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The Commoner
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"VOLUME 3, NUMBER
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Dr. Snoop's
Cure
Rheumatic
. Costs Nothing if it FaCls.
Any honest pcrfion who Buflbra from Hhouma
tism la woleomo to tills offer. For years I
Bcarchcd everywhere to find a specific for Rheu
matism. For nearly 20 years JL workcl to this
end. At Inst, In Germany, my search .was ro
wunlcd. I found a costly chemical thfci did not
disappoint mo as other Rheumatic prcHtiriptlouB
had disappointed physicians everywhere
I do not mean that Dr. Shoop'a Rheumatic
Cure can turn bony Joints into flesh again. That
Is Impossible. Hut it will drlvo from tho blood
tho poison that causes pain and swelling, and
then that Is tho end or Rheumatism. I know
this so well that I will furnish for a fit A month
my Rheumatic Curo on trial. I cannot euro all
cases within a mouth. It would bo unreasona
ble to expect that. Rut most cases will yield
within HO days. This trial treatment will con
vlnce you that Dr. Hhoop's Rheumatic Curo Is a
power against Rheumatism a potent forco
against disease that Is Irresistible.
My offer Is mado to convinco you of my faith.
My faith Is but tho outcome of experience of
actual knowledge. I know what it can do. And
I know this so well that I will furnish my rem
edy on trial. Simply write me a postal lor my
book on Rheumatism. I will then arrange with
a druggist in your vicinity so that you can se
cure six bottles of Dr. Shoop'a Rheumatic Curo
to make tho test. You con tako it a lull month
on trial. If it succeeds the cost to you Is 85.60.
If.lt falls tho loss Is mine ana-mine alone. It
will bo left entirely to you. I mean that exactly.
If.you say tho trial Is not satisfactory I don't ex
pect a penny trom you.
I havo no samples. Any mcro sample that can
affect chronic RliQumatlsm must bo drugged to
the vergQOt danger. I uso no such drugs .or It
is dangerous to take them. You must get tho
dlsoasoout of tho blood. My remedy docs that
oven In tho most difficult, obatinato cases. It
has cured tho oldest cases that I ever met, and
in all of my experience, In all of my 2,000 tests, I
never found another remedy that would curo
one chronic caso in ten.
Write mo and 1 will send you tho book. Try
my romedy for a month, for it can't harm you
anyway. If it fails the loss Is mine.
Address Dr. Shoop.Box 515, Racine, Wis.
Mild cases not chronic aro often cured by one
or two bottles. At all druggists.
Criminal Insects.
In Prance the phylloxera, a tiny In-,
sect with. luxurious tastes, cost the
vineyard owners , $660,000,000 a few
yoars ago, that helng tho value of the
royal Ceast they "had enjoyed.
Perhaps, however, tho worst and
most dreaded criminal of thom all is
the locust. He gathers in swarms not
of thousands, but millions, and where
vtho hordes go darkness gathers oven
the land, for the light of day is shut
out by them. When they have laid a
district under contribution not a blade
of vegetation remains upon it.
Comfort, however, may be obtained
in tho fact that the criminal locust
himself is fried and roasted In some,
countries, and, no doubt, manya peas
ant who has suffered from a locust
visit enjoys these meals with an en
hanced gusto.
Tho extent, however, of the locust
plague may be seen by the fact that
in Cyprus' peasants are paid $200 for
every toil of locust eggs they destroy.
In some years as many as sixty tons
are destroyed, which means that some
680,000,000 of locusts have been cheat
ed of their chance of existence. But,
still they come, and recently the. locuBt
Bwarms were as active as ever.
Another criminal insect lit the
cephidae, or ptem sawfly. The fe
males of this class of insect first bores
Iter way into the stems of young
wheat, and there deposits her eggs.
The larva, finding Itself in pleasant
eurroundings, very soon quickens into
life and to gorge itself. Of course,
that moans that this stem of wheat is
ruined. In sunny Japan, a few years
back, the stem sawily ruined crops to
the value of $75,000,000. Stray Stories.
Cancer Cured
WITH SOOTHING, BALMY OILS.
CiftMr, Tumor. Catwrh. Piles, Fistula, Ulcers,
ataMm&a&daUSkiaaad Womb Diseases. Writ
reclUuatratod Book. SffBtjCr Address
DR. BYE, SJTf. Kinss City, Mo.
A Stack O' WliMt,
Buckwheat cakes is ripenin an' de fat
is in do par.;
De maple syrup's ready an de buttah
closo, ter han'; - -
Turn dom cakes, mah honey, an' yer
boun' Jter please yeVman,.
