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The Commoner.
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yOLUME 3, NUMBER 33.
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5et Your tfeela.
When you're feelin' kind o bluo
'And th' world seems down on you,
Don't loso hope and case your grip
Set your heels so they won't slip.
Set your heels and wear a smile
And keep shovin all the while.
Keep on shovln' till you loso
All th' symptoms of the blues.
-Don't loso hope if luck seems tough;
Show you're made of sterner stuff.
on't sit down to sob and sigh;
Brace up for another try.
Braco up! Stiffen up your lip;
Bet your heels so they won't slip.
Then shove hard and wear a smile
ftjid you'll git thar after while.
Do your friends seem to be few?
That's when it is up to you.
But there's loft one faithful friend
Who will stick unto the end.
He will stick through thick and thin,
So brace" up and wade right in.
Set your heelj and brace your back
And .success you will not lack.
Don't sit down to peak and pine.
Stiffen up your wobbly spine.
Spit upon your hands and then
Grab a hold and try again.
Grab a hold and set each heel;
Put your shoulder to the wheel.
Shove with all your bloomin' might
And you'll find things movin' right.
the chairman. "Lot us profit thereby.
I don't know what ho is driving at,
but the mention of provender sounds
familiar."
"What do you think he means,"
whispered a member.
Drawing the inquisitive one aside
ihe chairman whispered:
"It means that we must reorganize.
Having been discovered in our syste
matic robbing of the temples and fired
out bodily, we must resort to strategy
in order to secure another whack at
the loot The plan is simple. Wo an
nounce that we are deeply concerned
for the welfare of the people who store
their goods in the temple, profess that
wo aro their real frienas, and by lull
ing them to sleep get possession of the
keys. This will enable us to get next
to the loot without going to the trou
ble of opening the windows with a
jimmy. As long as we remain in our
present condition we'll be hungry."
"But will the people stand for it?"
queried the member.
. "It all depends upon our ability to
retain a sanctimonious air and per
sist in declaring that we are the real
stuff."
At an executive session held imme
diately after the speaking, it was re
solved to maintain the virtuous pose
as long as it held out any promise of
getting them next to the pie counter.
1, . . A i .i h
nave oeen in mo aurviue uywaiuo vi.
forty years!" we exclaimed.
"True," replied the veteran. "I
made the mistake of enlisting in the
fighting department instead of in the
department where I could deal out
pills to the head push whenever he
had a pain."
Alas, how often we mourn in after
life for the mistakes of our earlier
years.
Tcddlbu Historical.
A history he wrote for us,
A wondrous book 'twas, truly
Ho gave no little jim crow war
A prominence unduly.
But his great duty to fulfill
He wrote till it was done
Six hundred pages on San Juan Hill,
And one on Lexington,
Reorganization.
The Amalgamated Qrder of Indus
trious Burglars met in convention to
resolve a few things.
"Gentlemen," remarked the chair
man, "what is your pleasure?"
Instantly there was a babel of. voices,
some pitched high, some low, but all
full of feeling.
"Mr. Chairman," exclaimed one
member, "I think it is time to resolve
a few resolvements I mean resolu
tions." -"The suggestion is pertinent," said
the chairman. "But before we pro
ceed perhaps it would bo well to hear
from some member who is supposed to
he in retirement and no longer a can
didate for position at the hands of our
victims."
To this assent was given most en
thusiastically, and the portly member
from Condor's Inlet arose in response
to a preconcerted plan.
'Mr. Chairman," said the gentle
nr.an from Condor's Inlet, "tho import
ant question confronting the elector
ate of this preponderant community
in its exegetical relationship to the
welfare of tho human race as it ap
- pertains to tho present political condi
tions is, I may say, vastly more im
portant as It concerns tho future of
the human race than tho mere sugges
tion of temporal power as it is outlined
In the questions propounded with the
idea of conferring mere power upon
those who, under the pressuro of the
moment, may bo exercising authority."
"Rah! 'Rah! 'Rah!" shouted the
listeners.
"It is evident, therefore," continued
the portly member from Condor's In
let, "that in the future our associa
tion shall consign to the dreary cav
erns of the inocuous past for the
delectation of future paleontologist,
and put ourselves into propinquity
with Issues that promise provender
" and engage at once in the proruption
of pedantic principles that mav nro-
vtde medicament for our macerated
- feelings. Gentlemen, I thank you."
