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The Commoner.
Nov. at, if
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jFrorc Ward's to You
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Tfee icfeal System of Merchandising
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Buy your supplies direct and save the usual middleman's
profits. Jire you so rich that you are not interested in makinsr vaurmnnmu
go as far as possible? We can save you $1.00 out of everv &S.OO vou snend. Our
goods are purchased direct from the manufacturer and sold to our trade nt nmriinnttu ,nUim.
sals prices. Over two million people are now patronizing us and buying everything they use at a saving
of 15 to 40 per cent over the usual prices. These people are not going it blindly they are the thinking
gjmvfje uu9i ikiiuw itcic. t uutmr ouuuu. is ct u-uiiur guinea.
Our $2,500,000 stock of general merchandise Is Illustrated and quoted In our IJOOipage
catalogue No. 71, fust from the printers, and it will be sent anywhere upon receipt of IS cents to
help pay the postage. Write today, enclose 15 cents In stamps or coin and ask for Catalogue
Mi JLtwjwr wucuv iv u. . jumr izv,uuu people ata vms lasv montn. :
jrjLWugomvry ttara cp uo.9 Chicago
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909
" The House That Tells The Truth."
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I ....;.A COLLECTION OF GOOD SHORT STORIES
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Took Everything: In Sight.
A group of men stood in the Balti-1
more and Potomac station one day this
week, discussing dining table incidents
they had wjtnessed in crowded restau
rants, says'the Washington Star. Sev
eral interesting stories had been told,
when Mr. Cobaugh joined the party.
He recalled an incident that occurred
at a town on the line of one of the big
railroads, where he was then running
a hotel. There were a number of ta
bles in the dining room, and one in
the extreme rear etfd was reserved for
the family.
It happened that a couple on their
wedding trip stopped at the hotel one
night, and in the morning when they
went to the dining room the only va
cant table in the room was the ono
set apart for the family.
"Mrs. Cobaugh had not been feeling
the best in the world and the doctor
had ordered a tonic for her," related
Mr. Cobaugh. "The tonic was kept on
the table all the time, in order that
patient would not forget her dose. It
was labelled, 'One teaspoonful after
meals.'
"Thp nnnnlo had evidently never
K stopped at a hotel before," continued
the restaurant man, "and for the nrsr
time they did remarkably well. They
ordered everything on the menu card,
and when the meal was finished the
husband picked up the bottle, read the
directions and gave his better half a
dose as directed. Then he took a dose
himself and walked out with a self
satisfied look about Mm."
Overlooked the Dot.
Mayor's Secretary William P. Ryan
was commenting yesterday on the way
In which many illiterate persons seem
to get along in the world, relates the
Baltimore Sun. "The late William J.
Carroll used to tell a good storv along
this line," said Mr. Ryan. "He had
business connected with the collection
of rents which used to take him to
a certain place on the eastern shore at
Jvitervals. On one occasion he went
into a store there, the proprietor of
which could neither read nor write.
While he was there a man came in
who was evidently a regular customer.
"'I owe you some money, don't I?'
he said to the storekeeper.
"The latter went to the door and
turned it around so that the back was
visible.
" 'That's so',' he replied; 'you owe
mo for a cheese.'
"'A cheese?' replied the customer.
'No. I don't.'
"The storekeeper looked at Jthe door
again.
" 'That's so,' he said, 'it's a grind
stone. I didn't see the dot'in the mid
dle.' "
Both of the fame Mind.
A tourist in Scotland was recently
much distressed to find an old couple
fiercely arguing on the road, relates
the London Leader. Fearing that they
would come to blows, he intervened,
and inquired the cause of the dispute.
"We're not disputing at a'," said the
old ma-., "it happens we're baith of
the same mind. I've got a half crown
In ma poch, and she thinks she's no'
gaun to get it an' I think the same."
He dot the Plice.
It is told of Col. Abraham Gruber, of
New York, says the Minneapolis Jour
nal, that when he was very young and
looking for employment lie passed a
layer's office, where he saw a sign
reading "Boy Wanted." He removed
the sign and rushed up to the lawyer
with it, placing it on his desk.
"Why did you bring up that sign?"
asked the lawyer.
"Why keep it out any longer? I am
going to take the place," said young
Gruber.
The Wonder of New York.
