w
The Commoner.
10
Vol. a, No. 33.
I.
N
v ...
WHETHER COflHON OR NOT.
i
A Gloomy Outlook.
I have no yearnings now for famo, for
gold or jowols rare;
For hotiBOB, lands, or stocks, or
bonds, I novor pauso to yearn.
I want no autos swift and strong, no
ralmont flno to woar
I only want a little bit of an
thracite to burn.
.Tlio stove that cost mo fifty plunks Is
standing cold and lone,
Its wide capacious maw now Alls my
very soul with gloom
&nd as I gazo thoreon today I can but
sigh and moan,
( For In tho price of anthracite I
surely road my doom.
When winter's cold drow nigh to mo
Just one short year ago
rA largo self-feeding stove I bought
on tho installment plan:
And ev'ry night I sat mo down be
side its ruddy glow
Wo rest and read and smoke and be
a woll contented man.
Alas alack! Tho barons cinch mo now.
and do it "right,"
And though 'tis only summer yot I
realize thus soon
That I must haste to got that big self
feeder out of sight,
And got a stovo, a little stove, and
feed it with a spoon.
ipulators and replied:
"Loavo that to us. Tou must have
faith in tho Christian manhood of the
gentlemen Into whoso pare and keep
ing Provldenco has placed this and
other great natural industries. They
will administer It rightfully."
"But, where do wo como in?" queried
the puzzled people.
"Ah, that is not for us to con
sider," replied tho chief among the
Manipulators. "You must rest con
tent In tho knowledge that It is Man
ifest Destiny."
Not knowing any better the people
returned homo and shivered In tho
breezes until winter came, when thoy
cheerfully paid tribute to tho Manip
ulators for iho 'Steonth time.
Moral: , There is always a Chief
Manipulator ready to explain, but
those who believe him should be Bored
for the Simples.
A LIUU Pbl.
WHEREIN IS RELATED THE APT
RETORT AND SUBSEQUENT
r' DISCOMFITURE VISITED UPON
- 1 A "PEOPLE WHO HAVE ONLY
THEMSELVES TO BLAME.
Onco upon a time a lot of Manipula
tors secured Control of a very neces
Itory product and began the. work of
Squeezing. Tho Manipulators divided
Into two Squads, ono of which howled
loudly for Protection to American La
bor and thus worked the people, while
tho other, Squad imported ignorant
pauper labor and thu3 worked the
mines.
. Whenever tho minors aroused them
selves to tho point of asking for Liv
ing Wages tho Manipulators gave them
JJie Merry Ha Ha and imported some
Snore labor.
Finally tho wago workers organized'
Hnd made a strong demand for wage
enough to keep Body and Soul in the
same tonoment.
1 "We will not stand for the Raise,"
said the Manipulators.
Thereupon the wage workers laid
'down their tools and rested,, .while the'
(Manipulators donned their Glad Rags
and Haughty Looks and went to tho
Seashore.
, When the time camo for the people
to lay in their supply of Anthracite,
lo, tho price had been Hoisted with a
Derrick and tho people murmured.
.
Finally a delegation of Consumers
went to the Manipulators and asked
them to Arbitrate with their help.
4 "We have nothing to arbitrate," saidv
,he Manipulators, resuming their work
" Of steering their Steam Yachts.
T3ut you owe something to your
cwage workers."
' "Not at all."
'"Then you owe something to the
public"
The reply to this was such as to
necessitate tho use of largo and copious
dashes.
"But what are you going to do about
It?" queried the people.
Then arose a chief among the Man-
Great Joy.
"J. Piorpont Morgan has untold
wealth, but there Is ono thing his
money cannot buy?"
"I'd like to know what it is."
"Well, did you ever experience the
joy of finding a fat piece of pitch pine
kindling about the middle of winter
when everything was covered with
snow? Morgan hasn't enough money
to buy that sort of feeling'
Parvenu.
"Those Richquiques are the most
vulgar people I ever saw; always try
ing to show off their wealth."
"Whatjhcive they been doing now?"
"They have actually had a ton of
anthracite delivered at their house and
piled up on the front porch."
More Spelling.
There was a young miss in Wahoo
Who chanced to be feeling quite bloo,
But her lover called round
With sweetmeats a pound,
And the supply she quickly went throo.
No Joque.
She bought a most beautiful toque,
And also a handsome seal cloque.
And her husband felt ill
When ho settled the bill,
And loudly exclaimed "Holy smoque!"
;
Repartee.
Cholly Boigh -"Miss
you be mine, ah?"
Miss Gotrox "If I would I'd
flat." ..
Gotrox, will
be a
Also.
They, also servo who only stand and
vait,
And they who only stand must pay the
freight!
Justified.
"Prisoner at tho bar, you are
charged with making a violent as
sault on this man. What ha.ve you to
say?"
"Your honor, this man has done
me many grievous wrongs. First ho
poisoned my dog. Then he kicked my
boy. Then ho shot three of my prize
chickens. Then ho called me vile
names. But still I submitted and
made not a protest"
"Your meekness is commendable,
but why did you assault him?"
