PWPW
The Commoner.
Vol; a; No. 47.
10
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not able to work,," said the Business
Man when asked about it
Moral: Still there are some people
who wonder why silver is only 39
cents an ounce.
ClirlstmaflTlme.
!Ain't too old f'r Christmas time,
, Same ol' joyous season;
ju's fergit my growin' years
That's the simple reason.
Forty years roll off my back
"When th' sleighbolls tinkle;
Kick my heels an' plum fergit
1 I've got airy wrinkle.
Christmas time's a time f'r joy -
Drop yer years an' be a boyi
1
Don't you sit there by th' stove
Broodin' o'er yer trouble.
Ev'ry U&re ye brood erbout
You air sure t' double.
Jump right up an' crack yer heels,
Join th' Christmas singfn';
Snap yer fingers at 01' Time
Christmas bells air ringin'.
Christmas time's a time f'r play,
Lay your troubles all away.
Dance a breakdown on th' floor,
S'lute an' swing yer lady!
Laugh an' sing until you feel
You air In Arcady.
Al'man' left! To feel your years
Time like this is treason.
Right an' left! Now promenade!
This is Christmas season.
Christmas time's no time f'r gloom
All join han's aroun' th' room!
Swing yer pardners! Ain't this fine?
Boys an' girls t'gether.
Ol aga is forgotten now
This is Christmas weather.
Walk yer pardner t' her seat; ,
"Want no music slow, Bir.
Kiss her 'neath th mistleto
v 'Fore sne can say "No, sir.'
Christmas time's no time f'r tears
Time t' drop yer gathered years. ;
A Financial Fable.
. Once' upon a time a Business Man
had an Employe who was capable of
accomplishing wonders in the way of
lustry. The Employe could put his
thouiw under a bale of goods that
would stkaer two Ordinary men and
walk off witn jUBt as easy.
The Business te thought a great
deal of the Employe, w one day de
signing uompeutors iuum. m to One
A Strenuous Fable.
It came to pass that a Parroquette,
perched upon a high limb, felt it in
cumbent upon itself to attack a Wolf
that lolled In the shade below.
"You are a dangerous beast,"
shrieked tho Parroquette. "I believe
that the time is1 coming when We will
have to Shackle your Cunning. I
assure you that J am not moved to
this opinion by reason of harbdring
the evil Vices of Hate and Envy in y
breast, but by my belief that you are
a Dangerous Animal and therefore to
be Restrained."
"Well, do you hot believe that there
are good Wolves and bad, Wolves?"
'queried the Wolf. -.
"That is a matter to be Determined
hereafter; nowI am following a pre
conceived plan' replied the Parro
quette. "You are, as I remarked, a
Dangerous Beast, a vampire sucking
the lifeblood of tho wilderness people,
a-"
And so on did the Parroquette con
tinue for an Hour and Thirty min
utes at a grea,t rate of speech. Final
ly the Wolf yawned and said:
'Well, quit your talking and com9
drtwn and shackle me."
"Excuse me, please," responded the
Parroquette. "L am not now in a
position to undertake the task. I
have talked so much that I am wholly
out of breath. Besides, you may bo x
good Wolf, after ajl."
, Moral You never can see It through
partisan spectacles.
Found On.-
"I found a good trust .today y" .
"Where and what?" '. ,. ?.
"The grocer let me Jiaveasackof
flour and said I could drop in-afiuVpay
him next week." . .
Sideband whispered a Lot of Sltr jnto
v.ear. .
tnnr. Employe," said they, "work3
55S E ? & does not leave en0U
nl Sttinc ILto do. As a result you
are getting tuv f tn th t
you ought to haxce
this too willing sertt""" L .
eri will become Fat aie the oth-
Tne Business Man, succttS?; .
argument, ana called the Capft, tP ' tn"
ploye to him and said: mT
. "You nerform too muclr work l.
order to subdue your industry 1 will
now saw oft one of your lcg3."
. With one leg off the Employe was
seriously handicapped, yet he still
Performed much Labor.
