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The Commoner.
10
VOLUME 3, NUMBER 29
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Way Down at Oyster Bay,
They're meeting now by twos and
threes,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
T,hclr fears have risen ten degrees,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
They're scared as ladly as can bo
At scandals in the P. O. D.,
And so they gather constantly,
Way down ct Oyster Bay.
,'And now and then we hear a note,
Way down at Oyster Bay,
That comes from some boss schemer's
throat.
Way down ci Oyster Bay.
It says "the rascals all must scat,"
But it's a joke they still "stand pat,"
'And schemes are framed to fry tho fat,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
IWe still can hear a lot of fuss,
Way down at Oyster Bay,
'About th.e life called strenuous,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
But nary shackle cunning wears,
The trusts still put on haughty airs,
They hunt no more for Russian bears,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
With Hanna, Payne, and Shaw, and
Lodge,
Way down at Oyster Bay,
They're scheming now how they can
dodge,
Way down .at Oyster Bay.
How best to help out Wall street's
plight
And keep it from the people's sight,
Keeps them quite busy day and night
Way down at Oyster Bay.
They're up against it good and hard,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
They shout "Stand pat!" and can't
discard,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
They fear lest people call their bluff;
They're feeling mighty blue and tough,
But still they keep on coining guff,
Way down at Oyster Bay.
fore I started in it," replied the sena
tor. Since the interview the young man
has been pondering deeply.
His Cktef Trouble.
Do you not find it wearing on both
mental and physical being to look af
ter all your varied interests? we asked
the great trust magnate.
"Well, looking after my varied in
terests is a great strain, I admit," re
plied the magnate. "But looking af
ter business details is not the greatest
of my troubles."
"Indeed!" wo exclaimed.
"No. What annoys me most is find
ing editorial writers who can defend
the schemes while pretending to be
writing in the interests of my victims."
5bs FoHHdHlm.
The gushing young woman wended
her way to the editorial floor of the
office of the Daily Whooper.
"I do so want to meet tho lovely
man who writes all those cute little
stories about the dear little children,"
she said to the weary city editor.
"You mean the man who fakes up
the cute sayings of the kids?"
"I mean the man whoso writings so
clearly indicate his love for tho little
folk. I just know he is the "
"That's the man you want to see
fellow over there with the pipe in his
mouth."
"You mean that one writing at the
big table?"
"Naw! I mean tho one over there
with the scissors in his hand, swear
ing at the office boy."
unfortunates who are mentally back
ward, but wo hope that in time we
may train their minds to such an ex
tent that they will be self-sup "
"This ain't the ward I'm looking
for," interrupted the florid gentleman.
"Well, we will go to the nest floor.
Now here we find those who are vic
tims of insane spells. For days at a
time they are perfectly rational, and
then comes a mental lapse that leaves
them incapable of mental effort
They"
"Come on, I'm in a hurry. This ain't
what I'm looking for," said the florid
gentleman.
"What are you looking for?" asked
the guide.
"Have you got any inmates that
never had a gleam of intelligence?
Some that are absolutely without wit,
humor, sentiment or anything else in
the way of brain power?"
"Yes, we have a few such unfortun
ates. May I "
"Well, show 'em to me quick."
"First you must tell me why you
want to see this class of unfortunates."
"All right, but don't give me away,"
said the florid gentleman. "I'm get
ting up a comic .opera and I've got a
scheme. It's a big winner."
"But what have these unfortunates
to do" with your great scheme?"
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'popular songs' for the piece and my
scheme is to get 'em right hero. I've
studied the matter and can't see where
I could get anything better in that
line."
Paint Your
House Cheap
And Have It Guaranteed to Look Bet
ter, wear Longer and Cost Less
Than the Best White
Lead Paints,
W Send Name of Nearest Carrara Dealer
50 Sample Colors and Illustrated Book
"How to Paint a House," Frea to All
Who Scad Name and Address.
There is but one "Carrara." It is made by
tho Carrara Paint Agency, 1072 Carrara Bldg..
Cincinnati, O., and it is tho only paint in tho
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Don't Da That.
Some old men act like they imagine
they are regular ''lady killers." Don't
do that
Some young men think it Is smart to
be considered dissipated and "fast"
Don't do that.
I Thers are young ladies who never
Proef.
"Has Jobborly a keen sense of. hu
mor ?:
-Well, JoDDeriy always laugns wueu A boy aiways makeg a nuisance of
ho reads tho comic supplements of tne himself when he tries to make people
Sunday newspapers.' believe he is older and tougher than he
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. Brala Leaks.
Sourness Is not sanctiflcation.
The man who whistles at his work
seldom slights it
The man who forgets easiest has the
clearest conscience.
Only fools envy the man who is the
slave of his money.
Clean politics avIH come when clean
men get into it and stay in.
When money talks it seldom has any
trouble in finding a listener.
Honestly now, did you ever have a
really good time at a "church social?"
A man usually has to work doubly
hard for two weeks after a vacation
in order to get rested up.
Some men look upon home as being
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til It is time to wash the dishes. J TVi; m7;"7 a"""
Don't do that "p for the next day s work
The boy who never had a grand
mother is going to miss some precious
recollections when ho is a man.
Inspiration.
"Why Is Musicker haunting
the
boiler factories these days?"