Fo' buckwheat cakes is aho de
bestest eatin'. '7
Stir dat buckwheat battah -wid yer
big ol'-fashioned spoon;
Git dat griddle eady fo' t' bake dem
pancakes soon; j
Make a-plenty I kin eat 'em at do
niohuin', night er noon,
Fo' buckwheat cakes is ' grub 'at's
wuth ropeatin.
Stack dem buckwheats highah, fo' I'so
got mah appetite;
De buttah on de' lef han' an' de syrup
on de right.
Jus' watch yer man, mah honey, put
dem btfekwheats out o' sierht.
A-tuckin' 'em inside his. ..-manly
v
bosom.
4
Smell' dat battah cookin' in de .'griddle
smokin' hot;
Makes a feller happy 'cause his woes
is done fo'go't;
Nothin' like de buckwheat, fo' to hit
-de propah spot, " '
An' da is jus' de reason why I
choose 'em.
Fill dat syrup pitchah 'ith de sweet
ness o' de tree;
Put dat golden buttah jus' rfght tiyah
along er me; ,.-- ,-js
Stack dem buckwheats highah;'den go
'way an' lemme-Tae, - '.:
'Cause I'se got bus'ness dat I'so got-
ter handle.
Keep dat griddle sizzin' an' de battah
close ter han'; f.
Keep de cakes afloppin', O mah honey,
fer yer man;
Makes me feel like dancln' xin'ra-singi-
In' "Happy Ian'," 2 -
No grub beside de buckwheat hol's
a candle. . -
F ' -De
johnnycako's good eatin', an' de
possum's mighty fine;
De watahmillyun's juicy when yo'
pluck 'em from de vine;
But fo' all-ar.oun' good eatin' gimme
buckwheat cakes in mine,
1 Wid maple syrup an' de buttah
golden.
Pat do juba, honey, vwhile yo' stir dat
battah sweet;
Keep de spoon a-goin' while yer keep
time wid yer feet;' " ' ,
Stack de cakes up highah, ' O jnah
honey, while I eat, " C'
I wish I had lots moV o',.room fo'
holdin. ,
Failure. ,
,
"Was your theatrical tour a suc
cess?" - ' .
"No; ,the provision market is too
high."
deed Advice.
"I see," mused Uncle Ezra, as- he
tipped back his chair and reached for
his pipe, "that Mr. Morgan says that
W,all street is sufferin from undi
gested securities, but I'm thinkin' that
he might get soma relief by boilln' th
water."
A F.Uur.
The music publisher looked sorrow
fully at the ambitious song writer, and
composer.
"Your song, my dear sir' has fatal
defects."
"Wh-wh-what are they?" stam
mered the disappointed author.
,. ?n ! flrst PlaCQ,"-said .the pub
lisher, "the song is well written. Sec
ondly, the rythm is- perfect and the
rhyme without a fault "Thirdly r it
is grammatically correct. Fourthly,
it is sensible in its., composition
Fifthly, it breathes a high sentiment.
Sixthly, it appeals vtol the heart in
stead of the feet. Seventhly, it omits
all reference to 'mah honey 'mah
baby' and 'mah Jady.' Eightly, it does
not"
But with a cry of despair the un
happy author seizeU his manuscript
and fled.
Too. Late.
"I'm going to clean up-Wall street!"
exclaimed the young man who had
just inherited a bunch of money.
"But Wall street has already been
pretty wtll Schwabbed out," said tho
man who had been on the inside until
he was thrown out
Etymological,
was a youne Scotchman:' in
be fun to
There
Guyaqull
Who thought "it would
truyawhuil. -When
he fell from the saddle "
He lit all a-spraddle,
And straightway proceeded to .cr,iiy-
risrnill - - i
jj
Great 2cheire.
With a hunted look 'upon his face
Mr. Henpeque slid into the millinery,
emporium. -' .' "-
"I've-got a sciiemfehe whispered!
hoarsely to' the' manager. ' '
'What Is it?" enquired the pert b'oss
of tho establishment.
"My -wife is coming in pretty soon
to buy a new bonnet If you'll take
the tag off of a$50 Paris creation and
Btick it on a $2.50 hand-me-down hat
she'll take the hand-me-down. She'll
have it charged to me and then you
can put it in the bill at the regular
price. I'll give you a uve-spot for your
trouble."
With! a merry ha-ha the pert man
ager exclaimed:
"Nay, nay! It is plainthat you are
not aware of the profit we make on
the $50 Paris creation."
