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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (July 17, 1903)
The Commoner. VOLUME 3, NUMBER 25, : 10 f I I (. An Apt Stery. When Louis F. Post of tho Chicago 'Public spoko at tho Fourth of July celebration at Falrview, ho told a ' story that aptly illustrates tho devious windings of republican tariff logic. Mr. Post did not talk "politics" in the accepted definition of that word, and ho made no reforenco to tho tariff question, but the story Illustrates re publican tariff logic, just the same. "A tariff on wool," exclaims tho re publican spell-binder, "enables tho farmer to socuro an. increased price for wool. A tariff on nails reduces tho price of nails." ; "A tariff on wheat prevents the competition of foreign wheat and in creases tho prico to tho American wheat raiser," exclaims tho high tar iff advocate. "A tariff on manufac tured products stimulates competition and reduces the prico to the con iumer." Mr. Post's story of the scientist and tho grasshopper well illustrates this Bort of logic. A sciontist conceived tho idea that grasshoppers hear through their legs, and after promulgating his theory proceeded to provo it before an au dionce of doubting ones. He placed a grasshopper on one end of a table and then tapped with a lead pencil upon the other end of tho table. Im mediately the grasshopper jumped. "There," exclaimed tho scientist, "that is one proof that the grasshop per hears with its legs. Tho tapping of the pencil was inaudible to you, but tho grasshopper heard it" Tlie scientist then caught the grass hoppor again and pulled off its legs. Placing the insect upon the tablo again ho once more tapped with his lead pencil. Ho tapped harder, but still tho grasshopper remained unmoved. "There we have proof positive that tho insect heard with its legs," said , tho proud scientist "As its legs aro .off of course it no longer hears the - sound and therefore does not jump." "Grasshopper logic" is a wonderful thing. tW it u The amateur in Tiolitics was learn mg at the feet of Senator Graball "I suppose' remarked tho amateur, "that tho successful politician is tho. one who gives tho people what they want" ."Well hardly," replied the astute eenator. "Tho successful politician is .'the one who can persuade the people to give him what he wants." "We are here," we replied, "to con fer tho blessings of Christian civiliza tion upon you. When you receive it you will not longer indulge in such atrocious pastimes." "Pardon me," retorted the Filipino, "but I subscribe for several Ameri can daily newspapers." And before we could interfere he had started tho conflagration. A Suddan Shock. Willsiquc "I hear that Chummerly was stricken with a peculiar malady the other day. Do you know what it was?" Caustlquo "Yes, he went home and told his wife that they were invited to a dinner party that evening and said they'd have to hurry if they got there in time. His wife said all right and began getting ready." Willsique "I don't see anything in that to shock a man." Caustlquo "0, the shock came when his wife failed to say that she had nothing fit to wear." Ktsmet. With fiendish smile he slowly dawned upon my view And quickly asked me, "Is this hot enough for you?" What could I do? No matter now, or hence, how it was I replied, The jury's verdict, "Justifiable homi cide," Was justified.' i Change In TcnperMura. Ho said the heat was something fierce. And sweat at every pore. He sweltered in the scorching rays And loud for ice did roar. A sudden change came on at last And changed his torrid lot, For when a friend asked him for ten He froze, up on the spot. Orthographical. "I see that Mr. Rockefeller says he always prays for what be wants." "Spell it, please." Caaght. "Yes, mum, I am one uv dje Kansas flood sufferers." , "You poor follow. Come in and I will get. you a good meal. A flood suf fcicr? Please tell ine about it." "Dore ain't much t' tell, mum. Do water wuz too high t' swim out, an' I ,had t' stay right dore an' help harvest tb? wheat on th' high grounds." Tba Result. "Was it a touching sermon?" "Not very. He asked for fifty dol lars aria the collection was only a dol lar and seven cents." T' r' Roosayeltlaa. "Hush-h-h! Speak softly." "What's the matter?" ' "Well, if you don'.t then I'll have to carry a big baby." v Already Next. Jast as tho Filinino was nhnnr r apply tho torch to his victim we " teiped up and interfered. - "You must not do such a heathenish C- thing," wo protested. v "What are you doing hero?" insol v nUy inquired the Filipino. Brain Leaks Religion is a business that some men play at Doubt cannot exist whero faith is well cultivated. You can't tell by the tombstone where the soul is located. Some men make prayer an excuse for all kinds of meanness. All the world loves a lover and also loves to laugh at him. Tho most that any prosperous rascal can wish is to be let alone. A fat man must become very sick before he can secure any sympathy. Somo men make tho mistake of thinking they aro just as young as thoy act Tho things we do not want to re member are the things that are hard est to forget v The church thr takes a summer va cation seldom gives Satan much of a run during tho winter. If the undisturbed clam could talk doubtless it would express a wish to "let well enough alone." I The average man in summer time would give, a great deal to be as cool as tho average woman looks. People who have to work hardest to make a living' aro usually- the ones who complain least about their lot' The happiest timo. in a man's life is when he thinks ho knows it all. The best time in his life is when ho' id try ing to learn. There are men whoso" nature irir vites their dogs to run to meet them, but impels their children to dodge "around the corner. The young man who honestly strives to earn a little more than he gets us ually finds himself drawing the high est salary in the shop. The man who spends all 6f his time preparing for death will find himself at last at tho point where he finds himself without a chance to live. Perhaps wife's pio would taste as those mother used to bake if we had the same kind of digestive apparatus we had when mother was doing tho baking. When a man's business gets fo the point whero it does not