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The Commoner.
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VOLUME 3, NUMBER 19
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RHYMING FABLES OF A FEW SPECIES OF FOOLS
The "Always-Buttlng-In" Fool.
To make this world of joy and woo
It takes all Hind of people, though it
Bometimes seems the kind that's
wrong make up the hig part of tho
throng; that those who are not just
au fait increase In numhors every
day; while wo who do tho right or
try grow fewer as tho days go by.
But knowing as wo do tho kinds of
people one so easy finds, we do the
best wo can to greet with courtesy
each ono wo meet; wo try to treat all
pcoplo white and only, do what's
square and right But there's one
species of tho race wo loathe to meet
in any place.
Wo can endure tho fleshly pains, or
business cares that rack our brains.
Wo can endure tho gossip's tongue, or
oliice-seeker'B wealth of lung. But
Dno affliction is to great, and I arise
right hero to state that of all foolB
i both great and Bmall, Buttinsky is the
- worst of all.
.' You take a friend out to one side
; a business secret to confide, and old
,' Buttinsky hies in view and straight
way makes a dash for you. You join
' a nice, congenial throng, and old
' Buttinsky comes along. No matter
' where, or when, or what. Buttinsky's
' Johnny-on-the-spot
ter- right amount of toil they boiled
tho reckless fool in oil.
MORAL:
Don't wait until. lie's done his worst,
But kill the recklecs driver first
5 ,.
The "End-of-tha Car-Seat" Pool.
When summer's sun old winter jars
wo get tho open trolley cars, and wv
tho balmy breezes blow we all go rid
ing to and fro. At morn and evo we
watch and wait and grumble if our
car is late. But all the same we're
full of cheer because the open car is
here.
But all our joy is quick subdued be
cause of actions mean and rude per
formed by greedy "End Seat Hogs,"
who are more numerous than dogs.
They will not move, but make you
climb across their carcasses eacn
time, and hoggish-like they only grunt
as for the further seat you hunt
Frail women who are tired and
worn with babies in their weak arms
borne must climb tho mass of hoggish
meat that never moves from tho end
seat The old, the helpless and the
weak are all the same to this car
freak. He grabs tho end seat and
won't stir, but clings like a green
chestnutburr.
One day a member of the clan of
End Seat Hogs met with a man who
had a wife a sickly dame of shat
tered health and somewhat lame. Tho
End Seat Hog refused to hunch, and
IUU-UU-.Ul-01'UM I .lilllU k)VUt 1AU5 1U4U06U .i uuuvu, lm
Ono day two men on business bent that is where ho got a bunch of solar
Into a private office wont, and see- I plexus jabs and blows that closed his
' inK them in private talk Buttinsky
straightway in did walk. But ero he
- got his mouth to work one stabbed
y. bim with a 10-inch dirk, and then
the other smashed his head with a
big slungshot filled with lead.
MORAL:
i It can not be that it's a sin
To slug men always butting in.
" & &
. The "Reckless-Drlver-ln-thc-Crowd" Pool.
'Twas circus day and ev'ry street
r was full of folk who came to greet the
7 grand parade and seo tho sights of
" silk and gold-bespangled tights; Jo
v' see the beasts from jungles wild and
wonders upon wonders piled. And
rt averywhero and all around did mirth
T and joy and peace abound.
The children crowded all about with
" faces bright and merry shout; and
. womon with their babies sweet were
- thickly thronged upon the street
. - Policemen with much effort made a
mz narrow lane for tho parade; and soon
tho lusty cornet's blare was borne
""- upon tho summer air.
"0, there it comes!" tho children
cried, and danced with joy on ev'ry
ide. But soon their joy was turned
to pain, for prancing down tho nar-
tow lane there came a horse with
frantic might that lunged and plunged
" to left and right Tho fool who strove
- to curb the horse was trying to show
- off, of course.
eyes and broke his nose.
The husband of that sickly wife do
formed that End Seat Hog for life, and
then his greasy carcass threw along
the street a block or two. The people
gave the husband bold a purse chock
cannon's mouth, and Isaac soon was
soaring south, for with a roar that
made things hum the gun blew Ike to
kingdom come.
