rr? " v "
The Commoner.
10
VOLUME 3, NDMBER 3&
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I.
Ev
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i
' in vr A J
The nn Ahead.
Wo liavo heard in song, and story that
. gavd honor, fame and glory,
In the choicest How of language to
tho doughty "man behind;"
But it strikes mo whilo hero sitting
that 'twould bo meet and befitting
Ndw to sing awhile the praises of a
man of different kind.
Though tho "man behind" is needed,
still 'twill have to be conceded
That there is one quite his equal,
though of him you've seldom read,
So a toast I will address him, "Hero's
to him, and may. God bless him,
To the willing, honest toiler, to the
steady 'man ahead.' "
Out at break of day ho hustles and
with all life's problem's tussels,
Full of hope and cheer while toiling.
1 with his implements of trade:
Watching not tho clock's hand creep
ing, but his mind on his work
keeping,
And delighting in the product that
his brain and hands have made.
Homo at eve when work is ended and
the day in night has blended,
"With his wife and children gathers
'round tho evening table spread
Bober, honest and hard working, 'nov
' or any duty shirking,
He's tho man we all should honor;
he's the steady "man ahead."
iWhon his neighbor's woes are doubled
and the way of life seems troubled
Then ho takes upon his shoulders
part of hls-pdor neighbor's load;
.'And with cheery gift of labor helps
that sorely stricken neighbor
O'or the places rough and weary in
life's ever-winding road.
Walking forth with faith undying, he
is ever up and trying
With his might to make things easy
- for his weaker brother's tread,
And with help that's ever ready he
puts out his hand to steady " ,
Thoso who need this greatest hfcrp,
this plain, helpful "man. ahead."
When the final trump is sounded thro''
the universe unbounded,
. Then tho "men behind the gun,' or
men behind the pen or plow,.
All their garlands proudly wearing
and with great self-conscious bear
ing, Will come forth with ev'ry prospect
of more, glory, I'll allow.
But they'll all be fiddling second when
. tne nnai score is reckon en
And the judgment of the Father is
made on the quick and dead;
-For the man of earnest labor who
cnred for his needv neighbor
Will, when hosts of saved are march
ing, bo indeed the "man ahead."
a number is equal to tho square root
of another number multiplied by 3,
and that product is the dimensions of
a right angle triangle . bisected by a
lino drawn transversely through the
area, what is the area of tho bisected
fraction,' " read the boy.
"What-what-what's that?" stam
mered papa.
The boy repeated it
"The idea that you confess your in
ability to work such a common pro
blom!" exclaimed papa. "I'm ashamed
of you."
"But, papa, I"
"Nonsense! Just work at it until
you get it Go right at it When I
was a boy I could answer such easy
ones off-hand."
"But, papa " r
"That's enough, sir. Go to work."
And papa buried his face agin in
the evening paper. A couple of hours
later the boy heard papa telling mam
ma that there was altogether too many
fads In our public schools these days.
The Kindergartener.
The littlest girl was heartbroken
when the biggest little girl started to
kindergarten and left her sad and lone
ly at homo.
"Never mind," said tho biggest little
girl, "I'ir tell you all about it"
In. a day or two mamma discovered
the littlest girl backed up in a corner
and the biggest little girl teaching her
a song she had learned. at the kinder
garten. And this is the way it
sounded: . .
Mike tunry-tissof thee ';,:. ;
Sweel and duff liberty i .-..:. !
Uf thee ice ing.
Lan where mife ather stied
Lan duff the pilgums spride ",'
From ef or nioun and side
Let free dumrlng. . '
But the tune was perfect and mam
ma felt very proud of the biggest lit
tie girl.
attract attention," shrieked a sordid
member of tlm opposition who sat in
tho rear of the hali.
Th Accommodating' Druggist. ' '
Faggs (the poet) "Can you give me'
two halves for this dollar9"
Saggs (the druggist) "No, but I
have something just as good. .I'll r"
Faggs -"There, that illustrates vthe'
force of habit Of : course you hae
nothings just "
Saggs "Course I have.. I can giye
you four quarters." . i
j
he's
TIia Popular Here.
Who is that the people cheer
And meet with glad acclaim?
Has ho some famous battle won
- To magnify his name.
You bet your life that's what
done,
Tho gallant, dauntless .soul;
Gained ninety yards in one end run
And touched the winning goal.
Tba Right Term.
