The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923, May 23, 1902, Page 6, Image 6
6 The Commoner. Vol. a, No. IS? WHETHER COfinON OR NOT. Tlie 190a Plan, Wo usod to savo tho heathen with tho words of Holy Writ, But that has grown old-fashioned, ,honco wo have abandoned It. Whoro onco our mlsslonaircs with tho word of pcaco woro sont, Wo sond tho Bword and rlflo with honovolont Intent; Wo waoto no words In teaching, for wo'vo found a better plan To Chrlstlanlzo and olovato tho Fili pino man. Wo fill him full of wator and wo bal last him with load Till there's no longer any doubt he's pacified and dead. Wo wasto no tlmo In preaching, for wo'vo got to bo in hasto, So burn his little nlpa hut and lay his gardens waste. Expericnco has taught us that it's host to mako appeal To stomach, not to brains, If wo would mako tho subject feel Tho wolght of argument wo uso, so just to mako it sure Wo shrivel up his stomach and then glvo tho water cure. Wo soak him and wo poko him and wo stand him on his head Till thoro's no longer any doubt he's pacified and dead. Ho begs us for his freedom, but wo treat it as a' joke, And send his humblo littlo homo away in ilamo and smoke. Ho bogs and prays for justico, but honovolont intont, Such as wo contemplate, must havo its rog'lar cent por cent. It's commorco that we're after, just as much as saving souls, So wo fit him for salvation filling him chock full of holes, And o'er his frame tho mantle of our wondrous lovo wo spread Till there's no longer any doubt he's pacified and dead. Wo mako his homo a wildorness, starve women, children, mon, Or put to death oach male wo find who's passed tho ago of ton. It's kill and burn and slaughter, but wo do it all for lovo To fit tho Filipino for a heav'nly homo above. Wo want, to' save him trouble in this vale of tears and woe, So haste to send him over whoro old Jordan's waters flow. We scorn tho old, old method; wo uso shot and steel instead, Till thoro's no longor any doubt he's pacified and dead. gave him a loft hook In tho oye that closed Sltsflmmons' peeper. Just as tho gong sounded Sits swatted Jlm ries in the jugular With a whack that sounded like plugging a ripo water melon with an ax. It was glorious. Tho sawdust fairly rooked with' blood "Groat Scott, Swipem, how can you read such stuff. Tho details of a prizp fight make mo sick. Tho blood, tho bruises, tho brutality say, what's that headline? 'Another Battle in Sanlar?' Let's seo it! Gee, this is bully! Killed 333 of the traitorous littlo brown men and burned over a hundred houses! Ain't that glorious! Put a Filipino In tho swoatbox and made him inform on his friends, didn't they? That's tho stuff! Had to give him tho wator euro till he bled at the mouth and ears, hoy! That's tho way to do it. Didn't stop until wo had killed tho population of the whole village! Bully! That's tho way to do it. Kill "era on sight. This is glorious news!" "And you don't Jiko to read about prize fights?" "No, Ihoy are .too brutal. I don't allow my children to read about 'em. I must get a copy of tho evening paper and take it home so's I can read tho account of this glorious victory in Saraar to tho family. They'll onjoy It." 1 n Survived. "Ploaso. mum. will vnr irivn' o nni. Philippine survivor a bito 0' some thin' f eat?" "Of course I will, my good man. Hero's a sandwich, a piece of pie and a glass of milk. So you are a Philip pine survivor, are you?" "Yes, mum. Last night I was kotched up by tie cops an doy glvo me do wator euro. Made me take a bath" but I survived it." Horrible. "I see that Attorney General Knox has .brought suet against the beef trust." "Yes, and that a-grease with my idea of settling the question." "Hope his efforts are bqney-fide." "So, .do, I. T,ho beef triisX lias.ubeen, working a skin game on us ,long enough." "Butchor lifo it has. I" "But do you think injunction pro ceedings go to tho marrow of the question?" "At any rato it has raised quite a stow." "Yes, but the consumers are. still in tho soup." , -t "It bohoofs us to organize against the exactions of tho trust." "I quite agree with you. But the trust is so well organized that it will be an offal struggle." "I see tho trust is putting up a long tail of woo. What" "Yes, it's full of woe in a horn." "It makes mo tired to seo these bloated millionaires going round stoaking monopolies." "Yes, they deserve to, bo roasted." "And they ought to be " But just then a policeman hovo in sight and sprung tho riot alarm. Good Enough. "Hollo, Blnks. My wife and I callod at your house yesterday evening, but you woro not at home, Did you go to pipyor meeting?" "No. It rained so hard wo couldn't go to church, so I called a cab and wo went to tho theatro." Ths Point of View. "That was a daisy fight last night." remarked Swipem, looking up from his paper and addressing Cashem. Sltsflmmons led off in tho first and gave Jeff Jimries an uppercut that brought tho crimson, but before he could follow up his advantago Jimries Exactly. When brilliant writers wield tho pen Tho very strongest thoughts they think Are never writ; they're uttered when Thoy stick the pastebrush in the ink. Philadelphia Press. When brilliant writers wield the pen Thoy always have hot thoughts to waste. And thoughts are always hottest when Thoy stick tho pen into tho paste. Modernized. "One touch of nature makes the whole world kin," At least that's what Shakespeare onco did say. But things are different now, and thus wo seo One touch of Morgan makes tho whole wqrld pay. progress we've been "making on tho meat business." "What's got Into yoiir head' now, Josh?" "Well, four years ago wo had em balmed