The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923, July 04, 1902, Page 6, Image 6
6 The Commoner. Vol. a, No. 4. I? K V WHETHER COnriON OR NOT. THE FETCHING FABLE OF THE BENEVOLENT GENTLEMAN WHO EXPERIENCED A SUD DEN CHANGE OF HEART. Quito by accident a Bonovolqnt Gent happened tb pass by just as a largo Gazabo was about to concludo the finishing touches of Trouncing an Un dersized Youth. "Gently, gently!" murmured the Bonovolont Gont. "Do not, I pray, become Brutal in your work." "Aw, go chaso ycrsolf," was tho in solont reply of tho Large Gazabo. "But vhy do you land so Heavily upon tho youth's jugular?" queried tho Bonovolont Gont. "Bocauso ho yearns to sot up in Business for himsolf, and Inood him to perform a fow Stunts for mo," re plied tho Largo Gazabo. "Thon," romarked tho Bonovolont Gont, "this is whore I perform a ser vice to Humanity." So saying, tho Bonovolont Gont folntod with his loft and Landed heav ily upon the Largo Gazabo's solar plexus. "Why do you thus Assault and Bat tor me?" queried tho Largo Gazabo, looking up from a Recumbent position. "I am moved by a Generous Im pulse," replied tho Benevolent Gent, "and I would free tho Undersized Youth from his galling chains of Ser vitude." So saying tho Benevolent Gent pro ceeded to perform various feats of Physical Prowess upon tho person of tho Largo Gazabo. "I will gladly allow tho Youth to go free," gasped tho Largo Gazabo after a short timo. But when tho Undersized Youth y6uld have set up in BuBlnoss for himsolf tho Bonovolont Gent Bald: "Not so. You will bo better off by taking a place in my kitchen and do ing odd jobs for mo." "But you mixed with tho Largo Ga zabo because you were moved by a Gonorous Impulse," wailed the Youth. "Quito true," replied the Benevolent Gont, "but during the last few mo ments it has occurred to mo that my Generosity is entitled to about 5 Per Cont Interest." Moral: Considerable Philanthropy Is attached to tho 6 Per Cont Cable. THE FABLE CONCERNING -THE PARSON WHO PLACED CON SIDERABLE RELIANCE DUMDUM BULLETS. IN Rolling Act soino moro. "Why not?"' "Ah, my Brother, fire-arms were not thon Invented.". Moral: A Soft Answer is often the Easy way Out. THE LITTLE FABLE OF THE IN FANT INDUSTRY THAT PLAYED IT LOW DOWN ON THOSE WHO HELPED IT. A Man and his Wlfo started out onco upon a Timo to establish for them selves a homo in a uew Country. Just as thoy had Found tho Spot and orectod a Cabin thoy discovered a weak Infant Industry lying by tho roadside and Crying for Help. "Help mo or I Perish," lisped tho Infant. Tho Man and Wlfo being of Tender Hearts took tho Infant Industry into their Homo and Divided with It their substance. Tho Infant throve Mightily and was a Source of Great Joy to the Good Man and his Wife. Time went on and tho Man and his Wifo began to Perceive that the Infant Industry was Waxing Strong and Swiping all tho Pastry. This Hurt their Feelings, for thoy had been Gen erous to the Infant, and had a right to hope that tho Infant would do the Right Thing. But it was Not So. Tho Infant began to Gobble all the Grub and holler for Moro. When it was not forthcoming it Became im pudent and asked: "What it is, Bill?" One day tho Man and his Wifo con sulted and agreed that tho Infant should Hustle for Itself. When the Subject was Broached the Infant ex claimed: "Ha! Ha!" And it ha-haed In a way that Hurt tho Feelings of the Man and his Wife. Thoy thereupon strove to Fire the In fant out of tho House, but behold, It had grown Too Big to Shove through tho Door. Moral: Don't bo a Clam. Once upon a Timo a Parson who claimed that he was Trying to spread the Gospel of the Man of Peace began acting very much like a Man who Thought ho knew Moro than tho One whom he professed to servo. Tho Parson looked Abroad and saw People of his own land engaged in Shooting Holes into other People. "Ah," remarked the Parson, "I Bee that wo aro engaged in a Great Work. Let us Pray .that the Great Work may go on." "But," queried a man whose head contained an Idea that tho Gospel of tho Nazarono was a Gospel of Peaco. "why do you Rejoice because Men are Being Shot?" "The Shooting is in tho Interests of Civilization," said