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The Commoner.
10
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Vol, a, No. 3 1.
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WHETHER COiinON OR NOT.
The Real Friend.
."When the clouds hang dark and heavy
O'or tho path that you must tread,
'And the thorns of care and trouble
Bound your feet are thickly spread,
Sweet it is if thoso about you
Seem to give your troubles heed,
But the real friend comes and asks
you:
"Say, old friend, how much d'ye
nood?"
(When disaster dark befalls you
And you lose your house and lands,
Xt is sweet to feel the kindly
Grasp of sympathetic hands; s
But there's ono whoso words are
swoetor
When ho gives your troubles heed
He's tho man who comes and asks
you:
wSay, old friend, how much d'ye
need?"
r
iWhen tho grim and dark death angel
Pasaos through your opon door,
&nd the babe you loved so dearly
Plays about your knees no moro,
Flowers scattered 'round .the coflln
Solace stricken hearts that bleed,
But the best consoler whispers:
"Say, old friend, how much d'ye
need?"
(When you see a friend In trouble
Don't stand off and softly sigh.
iWalk straigHt up to him and greet
him;
liOOk him squarely in tho oyo;
Say you're sorry;' and then prove it
By a quick and friendly deed
JPull your purso and softly whiBper:
''Say, old friend, how much d'yo
' , need?"
ri'i-
.. AUttleFable.
CONCERNING THE AWFUL THROW
DOWN OF THOSE WHO AL
LOWED THE TARIFF VT0 BE
,T ' HBVISED BY ITS FRIENDS:
l&iter long years of suffering from
Ul Greed of a lot of Overgrown In
ant Industries, & Sorrowing Populace
feathered to demand some sort of re
lief, 'We have been getting the Hot End
toll It for a long time," wailed" the Sor
rowing Populace, "and we think it is
High Time that -wo bo given a rest"
"Easy now, Good People," wliispered
an Infant, taking Its Nursing Bottle
from Its lips long onough. to grab off
another chunk of Protection. "Let us
o slow."
"But we need tho Relief right now,"'
moaned the Sorrowing Populace." "
"Yes, and you shall have it," ro
pllad tho Infant, quietly pocketing ,ho
Dinner brought by the Sorrowing Pop
ulace. "But we must be careful not
jto disturb Existing Conditions."
"But wo long to disturb our Condi
lion," wailed the Sorrowing Populace,
ghat's just what wo're after."
"Justso, just so' replied tho Infant,
but tho system under which wo have
Waxed Fat must be revised by its
friends, not by its victims."
After a prolongation of Con Talk
- tho Sorrowing Populace agreed to let
jth Infants attend to tho Revision.
A few montliB later tho Sorrowing
Populace, in worse condition than
ver, again put up a Howl:
"Wo asked you for Relief and for
Reply got a Jolt in tho Neck."
"Aw, go chase yourself!" retorted
ttio Infant that attended to the spieling.
"But. you told us that you'd do thei
right thing by us If we'd let you at
tend to Revision so as not to disturb
existing conditions."
"Quito true," replied the Infant,
"and we have attended to it so as to
not disturb conditions. Behold, wo
aro tho Conditions, and we have not
been at all disturbed."
Moral: It's your own fault if the
LCon Talk wins.
Heavy Assets.
The promotor was trying to Inter
est a capitalist In a manufacturing
scheme.
"I have the' oxclusivo right to manu
facture this article, and it is. an ar
ticle that (ovory family must have,"
said tho promotor.
"And you want to sell onough stock
to erect your factory?".
"Yes, sir."
"What have you besides tho exclu
sive control of this article?"
"I've got plenty. Haven't I got a
Dingley law and a friendly congress?"
Being a man of keen perception the
capitalist at once subscribed for a
block of stock and began to lay plans
for watoring it
- A Little Story.
Once upon a time a laboring man
took his wife and daughter into a
restaurant to dine. It was a gala
occasion for the laboring man and IiIb
family, for they were wont to dine at
home on humble fare, and they
thought to , enjoy themselves In tho
unaccustomed pleasure. Seating them
selves at a table they called a waiter
and proceeded to order a repast, in
cluding cako, pie, ice cream and fruit.
Just as the soup and fish were
brought in and placed before the labor
ing man and his family a group of
men took a near-by table and pro
ceeded to talk loud, make ribald re
marks and Idck because a common
laboring man dared to Invade e their
favorite eating place. '
"See tho cheap skato with tho hand-me-down
suit," remarked one man.
nodding towards the laborer.
"I. smell the disagreeable odor of a
workman," sneered another.
"I'm going to complain to tho man
agement," said another. "We must
.have more exclusiveness or I'll patron
ize another place. I always lose my
appetite when I see a common work
man near me."
"Get on to the frowsy female next
to him," sneered one, pointing to tho
laboring man's wife.
"Yes, and see what a loose-jointed
and gawky girl that is." -
"Look like they had just come put
of tho ark."
"That hat must have been dragged
out of a garbage heap."
The laboring man bore the taunts
with patience for' a time, but thowmen
at the next table became so insulting
that he shoved back his chair and
clenched his fist
"I'm going to bump their heads,"
he whispered to his wife.