"Your honor, after submitting to
all these indignities he still persisted.
Ho lot his cow run across my lawn
after a heavy rain, and I did not pro
tesjt. He bought his little boy a drum
and a horn, and still I said nothing.
But the other day he walked down the
alloy by my coal house and picked up
seven lumps of hard coal, and then I
pitched Into "
i "Enough! Tho assault was pro
voked. You are discharged and tho
complaining witness held on the
charge of provoking the assault"
A Dozen Don't.
Don't try to hang out more than
you wash.
Don't be afraid of wasting time at
tending to small details.
Don't form judgment until you have
studied both sides of the case.
Don't growl at the children and then
wondor why they prefer the streets.
Ddn't complain of failure until you
have tried your hardest for success.
Don't keep all your piety for Sunday
use.
Don't encourage gossipers by listen
ing to them.
Don't be ashamed to admit that
there are a few things you do not
know.
Don't take a cigar from between
your teeth to berate your son for
smoking.
Don't claim that politics Is dirty
business until you have exhausted ev
ery effort 'to purify it.
Don't kick about the poor quality of
your local paper until you nave paid
your delinquent subscription,
Don't slouch around the house and
then wonder why your wife never
looks like she did before you married
her.
Brain Leaks.
If tho Bible is a fable life is a lot
tery without a prize.
To some, men homo is merely a place
of four walls and a well filled table.
The mid-week prayer meeting usual
ly shows the real strength of a church.
Don't be like a trolly car, dependent
on some ono else for your motive
, power.
Don't judge a man's goodness by the
way he treats his dog; notice how he
treats his children.
When men cannot think of any other
excuse for their wrong-doings they
fall back on "destiny."
Some men marry to get a house
keeper and then complain because they
did not get a 'sweetheart
We never hear a boy call his father
the "old man" without feeling a desire
to give him what ho needs.
Some men spend half a day looking
for tho shortest "way to do a piece of
work that could be done in an hour.
If the accumulation of money marks
success in life the world has erred in
its judgment of tho success achieved by
its best men.
The worst , we tcan wish the coal
mine owners is that they go visiting
How lonr will it take tha mam to fill
the sack if he does not stop tht leak?
To attempt to nourish the body -when tim
siomacu is un
cased is like try
ing to fill tht
sack with the
hole in it. When
the stomach and
other digestive
and nutritive or
gs ns are dis
eased, there is a
constant loss of
nutrition.
Enough is eaten
but the body
loses flesh,-plain
proof that the
food eaten is
largely wasted
because it is not
digested and as
similated. Dr. Pierce's
Golden Medical
Discovery cures
diseases of the
stomach and
other organs of
digestion and
nutrition. It
stops the leaks
by which nutri
tion is lost, and
enables the
building up of the body by the nutri
tion derived from food. The gain in
weight proves the cure.
Three years ago I was taken sick with -what
the doctor called nervousness and indigestion.
writes Mrs. Warren E. .Parker, of Orange Street,
Nantucket. Mass. "He eave ine medicine foe
the trouble, but I could not eat eves a little toast
or uaimcai wiinoui suucnng severely, in a lew
months I began to have distressing pains right
in the pit of my stomach. I called the doctor
again and he said I had catarrh of stomach;
five me medicine but it did not do any good,
lost 28 pounds in three months. I then com
menced taking Dr. Pierce's medicines and Boom
began to feel better. I have taken six bottles ot
'Golden Medical Discovery,' two of 'Favorite
Prescription and six vials of Dr. Pierce's FeU
lets. I have gained ten pounds. Can eat every
thing."
Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure constipation.
VrSfn pi
f . X ueir"'jn I w fW
?L W Jr
1
next winter and be compelled to sleep
'spare
iin ono of those old-fashioned
bedrooms."
It is better to think a moment be
fore saying" It than to spend weary
hours trying to frame explanations for
having said it.
Young man, when a girl begins to
tell you that you would better save
your money instead of buying her
candy and taking her buggy riding,
it's time for you to either propose or
sheer off.
Will M. Maupin.
Morgan's Little Joke.
One morning several weeks after the
coal strike began Russell Sage and
J. Plerpont Morgan were riding down
to business on an elevated train. The
conversation naturally turned to the
coal strike, chances of the output,
prices coal would bring, etc.
Mr. Sage was telling of their good
luck in procuring a lot at a moderate
cost per ton. Mr. Morgan bantered
him about the quality, claiming he did
not get the real article at the price
mentioned.
"Oh, yes," said Mr; Sage, "that coal
is all right; the real article. I know
it, for each piece is stamped 'Lehigh.' "
"That's a good one," answered the
arbiter of finance; "but I'm thinking,
Uncle Russ'ell," as he slapped the sage
of Lawrence Beach good-naturedly on
the shoulder; "I'm thinking that the
next lot you or anyone else will get
instead of being stamped 'Lehigh
the chatfees are that it will bo stamped
D high.' "New York Times,
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