the Parson. "How can That be?" queried that man whoso Head had tho Idea therein. "Verily," replied tho Parson, rolling his Eyes upwards, "wo do thereby show our Superiority, and after show ing our Superiority, wo can easily Kiake thom Believe that wo are Su perior because wo aro tho Only True Followers." "Did tho One whom you Follow itioot his religion into Others?" quer ied the Man with the Idea. "Certainly not," said the Parson, clasping his hands and doing tho Eye "Well, I confess" "And aro not Millions of your Fel low. Citizens groaning under grievous Burdens?" "Of course, but we " "Well, sir, wo aro Much Obliged tD you, but wo prefer Risking this Thing on our Own Hook." At this the Man with the Mission waxed Wroth and Called to his aid a vast army to assist him in -Shooting his Mission into the People .But the People resisted, knowing thathe MJ& sion was Frayed around the fidges afl somewhat moth-eaten. ,-f Moral: Some Missions are sadly In need of a coat of Whitewash, , THE TOUCHING FABLE OF THE DIFFERENCE IT MADE WPIOSE OX IT WAS BEING GORED. Once upon a Time a Kno:wledgeou3 Man went abroad to Rubber at a few things Transpiring. Being an Official of tho Government his Journey was Watched with Great Eagerness. "Behold, ho will Drop us a few Lines Occasionally and put us Next, said the People. But ho did not. He came Home, sweet Home, and Closed up like n Clam for the Space of Some Weeks. Finally he made his Little Yawp, and as it was a case of Stand Up for tho Administration, behold tho Organs declared that his long Silence was dua to the Fact that ho was a Great Man. Once upon a Time, being the same Time as Aforementioned, a Man went Abroad to Represent his People. Sev eral Things came off which he Opined the People should be made Wise to. Thereupon he put out for Home, sweet Home. He also held his Yawp, saying only that ho Would Speak when the proper Time limit expired. After the Space of Some Weeks he handed out a Bunch of Talk, and it was Hot Shot for tho administration. And, behold, tho Organs declared that tho Man was a Cheap Stiff who played the Silent Dodge for tho Solo Purpose of Getting Free Notice in the news papers Top of Column next to Puro Reading Matter. Moral: Even the Administration Organs must Hold their Jobs. THE FABLE WHEREIN IS RE LATED THE FALL-DOWN OF TPIE MAN WHO THOUGHT HE HAD A MISSION. Once upon a Timo there was a Man who got a Hunch that he had a Mis sion. He felt Impelled to Travel in a far Land and Teach its People how to bo Good. He therefore secured a Pass and went Abroad, carrying a numbor of Reforms in his Carpet Bag. In good time he arrived in a Land whose People were Endeavoring to start up in Business for Themselves. "Ah!" exclaimed the Man with a Mission, "I Bee I am just in Time. I have here In my Grip some Good Things." "But wo want to Experiment." said the People. "Tut, tut," said tho Man with a Mis sion. "I come from a Land where the People know all about the Governing business. I will now proceed to Start you off Right." "But has your own Country no Need of your Services?" asked tho People. "No, we are so Thoroughly Good that we can Spare tho Time to Show you How." "But are your cities free from Cor ruption?" "Well; we have a fow corrupt city Governments." "And aro not Corrupt Men holding High Place in your Government?" "Yes, but wo will get rid of Them in Good Time." "And do you not Occasionally Burn your Fellow Citizens at the Stake?" "Yes, but" "And is it not a Fact that the Party which Backs you owes its Success to Boodle?" WHEREIN IS RELATED THE KNOWLEDGE IMPARTED BY THE FALLING OUT BETWEEN PROTECTED INFANTS. It came to paj3s that Men with Dough besought the People, saying: "Give us What we ask and we will Make you all Rich." "What asketh Thou?" queried tho People. "Protection, which Meaneth, let us Charge you all the Traffic will bear by Shutting off Competition." Being Unsophisticated, the People gave their Consent, saying, "See, these are Infant Industries, which must be Protected against the Wolves in Pau per Clothing from Europe." A large number of years went by and the Infants grew Whiskers and Biceps that wore Immense. Still the People