MORAL:
The cannon-cracker fiend Is due.
Best kill him do it p. d.- q.
The "Dldn't-Knew-It-was-Loaded" Fool.
A pistol old and. rusty quite, that
had for years laid' out of sight, one
day was brought to public view, like
people oft their relics do. 'Twas old
and chock up full with dust, and lock
and barrel seamed with rust. A harm
less looking thing, of course a pis
tol oft described as "horse."
One day it fell into the hands of a
fool man, such as all lands have ere
in stock, 'tis sad to say, and with tho
old gun he did play. He snapped tha
ancient pistol's lock, blew down the
muscle, rubbed tho stock; then hikeJ
him foiVh. to have some fun with the
rust-eaten twcient gun.
He met a friw ana as a j0fce the
gun into his ribb aid poke. "The
thing ain't loaded!" sUuted he, and
pulled the trigger joyousiy su.
den flash, a sullen roar the fn.n(j iay
reeking in his gore, for that old m
tol's ancient load at last determined
to explode.
Tho fool who thought it lots of
fun to play with an unloaded- gun was
filled with awful grier and woe to seo
his dear friend slaughtered so.
"Alas!" he cried, "I never knew the
thing was loaded; O, boo-hoo!"
The men who saw the fool's dread
work said, "Boys, our duty we'll not
shirk." And then and there they
made a run and grabbed the fool who
had the gun. They hiked off to the
nearest tree and hung him up high
as could be, and turning back they
jointly said, "'Tis better that such
fools wero dead."
MORAL:
Don't wait until the fool has shot,
But nang tne liend upon the spot
The ,,Reck-tht-Bot" Fool.
The lake was cool and broad and
deep, and o'er its bosom oft did creep
tne Daimy winds with sweet incense,
pockets of tho passengers one of them
remonstrated.
"This is very hard," said he, "to
give up" ' '
"Nonsense," shouted the road mag
nate, "if it were not for us leisure
classes there would bo no demand for
JUUl HUtVUGili
"But you give us nothing for them,"
uiuu mu uiaconienteu passenger.
"I have organized the production of
valuables," replied tho caDtain of in
dustry; "consider what a waste it
would be to pick: all your pockets sep
arately." "But we don't want our pockets
picked," said the agitator.
"I am charging only what the
traffic will bear' returned the capi
talist "I leave your clothes and
enough food to last you till the end of
your journey; besides I leave you free
to earn more valuables."
"Thig Is simple, theft benevolent
assimilation, I mean," said the pas
senger. "I give you permission to use the
road. What more do you want, you
demagogues?"
"We want to control our own high-
way." . ,
v "If you controlled the road votir-
Jyes the , dear public would be
Fd. Much better to leave the
nignwa. to professional highway
men. "We"
"You forget the ,mmenge .sums t
have given to the put;, bv handinff
back purses and bags vZL f-ffS
the valuables; that, as vAnl-de
Rockefeller says, 'is paying
which is the best sort of giving.' "
"But"
"I am only taking what you have
now, whereas the trusts take mort
gages on all you may ever. have."
"But you have no right at all td
anything we produce."
"I aih holding it only as a trustee,"
said the leading citizen, "and I have
founded a library with- my gains."
New book 'by Bolton Hall, The" Gamo
of Life. " " ,
End Seat Hog is dead.".
MORAL:
Kill End Seat Hogs; judges decide
'Tis justifiable homicide.
The "Cannon-Cracker-Jeke" Pool.
A cannon cracker red and bright,
and loaded full of dynamite, one day
drew to itself the eyes of Funny Ike,
whose head In size, the writer here
with truth relates, in size was five and
seven-eighths, although Ike was a
giant guy, five feet around and six
feet high.
full of shining gold. "Thanks," sir!" untl J4 3ys, were luite intense. And
the happy people said. "We hope that youthful folk gay girls and boys
vuum unuu octju. iuj ayivu.il joys, ana
on its glassy bosom float in some gay
painted little boat
One day a young Smart Aleck went
down to the lake on pleasure bent?
and- one swell boat he soon untied
and asked some girls to take a ride.
