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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 30, 1903)
jw? iTrnV"Wl K The Commoner IO "VOLUME 3, NUMBER r . "W r. Vt : v f- Dr. Snoop's Cure Rheumatic . Costs Nothing if it FaCls. Any honest pcrfion who Buflbra from Hhouma tism la woleomo to tills offer. For years I Bcarchcd everywhere to find a specific for Rheu matism. For nearly 20 years JL workcl to this end. At Inst, In Germany, my search .was ro wunlcd. I found a costly chemical thfci did not disappoint mo as other Rheumatic prcHtiriptlouB had disappointed physicians everywhere I do not mean that Dr. Shoop'a Rheumatic Cure can turn bony Joints into flesh again. That Is Impossible. Hut it will drlvo from tho blood tho poison that causes pain and swelling, and then that Is tho end or Rheumatism. I know this so well that I will furnish for a fit A month my Rheumatic Curo on trial. I cannot euro all cases within a mouth. It would bo unreasona ble to expect that. Rut most cases will yield within HO days. This trial treatment will con vlnce you that Dr. Hhoop's Rheumatic Curo Is a power against Rheumatism a potent forco against disease that Is Irresistible. My offer Is mado to convinco you of my faith. My faith Is but tho outcome of experience of actual knowledge. I know what it can do. And I know this so well that I will furnish my rem edy on trial. Simply write me a postal lor my book on Rheumatism. I will then arrange with a druggist in your vicinity so that you can se cure six bottles of Dr. Shoop'a Rheumatic Curo to make tho test. You con tako it a lull month on trial. If it succeeds the cost to you Is 85.60. If.lt falls tho loss Is mine ana-mine alone. It will bo left entirely to you. I mean that exactly. If.you say tho trial Is not satisfactory I don't ex pect a penny trom you. I havo no samples. Any mcro sample that can affect chronic RliQumatlsm must bo drugged to the vergQOt danger. I uso no such drugs .or It is dangerous to take them. You must get tho dlsoasoout of tho blood. My remedy docs that oven In tho most difficult, obatinato cases. It has cured tho oldest cases that I ever met, and in all of my experience, In all of my 2,000 tests, I never found another remedy that would curo one chronic caso in ten. Write mo and 1 will send you tho book. Try my romedy for a month, for it can't harm you anyway. If it fails the loss Is mine. Address Dr. Shoop.Box 515, Racine, Wis. Mild cases not chronic aro often cured by one or two bottles. At all druggists. Criminal Insects. In Prance the phylloxera, a tiny In-, sect with. luxurious tastes, cost the vineyard owners , $660,000,000 a few yoars ago, that helng tho value of the royal Ceast they "had enjoyed. Perhaps, however, tho worst and most dreaded criminal of thom all is the locust. He gathers in swarms not of thousands, but millions, and where vtho hordes go darkness gathers oven the land, for the light of day is shut out by them. When they have laid a district under contribution not a blade of vegetation remains upon it. Comfort, however, may be obtained in tho fact that the criminal locust himself is fried and roasted In some, countries, and, no doubt, manya peas ant who has suffered from a locust visit enjoys these meals with an en hanced gusto. Tho extent, however, of the locust plague may be seen by the fact that in Cyprus' peasants are paid $200 for every toil of locust eggs they destroy. In some years as many as sixty tons are destroyed, which means that some 680,000,000 of locusts have been cheat ed of their chance of existence. But, still they come, and recently the. locuBt Bwarms were as active as ever. Another criminal insect lit the cephidae, or ptem sawfly. The fe males of this class of insect first bores Iter way into the stems of young wheat, and there deposits her eggs. The larva, finding Itself in pleasant eurroundings, very soon quickens into life and to gorge itself. Of course, that moans that this stem of wheat is ruined. In sunny Japan, a few years back, the stem sawily ruined crops to the value of $75,000,000. Stray Stories. Cancer Cured WITH SOOTHING, BALMY OILS. CiftMr, Tumor. Catwrh. Piles, Fistula, Ulcers, ataMm&a&daUSkiaaad Womb Diseases. Writ reclUuatratod Book. SffBtjCr Address DR. BYE, SJTf. Kinss City, Mo. A