It was on a crosstown car in One
Hundred and Twenty-fifth street, says
the New York Tribune. Two house
maids were aboard, bound for the Fort
Leo ferry. They had been talking
about the ship on which each had
come to this country, about the differ
ent mistresses they had worked for,
the easy way that they could manage
some, or the more difficult means em
ployed to subdue others, when the
younger of the two pointed out of the
window suddenly and exclaimed:
"An' shure, now, wat be that ere
bridge yonder?"
The elevated structure which is be
ing built to connect the tracks of the
underground railroad across the Man
hattan valley had called forth this out
burst Here on either side of this nat
uraP depression in Manhattan island
the subway had come to the surface to
cross on an elevated structure.
"Oh, now, and wat bo ye askin' mo
seech a question," said the other;
"don't ye know as. that be the soob
way?" "Oih, faith, an' bo that the soob
way?" romarked the first speaker,
somewhat overwhelmed by the answer
she had received. Then after her sur
prise had abated a little, she added:
"An now, Oi wuz of a mind that the
soobway wuz oonder the groond."
"Ah, faith, an' it be only in New
oork that one bo after seein an un
derground railway run in the air,"
said the elder immigrant.
Out of Date.
L. M. Cross, of the Baptist' Com
monwealth, tells a story or a negro
plantation owner in South Carolina
who, like some other black cotton
growers in his district, had not al
ways been getting a fair deal when he
look his crop to a particular ware
house, where the custom was to make
calculations like the following In
quick, impressive business-like tones:
"Four hundred pounds cotton at 8
cents six-teen dollars! Cashier, give
Sambo six-teen dollars
The grower wondered why, al
though getting a fair price per pound
for his cotton, a largo crop had such
srnall monetary returns when all
pathnied and shipped. An itinerant
pedier sold him a "lightning calcu
lator" in the form or some computed
examples of multiplication often em
ployed in everyday commerce; and
tho negro mastered Its principles.
When next he delivered a load, he
heard.
' Four hundred pounds cotton at 8
centstwen-ty-four dollars! Cashier,
give Sambo twen-ty-four dollars!"
But Sambo had consulted his ta
bles and protested
"Look-a-heah, sah! , I find In this
kalkilator dat It mounts to fo't'-elght
dollahs, sah!"'
Tho weigher strode forward, pulled
the "calculator" from the darkey's
hand, examined It for a moment, and
then, with a look of disgust, threw
It in i corner, exclaiming:
'You ought to bo ashamed, Sambo
ashamed! That's last year's calcu
lator, and is no good now!"
Mulual Disappointment.
Molville E. Stono, so long the head
of the Associated Press, tells a story
of General George A. Sherldan'g en
counter with an audience in an Illi
nois town where ho was scheduled
for an address. Through a local
printer's mistake, it seems, tho popu
lace had been led to expect General
Phil Sheridan. When tho audionco
assembled, tho bigwig of the commu
nity introduced tho speaicer alter this
fashion: ,
"Ladles and Gentlemen permit mo
to present General Sheridannot
General Phil Sheridan, whom wo ex
pected to hear, however. Lot us hope,
though, that our visitor may have
something to make us forget our dis
appointment". General Sheridan was boiling with
rage, but showed no trace of it in
face or manner as, bowing to the big
gathering, ho began as fonows:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I was led
to believe that I should find a live,
progressive, cultured city, and can
hardly express my astonishment In
finding what is little better than a
mud-hole, whoso people seem to bear
no marks indicative of mental brlghfc
n 3s or culture. Still, I'll do the best
I can."
It has been believed that the revolu-.
tion In Colombia was at an end, but re
ports under date of November 12 indi
cate that a fierce engagement was
fought between tho government war
ships and two schooners of rebel
forces. One of these government ships
was manned with American men, of
whom ono was reported killed and the
loss among the rebels is reported very
heavy.
The Combination Oil Cure for Cancer.
Wa oriflrlaated and perfected by Dr. D. U.
Bye. It is sootbisj? and bJiay and girea relief
from unceasing pain. It has cured more case
than all othar treatraeaU coaibiaed. Tfaote ia
forested, who desire free books tellfaa- aboal
the treatment, sare tine and eipeasn by ad-
j P. O. Drawer 5C, Indianapolis lad.' "
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