The maidens giggled in their glee, and
gave their consent eagerly. Forthwith
the Aleck took an oar in either hand
and pushed from shore.
When out upon the glassy lake the
Aleck thought 'twas fun to make th6
maidens shriek in wildest note by
rociung nara tne little boat He
"Aha!" said Isaac, "here's a go! rocked th boat with might and main
"hose sleepy guys some fun I'll show, until the girls were near insane. A
fright, but thought to show off
nake a sight so drove, puffed up,
awell-headed, proud, right through the
tense and helpless crowd. And when
the horse received its scare it scat
tered terror everywhere, and In the
panic that was spread a score were
iroundod, four found dead.
"I did not think!" the driver cried.
ln horsemanship I took great pride.
. r sorry" But ho said no more,
for with a sullen, angry roar a crowd
of strong men grabbed him quick, and
I'll got that cracker, light the fuse;
and thereby raise the very deuce. See
that old duffer over there a snoozing
in the easy chair? Just watch me
scare him half to death and make
him choke and gasp for breath."
So saying Funny Ike went in and
for the cracker paid his tin; then
with a grin upon his face he forth
with sneaked from out the place; the
cracker hidden 'neath his coat and
giggles gurgling In his throat He
He know the horse took easy sneaked up to the stranger's chair and
'neath it placed the cracker there.
A sizzling sound, an awful roar, and
cold and lifeless on tho floor the un
suspecting stranger lay with blood
clots in his hair of gray. And round
about disaster spread, while men were
filled with awful dread; and Funny
Ike, chuck full of grief, was pale and
shaking llko a leaf.
"I meant no harm." Thus Ike be
gun. "I only meant to have some
fun." But then and there men
grabbed at Ike and dragged him down
sudden lurch; another yet, and then
tne rragne ooat upset
The girls were thrown out of tho
boat, and not a one of them could float.
They sank down to the muddy bed
and were not found till all were dead.
But Aleck saved his worthless hide by
clinging fast to the boat's side, and
yelling loud in his affright attention
drew unto his plight.
The men who to his rescue came
soon learned that Aleck was to blame
that he had rocked the boat for fun
mm tuua me trouDie was oegun. They
seized tho Aleck by the throat and
forthwith hurled him from their boat,
and waited, ere they pulled to shore
till Aleck sank to rise no more. '
MORAL:
A fool will rock the boat no more
What Morgan Wants.
The nomination of Grover Cleve
land and his election would exactly,
suit Morgan and the rest of tha
sharks pi Wall street and it would
not. be unpleasing to the wing of
democracy which has been opposed to
what has been the prevailing idea of
the national party for the past eight
years. It is very doubtful what the
future has in store for this country
It is almost certain that there is a
season of depression close at hand
It is not likely that there can be a
panic so disastrous as some which
have come in the past The country
has reached a stage where that would
be next to impossible. But the pres
ent age of speculation and trust build
ing must come to an end and what
its result will be It is hard' to say
If a democrat wero in the presiden
tial chair it Is pretty likely that there
would be a big effort to make out that
it was all dependent upon the partVj
in power.
But at any rate there can be noth
ing in the proposition to have a vic
tory for the so-called democratic par
ty which means nothing. It is al
ways disastrous to "lose when you
wfn." It would certainly be playing
into the hands of the republicans to
have Cleveland again come to the
front . The elements which have1
hrmichf fhn rrmnKMOTi nnrfv in ItS
If drowned before he's brought to present unenviable position would
fchort. ; rfJM.uu simply entrench themselves if they
xiuuuu un . snnnran ia y.,i
aach delivered a swift kick; then, af- the dusty pike. They tied him to a agent As ho was going throuch tho
Th Qoaptl of Wealth.
iif!
could haye Cleveland to manipulate
things. If there is nothing higher
and brighter than that in- store for
us we might as well surrender.
Cleveland Daily Leader.
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