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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (May 29, 1903)
MMAtfMKfMHMrfM,a "Jt" ' "i 1 '"T'l t wp t' ' I The Commoner. V . VOLUME 3, NUMBER 19 jMnwiTfrinirrr) :V-)'v,"i'trvt'infr"'"iif'litrl"T"frm'f"-fM "' T' """"T 1tiM f ' ' '-- 10 J. It I vr ' RHYMING FABLES OF A FEW SPECIES OF FOOLS The "Always-Buttlng-In" Fool. To make this world of joy and woo It takes all Hind of people, though it Bometimes seems the kind that's wrong make up the hig part of tho throng; that those who are not just au fait increase In numhors every day; while wo who do tho right or try grow fewer as tho days go by. But knowing as wo do tho kinds of people one so easy finds, we do the best wo can to greet with courtesy each ono wo meet; wo try to treat all pcoplo white and only, do what's square and right But there's one species of tho race wo loathe to meet in any place. Wo can endure tho fleshly pains, or business cares that rack our brains. Wo can endure tho gossip's tongue, or oliice-seeker'B wealth of lung. But Dno affliction is to great, and I arise right hero to state that of all foolB i both great and Bmall, Buttinsky is the - worst of all. .' You take a friend out to one side ; a business secret to confide, and old ,' Buttinsky hies in view and straight way makes a dash for you. You join ' a nice, congenial throng, and old ' Buttinsky comes along. No matter ' where, or when, or what. Buttinsky's ' Johnny-on-the-spot ter- right amount of toil they boiled tho reckless fool in oil. MORAL: Don't wait until. lie's done his worst, But kill the recklecs driver first 5 ,. The "End-of-tha Car-Seat" Pool. When summer's sun old winter jars wo get tho open trolley cars, and wv tho balmy breezes blow we all go rid ing to and fro. At morn and evo we watch and wait and grumble if our car is late. But all the same we're full of cheer because the open car is here. But all our joy is quick subdued be cause of actions mean and rude per formed by greedy "End Seat Hogs," who are more numerous than dogs. They will not move, but make you climb across their carcasses eacn time, and hoggish-like they only grunt as for the further seat you hunt Frail women who are tired and worn with babies in their weak arms borne must climb tho mass of hoggish meat that never moves from tho end seat The old, the helpless and the weak are all the same to this car freak. He grabs tho end seat and won't stir, but clings like a green chestnutburr. One day a member of the clan of End Seat Hogs met with a man who had a wife a sickly dame of shat tered health and somewhat lame. Tho End Seat Hog refused to hunch, and IUU-UU-.Ul-01'UM I .lilllU k)VUt 1AU5 1U4U06U .i uuuvu, lm Ono day two men on business bent that is where ho got a bunch of solar Into a private office wont, and see- I plexus jabs and blows that closed his ' inK them in private talk Buttinsky straightway in did walk. But ero he - got his mouth to work one stabbed y. bim with a 10-inch dirk, and then the other smashed his head with a big slungshot filled with lead. MORAL: i It can not be that it's a sin To slug men always butting in. " & & . The "Reckless-Drlver-ln-thc-Crowd" Pool. 'Twas circus day and ev'ry street r was full of folk who came to greet the 7 grand parade and seo tho sights of " silk and gold-bespangled tights; Jo v' see the beasts from jungles wild and wonders upon wonders piled. And rt averywhero and all around did mirth T and joy and peace abound. The children crowded all about with " faces bright and merry shout; and . womon with their babies sweet were - thickly thronged upon the street . - Policemen with much effort made a mz narrow lane for tho parade; and soon tho lusty cornet's blare was borne ""- upon tho summer air. "0, there it comes!" tho children cried, and danced with joy on ev'ry ide. But soon their joy was turned to pain, for prancing down tho nar- tow lane there came a horse with frantic might that lunged and plunged " to left and right Tho fool who strove - to curb the horse was trying to show - off, of course. eyes and broke his nose. The husband of that sickly wife do formed that End Seat Hog for life, and then his greasy carcass threw along the street a block or two. The people gave the husband bold a purse chock cannon's mouth, and Isaac soon was soaring south, for with a roar that made things hum the gun blew Ike to kingdom come. MORAL: The cannon-cracker fiend Is due. Best kill him do it p. d.- q. The "Dldn't-Knew-It-was-Loaded" Fool. A pistol old and. rusty quite, that had for years laid' out of sight, one day was brought to public view, like people oft their relics do. 'Twas old and chock up full with dust, and lock and barrel seamed with rust. A harm less looking thing, of course a pis tol oft described as "horse." One day it fell into the hands of a fool man, such as all lands have ere in stock, 'tis sad to say, and with tho old gun he did play. He snapped tha ancient pistol's lock, blew down the muscle, rubbed tho stock; then hikeJ him foiVh. to have some fun with the rust-eaten twcient gun. He met a friw ana as a j0fce the gun into his ribb aid poke. "The thing ain't loaded!" sUuted he, and pulled the trigger joyousiy su. den flash, a sullen roar the fn.n(j iay reeking in his gore, for that old m tol's ancient load at last determined to explode. Tho fool who thought it lots of fun to play with an unloaded- gun was filled with awful grier and woe to seo his dear friend slaughtered so. "Alas!" he cried, "I never knew the thing was loaded; O, boo-hoo!" The men who saw the fool's dread work said, "Boys, our duty we'll not shirk." And then and there they made a run and grabbed the fool who had the gun. They hiked off to the nearest tree and hung him up high as could be, and turning back they jointly said, "'Tis better that such fools wero dead." MORAL: Don't wait until the fool has shot, But nang tne liend upon the spot The ,,Reck-tht-Bot" Fool. The lake was cool and broad and deep, and o'er its bosom oft did creep tne Daimy winds with sweet incense, pockets of tho passengers one of them remonstrated. "This is very hard," said he, "to give up" ' ' "Nonsense," shouted the road mag nate, "if it were not for us leisure classes there would bo no demand for JUUl HUtVUGili "But you give us nothing for them," uiuu mu uiaconienteu passenger. "I have organized the production of valuables," replied tho caDtain of in dustry; "consider what a waste it would be to pick: all your pockets sep arately." "But we don't want our pockets picked," said the agitator. "I am charging only what the traffic will bear' returned the capi talist "I leave your clothes and enough food to last you till the end of your journey; besides I leave you free to earn more valuables." "Thig Is simple, theft benevolent assimilation, I mean," said the pas senger. "I give you permission to use the road. What more do you want, you demagogues?" "We want to control our own high- way." . , v "If you controlled the road votir- Jyes the , dear public would be Fd. Much better to leave the nignwa. to professional highway men. "We" "You forget the ,mmenge .sums t have given to the put;, bv handinff back purses and bags vZL f-ffS the valuables; that, as vAnl-de Rockefeller says, 'is paying which is the best sort of giving.' " "But" "I am only taking what you have now, whereas the trusts take mort gages on all you may ever. have." "But you have no right at all td anything we produce." "I aih holding it only as a trustee," said the leading citizen, "and I have founded a library with- my gains." New book 'by Bolton Hall, The" Gamo of Life. " " , End Seat Hog is dead.". MORAL: Kill End Seat Hogs; judges decide 'Tis justifiable homicide. The "Cannon-Cracker-Jeke" Pool. A cannon cracker red and bright, and loaded full of dynamite, one day drew to itself the eyes of Funny Ike, whose head In size, the writer here with truth relates, in size was five and seven-eighths, although Ike was a giant guy, five feet around and six feet high. full of shining gold. "Thanks," sir!" untl J4 3ys, were luite intense. And the happy people said. "We hope that youthful folk gay girls and boys vuum unuu octju. iuj ayivu.il joys, ana on its glassy bosom float in some gay painted little boat One day a young Smart Aleck went down to the lake on pleasure bent? and- one swell boat he soon untied and asked some girls to take a ride. The maidens giggled in their glee, and gave their consent eagerly. Forthwith the Aleck took an oar in either hand and pushed from shore. When out upon the glassy lake the Aleck thought 'twas fun to make th6 maidens shriek in wildest note by rociung nara tne little boat He "Aha!" said Isaac, "here's a go! rocked th boat with might and main "hose sleepy guys some fun I'll show, until the girls were near insane. A fright, but thought to show off nake a sight so drove, puffed up, awell-headed, proud, right through the tense and helpless crowd. And when the horse received its scare it scat tered terror everywhere, and In the panic that was spread a score were iroundod, four found dead. "I did not think!" the driver cried. ln horsemanship I took great pride. . r sorry" But ho said no more, for with a sullen, angry roar a crowd of strong men grabbed him quick, and I'll got that cracker, light the fuse; and thereby raise the very deuce. See that old duffer over there a snoozing in the easy chair? Just watch me scare him half to death and make him choke and gasp for breath." So saying Funny Ike went in and for the cracker paid his tin; then with a grin upon his face he forth with sneaked from out the place; the cracker hidden 'neath his coat and giggles gurgling In his throat He He know the horse took easy sneaked up to the stranger's chair and 'neath it placed the cracker there. A sizzling sound, an awful roar, and cold and lifeless on tho floor the un suspecting stranger lay with blood clots in his hair of gray. And round about disaster spread, while men were filled with awful dread; and Funny Ike, chuck full of grief, was pale and shaking llko a leaf. "I meant no harm." Thus Ike be gun. "I only meant to have some fun." But then and there men grabbed at Ike and dragged him down sudden lurch; another yet, and then tne rragne ooat upset The girls were thrown out of tho boat, and not a one of them could float. They sank down to the muddy bed and were not found till all were dead. But Aleck saved his worthless hide by clinging fast to the boat's side, and yelling loud in his affright attention drew unto his plight. The men who to his rescue came soon learned that Aleck was to blame that he had rocked the boat for fun mm tuua me trouDie was oegun. They seized tho Aleck by the throat and forthwith hurled him from their boat, and waited, ere they pulled to shore till Aleck sank to rise no more. ' MORAL: A fool will rock the boat no more What Morgan Wants. The nomination of Grover Cleve land and his election would exactly, suit Morgan and the rest of tha sharks pi Wall street and it would not. be unpleasing to the wing of democracy which has been opposed to what has been the prevailing idea of the national party for the past eight years. It is very doubtful what the future has in store for this country It is almost certain that there is a season of depression close at hand It is not likely that there can be a panic so disastrous as some which have come in the past The country has reached a stage where that would be next to impossible. But the pres ent age of speculation and trust build ing must come to an end and what its result will be It is hard' to say If a democrat wero in the presiden tial chair it Is pretty likely that there would be a big effort to make out that it was all dependent upon the partVj in power. But at any rate there can be noth ing in the proposition to have a vic tory for the so-called democratic par ty which means nothing. It is al ways disastrous to "lose when you wfn." It would certainly be playing into the hands of the republicans to have Cleveland again come to the front . The elements which have1 hrmichf fhn rrmnKMOTi nnrfv in ItS If drowned before he's brought to present unenviable position would fchort. ; rfJM.uu simply entrench themselves if they xiuuuu un . snnnran ia y.,i aach delivered a swift kick; then, af- the dusty pike. They tied him to a agent As ho was going throuch tho Th Qoaptl of Wealth. iif! could haye Cleveland to manipulate things. If there is nothing higher and brighter than that in- store for us we might as well surrender. Cleveland Daily Leader. n 4- -