"I see that I must also deprive you
of one Arm," said the Business Man,
acting upon the suggestion.
A little later the Business Mant who
was by this time quite In love with tho
Process of Amputation, .fell upon the
already crippled Employe and cut ifl
the remaining Arm and Leg, cracked
a few of his Ribs, Fractured his Skull
' and kicked him in the spine.
4There, I guess that will hold you
for a while," said the Business Man.
A few weeks later the Business- Man
strolled through his Store and notice 1
that the jCrippled Employe was doing
nothing. Then it dawned upon the
aforesaid Business Man that there w.w
no need in retaining the services of
One. who, could not perform service by
reason of incapacity.
"Out you go," said the Business
Man, and the Crippled Employe was
discharged.
' "I discharged him because he was
Then and Noy.
With vocal stress and fiercest cackle
He said some day he'd deftly tackle
&nd strenuously strive to shackle.
' Cunning.
But noKiyith ease you. plainly see
That when-o i0Udly speaking he
Meant he shoultuy seem to "be
Funning.
trlotism, sincerity, and utterly lacking
in ambiguity. Nothing better has ever
been presented to the people."
Guess N6. 1. What's his politics?
Guess- No. 2. What's - he talking
about?'1 -- -
How oft have we been loudly Uja
That for the right so brave and bovi
He stood as did the Greeks of Old
At Thermopylae.
PjU speculation's at an end,
Armnow he rises to defend
-vas a most gracious friend
monopoly.
With a whole ;
He's slaked our o. velocity
And shown his streloslty
A sham. "My
The trusts, well satisfied," u
Huge smiles and bigger profiteearing
And for his remedies not caring'Mtig
A cent.
' . $ ', Drain Leaks.
The longer the road the better the
rest.
Sin is not to be shackled with cob
webs. , '
A whole lot of strenuosity suffers
from laryngeal exhaustion. .j;.
Money brings- the most "happiness to
those who use it to make others happy.
The fool wa'stes his time and money
frying to break into the "srfiart s6t"
Charity covers a multitude of sir.s
only when not exercised for that purr
Pose. , . , ,
Some Christians set about' God's
business in a way that would bankrupt
their own.
This old world would make slower
progress in education if it were not. for
the questions children ask.
It's a mighty mean man that will
disabuse his child's mind concerning
Santa Claus in order to save a few,
cents.
Every once ,in a while we witness
upon the streets a spectacle that makes
us wish horses could form a strong la-'
bor union.
A whole lot of people who are espe-
daily careful about their physical
health rush into moral contamination
with1 their eyes wide open.
Will M. Maupin.
Tell Me Who
Need(s Help
JMo Money Is Wanted.
To aid a sick friend, will you toll
me the book he needs? Will you sim
ply write a postal card, if I will do
this?
I will mail tho sick one an order
good at any drug store fornix bottles
Dr. Snoop's Restorative. He may take
it a morith at my risk. If it succeeds,
the cost Ib ?5;50. If it fails, I will pay
tho druggist myself.' -'"
That month will show if the remedy
can cure. 1 tne sick one is then dis
appointed, the test shall not cost him
a penny.
I have furnished my Restorative to
hundreds of thousands in that way,
and 39 out of each 40 got well, and
have paid for U.
It is a remarkable remedy that can
stand a test like that, and I havo
spent a lifetime on it. It is the only
Temedy that strengthens tho insida
nerves 'those nerves which alone oper
ate the vital organs. There is positive
ly no other way to make weak organs
well.
" "My book wil convince you. You wi.l
not wonder then, why this offer is possible.
BOOK NO. 1 OX DTBrKPaU
BOOK NO. t ON Till HEART
BOOK NO. 3 ON THE KWNITS.
BOOK NO. 4 TOR WOMKS,
BOOK NO. 6 TOR MEN. iimM.1
BOOK NO. SON RHEUMATISM
Guess.
