VOLUME 4 NUMBER X
10
The Commoner.
A
Cornortf.
"Ho spent his life In search of wealth;
' Ho worshipped gods of gold.
fAnd through bis schemes of greed
and stealth
Ho gathered wealth untold.
'A "corner" In tho people's wheat
Ho worked with cunning hand;
'And millions poor had nought to eat
And hunger filled tho land.
Ho "cornered" coal and hugged hlm
solf With joy to ceo his gain;
And littlo thought his growing pelf
Was snatched through woe and pain.
Ho "cornered" wool and little cared
That children starved and froze;
Tho helpless ones ho never spared,
And heeded not their woes.
Ho "cornered" everything in sight
That promised profits great;
Ho crushed tho weaker by his might
And groed insatiate.
No pity for the weak and poor
, Within his bosom beat;
Ho turnod tho helpless from his door
And drovo lovo down tho street.
ft
Ho diedas all men dio at last "
And downward led his path.
As ho had sown despair broadcast
Ho reaped tho grain of wrath.
Ho "cornered" things on earth com
plete; , He's "cornoreu" things down there
He's got a "corner1' on tho heat
And is warmed up for fair.
Fully Preparod.
The senator-elect was about to de-
iv. jiuii iiuiu ma uuuiu, uu iuuiu iu iuu
national capital.
"Aro you suro you have everything
you need in your grip?" queried Mrs.
Senator Elect.
"Sure."
"Collars, cuffs, shirts, cravats, un
vlorwoar, brushos, comb, medicine and
passes?"
"Got 'om all, my dear."
"Is your cigar caso woll filled?"
"Pull."
"I guess you have ovorytlnng then.
Good-bye, dear."
Tut senator-elect disappeared in the
direction of a rtrcet car, but in about
five minutes ho camo tearing back,
out of breath and visibly excited. "
"Wh-wh-wh-what's tho matter?"
gasped Mrs. Senator Elect.
."Great Scott, wifo!" exclaimed the
conator-olect "I forgot my techni
calities and left 'em lying on the
dressor In my room."
Stvndulno.
J'DoWrito is tho most sanguine fel
low I over saw,"
"What's ho been doing now?"
"Ho read sorao where that every suc
cessful novel meant the destruction
of 800 trees, and boforo ho began
writing on tho novel ho expects to
publish next spring ho went out and
planted 1,G00 trees." . .
Lower.
To rail at trusts Is now a sin,
. So 1o not do it, friends, I bog;
For coal is lower In the bin,
And boef is lower down tho leg.
The Difference,
"Is Bilklns a poet?"
No, he's a versifier."
"What's tho difference?"
"A versifier writes verses that read
era can understand. A poot writes
verses that nobody can understand,
but everybody raves over."
Disappointing.
"Whillikers is a broken man."
"What's happened to him?"
"He graduated from college last
spring and thought ho knew about all
there is worth Knowing."
"What made him change his mind?"
"He was accepted as a juror in a
murder trial yesterday."
Proparod.
Tho indicted federal official locked
himself in the office with lils attor
ney. "Have you prepared demurrers for
everything?"
"They aro all ready, sir" replied
the attorney.
"Have you fixed up the plea In
abatement?"
"It is in the proper shape, sir."
"And have you secured the proper
amount of technical objections to pre
sent from time to time? '
"I have an unusual number of them,
sir."
"Are you prepared to make a show
ing that the court has no jurisdic
tion?" "Yes, sir."
"And have you prepared for filing a
motion to dismiss?"
"Hero it is, sir."
"How about tho motion to nolle?"
"All ready, sir.".
"And are you ready to ask that the
indictment bo quashed?"
"I am, sir."
With a smile tho federal official
opened the door and admitted the
waiting reporters.
"You may say," said tho federal of
ficial, "that I will demand immediate
trial. I court fur and, free investiga
tion and will make no objections. I
want the public to know everything.
This trial will bo pushed by mo, and
I will waive all technicalities. Truth
is mighty and will prevail."
Good Sohomo.
Tho wealthy thpugh bashful Mr.
DcRyche was no sooner seated in tho
parlor of the Spoonamore mansion
than Miss Grayce Marie Spoonamoro
said:
"What a funny little mistake you
made in your note to me this after
noon, Mr. DeRyche."
"I beg pawdon, Miss Snoonamore:
but did I make a mistake?"
"Yes, and such a comical mistake,
too. You dated it '1903 I should tuink
you would remerabor the right figure
because this is leap year."
JLdid,Viatrahor-1 did that pur
posely Miss Spoonamore. I wanted to
remind you that-ah-er-r wanted
to recall to your mind the fact that
this is leap year, and perhaps you
would then assist mo in er ah I
thought you would seo my distress
and help me-er-ah-that is to say i
wanted you to er ah " '
"Goodness, gracious, Mr. DeRyche
aro, yu tS to propose to me?" '
Ah, that s it, my dear Miss Spoon
amore. Thank you for helping me
'. "Well, why didn't you come rleht
out with it instead of all t 3lgS
role. Of course I'll marry you!"