Stack O' WliMt, Buckwheat cakes is ripenin an' de fat is in do par.; De maple syrup's ready an de buttah closo, ter han'; - - Turn dom cakes, mah honey, an' yer boun' Jter please yeVman,. Fo' buckwheat cakes is aho de bestest eatin'. '7 Stir dat buckwheat battah -wid yer big ol'-fashioned spoon; Git dat griddle eady fo' t' bake dem pancakes soon; j Make a-plenty I kin eat 'em at do niohuin', night er noon, Fo' buckwheat cakes is ' grub 'at's wuth ropeatin. Stack dem buckwheats highah, fo' I'so got mah appetite; De buttah on de' lef han' an' de syrup on de right. Jus' watch yer man, mah honey, put dem btfekwheats out o' sierht. A-tuckin' 'em inside his. ..-manly v bosom. 4 Smell' dat battah cookin' in de .'griddle smokin' hot; Makes a feller happy 'cause his woes is done fo'go't; Nothin' like de buckwheat, fo' to hit -de propah spot, " ' An' da is jus' de reason why I choose 'em. Fill dat syrup pitchah 'ith de sweet ness o' de tree; Put dat golden buttah jus' rfght tiyah along er me; ,.-- ,-js Stack dem buckwheats highah;'den go 'way an' lemme-Tae, - '.: 'Cause I'se got bus'ness dat I'so got- ter handle. Keep dat griddle sizzin' an' de battah close ter han'; f. Keep de cakes afloppin', O mah honey, fer yer man; Makes me feel like dancln' xin'ra-singi- In' "Happy Ian'," 2 - No grub beside de buckwheat hol's a candle. . - F ' -De johnnycako's good eatin', an' de possum's mighty fine; De watahmillyun's juicy when yo' pluck 'em from de vine; But fo' all-ar.oun' good eatin' gimme buckwheat cakes in mine, 1 Wid maple syrup an' de buttah golden. Pat do juba, honey, vwhile yo' stir dat battah sweet; Keep de spoon a-goin' while yer keep time wid yer feet;' " ' , Stack de cakes up highah, ' O jnah honey, while I eat, " C' I wish I had lots moV o',.room fo' holdin. , Failure. , , "Was your theatrical tour a suc cess?" - ' . "No; ,the provision market is too high." deed Advice. "I see," mused Uncle Ezra, as- he tipped back his chair and reached for his pipe, "that Mr. Morgan says that W,all street is sufferin from undi gested securities, but I'm thinkin' that he might get soma relief by boilln' th water." A F.Uur. The music publisher looked sorrow fully at the ambitious song writer, and composer. "Your song, my dear sir' has fatal defects." "Wh-wh-what are they?" stam mered the disappointed author. ,. ?n ! flrst PlaCQ,"-said .the pub lisher, "the song is well written. Sec ondly, the rythm is- perfect and the rhyme without a fault "Thirdly r it is grammatically correct. Fourthly, it is sensible in its., composition Fifthly, it breathes a high sentiment. Sixthly, it appeals vtol the heart in stead of the feet. Seventhly, it omits all reference to 'mah honey 'mah baby' and 'mah Jady.' Eightly, it does not" But with a cry of despair the un happy author seizeU his manuscript and fled. Too. Late. "I'm going to clean up-Wall street!" exclaimed the young man who had just inherited a bunch of money. "But Wall street has already been pretty wtll Schwabbed out," said tho man who had been on the inside until he was thrown out Etymological, was a youne Scotchman:' in be fun to There Guyaqull Who thought "it would truyawhuil. -When he fell from the saddle " He lit all a-spraddle, And straightway proceeded to .cr,iiy- risrnill - - i jj Great 2cheire. With a hunted look 'upon his face Mr. Henpeque slid into the millinery, emporium. -' .' "- "I've-got a sciiemfehe whispered! hoarsely to' the' manager. ' ' 'What Is it?" enquired the pert b'oss of tho establishment. "My -wife is coming in pretty soon to buy a new bonnet If you'll take the tag off of a$50 Paris creation and Btick it on a $2.50 hand-me-down hat she'll take the hand-me-down. She'll have it charged to me and then you can put it in the bill at the regular price. I'll give you a uve-spot for your trouble." With! a merry ha-ha the pert man ager exclaimed: "Nay, nay! It is plainthat you are not aware of the profit we make on the $50 Paris creation." Hew Old Is An? For years I've wondered night and day Who smote Bill Patterson;" ' I've wondered till my hair is gray If Johnny got his gun. And if a hen and half a hen A day and half a day Laid one egg and a half an egg, - Pray what would six hens lay? These awful problems vexed my mind Through all the days gone past; And now in olU