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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (May 15, 1903)
s!"Mm ' ' ' t "i' "t: ' . . r? 7--at!nr -j- m wnaHiirr t ' "n i.mmMBwruu -ji. j,1 a"a""'Kn"m'", .. ht . - - i - n ..... -.., - f- . - . - -j- w- - - jjr tf- f. i- T -r- t-,t-t iy m "If ' - -B-ww -v" 1 -T" Wtl 1. ! The Commoner. 10 VOLUME 3, NUMBER 17. The Nelgkberhood Nuisance I'vo a kick against my neighbor, and I'll toll it unto you, For 'tis my expressed opinion you've one like it, don't you know; 'And it will explain my kicking till my toos are sticking through It's about an old lawn-mower anl tho man who makes it mow. Ev'ry morning when I'm dreaming with a conscience clear and clean I'm awakened by a racket that would mako a well man sick. It is mado by my near neighbor and his noisy old machine A crippled old lawn-mower with its clickoty-cllckety-cllck. Wkqn I'm droamlng of a fortune that my ship is bringing in, Or of getting into office with a wage that's good and fat; J'm awakened from my dreaming by a most unearthly din, 4 And I rub my eyes in terror with out knowing where I'm at. I'll tako oath that ev'ry morning ere tho sun begins to peep My near neighbor takes occasion to perform a measloy trick To annoy his nearest neighbors whom he knows need lots of sleep, So ho runs that old lawn-mower with its clickety-clickoty-click. If I had tho power to punish tliosa who early rise to toll And make the morning hideous with most unearthly din, I would plunge their nakod bodies, in-' to vats of boUl-S oH. ,,. '.And I'm sure 'twould not bo counted up against mo as a sin. Or I'd feed them on clipped grasses or on shining bits of steel Till of rising up so early I would mako them mighty sick, Then, perchance, I'd have occasion to once more seo how 'twould feel To sleep sound and not be wakened by a clickety-cllckoty-cllck. I In Doubt. Ah, no; she's not at all insane; She's got a clear and steady brain, But now with all her might and main She's started on house-cleaning. m r . Mrs. Sophtharte. "0, dear!" ejaculated Mrs. Sopht harte as she dropped into a chair in tho millinery emporium of Madame Paree. "I feel so unstrung." "What is tho matter?" queried tho proprietress. t "As I was coming down street I saw two horrid little boys carrying home a bird'o nest containing four poor little birds. It makes my heart acho to think how the poor mother bird must feel whtin deprived of her dear little nestlings." "Do not worry, Mrs. Sophtharte, I havo the mother bird hero and It will make a beautiful mounting for the new hat I have designed for you." Futile. Having noted tho symptoms for sev eral days Mr. Bjones was ready when his wife donned her dusting cap and began glaring through tho rooms of the house. "Wife, beware!" hissed Mr. Bjones. "Mr. Bjones, this house is about to undorgo its annual spring cleaning, and there is no power to prevent it." With a mocking laugh Mr. Bjones flourished in her face a document bearing ,a largo red seal in the south wost corner.. "Beware, wife," ho hissed again. "This is an injunction from tho fed eral court restraining you from tear ing up this house as is your annual custom." In this wise was it discovered that government by injunction is not yet in full force and effect Being a woman Mrs. Bjoneswent right ahead with her spring house-cleaning. "Toe Previous Tho shade of Alexander, strolling Don't growl about your neighbor's chickens if your dog howls all night. Don't got tho idea into your head that money will buy true friendship Don't stub your toe twice on the same nail. Don't buy this week's groceries witJ-i next week's salary. Don't ask God to lighten your bur dens until you are ready to give Him credit for your joys. Don't imagine that every man who gives this kind of advice spends all of his time doing as ho tells you to do. The Optimist. . The green leaves are all dancing in the balmy winds of May; The children 'neath the shade trees are all happy in their play, And there's lots of joy in living if you take the proper way, So cheer up and don't waste time in vain repining. The gentle rain is falling on the fair and fertile fields; The Lord with gracious favor still His loving sceptre wields, And the vineyard, farm and orchard each its richest treasure vlelds. So cheer up and don't waste time in vain repining. The bullheads are a-blting from the dawn to twilight late; Tho merry birds are singing in a chorus strong and great, And you waste your time in moaning or in groaning at your fate, So cheer up and don't waste time in vain repining. The clouds may thickly gather, but the sun still sheds its rays; The day may bo full gloomy, but there'll be more sunnv tnva And you'll feel a whole lot better if you sing the songs of praise, So cheer up and don't waste time in vain repining. today because there is too much elso to be done. The middle-aged man who can read the letters hD wrote during his court ship day and not feel silly is either too young for his age now 6r was too old for his age then. Suggest to your wife that she visit somo distant friends for a few days and if she doesn't immediately say. that she has nothing to wear you will know beyond a doubt that you have a treasure. "i"". i jmu buuuo uj. jtvxtJA.uuut!r, strolling "What did vnnr mitomnhiio nnf nA along the banks of the Styx, met the on ' I aTmrln of Mnnnlonn "NTz-wHr. 4-l ,i wuuuw w. .miiuivuui 1UUU, LUO U" jected air of the recruit from St man?" "Originally or repairs?" Measured. VDo you consider DeSmytho able to manago largo affairs?" "I don'tlmow. All I know about him is that he letB his wife select his neckties and cigars." Affirmed. ' "I am Informed that there is an