"Please don't," she whispered in
return. "Let us withdraw quietly"
Tho laboring man and bis family
hurried through their meal, paid the
check and prepared to go.
"The atmosphere seems to be be
coming purer," sneered one of the
men.
Then tho laboring man flung off his
coat, spat upon his hands and made'
a rush towards his tormentors.
"I'll punch your heads!" he ex
claimed. But before ho could make good his
threat a judicial looking gentleman
grasped him by the arm and asked:
"Are you .not a laboring man?"
"Yes, what of it?"
"Well, I am a federal judge and
these gentlemen are my friends I
enjoin you from disturbing them. If
you do I'll throw you into jail."
"But they insulted mo. and ,my
family."
"That, sir, is none of my business.
But these men are rich, own coal
mines and ships and factories- and
railroads, and they must not be dis
turbed by common workmen. To do
so would bo to threaten existing busi
ness conditions, inflame the masses,
create class prejudice and probably
lose me my soft job;"
So saying the judicial gentleman
made a slight motion with his hand
and a company of militia marched in
and escorted tho laboring man outside
amidst tho laughter of the group at
the other table.
This may not sound quite as ro
mantic as another little story you
read in the dally papers a week or so
ago, but tho chances are that it is a
whole lotnearer the truth-ill.' -, '-
Scared ,Em.
The glee club formed a line along
thC front of the platform and prepared
to sing for the gk o. p. convention.
rtHark, Appollo, strike tho lyre!"
boomed the .bassos and tenors.
The rest ofthe song was lost, for
every protective tariff statistician in
the audience, mistaking tho orthog
raphy, ducked bis head and made a
bee-lino for the door.
That's What I'd Do.
(With apologies, to the late Ben King.)
If I should die tonight
And you unto my bier should come
And osculate my lips so dumb
And whisper in my ear a word
I say, if I should die tonight
And lie in state, and garments white,
By just ono thing I could be stirred.
If I should die tonight
And you should stand beside my bier
And gently whisper in my ear"
Tho information that
P. Knox has made a trust look sick,
Straightway I'd rise, and mighty quick
Tear loose my white cravat
If I should die tonight
And you should wander to my bed
And, after weeping, shake your head
..And murmur, "He'll be happy when
Ho hears that Knox has really gone
to work" T
I'd come to life and rise up witlf a
jerk
But I'd fall dead again. -
Brain Leaks.
It's a poor injunction, that "won't
work both ways.
A penny in the purse is' worth a
pound in prospect
N If tho world owes you a living don't
send a collector after It 1
The foolish man works himself W
death trying to find a soft snap.
When you pray do not demand what;
you Want; ask for what you need.
Solomon wag a great hand at saying
wise things and doing foolish ones.
The letter that never came was not .
the ,ono containing a statement of
account
Peter is not the patron saint o
fishermen. Ho is the only may who
fished all night and admitted in the
morning that he did not get a bite.
Will M. Maupin.
ATalmago Story.
The late Dr. Talmago was , on ona,
occasion in tho company of some tho
ological students. They, fresh from
tho study of church history, were,
laughing together over the old schol
astic question: ; ' ;
"How many angels are .supported oh
the point of a needle.?"
They were surprised when Dr. Tal
mage turned to them, and said:
"Well, how many do you think?";, s
As no one answered ho wont- oh,),
with decision: " ; .
"Well, I'll tell you five."
And he justified his answer with,
the following story:
One very stormy night he was com
ing home late, and noticed a. light in,
the window of a room where he knew
a poor woman lived whose husband
was at sea. He Wondered what kept
her up so late, and he went to see.
He found her hard at work jewing by
her lamp, while her five rosy children
were sound asleep beside her.
"There," said Dr. Talmage, "was a
needle supporting five angels." Phila
delphia Times. ' -
ACCIDENTAL ?
The jury returned a verdict of acci
dental death pn the man who fell from
the window ledge on which he had fallen
asleep. But the death was really due to
carelessness
which made
the accident
possible.
There are a
freat many"
Ives sud
denly termi
nated as a
result of
carelessness,
although the
medical cer
tificate may
read "heart
failure."
When a man
takes
chances with.
r nis stomncn
the warning symptoms of disease, lie ia
carelessly inviting calainifjy.
Dr. Pierce's-Golden Medical Discovery
cures diseases of the stomach and ..other
organs of digestion and nutrition. It
enables the perfect digestion and assimi
lation of food, which makes strength.
It stimulates the liver, cures biliousness,
and removes bilious impurities from the
blood.
I had been troubled with a pafri in lower
fart of my stomach for three years, so severe I
hought it would kill ne in Ume, writes Mr.
Aaron Van Dam, of (Kensington) 2549 "9th 9L,
Chicago, 111. I could hardly work; it felt lika
a big weight hanging on me and got so bad that
I had to take medicine. I used Stomach Bitter
for a time, but it did no good so I wrote to Dr.
R. V. Pierce for advice, which he gave me Im
mediately. I followed his direction; used twe
bottles of his medicine and. was cured. I had a
torpid liver which was troubling me instead of
cramps (aa I thought), so Dr, fierce told me.
1 have pleasure ia living now; have gained ia
weight 15 pounds since thea,"
Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Pellets cure con
stipation. They dp not beget th pill
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