The Commoner.
6
Vol. a, No. 15.
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Whether ComrrVorf or Not.
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1
Mr. Root.
Thoy hnvo caught you In the act,
Mr. Root.
Thoy havo flushed you for a fact,
Mr. Root.
Sonators whom Miles addressed
On tho army button pressed
And got papors you suppressed,
Mr. Root
Thought you'd Iceop 'em In tho dark,
Mr. Root.
But thoy mado you too tho mark,
Mr. Root.
Pooplo will Insist upon
Knowing what Is going on
"Whon they've got to raise tho "spon,"
Mr. Root. ,
Thoro aro sad and lonoly scones,
Mr. Root.
In tho far-off Philippines,
Mr. Root.
Though you say tho trouble's dono,
Sooms that It's but just begun,
Splto of fairy tales you've spun,
Mr. Root.
Hoard you say you woro quite sure,
Mr. Root,
That thoro was no "water euro,"
Mr. Root.
Heard you say with accents clear
That your plans woro not severe
But wo'ro onto you, my dear
Mr. Root.
T
You've an easy job to hold,
Mr. Root.
But' th,Q chances aro, my bold" : '
Mr. Root,
If you had to hike and fight,
Wado and sleep In swamps at night,
You'd declare it Isn't right, .
-, Mr. Root.
Don't you think it would bo best,
Mr. Root,
If you stepped up and confessed,
.. Mr. Root,
That you've hidden things from sight,
Trying to, make wrong look right,
Till' you're In a pretty plight,
Mr. Root?
flowers I purchased at tho bargain
counter."
Wo woro rejoiced upon receipt of
tho good news, and said so in our
nicest tones.
"I think, dear, that I'm entitled to
somo reward for my economy."
Naturally wo assented to this propo
sition. "And I want that dream of a dress
pattern on exhibition in Catchem &
Oheatom's window. Mado up en train,
docollotte, trimmad with real old lace
and with eleven rows of Insertion
around tho bottom ruffle, mado by
Madame Squeezom, who came direct
from Pareo, it will look just too"
At this point it was that wo realized
tho error of tho wlso men who de
clared that women have no business
sagacity.
Recognized.
Surely wo had mot the man some
where sometime, for his face was very
familiar. Thoro was that well-remembered
breadth of brow, that easily
recognized smilo of sweet content, that
mobile faco. .
But strive as we could wo could not
place him.
Perhaps we will recall it all when ho
speaks. Hark! . , '
Useless. He has quite escaped our
memory.
On our way homo we stopped at the
drug store for a spring tonic. When
tho druecist handed uh a bottle of Dr.
.IHUup Allmen's Fluid Extract of Jimp-
son weeu ana uarponatea jsssence or
Burdock Roots our treacherous mem
ory returned to duty.
Wo had seen his picture in the almanac.
Uncle Joshua.
"Circumstances alter cases," re
marked Uncle Joshua, pushing the
cat out of the rocking chair and seat
ing himself with every ovldenco of
satisfaction. "When a man is about
to dlo ho calls in the preacher, and
When ho gets well he forgets the doc
tor. Now that meat is so high I no
tice that people ain't a makin' a3
much fun o' th' vegetarians as thoy
used to."
Moving Day.
'Tis first of May and moving day,
And deepest woe is mine
I've got to take the carpets up
, And 'hang 'em on a line.
Then with a club I've got to. drub
Those carpets for a whiie,
And though ' I think somo red-hot
. thoughts
I've got to wear a smile.
With heating stove I madly strove,
With stovepipe wrestled, too;
I've nrtea heavy furniture
Until I'm black and blue.
Wild chaos reigns. I'm full of pains;
I'm weary, worn and sore;
And here and now I make this vow:
I'll move again no more.
My wife is watching me.
Unless thoy raise the rent.
Fortunate Man.
"Binks is a lucky dog."
"What makes you say that?"
Hls wife furnishos allthe cooking
recipes for the Ladies Home Sidepart-
nor, and it keep3 her so busy she
can't And time to do the cooking, so
sue keeps a cook."
that I havo had no timo to read the
latest novels."
But it may hvo been a carefully
baited trap to catch Mr. Oldbo'y.
Marriage is still the same old lot
tery. Bra,!n Leaks.
A half loaf is better in the case of
somo bread.
The truly good neighbor keeps his
chickens penned up.
People who -live in glass houses
should stain the glass.
There aro no, cloudy days for tho
man who wears sunshine in his heart.
As long as men only lie about you
there is no reason why you should not
smile.
Heaven will not be as badly crowded
as the epitaphs on tombstones would
Indicate.
People who crowd the .rear pews
of the churches will find that there
are no back seats in Hades.
A man deserves but scant sympathy
when ho loses something precious be
cause of his own carlessness.
What has become of the dear old
grandmother who used to smoke a
pipe and light it with a live coal?
There is no cure for the itching
nose of the young lady who is wear
i .g a diamond engagement ring.
Tho man who is right and knows It
never offer3 to compromise as long as
he is determined to remain right.
You never see "Closed for the sum
mer; manager away on a vacation,"
on the doors of the devil's workshop.
We always have( our doubts about
tho liberality of the hostess who cuts
her pie into more than four pieces.
History repeats " jiself. Knowing
this we were prepared for the promo
tion of Potts when we heard of tho
promotion of Crowninshield.