beef. Now it's beon engrossed for future reference. Can't touch it, because it's so high." Cause for Joy. Trust in breadstuffs', Trust in meats; Trust in pickles, Trust in sweets. Trust in clothing, Trust in soap But, glory bo, No trust in hope. Little Willie. "Why do you look at me so closely, Willie," said Mr. Sappington. "I wuz- just lookin' t' see if you had scales on you," replied Mary's lit tle brother. "Why, what on earth do you mean. Willie!" exclaimed Mary, looking at Mr. Sappington with alai-m. "Why, I. heard you tell Mr. Good fellow last niffht that Mr. Sannlncrtnn 'was a regular sucker, and suckers has scales." His Idea. The Filipino hid in the tall grass, but just close enough to witness what was being done to his fellow Filipino who had been captured. When the prisoner had been filled full of water it was jounced out of him with tho butt of a half-dozen muskets. "That's a new one on me," remarked the hidden man. "Wonder what it is. Perhaps it is the American method of conferring: Christian' r.lviUznrinn , Shuddering violently the hidden man oiciwicu vjuutiuusiy away ana aisapr peared in the jungle. Brain Leaks. The real Christian observes seven Sundays a week. I Can't Is always living on the bounty of I Will. Failure in a bad cause is the first step towards a good success. Wo know children who yearn for the caresses wasted on worthless dogs. It is better to profit by a mistake than to waste time in mourning over "Civilization is only skin deep," re marked a noted philosopher. It ap pears, however, that it is only a caso of sunburn. Tho self-made man who boasts about it usually equips himself with a flat roof. Ho who gives millions easily is en titled to less credit than he who gives pennies by sacrifice, l ' Satan manages to remain in busi ness by never trusting hit? work f to subordinates while away on a vaca tion. ' Tho fact that the bank robber gives his stealings -to charity does not mak6 him less a thief or more a philan thropist. " :"'- Will M. Maupin." Butcher of Samar But yesterday who wore the blue . ' Held high his head with honest pride;. His sword swung gaily at his side ''. His martial step was manly true: ' Today his head bows to his breast, -His sword is as a sword of lead; His airy step has lost its zest And shame walks by with sullen tread. He bleeds anew, each honored scar With red lips cries, and cursing, cries, "Let me not live unless he dies That bully, butcher of Samar." 't N The star-built flag of spotless fame, The flag that never knew defeat, Today is trailing in the street '' And Europe mocks us in our shame. ' ' From Maine to far Manila 'Bay ' '- " Tho nation bleeds and bows its he'adl' How tall we stood but yesterday ft ! Sackcloth and ashes now instead; , '' Sackcloth and ashes, near and far. . . Lest God shall smite us, hip and thigh.V Sackcloth and ashes, lest we die r , j." For that brute,, butcher of Samar .ii Joaquin Miller'.' How to Stop It. Charley Schwab says you might as well attempt to dam up the waters of the Mississippi as to stop tho forma tion, of combinations. Yet Charley would do some mighty tall yelling if congress should proceed to adopt free trade and abolish special privileges. Johnstown Democrat. f . " Kill and Burn." Senator McKean of New Jersey has started a war on mosquitoes, it is' said that he has given orders to kill and burn all nvr in vnn.B . f I Houston Post. . A BUSINESS PROPOSITION. ' Uncle Josh. "This here meat trust investigation," remarked Uncle Josh, closing tho lid of the choesobox and looking around for a cracker, "reminds mq of tho Two dollars profit on a three dollar investment. Here is an opportunity to make a nice profit .and at tho same time place good literature in the hands of your neighbors and friends. The Commoner's campaign plan of selling five cards for $3.00, each card good for one year's subscription to The Com moner, is the business proposition re ferred to above. Tho regular sub scription price of The Commoner is $1.00 por year, payable in advance. Wo are issuing subscription cards in lots of fiveat $3.00 per lot, which al lows you a profit of 40 per cent, or $2.00 on each $3.00 invested in sub scription cards. If you believe in the principles ad vocated by The Commoner; if you think it is good literature to place in tho hands of the voters of this coun try; if you are wiling to assist us in our efforts to destroy the trusts, Fowl orism, asset currency, and branch bank schemes, and the other republican products, send for five subscription cards, which we will furnish you for three dollars. By selling them at the regular subscription price of one dol lar each you make a profit of $2.00. By selling them at 60 cents you get back what they cost you, and at the same time you are assisting in the work that The Commoner was estab lished to promote. By ordering nvo of these cards and presenting five of your acquaintances with a yearly sub scription to Tho Commoner, you are mlo?ly P a(ling In tlieir hands good literature, but you place us in weekly communication with Ave movTfel nanfn Wh0m, we can aDPeal to assist SccompUslI0 WhiCh WG are tl'yin t0 intT? flsubsiption cards for our d 2f8n0fflve plan" are nw ready for 2SS tat?; ynyou show yur - ofreflvino 1 1PLT .?? Moo jS.& s "2" er' Lincoln, Neb." iiait 4 k. tf 9. - . -A 1 KA . . l. -.kii -w.. l'i 1 IIWmiiiftrtirtiMftriBifiniafc.iirlShillfifttiyrkiM mimmtMi ttMlfcMHfcMlfiinrH tl 1 11 DIAluuioiA Soldiw iir. , ". beBt remedy for world. uroinatfMM ,SovSnr part oC ,ho Syrup," m,d UikaSoothmVin800111111 bottle, ltia tho Host or an d" onty-flvo ccnt i'ii1liliHrfiKl1iiiMfhfilliAMilrilii 1 i Hi, n ajyju iL&kiAl:.