Putson Calls "This period of liqui
dation in Wall street Is sadly derang
ing business." '
Upson Downes " 'Liquidation?' My
dear sir, it Is liquifaction that is do
ing tho damage."
Papa Ooos Rhyme.
Old King Coal was a jolly old, soul,:
Right jolly, without compare...-:
But he shriveled up and looked-'for 'a
hole
When he,, met with a king named
Baer. .. '
. A Bad Scalre. ..J
There wasa'young man in Eaii Claire
Who westWardv went gunning" for baice.'
When a baire hove in sight T
Tho man took to flight. it
And "his legs 'fairly flew through the
'aire;- n .: . . .. ?.t '
To- Thosfc Not Well
Dr. Shoop's Restorative
On 30 Days' Trial
For n fall month, you can uso my Rosm-nH.
I to take tho entiro risk. Not a free e ft SSte
is it philanthropy. Not aomcthlne f,rn..i r
-Just this. I have found?"iy ?0 wi?o0t!Jng
deep 8entedrdllIlcultor peculiar dtoffi n?
Shoot b Restorative cures by "new nt Ki Dir;
this way-thTough these no ves B Itff WS
covory. my prcscription-Dr. Snoop's Koltor
tivcT-thatdoes this so surely , is so ccrinln SSt
1 nm ablo to eay to-tho sick: Use it a i" "h S3
sco for yourself. That should prove MYronS
Sfb10? YSUi 8C?' TfNOW whit it can do i
take less risk, though, than you would believe
My past records show that I Inllcd In o ly otia
case out of each lorty. Just think of that "S
paid, and paid gladly, and tho fortieth liad no
expense That 1b a ronnrrt T n,n JZ, no
flUUU Ul
How to Secure Trial Treatment
Writo mo and simply ask for the book you
need. A postal will do. Then 1 will arrange
six bottles of Dr. 8hoops Restorative to mako
thO teat. SPTlri mr nn mnt-w.tr v. .1 1 ...1..
------ T ' "v fcuvAAWjr. 1UU IILHI Willi
tfour druggist, rem cniber. Uso the Restorative
u luu uiuuui iuon accine. it it succeeds, tho
cost to you Is 86.60; If i fails I will have tho
druggist bill tho cost to mo. Could anythinE be
more lair? ' fa
To delay means to forget. Writo now whilo
you have it in mind. This is important.
. Bimply stato which
book you want and ad
dress Dr. Shoop.
BOX 1615. Itaclnn. Wia.,
I book nn. 1. on ftncuuiTu:
Mild cases, not chronic, arc often cured with
ono or two bottles. 'At druggists.
BOOK MO. I ON DTBPIMIl
COOK HO. OH TIU MAM
BOOK HO. OH Till KIDNKTI
BOOK HO. 4 70RV0MIK.
EOOX HO. b FOR MIH. (IMIHI
IMISK
Satlffied.
So Different New.
"Papa," exclaimed tho hoy who had
just entered the high school, "I can't
get this prpblom.V
"Stuff and nonsense," exclaimed the
father, recalling tho fact that when
he was fifteen years old he could cipher
through the first 175 pages of Rays
Third Part Arithmetic without a wob
ble. "The idea of a boy of your age
getting stumped in figures."
"But this is so difficult, .papa," said
tho hoy.
Now papa rather prided himself on
having been an unusually bright pupil
1b his youthful days, soho proceeded
to exhibit the skill in numbers ho had
acquired.
"Well, son, if you'vo tried it and
hrro failed, just give it to me and I'll
olvo it for you."
As papa Bpoke he hauled out his
fjKracll and grabbed a sheet of paper.
" 'If the greatest common divisor of
The young heathen listened with
gladness to the instructions . of the.
young man who had crossed the track
less ocean to teach him the ways of
civilization.
Then ho waded in.
When ho emerged from the scrim
mage and wiped the blood and dust
from his eyes he saw the ball hurtling
through the air.
Slowly removing his nose guard,
p&dded trousers, leg fenders and heavy
shoes the heathen remarked:
"If this is civilization T believe I
will cing to the more humane and
less bloody traditions of my head
hunting fathers."
Of course, being only a heathen, he
was unable to comprehend the beau
ties of our national fall sport.
Sad Discovery. ' ;
How did your book sell?"
"Well, ypu see, I thought all my
friends would, buy it, but"
"But what?" .' ,
"U tiieydid I'm practically, friend
less.'? ' , :..., . ''.' . V ;
' ",
, .Ambiguous. ' , ' !