"'Rah! 'Rah! 'Rah!" shouted the
UFserably. J
"Gentlemen, wo have indeed been
afforded a raro treat in tho remarks
kOf our distinguished brother," said
Mr. Root.
Must you bid us all good-bye,
Mr. Root?
Please observe our eyes are dry,
Mr. Root
Though you leave us we'll survive,
And without you we will strive
To keep hope and joy alive,
Mr. Root
When you let brave Miles retire,
Mr. Root,
Victim of your spite and ire,
Mr. Root,
Then we sized you up as nil.
Small potatoes, few in hill,
That you didn't fill tho bill,
Mr. Root
When you braced up and resigned,
Mr. Root,
We wore not surprised to find,
Mr. Root,
That in bidding you farewell
Teddy made your headpiece swell
By the gush that on you fell,
Mr. Root.
Sent you oft with sigh and tear,
Mr. Root;
But let Miles go with a sneer,
Mr. Root
By the side of Miles the hale
You compare no idle tale
Like a tadpole with a whale,
Mr. Root
So we say, Good-bye and go,
Mr. Root
Best that it should happen so,
Mr. Root
As you've treated other men
May you thus be treated when
You're In private life again,
Mr. Root
HI niUk.
We gazed with admiration, mixed
with sympathr, upon the scarred and
frizzled veteran whose empty 'sleeve
told of terrible suffering and whose
shoulder straps told of gallant service.
"Has your country made adequate
return for your heroic service?" we
queried.
"It has rewarded mo beyond my
just deserts' he replied.
"But you are only a captain, yet you
Brain Leaks.
Love lightens the heaviest load.
Hypocrisy is thetribute evil pays to
truth.
Building castles in the air is better
than groveling in the mire.
A high ideal unreached ' is better
than a low success achieved.
Satan is always well satisfied when
he sees a sinner "stand pat."
If you do not believe it yourself you
cannot make others believe it.
The fool says, "I doubt." The Chris
tian says, "I believe." God knows.
Many young men have gone to the
bad trying to keep up with "good so
ciety." Thank goodness they'll never be able
to form a trust and control babj
laugnter.
Some men keep their faces to the
right, but the corners of their eyes
upon the sheriff.
Good humor is the best medicine, but
some people reject it because it is not
sold on prescription.
Men pinch and save to meet life in
surance premiums, and never give a
thought to soul insurance.
Sometimes we wish we could be as
happy as the boy just starting on a
visit to his grandma's house.
The man who is so busy taking care
of his money that he has no time to
enjoy it deserves no sympathy.
If we had money enough to build a
cup defender we wouldn't do it There
are other things that need defense
first
Our idea of a soft job is a high
salaried clerkship in the store of a
merchant who does not believe in ad
vertising. There are some women who spoil
tho appetites of their children by
their fears that they will soil the ta
blecloths. The trouble with some men is that
they spend so much time preparing
for death that they miss most of the
joy of living.
Do not feel badly when you see a
woman wasting her affections on a
pug dog. The children she does not
have are bettor off.
We never see a crowd of business
men lined up at a lunch counter for a
nvo-mlnute feed without wishing we
had a sure euro for dyspepsia for sale.
'AYoiitfi 1 That Ought Never
To be Mentioned,
Some very distinguished gentlemen
ore engaged in preparing for the cele
bration, next summer, .of the fiftieth
anniversary of tho founding of the re
publican party, "under the oaks" at
Jackson.
Committees have been appointed to
drum up sentiment all over the stato
and President Roosevelt is to be in
vited to be present
All of which suggests the query,
"Why, in heaven's name, should tho
fiftieth, or any other anniversary of
the founding of the republican party,
be celebrated?"
Andif it must be celebrated, why
should the common people be ex
pected to have., anything to do with
the ceremonies?
Is the semi-centennial of the repub
lican party to be celebrated because it
is the party that gave Lincoln to the
nation at a critical time in our history?
If that be the reason, the whole per
formance better be abandoned, be
cause it seems almost like sacrilege
tc mention in the same breath the
first of our martyred presidents and
the party that today resembles only ia
Lame, the party that Lincoln loved.
Lincoln stood for the fights of all
men, as against the -greed of the few.
He drenched with blood a thousand
battlefields, first, that, the union might
be preserved; second, that the free-J
dom of the negroes might be estab
lished, if possible.
And though the signing of tho
emancipation proclamation was a war
measure no one who knew the non-
no matter where It Is
or what It is wortb.
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