Will M. Maupin.
H
AH He Could Use.
There was a rich schemer In Perth
Who struggled to capture the earth,
But when tho end camo
All the earth he could claim
Was the 7 by 3 of his berth.
Business Sagacity,
For many years yoa, for many
centuries we were told that women
had no business sagacity.
"My dear, I did not buy a new hat
this spring. I took the frame of my
old hat and trimmed It with some
Vain Search.
"Say, that fellow Chase A. Fan
torn you introduced me to has a few
bricks loose in his chimney, hasn't
ho?"
"Yes, poor fellow. Several years
ago he saw a picture in a fashion mag
azine and ever since he's been looking
for the .woman that resembles it."
Mother Goose, Revised.
Hi diddle diddle,
The cat's In' the fiddle,
Tho cow jumped over tho moon.
Guess she's still in tho sky,1
Cause tho price is so high,
And she's not coming down very soon.
Let Me Tell You
. JIow to Get Welt. .
Send' no money; simply state -the
Icjk you want It will tell you what
I spent a. lifetime in learning.
With the book I will send an order
on your druggist for six bottles of Dr.
Shoop's. Restorative; and he will let
you test it a month. If satisfied, tho
cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay.
your druggist myself.
I do fast as I say. Over half a mil
lion people have secured my treatment
in that way, and 39 out of each 40
have paid for it because they were
cured. Not a penny is accepted if
it fails.
There are 39 chances in 40 that I can
cure you. No matter how difficult
your case, I take the entire risk, for
those half-million cases have proved
what my remedy can do. ' ,
My way is to strengthen the insido
nerves. I bring back the nerve power
which alone makes each vital organ
do its duty. No other remedy doe's
that; and in most chronic diseases
there is no other way to get well.
Don't let doubt or prejudice keep you
from asking about it.
Simply atato which
book you want, and
address Dr. Slioop,
Box 515, Bncino, Wis.
MIM (uci tetcbrenle.MeeflfncurtdbjeneetlwobeUlti. At 11 drunUU.
TOOK NO. 1 Olf DYSPEPSIA.
BOOK NO. 2 ON THE HEART.
HOOK NO. 3 ON THE KIDNEYS.
BOOK NO. 4 FOR WOMEN.
BOOK NO. 5 FOR MEN. (luted.)
BOOK NO. 0 ON RHEUMATISM,
Cinched. ;i uxix, ,
"Miss Cutely, havo you read. 'The
Zebra's Stripes' or 'The Swipeusor
'Monsiuer Take Care?'"
"No, Mr. Oldboy, 1 havo been so busy
learning cooking recipes from mamma
Hr Pieirce's
GOLDEN
MEDICAL
DISCOVERY
Restores . .
LOST FLESH
AND STRENGTH
"I was a total wreck could not sleep or eat
.writes Mr. J, C. Beers, of TJerryraan, Crawford
Co., Mo. 'Tor two years 1 tried medicine from
doctors but received very little benefit. I lost
flesh aud strength, was not able to do a jrood
t i "" xujji iuwiij.cn luring jur. Jtricrce a
Golden Medical Discovery, and when I had
taken one bottle I could sleep and my appetite
was wouderfully improved. I have takcu five
bottles and am still Improving."
The sole motive for substitution is to
permit the dealer to makefile little more
profit paid by the sale of less meritori.
ous medicines. He gains; you lose.
Therefore, nccept no substitute for
"Golden Medical Discovery."
The Beef Trust.
The American people are a meat
eating nation. Our workingmen feed
on better and stouter food than thoso
of any other country, and unques
tionably their superiority over work
ingmen abroafl is due, to same extent '
to 'this fact. -The'ir-tablesare; spread
daily with food that would be, co-
sidered an extravagant luxury in
Europe. When, therefore, the beef
trust of Chicago decrees an advance
of three or four cents a pound In
t e price of beef, mutton and pork, it
strikes a blow at the well-being of;,,
the great mass of our people.
The excuse ' for this extortion is -made
that the shortage in the corn
crop of last year has caused farmers
and grazers to reduce the stock car-'
ried by them over the winter, and
that we are now feeling the effect of
the scarcity. This excuse will not be
accepted. There is reason to believe
that tLe increase in the price of meats
is entirely arbitrary, as shown by the
fact that the trust is selling its pro
ducts in England at lower rates than "
here. And the beef trust is able to
do thio for the same reason that the
steel trust can charge American con
sumers $11 a ton more than it sells
its product for to European buyers.
That is, the beef trust enjoys "pro
tection" under the Dingley tariff.
Ordinarily, the tariff tax of two
cents a po..nd on meats would not
make much difference, our exports of
such products being enormous. But
with the business here in the hands
of a trust which dominates the situa
tion absolutely, dictating the price
paid the ranchman and the price
charged the consumer, it becomes a
matter of much consequence that wo
are forbidden to get in cattle and
meats f . om Canada in order to cheep-
en me necessaries of life.
( The beef trust :oes not need this
protection," any more than the steel
trust needs the duty on iron and steql.
It ought to bo. abolished in the inter
est of pur; workmen's dinner tables
And so should the tariff tax on hidpo'
be abolished, which puts in the pdck
cts of the sauo beef trust the extra
price o.r neonle havo n mr fM,v.fU
I and shoes. Boston Post.