Ployin SoJe.
"If you will be mine," said tho ard
ent suitor, i will endow you with
all my worldly goods." ?
Being, a young woman who kept in
touch with political topics, Miss Cutely
lost no time in saying:
"Words, Mr. DeRIche, are good when
backed up by deeds, and only so.
But-
We heard the statesman loud declare
"I want a trial full and fair
On this charge of venality."
But when the statesman's case was
called
Down on his knees he went and
crawled ,
Out on a technicality.
Fathor Gooso R.hymos
Taffy was a financier,
Staooth beyond belief;
Taffy sought a tariff law
And cornered all the beef.
I went to Taffy's house
Determined it to wreck,
But Taffy took a campaign fund
And smote me on the neck.
Tom, Tom the magnate's son.
Watered stocks then away he run.
The stocks were so wet
They are leaking yet
And Tom's papa paid for his fun.
Eo.sy.
There was a young man in the Sault
Whose dollars were woefully fault.
Said he. "If I must
I'll form a big trust
And get In with the big pirate crault."
Pa.pa Gooso.
Steel stock common,
Steel stock preterred;
Steel stock in the soup
And well stirred.
Bra.In Leaks.
Greed is the soil that the devil loves
to sow seed in.
Every gossiper exists because there
are plenty of listeners.
The workman who forgets to look
at the clock Is earning his wages.
Can anything bo more sad than a
childless home where love of children
exists?
The man who gives nothing good to
the world gets nothing really good
out of it.
The man who succeeds in attend
ing to his own business has aqcom
plished much.
It takes one hundred pennies to
make a dollar, but one penny will un
make a dollar.
God does not look at the denomina
tion of the coin; He only looks at the
heart of the giver.
When we want a boy we can trust
we look for one who is "tied to his
mothor's apron-strings."
Good humor is a medicine that is
not carried in a doctor's case, but it
can effect more cures than ,any drug.
Somehow or other we always reel
sorry for a, baby dressed up in a lot
of very white and very stiffly starched
"fixings."
Sometimes wo think that the "in
fant class" in Sunday school should
bo made np wholly of those who have
children of their own.
The world will never forget the mu
sician who shall succeed in writing
something that sounds as sweet as
tho laughter of happy children.
Wo often wish wo could hold on to
our last dollar like the average wo
man can hold on to the last can of
fruit she put up the summer before.
nn?! &.?uro may not make as much
noise in the business world as Hurry
& Flurry, but usually Slow & Sure is
tteflm with the longest credit at the
We are. always sure that happy CMl-
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dren rush to greet the father who is
always cheerful when compelled to
hang to the strap of a crowded street
car.
The most fortunate man is the one
who does not have to spend the lat
ter part of his life unlearning what
he accumulated during his earlier
years. '
When women become real neigh
bors they run across for a chat with
out stopping to tie something around
their necks and dabbing at their
cheeks with a powder rag.
When nations calling themselves
Christian have 2,000,000 men under
arms, and spend more for rum and
war than they do for religion, how can,
they say "Merry Christmas?"
There is a vast difference between
the rewards of tho world and tho
rewards of God. The world rewards
those who get tiie most; God rewards
those who give the most. The world
rewards those who achieve most; and
God rewards those who strive hardest.
JUST AS EASY
JAaX Pr,ntcd. a hook-a handsome book
S?Jlni ryx y ??tc?3 U ls n00(1 b00k- I wroto It
myself. Just stories, and fable3 and pootry-but
it was all good enough to bo accepted by Tho
Commoner and other pu lications oflikochar
nt; in(1 hiytaB Prints tho book I've got to
sell it. Yes, got to sell it. I need tho money.
A FAIR PROPOSITION
I want to sell my book. You really ought to
confident that I'll Bend it on approval. Look
tlhlV1 am! ,ul nk ,fc ovor- and If you think
tho book is worth tho monoy, send mo a do an
!l ?&? Wk U lB worftl -the mSuoysend
InmKdoVftvV011 may haV a WCOk t0
A GOOD BOOK
r 1 1 i b0u0k you own ,fl "to the old and tried
friend whom you havo known for years. The
formnnnR?" ls rtho Fnce -acquaintance
a USSl in 0 train-forgotten when out of sight.
over. My book will bo your Jrlond, See? Mr.
liyansaysitaa good book. If you don't bo'
"ha! So says Voffir CMd aUd Wl to11 y0U
THE RISK IS ALL MINE
277SnJnlUhBk ln, "Bering tho book. It baa
ASi1 ? Printed on book papor
w ?ndita cl,ot.hv 1 tak0 tn riak. If yoa
thohokVas0 kU0W moroatottt
WILL M. MALtPIN,
aoaj South i7th St., Llricfela, Nepv
" 7
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