The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923, May 02, 1902, Page 6, Image 6
The Commoner. 6 Vol. a, No. 15. K dMWWMWWWWWV I ' Whether Comrftori'or Not. wnmmnHnmnifmimwmnfmHmfHmftmnNmmNmmmtHti Mr. Root. Thoy have caught you in the act, Mr. Root. Thoy havo flushed you for a fact, Mr. Root. Sonators whom Miles addressed On the army button pressed And got papers you suppressed, Mr. Root. Thought you'd keep 'em in the dark, Mr. Root. But thoy made you too the mark, Mr. Root. Peoplo will insist upon Knowing what Is going on "When they've got to raise the "spon," Mr. Root. . Thero are sad and lonely scenes, Mr. Root. In the far-off Philippines, Mr. Root. Though you say tho trouble's done, Seems that it's but just begun, Spite of fairy tales you've spun, Mr. Root. Heard you say you were quite sure, Mr. Root, That there was no "water cure," Mr. Root. Heard you say with accents clear That your plans were not severe But we're onto you, my dear Mr. Root. w You've an easy job to hold, Mr. Root. But, th.o chances are, my bold" Mr. Root, If you had to hike and fight, Wade and sleep in swamps at night, Yu'd declare it isn't right, - Mr. Root. Don't you think it would be best, Mr. Root, If you stepped up and confessed, - Mr. Root, That you've hidden things from sight, . Trying to make wrong look right, Till' you're in a pretty plight, Mr. Root? flowers I purchased at tho bargain counter." Wo were rejoiced upon receipt of the good news, and said so in our nicest tones. "I think, dear, that I'm entitled to somo reward for my economy." Naturally we assented to this propo sition. "And I want that dream of a dress pattern on exhibition in Catchem & Cheatem's window. Made up en train, decollette, trimmad with real old lace and with eleven rows of insertion around the bottom ruffle, made by Madame Squeezem, who came direct from Paree, it will look just too " At this point it was that we realized the error of the wise men who de clared that women have no business sagacity. Recognized. Surely we had met the man some where sometime, for his face was very familiar. There was that well-remembered breadth of brow, that easily recognized smile of sweet content, that mobile face. But strive as we could we could not p'.ace him. Perhaps we will recall it all when ho speaks. Hark! Useless. He has quite escaped our memory. On our way home we stopped at the drug store for a spring tonic. "When the druggist handed us a bottle of Dr. ,FlUup Allmen's Fluid Extract of Jimp- son weed and Carbonated Essence of Burdock Roots our treacherous mem ory returned to duty. We had seen his picture in the almanac. Uncle Joshua. "Circumstances alter cases," re marked Uncle Joshua, pushing the cat out of the rocking chair and seat ing himself with every evidenco of satisfaction. "When a man is about to die he calls in the preacher, and When ho gets well he forgets the doc tor. Now that meat is so high I no tice that people ain't a makin' a3 much fun, o' th' vegetarians as thoy used to." Moving Day. 'Tis first of May and moving day, And deepest woe is mine I've got to take the carpets up . And 'hang 'em on a line. Then with a, club I've got to. drub Those carpets for a whiie, And though I think some red-hot . thoughts I've got to wear a smile. With heating stove I madly strove, With stovepipe wrestled, too; I've lifted heavy furniture Until I'm black and blue. Wild chaos reigns. I'm full of pains; I m weary, worn and sore; And here and now I make this vow: I'll move again no more. My wife is watching me. Unless thoy raise the rent. Fortunate Man. "Binks is a lucky dogi" "What makes you say that?" His wife furnishes all, the cooking recipes for the Ladies Homo Sidepart nor, and it keeps her so busy she can't find time to do the cooking, so she keeps a cook." x. that I havo had no time to read the latest novels." But it may hve been a carefully baited trap to catch Mr. Oldboy. Marriage is still the same old lot tery. Braja Leaks. A half loaf is better in the case of some bread. The truly good neighbor keeps his chickens penned up. People who -live in glass houses should stain the glass. There are no cloudy. days for tho man who wears sunshine in his heart. As long as men only lie about you there is no reason why you should not smile. Heaven will not be as badly crowded as the epitaphs on tombstones would indicate. People who crowd the rear pews of the churches will find that there are no back seats in Hades. A man deserves but scant sympathy when he loses something precious be cause of his own carlessness. What has become of the dear old grandmother who used to smoke a pipe and light it with a live coal? There is no cure for the itching nose of the young lady who is wear 1 .g a diamond engagement ring. The man who is right and knows it never offer3 to compromise as long as he is determined to remain right. You never see "Closed for the sum mer; manager away on a vacation," on the doors of the devil's workshop. We always have our doubts about the liberality of th'e hostess who cuts her pie into more than four pieces. Hjstory repeats Jtself. Knowing this we were prepared for the promo tion of Potts when we heard of tho promotion