year has been found to be a blessing
in disgu se. Ever since the district
has not beeil bothered by the vermin
that before infested it-mice rats
moles, gophers and rnif ' rats'
I Ihe Krupp establishment takes the
lead in providing comfortable houses
and. cottages for tho laboring classes
In 1901 pie value of the dwellings used
exclusively by workmen was S3 87K.
000, a total of 4,274 houses.
An electrical device by which music
can be "felt" instead of heard is the
result of a recent invention. The mu
sical vibrations are transformed into
electrical ones, in something the same
way that they aro in a telephone wire
Professor Ernest Rutherford in
stead of accepting the scientific tra
dition that the earth is a molten mass
which has been cooling off for mil
lions of years, suggests that radium
is the source of heat and is not only in
the atmosphere, but in all matter.
In one toad's stomach have been
found 77 thousand-leg-worms, in an
other's 37 tent-caterpillars, in an
other's 65 gipsy-moth caterpillars and
yet in another's 55 army worms. Thir
ty large caterpillars have been fed to
a toad in less than three hours. Pitts
burg Dispatch.
God's Message To Men.
God saifl: lam tired of kings;
I suffer them no more;
Up to my ear the morning brings
The outrage of the poor.
Think ye I have made this ball
A field of havoo and war,
Where tyrants great arid-tyrants small
Might harry the weak and poor?
My angelr-his name is Freedom
Choose him to be your king.
He shall cut pathways east and west
And fend you with his wing.
I will never have a noble;
No lineage counted great,
Fishers and choppers and plowmen
Shall constitute a state.
And . ye shall succor man,
-'Tis nobleness to. seive;
.Help, ...them who cannot, help again;
(t Beware from right' to swerve.
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Kit Caf son's Rifle.
It is perhaps not known to all the
world that the rifle of Kit Carson, the
great western hunter, scout and ex
plorer, is carefully preserved and may
be seen by those who know its where
abouts. At the time of Kit Carson's
death he left this rifle to Montezuma
lodge, F. & A; M., of Santa Fe, New
Mexico, in whose charge it has re
mained ever since, an object of great
interest and very highly prized by all
members of that society. Montezuma
lodge is ono of the oldest organiza
tions of that nature west of the Mis
souri river. It was organized so long
ago as 1849, at which time the an
cient town of Santa Fe was just begin
ning to take in part the color of tho
western bound Anglo-Saxon civiliza
tion. Fremont's first trip to the
Rocky mountains was -made in 1842.
There were few -white men in all that
part of the west at the time of tho
founding of Montezuma lodge, but Kit
Carson was one of these early mem
bers. To his brothers of the society
he left what may have been one of his
most cherished possessions. Field and
Stream
Rosebud Excursion Rates,
Chicago & Northwestern Railioad
agents will sell special excursion tick
ets daily from July 1 to July 2J at
ono and one-third fare lor round trip
to iapuesteel, Fairfax and ITaniiton,
account opening for settlement of 'in
attcllto lands in Rosebud Indian
Agency, South Dakota. Passenis
may return on any date up to August
31, 1904. Rate, Lincoln to Boncsteel
and return, on sale daily July 1 '
23, $9.30; Lincoln to Fairfax, S. D
and return. $9.10. Return limit August-31.
A two-cent stamp will oring
you full information regarding too
registration. R. W. McGinnis, Gen
eral Agent, Lincoln, Neb. City otllce,
1024 O st.
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