illicit still concealed somewhere In those hills," said tho revenue agent "0, that's all moonshine," replied tho lank mountaineer. Helena, Alexander queried: "How now, Nap? Why this air of dejection?" "Alex, old boy," replied Napoleon, "we made two grave mistakes in our time." "Only two?" Well, two mistakes that ruined Traalt. A detective camo down from the Sault On track of a sure enough clault When ho got" off tho track Ho said, "I'll go back, There's nothing elso now I can dault" After Solomon. Go to the gas meter, thou sluggard, consider its ways and got next. It works in tho darkness and yet its deeds are of light It makes no noise, but at last it gougeth like an icepick and takes tho premium as an adder. us. "What were they?" eagerly queried Alexander. Slowly and sadly the shade of Na poleon came tc a halt, and with trem bling lips replied: "Wo lived too soon, and wo tpMoA too much on military strength for our power." "Explain yourself, Nap." "What I mean is this: We made the mistake of living too soon, and also tho mistake of not getting jobs on the federal bench and using the power of injunction." and hunted May. What means her wild glare? What means that fierce and angry air? what mean's that look of anxious care? - Her acts are full of meaning. - A Dezea Don't. Don't ask all and give nothing. Don't live a lie in tho expectation that it will never be found out Don't wast9 time in vain regrets if hustling will repair the mistake. Don't forget that if you listen to gossip you havo no right to complain when you are its subject Don't let a dollar get so large in your sight that you cannot seo around XL Don't give advice that you are not willing to follow. Brala Leaks. All honest work is ennobling. The clean heart never grows old. poubt is the dutiful slave of the devil. Content is the soil in which love grows. A fool with money is never without flattery. Religion may make a man sour, but Christianity never does. Men who neglect opportunity are the men who rail at fate. If all children were alike it would be easy to give advice to parents. Tho heart that is a harbor for hate never sees the white sails of peace. It's a wise man who-can keep things running smoothly during house-cleaning time. Truth needs no frills to make It powerful, but It sometimes does to make it attractive. . A -man cannot think ji single thought with Oils biceps, but he can move mountains with his. brains. - A man never sees an old pair of trousers hanging in a closet withou feeling in the pockets to see if he can find a coin. A lot of people who .can sit for hours without stirring in a theatre seat cannot sit forty minutes In a church pew without getting the fidgets. We have often wondered if the wo man who wears her heels in tho mid dle of her shoes really imagines that it makes her feet look smaller. Beauty is only skin deep, but the average man is not much of a digger. Wo are yearning to see the champion biscuit-maker and the champion kindling-splitter. t worry about yesterday, be cause it is gone: nor about tnmnrrn; because it is not yet herej nor about A Happy Combination. Why not seal the bond of plutocracy by selecting Grover Cleveland for Roosevelt's running mate in 1904? Grover is a member of Mr. Hanna's civic federation and ho would be a "safe" man for Mr. Morgan to hava as. presiding officer in the senate. What a significant ticket that would be Roosevelt and Cleveland. How the trusts would scamper if frowned upon by two such austere plutocrats. Columbia Press. His First Dress Suit "The first time I ever put on a dress suit," said ex-Governor Scofield, . according to the Milwaukee Sentinel, "was at the reception and ball which followed in the evoning of the day that I was inaugurated. I remember that we had to stand on a little plat form, raised a few inches from the floor, while the crowd passed along and shook hands with Mrs. Scofield and myself. "I weighed just ninety-six pounds at that time, and was as thin as a, match. Mrs. Scofield is a fleshy wo man, and as I looked at her during a lull in the procession, and then sized up my own diminutive anatomy, B whispered to her: '"Martha, we must look like the living skeleton and the fat woman in ;the dime niuseum to these people!.' . jL-nat settiea Mrs. Scofield for the; balance of the evening, and to save herself she could not get rid of tbV ripples of mirth that would sweep over her face and break out Into peals of laughter as the ridiculous-' ness of the situation appealed to her." Stick to th Alley. " '". Uncle Sam still has land enough to' give us all a farm, more than 900,-' 000,000 acres awaiting entry and set tlement But the inhabitants of the cities, who have grown to love the lights of the hurdy-gurdies, stick to their alley homes. Boston Globe. Wonderful Resources of the West If you are looking for a home and v want to visit the west you can do so With Very littlo PYrmnnn na Mi a UNION PACIFIC will sell one-way colonist tickets EVERY DAY at the following rates from Lincoln: UNTIL JUNE 15. $25.00 to San Francisco, Los Angeles and many other California points. $20.00 to Ogden, Salt Lake City, Butte, Anaconda and Helena. $22.50 to Spokane and Wanatchee. $25.00 to Portland, Tacoma, Seattle, and many other Oregon and Washing ton points. ROUND TRIPS JULY 1 TO 10, IN CLUSIVE. $15.00 to Denver. Colorado Springs and Pueblo. JUNE 1 TO SEPTEMBER 30, INCLUi. sive; $16.75 to Denver. $17.35 to Colorado Springs. $17.50 to Pueblo. $28.75 to Glenwood Springs. k . AJLA-Y 12 TO 18, INCLUSIVE. " z ?45.uo to San Francisco and Los An geles. Final return limit July 15. . For full information call on or ad dress, , E. B. SLOSSON, ; General Agent" , iK n. -.