"Do you, consider Wraggsjey .a. man
of any poetic ability-?", .
"Well, Wraggsley wrote the words of
a popular song,'' .,
October. '
The seasonjs hero when we may note
The youth at close, bf day
Soak tennis clothv.. to'ge.t tho coat:
He put in hoc:: last May. ,
What night Have Beta.
In vain the serpent endeavored to
beguile Eve into plucking and eating
tho apple.,
"See, it is a 'beautiful red' and tempt
ing i;o the sight," urged the wily ser
pent "Yes, it looks all right," replied Eve.
"Then eat," said the Herpent
"Pardon- me," said Eve, "but you
can't ring in any Ben Davis apples on
me." '
Alas, that' this particular apple
should have been discovered too late.
-one
Mr. Roosevelt's Forgettery,
The littleness1 with which Miles was
kicked out of the army is paralleled
ty .the petty and partisan jealousy and
hatred that suppresses even tho name
of McClellan in the great battle of tbo
civil war with -which he was part and
parcel, and won immortal fame by his
'splendid generalship" and heroism and
which hastened Lincoln from tho
White house to congratulate and hon
or "Little Mac" on the bloody battle
field. Pittsburg Post.
deod Advertiser.
."Gentlemen," exclaimed the candi
date, "I firmly believe that the office
should seek the man, and"
Brala Leaka.
It takes at least two to gossip-
to talk and ono to listen.
The trouble with . some peoplq is
that they mistal-3 liberty for license.
A great many ,men who belong to
church do hot belong to anything else.
You may . pray for what you, want;
but God will give only what you need.
Speaking of world benefactors,
what's tho matter with the individual
Who invented pumpkin pie?
The fat man deserves plenty of sym
pathy. No matter how badly be feel$
his wife will think ho is shamming.
Man usually is willing to pay more
to be amused than instructed because
he thinks- that he already knows it all.
The Imsband who is always seeking
to be a "good fellow" usually suc
ceeds only In giving his wife a bad
time,
Tho man who is too good to to the
poll is usually tho man who kicks
longest and. loudest about the way
"Well, your sign is big enough toj things are, being run",
A Book Worth Reading
Tho author oC'tho department of Tho Com
moner known as 'IWhothcr Common or Not"
1ms arranged for publication In book form a
number of verses and sketches that linve np
p ared In that department during the lust thirty
nionthB, together with sorao that have appeared
in other publications
"Whether Common or Not
Will bo a book of not less than 250 pnpes,
prin-cd from clear type on un excellent qunlity
of papor, and handsomely and Btrongly bound
in cloth. Tho price has been put down to tho
low sum of one, dollar gold, sijv'or, greenbacks,
national bank notes or gold or silver cortiilcniea
no asset currency received. The book will ba
.rnnrtv fnr dnllvnrw nhniit Dnnnmhpr 1. 1003. Ulld
will mako a handsomo present lor husband, wife,
brother, sister, uunt, uncle, niece, nephew,
couslnj sweetheart or mother-in-law. " yod
want a copy, please writo tho author to Hint el
feQt. You need not send tho dollar until be noti
fies you that the book is ready. He uses this
method in order thut he may gather on irten pi
how many eopics he can sell. ilhe orders n Dig
lot and fails to sell them ho will bo nnanrtiilly
stuck. A gratifying number of orders have iu
'ready been received. Read what some oi tne
subscribers say concerning "Whether Common
or Not:"
"Before ordering I was a constant suflcrer Jrom
political black speckte before my eyes, binco
ordering your book I can seo my political un-
lsh." Keodoro Thesevelt. - ,
"I Buffered for ihonthfljrom visions of ft litfga
fat man hounding my path. Sinco ordering
your book I ani satisfied satisfied that it 8 no
dream.' Hark Manna. , ...
"I have long dreaded an attack of locomotor
ataxia. As an oxperimont I ordered your book,
and since then 1 am convinced thut 1 wouiaDo
ungratoiur to mkkfi any effort at moving
Hiland,er Phlox. . mi. ,n.
"For months. I havo Buffered spasms In my iu
terior mechanism. Since o.rdering your book
am convinced that It is time to cither bush i
up or do something for it." Penry 0. Hajnc.
Order It Now
And mako tho author fool llko life is wortn
living. Address
WILL M. MAUPIN,
Lincoln, Neb-
t"L