A man stood on the corner discours
ing to anybody who would listen. This
is what he said:
"It is a statesmanlike document. It
is overflowing with wisdom, and it
fairly reeka with, the personality of its
strenuous author. It deals with, all
public questions in a direct and. forci
ble manner. Nothing like it has beanj
penned by any other man. It rings
with sincerity and It throws down the
gauntlet to the despoilers, the calam
ity howlers and the discontented. It
is full of political wisdom, lofty pa-
Bad Spelling.
In a recent examination at the
Northwestern university only 56 out pi
a class of 141 wre able to stand the
test of spelling. This fact was thought
so remarkable that it went the rourids
of the press and has provoked a vast
amount of discussion. The result has
been to prove that the case dt the
Northwestern Is not exceptional. It
is about the average with young men
and women who are -supposed to be
prepared for college. It is doubtle3S
far worse with young- people who have
not had such extraordinary educational
advantages. Those who have had, oc
casion to wrestle with, the errors in
the orthography of the average young
stenographer will come into court any
day and swear that nothing could bo
worse than her ignorance of this fun
damental necessity of good English.
Various and sundry reasons have been
assigned for this sad decadence in
spelling. One 'charges it to the phonetic
methods taught in our public schools,
mother ascribes it to the slang and
fiiPi'xnt glibness of the up-to-date
smart -ucks who set the popular
standard 01, the knowledge worth
knowing, and -hers to various and
sundry reasons, bi the chief defect
lies in want of work.
Tho old blue-backed bsener may
have been a very clumsy a? n-wir-
ward educational book, but sue an
immense amount of labor was put
into it a& to overcome all its defects.
In the primitive scliools where it was
n vogue, pupils were reauired to
ximorize Its contents under pain of
thiWrch; and the shape of the words
on thinned were indelioiy impressed
ods of teiwiory. The modern meth
moro rational spelling may be much
mony with the. much more in har
gogues, but the mewQSophy of peda
ls not one tithe of wibor put into It
of the students of Noah v required
time speller. There is no 4rlB old
to an intimate knowledge of thvv0a(j
ite and arbitrary complications of ,
lish orthography. Its twists and turn!
are too manifold ;&nd elusive to do
mastered without tne severest mental
exertion. Any, system that attempts
Simply ataio "vyhich
book you want, and
address Dr. Snoop,
Box 515, Bacine, Wi.
MIM.fMM nttttnb,tn cftonutdbjtMuiwitoOlM. At iJl )nif tiiti.
to -make it easy is a fraud on its face.
To be sure it Is less difficult for somo
to learn the fearful and wonderful
construction of thousands of words in
common use, but it is really easy to
none. Blessed be. he that is able to
form readily and,' correctly even the
limited vocabulary -in ordinary use.
The only way to remedy the. modern
defects In spelling is to return to an
cient "methods of hard work in the
mastery of the intricate problem.
Memphis News,
A Candid Republican Governor.
Tlie republican governor of Nebras
ka, under date of October 4, In reply
to an Inquiry from the St. Louis Post
Dispatch, sent the following telegram:
"Lincoln, Neb., Oct 4. Tho point
involved in the anthracite coal strike.
as I see it, is the right of owners of
property to manage and control the
same. This point is not arbitrable, be
ing so well settled as to admit of no
dispute.
"The thing to be done now is what
should nave been done at the start and
that is protect those that are willing
to go into the mines and work if it
takes th military power of the state
to do it.
"Government by arbitration is a
companion piece to socialism and is a
few degrees above anarchy. Compared
with, it government by Injunction is a
divine heritage.
"EZRA P. SAVAGE, Governor.
Mr, Savage is not a candidate for
re-election. He has no political pros
.pects and perhaps no political ambi
tion. He therefore speaits ooiuiy
candidly, and what he says in con
demnation of arbitration is the same
thing that Would be said by many re
publican politicians if they dared 10
be as candid as Mfc Savage is.
According to the view's of the fam
ous Irish leader, John Redmond, the
organization of the Irish league Is com
plete in 75 parliamentary constituen
cies with, a total of 1,326 branches. It
is also reported that during the ) past
vonr 96" men have been imprisoned lor
.boljtical offerises in Ireland.
"iSZwlV'
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