wot not that it was so, and the Infants Ruled the Roost. But it came to pass that a pair of Infants fell out Concerning a Division of the Stuff, and it was Revealed that the Infants were Doing the Public to the Tune of Five Hundred Per Cent Profit on the Money Invested. Moral: Plenty of Suckers will go right on Coddling the Infants. Will M. Maupin. officers guilty of cruelty shall be pun ished, and this impudent gang of camp followers has tho effrontery to protest against his action because it "threatens the business interests in tho islands, which urgently demand the protection of the army." This business of pun ishing army officers for violating tho rules of civilized warfare, if persisted in, says the Manila chamber of com merce, "will result in the abandonment of the American cause in the islands." If the American cause can.be main tained only by torture and tne slaugh ter of unarmed natives, thq quicker it is abandoned the better. The presi dent's reply to the Manila chamber of commerce, if he deigns to make any, should be mighty interesting reading. Philadelphia North American (rep.). An Impudent Appeal The Manila chamber of commerce, composed of as unscrupulous and greedy a lot of carpet-bag exploiters and grafters as over followed a flag tj pillage in the wake of an army, asks the president by resolution to put a stop to trials of army officers by court-martials for abusing the na tives. Tho, trials are held under tho orders J of the president, who has declared that Is This an 'Attack?" At the risk of being charged with making an attack upon the honor of the whole army, attention is called to the fact that Lieutenant Hagedorn, of the 28th infantry, who was arrested last March on a charge of embezzle ment, has been dismissed from tho army and sentenced to two years' im prisonment in Manila. This is tho same officer who tortured some Fili pino prisoners by keeping them on a salt fish diet without water for forty eight hours. For that indiscretion Lieutenant Hagedorn was subjected to tho indignity of a reprimand. Phila delphia North American (rep.). Extraordinary Growth of the Rural Free Delivery. (Philadelphia Press.) Figures showing the growth of rural free delivery during Postmaster Gen eral Charles Emory Smith's incumb ency of less than four years: Routes in operation when he took charge -. . . . 13J Routes established or provid ed for when he retired.... 7,000 Rural carriers to be In service July 1 next . .. 9,300 Appropriation for 1898 $50,000 Appropriation for t)ie current year $4,000,000 Amount to be disbursed dur ing the ensuing fiscal year. $8,000,000 PRESSED HABD Coffee's Weight on Old Age When prominent men realize the in jurious effects of coffee and the chango in health that Postum can bring, they are glad to lend their testimony for the benefit of others. Mr. C. C. Wright, superintendent of. public schools in North Carolina, says: "My mother, since her early child hood, was an inveterate coffee-drinker and had been troubled with her hears for a number of years and complained of that 'weak all over feeling and sick stomach. Some timo ago, I was making an offi cial visit to a distant part of the coun try and took dinner with one of tho merchants of the place. I noticed a somewhat peculiar flavor of the coffee, and asked him concerning it. He re plied that it was Postum Food Coffee. I was so pleased with it, that- after the meal was over, I bought a package to carry home with me, and had wife prepare some for the next meal; the , whole family were so well pleaEO-I with it, that we discontinued coffee and used Postum entirely. I had really been at times very anx ious concerning my mother's condi tion, but we'noticed that after using Postum for a short timo, she felt hj much better than she did prior to Jts use, and had little trouble with her heart and no sick stomach; that the headaches were not so frequent, and her general condition much improved. This continued until she was as well and hearty as the rest of us. I know Postum has benefited myself and the other members of the family, but not in so marked a degree as in the case of my mother, as she was a L victim of long standing." 1