age do I find The worst one comes on last I've figured till I'm nearly blind, And worked out -v'ry plan, But still no answer do I find To this; "How old is Ann?" How old is Ann? I want to know To ease my aching brain. How old is Ann? Please ease my woe And give me peace again. . A plague on Ann, andNMary, too; ' The twain I fairly hate. Unless L.flnd Ann's ago I'm due The bug house sure as fate. - Brala Leaks. All work is honorable If the worker la .honest. Some church members keep their hearts in cold storage. wood nature is one of the best phy sicians now practicing. An pitching nose usually acenmn, nies a hew diamond ring. m Those who- marry 'for money earn more than they get. Some Christians' prayers sound ex. actly like sight draft looks. 'The congregation that sings well l, the congregation that worksS? You canftrmake a silk purse out of a sow's earrbut you can make a pJ The 'difference between some doea and sontemen is greatly in favor of the dogs: Wiso,as.-he was, Solomon was not wise enough to take advantage of hln best opportunities. We wouldn't give much for the good accomplished by tho minister whoso sermons please everybody. Some homes are so prim and clean that we have to wonder if their in mates oyer enjoy themselves. The manrho is content with let ting well enough alone either lacks ambition or should be watched. Some people" scowl wrinkles into their faces; others laugh wrinkles in to their faces. 'Which do you do? The firm rof Bluff & Guff may prosper for. a time,' but thg firm of Right & Polite always has a balance in the bank. , A good binding does not make a poor book better, but a fine suit of clothes too often makes a bad man more sought after. The average pastor would give a great deal to kow how to build a church that would have all the rear Beats fn front. .r. About rtjaa only tlijio a confirmed bachelor is happy is when he sees a .husband and .father trying to care for.-a fretful baby. When a;man te'ls you he has a scheme and is willing to let you in "onrthe ground floor," keep your eye peeled for the trapdoor. We know a woman whose boast is that she never spoke an unkind word about a neighbor. But when a neigh bor's name is mentioned this woman can shake, her head and roll her eyes in a way thaf says more in a second than her tongue could tell in a week. Maupin's tittle Talk I wnnt to hive little heart-to-henrt talk with readers of TJio Commoner. Somebody I think it wns-Solomon snid, "Of the making of books there Is no end." He or some other also sala, "Othntmlno enemy would writo a book." I have written a hook not much of one, I frankly confess, but It's tho beat I have done so far ana I warit to soil it. It is only one of ninny books . published not THE ono of many. It is merely a collection of sketches and verses tbut have ap peared in THE COMMONER arid other publica tions, and is given the title Whether Common or Not It will be very handsomely and substantially bound in cloth, will be printed from clear type on good book'paper, and will havo upwards oj 250 pages. "Mr. Bryan has written a "foreword for tho volume, and it will havo a facsimile or his signature attached thereto. Other authors havo written better books, but no other author ever wanted to sell his book any more than i want to sell mine. If you want to know way x want to soil it, write me, enclosing an order or tho book. You needn't send the money wita the order, for tho book will not bo ready for de livery untn December i,iwi. jjuhi r;f you want it I'll know how many to print, i J print only1 a few too inany I lose out. 1 11 cni" notify you. Then you can send the price, Wi and I will send you tho book., If?o dono like It you can givo It to some one who does no like either of us. ,in(TAii . I published a book onco before, expecting bu my friends to buy it. Either they never knew published it, or I overestimated the nu.?g my friends I am quite suro you will like inw book. I .know I would llko to sell you nne. fj you. will order now you will lift a ncayy iBT( from my mind. I've talked my space fun. you want to know more about this matter, mo. A postage stamp is cheaper than wvfa. of advertising space in such a valuable ucn erw ing medium as Tho Commoner. WILL M. MAUPIN, aoaa'So. i7lli St. Llncola, NeD. r- rfj fl u