"He told me ho was seeking inspira
tion for a tune to go with a popular
rong he has just written."
Lacked Courage.
A bashful young man in DeL&
Yexrned to ask a fair girl for her h&.
He to ask was afraid
So she lived an old maid,
Because the young fellow lacked s&.
Mr. Brlstow.
To get your scalp they're trying hard,
Mr. Brlstow.
Ihoy shout "stand pat," but they'll
discard
Mr. Brlstow.
When they said, "just take your way,"
fhey but made a grandstand play,
Now for you the bosses lay,
Mr. Brlstow.
Some employes have a habit of los
ing the last hour of the working day
by watching the clock. Don't do that
Solomon spent the most of his time
saying wise thingsxand the rest of it
in doing foolish things. Don't do
that
Some people waste so much polish
en he toes of their shoes that they
have none left for the heels. Don't do
that
A whole lot of people work over
time trying to frame up some excuse
for not doing their duty. Don't do
that
Some parents lay aside their com
pany manners just as soon as they are
nlone with their children. Don't do
that
Some people think their mission in
life is to be always giving sago advice"
for others to follow. Don't do that
There is plenty of room at the top.
The trouble is in the awful jam
around the bottom of the ladder.
If the average man could' do as
much work as he thinks he can there
would be little demand for labor-saving
machinery.
The trouble with tho "trustees of
providence" is that they want to claim
all their successes as their own and
blame their failures on providence.
Senator Oraball.
Helng desirous of engaging In some
thing that promised goodly financial
returns the young man decided to seek
the advice of Senator Graball.
"Senator," ho said, "la there any
aonoy in politics?"
"Well, not as much as there was be-
GreatSckeme.
The florid gentleman in tho flashy
suit followed the guide through tho
corridors of the institute for the feeble-minded.
"The unfortunates in this ward are
thoso who aro capable of gathering
some of tho principles of an elemen
tary education, and we "
Forbidden to Bear Arms,
The governor of tho great Russian
district of Kharkoff, which lies be
tween tho Don and tho Dnieper, and
has a population of nearly 3,000,000,
has issued a remarkable proclamation,
of which some hint has already been
given in the cablo dispatches. After
forbidding the Inhabitants to carry
arms or weapons of any description
"daggers, brass-knuckles, sword-canes,
knives, etc" without special permis
sion from tho police, tho proclamation
continues:
"Dealers In firearms, ammunition,
and explosives aro roquirod to havo a
"Let's go to s'mothor ward." in
terrupted the florid gentleman.
. 75?!1, !e! on thls sld0 we find tUoJ dotailod list auch on their books. ment"--New York Times.
The Roof of the Great Field Museum, Chicago
Covering 7 Acres of Ground, is Painted
with Carrara Paint.
world that Is absolutely guaranteed not to fade,
crack, chalk, peel or scale. It is not affected by
acids, gases, fog, sea air or any climate condi
tions, and it covers more surfaco, gallon for
gallon, than tho best white lead and oil and
costs less than tho cheap mixed paints that
injure moro than they protect.
Carrara is used by the Pennsylvania R. R.;
tho Pullman Palaco Car Co.; tho Chicago Tele-
Shono Co., tho Field Museum, .Chicago; the
ienwood Club, Chicago; the Cincinnati South
ern R. R.; the Chicago & Eastern Illinois R. R.;
tho Denver & Rio Grande Railway and thou
sands of others of tho largest and most particu
lar users of paint In tho world. Tho famous
Waldorf-Astoria hotel of New York, one of tho
finest in tho world, has used tons of Carrara
because it is the best that can be found in tho
market to-day.
For interior or exterior it has no equal.
.Smooth and clean It has stood the rigid test of
time and man. If you want to save half your
paint bills send your namo and address for near
est Carrara dealer; 50 sample colors and a
beautiful illustrated book sent free, showing a
large number of lino houses just as they havo
been painted with Carrara, and keep well in
mind that Carrara is tho only paint over backed
by a positive guarantee in every case.
They may deliver such only, to per
sons authorized by the police to buy
them, and must keep a record of tho
names and addresses of such persons
exactly specifying each sale.
"The proprietors of workshops, fac
tories, and other industrial establish
ments, as also persons holding such
establishments on lease or as manag
ers, and their foremen, are required
scrupulously to watch that their men
are not made the object of incitement
to revolt on the part of revolutionary,
agents, and they aro to report such
revolutionary agents to the police and
aid in their arrest and in the sejzuro
of anything, such as prohibited pamph
lets or books, seditious proclamations.
or secret manuscripts, that may se
cure their conviction. All persons aro
prohibited from circulating reports of
anticipated public disturbances either
orally or in writing, and from organ
izing without permission of the au
thorities any kind of collection or lot
tery.
"Porters and night watchjnen o
houses aro required always to lend
active assistance to the police imme
diately they aro called upon to do so.
House owners are allowed to engage
for these duties only persons whoso
selection is approved by the police,
and they may not dismiss them with
out informing the latter." v
The governor's notification alsoi
provides for the strengthening and tho
rigorous regulation of the service of
night watchmen. Ho concludes with
tho warning that "any one breaking
these orders will render himself liable
to a fine not exceeding BOO xubles
l?270) or to three months' imprison-
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