permit of some degree of sentiment he should either get out of it or prepare to part with his self-respect When a young man finds that his best girl is beginning to advise him not to spend his money foolishly, but to save it, he should either make up his mind to shy away or get down to business. S An Awkward Situation. In view of the professions of the president of the United States regard ing the necessity for official integrity in all places and wo do not at all question the sincerity of his profes sionsCol. Roosevelt is certain to find himself awkwardly placed on ac count of the disclosures made by the investigation of the postpffice depart ment The president will be compelled to? carry on a vigorous prosecution of thd inquiry which has already disclosed so much rottenness. The disclosures that have been mado so far have been brought about rather in spite of tho men who have had the investigation in hand than because of them. Politi cal and official jealousy was the inspir ing motive of the men who first point ed out the rotten condition of the de-s I-artment The department chiefs had to act in the face of certain public condemnation, but the inquiry has gone on in a half-hearted sort of way, ror tne responsible chiefs of the ad ministration could not but see what the effect of publicity would be, po litically. In spite of the fact that every opportunity was given the cor ruptionists to get to cover, prosecu tions have been compelled, and enough has been shown to the public to con vince every man who knows anything at all of the possibilities of public office in affording chances- for public plunder that the postoffice department is honeycombed with villainy. It is the plain duty of the president to drag away the party blanket and show tho true state of affairs in the department But in doing so he will destroy the most effective political en gine in the United States. The postoffice is the political main- stay of tho administration. Without it or if its officials bo discredited the administration cannot hope to keep alive the organization upon which it depends for holding the ru ral districts in leash. The postoffice insures the administration at least one active administrative partisan in every hamlet, village and town in the country. It furnishes 100,000 vigorous enthusiastic and self-seeking mission aries working night and day for the political success of the chief of the administration. And the plain duty of tho president will compel hirnto take a chance on destroying the .effectiveness nf m army by despoiling the chiefs of it, the generals, colonels and captain who lead the divisions regiments aud companies, of their official presto dnd even casting some of them Into prison. The way of tho president is going to ber hard. It will be worth while watch ing him while he is destroying the re publican organization in th efflce. And if his onthusiasm should lead tho president so far that ho will order an investigation of the other departments then will there be a spec tacle tho like of which has not beforo been seen in this country. But to expect the. president to do this would be like requiring a man to build his own funeral pyro and then ignite it- St Paul Globe. Penny Postage. Advocates of one-cent letter post age aro preparing to renew their cam paign before tho coming congress for the adoption of the bill which has been pending for ten years, providing for the reduction of the better postage rates. There has been but one ob jection to the proposed reduction, and that was that the revenues of the post office department would not permit it without adding to the annual deficit, which has been growing less each year in spite of the wholesale criminal ex travagance that prevailed in several branches of the service. Mr. Charles "Emory Smith, when he was postmas ter general, warmly approved the adoption of one-cent letter postage in all of his reports just as soon as tho revenues of the department would war rant it. Mr. Payne has referred to the subject but briefly, but he has as sured members of the postoffice com mittees of the congress that he is in favor of adopting the one-cent sys tem for letter. postage at tho earliest practicable moment Two recent developments affecting the postal revenues, encourage the ad vocates of penny postage td believo that, the time is ripe for pressing their claims to the favorable consideration of congress. The investigation into the affairs of the postal service has established the fact that many thou sands of dollars have been wasted in reedless expenditures in the opera tion of. the department, conservative estimates placing the amount for the current year at $1,000,000. This raid is certain to be stopped, and if there were, no other element in the transac tion the reform would effect a sav ing sufficient, it is believed, to war rant the adoption of the penny-postage plan. The second source of en couragement is found in the decision of the supreme court of the District of Columbia, upholding the action of the postoffice department in excluding a large, class of; publications from the second?class mail privileges.. It is as serted that the effect of the decision will be to exclude thousands of tons of book matter and periodicals such as have heretofore been carried through the mails at the second-class rate of 1 cent a pound, involving an actual loss of several millions of dol lars yearly t6 tho postoffice depart ment. It is believed that the reform and reorganization of the free delivery and supplies divisions of the department and the enforcement of the second class mail restrictions will effect a saving of from $2,000,000 to $4,000,000 in the annual expenditures of the de partment, and put an end to deficits. It is argued that the adoption of tho penny postage would create a deficit for a short time, but that this would soon be overcome by the increased business which history shows always follows a reduction of postage rates. Washington Post . AN OLD AND WELL TRIED BEMEDY. MB8. WlNSLOW'S BOOTOINO 8TROT for Children teething should always be usofl for children wblla teething, it ppfteas tha ettmi, allays all pain, euro wind ooUo and la tha bast remedy for-dlarrncea. Twaatr-lTo oaato n bottle., It la the bat. UJ- W" .Ui d .Ai jumtit;4ii