Hew Old Is An?
For years I've wondered night and day
Who smote Bill Patterson;" '
I've wondered till my hair is gray
If Johnny got his gun.
And if a hen and half a hen
A day and half a day
Laid one egg and a half an egg, -
Pray what would six hens lay?
These awful problems vexed my mind
Through all the days gone past;
And now in olU age do I find
The worst one comes on last
I've figured till I'm nearly blind,
And worked out -v'ry plan,
But still no answer do I find
To this; "How old is Ann?"
How old is Ann? I want to know
To ease my aching brain.
How old is Ann? Please ease my woe
And give me peace again. .
A plague on Ann, andNMary, too; '
The twain I fairly hate.
Unless L.flnd Ann's ago I'm due
The bug house sure as fate. -
Brala Leaks.
All work is honorable If the worker
la .honest.
Some church members keep their
hearts in cold storage.
wood nature is one of the best phy
sicians now practicing.
An pitching nose usually acenmn,
nies a hew diamond ring. m
Those who- marry 'for money
earn more than they get.
Some Christians' prayers sound ex.
actly like sight draft looks.
'The congregation that sings well l,
the congregation that worksS?
You canftrmake a silk purse out of a
sow's earrbut you can make a pJ
The 'difference between some doea
and sontemen is greatly in favor of
the dogs:
Wiso,as.-he was, Solomon was not
wise enough to take advantage of hln
best opportunities.
We wouldn't give much for the good
accomplished by tho minister whoso
sermons please everybody.
Some homes are so prim and clean
that we have to wonder if their in
mates oyer enjoy themselves.
The manrho is content with let
ting well enough alone either lacks
ambition or should be watched.
Some people" scowl wrinkles into
their faces; others laugh wrinkles in
to their faces. 'Which do you do?
The firm rof Bluff & Guff may prosper
for. a time,' but thg firm of Right &
Polite always has a balance in the
bank. ,
A good binding does not make a poor
book better, but a fine suit of clothes
too often makes a bad man more
sought after.
The average pastor would give a
great deal to kow how to build a
church that would have all the rear
Beats fn front. .r.
About rtjaa only tlijio a confirmed
bachelor is happy is when he sees a
.husband and .father trying to care
for.-a fretful baby.
When a;man te'ls you he has a
scheme and is willing to let you in
"onrthe ground floor," keep your eye
peeled for the trapdoor.
We know a woman whose boast is
that she never spoke an unkind word
about a neighbor. But when a neigh
bor's name is mentioned this woman
can shake, her head and roll her eyes
in a way thaf says more in a second
than her tongue could tell in a week.
Maupin's tittle Talk
I wnnt to hive little heart-to-henrt talk with
readers of TJio Commoner. Somebody I think
it wns-Solomon snid, "Of the making of books
there Is no end." He or some other also sala,
"Othntmlno enemy would writo a book." I
have written a hook not much of one, I frankly
confess, but It's tho beat I have done so far ana
I warit to soil it. It is only one of ninny books .
published not THE ono of many. It is merely
a collection of sketches and verses tbut have ap
peared in THE COMMONER arid other publica
tions, and is given the title
Whether Common or Not
It will be very handsomely and substantially
bound in cloth, will be printed from clear type
on good book'paper, and will havo upwards oj
250 pages. "Mr. Bryan has written a "foreword
for tho volume, and it will havo a facsimile or
his signature attached thereto. Other authors
havo written better books, but no other author
ever wanted to sell his book any more than i
want to sell mine. If you want to know way x
want to soil it, write me, enclosing an order or
tho book. You needn't send the money wita
the order, for tho book will not bo ready for de
livery untn December i,iwi. jjuhi r;f
you want it I'll know how many to print, i J
print only1 a few too inany I lose out. 1 11 cni"
notify you. Then you can send the price, Wi
and I will send you tho book., If?o dono
like It you can givo It to some one who does no
like either of us. ,in(TAii
. I published a book onco before, expecting bu
my friends to buy it. Either they never knew
published it, or I overestimated the nu.?g
my friends I am quite suro you will like inw
book. I .know I would llko to sell you nne. fj
you. will order now you will lift a ncayy iBT(
from my mind. I've talked my space fun.
you want to know more about this matter,
mo. A postage stamp is cheaper than wvfa.
of advertising space in such a valuable ucn erw
ing medium as Tho Commoner.
WILL M. MAUPIN,
aoaa'So. i7lli St. Llncola, NeD.
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