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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (May 2, 1902)
The Commoner. 6 Vol. a, No. 15. wrtwwwwwttftwu Whether ComrrVorf or Not. mwvwwvwwww 1 Mr. Root. Thoy hnvo caught you In the act, Mr. Root. Thoy havo flushed you for a fact, Mr. Root. Sonators whom Miles addressed On tho army button pressed And got papors you suppressed, Mr. Root Thought you'd Iceop 'em In tho dark, Mr. Root. But thoy mado you too tho mark, Mr. Root. Pooplo will Insist upon Knowing what Is going on "Whon they've got to raise tho "spon," Mr. Root. , Thoro aro sad and lonoly scones, Mr. Root. In tho far-off Philippines, Mr. Root. Though you say tho trouble's dono, Sooms that It's but just begun, Splto of fairy tales you've spun, Mr. Root. Hoard you say you woro quite sure, Mr. Root, That thoro was no "water euro," Mr. Root. Heard you say with accents clear That your plans woro not severe But wo'ro onto you, my dear Mr. Root. T You've an easy job to hold, Mr. Root. But' th,Q chances aro, my bold" : ' Mr. Root, If you had to hike and fight, Wado and sleep In swamps at night, You'd declare it Isn't right, . -, Mr. Root. Don't you think it would bo best, Mr. Root, If you stepped up and confessed, .. Mr. Root, That you've hidden things from sight, Trying to, make wrong look right, Till' you're In a pretty plight, Mr. Root? flowers I purchased at tho bargain counter." Wo woro rejoiced upon receipt of tho good news, and said so in our nicest tones. "I think, dear, that I'm entitled to somo reward for my economy." Naturally wo assented to this propo sition. "And I want that dream of a dress pattern on exhibition in Catchem & Oheatom's window. Mado up en train, docollotte, trimmad with real old lace and with eleven rows of Insertion around tho bottom ruffle, mado by Madame Squeezom, who came direct from Pareo, it will look just too" At this point it was that wo realized tho error of tho wlso men who de clared that women have no business sagacity. Recognized. Surely wo had mot the man some where sometime, for his face was very familiar. Thoro was that well-remembered breadth of brow, that easily recognized smilo of sweet content, that mobile faco. . But strive as we could wo could not place him. Perhaps we will recall it all when ho speaks. Hark! . , ' Useless. He has quite escaped our memory. On our way homo we stopped at the drug store for a spring tonic. When tho druecist handed uh a bottle of Dr. .IHUup Allmen's Fluid Extract of Jimp- son weeu ana uarponatea jsssence or Burdock Roots our treacherous mem ory returned to duty. Wo had seen his picture in the almanac. Uncle Joshua. "Circumstances alter cases," re marked Uncle Joshua, pushing the cat out of the rocking chair and seat ing himself with every ovldenco of satisfaction. "When a man is about to dlo ho calls in the preacher, and When ho gets well he forgets the doc tor. Now that meat is so high I no tice that people ain't a makin' a3 much fun o' th' vegetarians as thoy used to." Moving Day. 'Tis first of May and moving day, And deepest woe is mine I've got to take the carpets up , And 'hang 'em on a line. Then with a club I've got to. drub Those carpets for a whiie, And though ' I think somo red-hot . thoughts I've got to wear a smile. With heating stove I madly strove, With stovepipe wrestled, too; I've nrtea heavy furniture Until I'm black and blue. Wild chaos reigns. I'm full of pains; I'm weary, worn and sore; And here and now I make this vow: I'll move again no more. My wife is watching me. Unless thoy raise the rent. Fortunate Man. "Binks is a lucky dog." "What makes you say that?" Hls wife furnishos allthe cooking recipes for the Ladies Home Sidepart- nor, and it keep3 her so busy she can't And time to do the cooking, so sue keeps a cook." that I havo had no timo to read the latest novels." But it may hvo been a carefully baited trap to catch Mr. Oldbo'y. Marriage is still the same old lot tery. Bra,!n Leaks. A half loaf is better in the case of somo bread. The truly good neighbor keeps his chickens penned up. People who -live in glass houses should stain the glass. There aro no, cloudy days for tho man who wears sunshine in his heart. As long as men only lie about you there is no reason why you should not smile. Heaven will not be as badly crowded as the epitaphs on tombstones would Indicate. People who crowd the .rear pews of the churches will find that there are no back seats in Hades. A man deserves but scant sympathy when ho loses something precious be cause of his own carlessness. What has become of the dear old grandmother who used to smoke a pipe and light it with a live coal? There is no cure for the itching nose of the young lady who is wear i .g a diamond engagement ring. Tho man who is right and knows It never offer3 to compromise as long as he is determined to remain right. You never see "Closed for the sum mer; manager away on a vacation," on the doors of the devil's workshop. We always have( our doubts about tho liberality of the hostess who cuts her pie into more than four pieces. History repeats " jiself. Knowing this we were prepared for the promo tion of Potts when we heard of tho