of Crowninshield. Will M. Maup'in. HHcaPHHKtiHn5 -i3 ay$&!M All He Could Use. There was a rich schomor in Perth Who struggled to capture the earth, But when the end came All the earth he could claim Was tho 7 by 3 of his berth. Business Sagacity. v For many years yea, for many centuries we were told that women had HO business finrrnHfv i "My dear. I ilirl nnr hnv n n i, jthls spring. I took the frame of my u uui uuu u-immea it witli somo Vain Search. "Say, that fellow Chase A. Fan tom you introduced me to has a few bricks loose in his chimney, hasn't he?" "Yes, poor follow. Several years ago he saw a picture in a fashion mag azine and ever since he's been looking for the woman that resembles it." Mother Goose, Revised. Hi diddle diddle, The cat's In the fiddle, Tho cow jumped over the moon. Guess she's still in tho sky,1 Cause the price is so high, And she's not coming down very soon. Cinched. o -. "Miss Cutely, have you read 'The Zebra's Stripes or 'The Swlpcus or 'Monsiuer Take Care?' " "No, Mr. Oldboy, 1 havo been so busy learning cooking recipes from mamma DPm Pierce's GOLDEN MEDICAL DISCOVERY Restores . . 10ST lit $11 AND STRENGTH "I was a total wreck-could not sleep or eat 'r? MMr;,"J,C; Rccrs 'l1,c.rryan. Crawford i'. MoV .l or two ycars ! lric medicine from doctors but received very little benefit. I lost llcs.li and strength, was not able to do a cood Ku0wkVI fowmenced taking Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery, and when I had taken one bottle I could sleep and my appetite was wouderfully improved. I have taken five bottles and am still improving." The sole motive for substitution is to permit the dealer to make, the little more profit paid by the sale of less meritori ous medicines. He gains; you lose. Therefore, accept no substitute for "Golden Medical Discovery." Let Me Tell You JIow to (let Well. . Send no money; simply state the IcjIc you want It will tell you what I spent a -lifetime in learning. With the book I will send an order oh your druggist for six bottles of Dr. Shoop's. Restorative; and he will let you test it a month. If satisfied, the cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay, your druggist myself. I do just as I say. Over half a mil lion people have secured my treatment In that way, and 39 out of each 40 have paid for it because they were cured. Not a penny is accepted if it fails. There are 39 chances in 40 that I can cure you. No matter how difficult your case, I take the entire risk, for those half-million cases have proved what my remedy can do. My way is to strengthen the inside nerves. I bring back the nerve powec which alone makes each vital organ do its duty. No other remedy does that; and in most chronic diseases there is no other way to get well. Don't let doubt or prejudice keep you from asking about it. Simply stato which book you want, and address Dr. Shoop, Box 515, Hncino, Wis. Mild ium tcbrtmle,ut cnrarondbjuMotlwoNjtUti. At all droottU. TOOK NO. 1 ON DTSPXFSU. BOOK J.O. 2 ON THE IIKART. BOOK NO. 3 ON TI1E KIDNETB. BOOK NO. 4 FOB V, OMEN. BOOK NO. 5 FOR HEN. (Miled.) BOOK NO. C ON RIISCMATISM. The Beef Trust. The American people are a meat eating nation. Our workingmen feed on better and stouter food than thoso of any other country, and unques tionably their superiority over work ingmen abroad, is due to some extent " to this fact. Their jtablqsare spread-, daily with food that would be co- -sidered an extravagant luxury in Europe. When, therefore, the beef trust of Chicago decrees an advance of three or four cents a pound fn t a price of beef, mutton and pork, it strikes a blow at the well-being ofyj the great mass of our pepple. The excuse for this extortion is, made that the shortage in the corn crop of last year has caused farmers and grazers to reduce the stock car ried by them over the winter, and that we are now feeling the effect of the scarcity. This excuse will not be accepted. There is reason to believe that tie increase in the price of meats is entirely arbitrary, as shown by the fact that the trust is selling its pro ducts in England at lower rates than ' here. And the beef trust is able to do thio for the same reason that the steel trust can charge American con sumers $11 a ton more than it sells its product for to European buyers. That is, the beef trust enjoys "pro tection" under the Dingley tariff. Ordinarily, the tariff tax of two cents a pond on meats would not make much difference, our exports of such products being enormous. But with the business here in tho hands of a trust which dominates the situa-' tion absolutely, dictating the price paid the ranchman and the price charged the consumer, it becomes a mat.rr of much consequence that wo are forbidden to get in cattle and meats f - Dm Canada in order to cheap en mo ueuessaries of life. u The beef trust ,'oes not neod this protection," any more than the steel trust needs the duty on iron and steel, it ought to be. abolished in the inter est of pur workmen's dinner table?, And so should tho tariff tax on hides' be abolished, which puts in the pock cts of the sao beef trust the extra price o r neonlo hnvo n-, v... land shoeB-Boston Post '