promotion of Crowninshield. Will M. Maupin. H AH He Could Use. There was a rich schemer In Perth Who struggled to capture the earth, But when tho end camo All the earth he could claim Was the 7 by 3 of his berth. Business Sagacity, For many years yoa, for many centuries we were told that women had no business sagacity. "My dear, I did not buy a new hat this spring. I took the frame of my old hat and trimmed It with some Vain Search. "Say, that fellow Chase A. Fan torn you introduced me to has a few bricks loose in his chimney, hasn't ho?" "Yes, poor fellow. Several years ago he saw a picture in a fashion mag azine and ever since he's been looking for the .woman that resembles it." Mother Goose, Revised. Hi diddle diddle, The cat's In' the fiddle, Tho cow jumped over tho moon. Guess she's still in tho sky,1 Cause tho price is so high, And she's not coming down very soon. Let Me Tell You . JIow to Get Welt. . Send' no money; simply state -the Icjk you want It will tell you what I spent a. lifetime in learning. With the book I will send an order on your druggist for six bottles of Dr. Shoop's. Restorative; and he will let you test it a month. If satisfied, tho cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay. your druggist myself. I do fast as I say. Over half a mil lion people have secured my treatment in that way, and 39 out of each 40 have paid for it because they were cured. Not a penny is accepted if it fails. There are 39 chances in 40 that I can cure you. No matter how difficult your case, I take the entire risk, for those half-million cases have proved what my remedy can do. ' , My way is to strengthen the insido nerves. I bring back the nerve power which alone makes each vital organ do its duty. No other remedy doe's that; and in most chronic diseases there is no other way to get well. Don't let doubt or prejudice keep you from asking about it. Simply atato which book you want, and address Dr. Slioop, Box 515, Bncino, Wis. MIM (uci tetcbrenle.MeeflfncurtdbjeneetlwobeUlti. At 11 drunUU. TOOK NO. 1 Olf DYSPEPSIA. BOOK NO. 2 ON THE HEART. HOOK NO. 3 ON THE KIDNEYS. BOOK NO. 4 FOR WOMEN. BOOK NO. 5 FOR MEN. (luted.) BOOK NO. 0 ON RHEUMATISM, Cinched. ;i uxix, , "Miss Cutely, havo you read. 'The Zebra's Stripes' or 'The Swipeusor 'Monsiuer Take Care?'" "No, Mr. Oldboy, 1 havo been so busy learning cooking recipes from mamma Hr Pieirce's GOLDEN MEDICAL DISCOVERY Restores . . LOST FLESH AND STRENGTH "I was a total wreck could not sleep or eat .writes Mr. J, C. Beers, of TJerryraan, Crawford Co., Mo. 'Tor two years 1 tried medicine from doctors but received very little benefit. I lost flesh aud strength, was not able to do a jrood t i "" xujji iuwiij.cn luring jur. Jtricrce a Golden Medical Discovery, and when I had taken one bottle I could sleep and my appetite was wouderfully improved. I have takcu five bottles and am still Improving." The sole motive for substitution is to permit the dealer to makefile little more profit paid by the sale of less meritori. ous medicines. He gains; you lose. Therefore, nccept no substitute for "Golden Medical Discovery." The Beef Trust. The American people are a meat eating nation. Our workingmen feed on better and stouter food than thoso of any other country, and unques tionably their superiority over work ingmen abroafl is due, to same extent ' to 'this fact. -The'ir-tablesare; spread daily with food that would be, co- sidered an extravagant luxury in Europe. When, therefore, the beef trust of Chicago decrees an advance of three or four cents a pound In t e price of beef, mutton and pork, it strikes a blow at the well-being of;,, the great mass of our people. The excuse ' for this extortion is -made that the shortage in the corn crop of last year has caused farmers and grazers to reduce the stock car-' ried by them over the winter, and that we are now feeling the effect of the scarcity. This excuse will not be accepted. There is reason to believe that tLe increase in the price of meats is entirely arbitrary, as shown by the fact that the trust is selling its pro ducts in England at lower rates than " here. And the beef trust is able to do thio for the same reason that the steel trust can charge American con sumers $11 a ton more than it sells its product for to European buyers. That is, the beef trust enjoys "pro tection" under the Dingley tariff. Ordinarily, the tariff tax of two cents a po..nd on meats would not make much difference, our exports of such products being enormous. But with the business here in the hands of a trust which dominates the situa tion absolutely, dictating the price paid the ranchman and the price charged the consumer, it becomes a matter of much consequence that wo are forbidden to get in cattle and meats f . om Canada in order to cheep- en me necessaries of life. ( The beef trust :oes not need this protection," any more than the steel trust needs the duty on iron and steql. It ought to bo. abolished in the inter est of pur; workmen's dinner tables And so should the tariff tax on hidpo' be abolished, which puts in the pdck cts of the sauo beef trust the extra price o.r neonle havo n mr fM,v.fU I and shoes. Boston Post.