The Commoner.
6
Vol. a, No. 15.
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Whether Comrftori'or Not.
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Mr. Root.
Thoy have caught you in the act,
Mr. Root.
Thoy havo flushed you for a fact,
Mr. Root.
Sonators whom Miles addressed
On the army button pressed
And got papers you suppressed,
Mr. Root.
Thought you'd keep 'em in the dark,
Mr. Root.
But thoy made you too the mark,
Mr. Root.
Peoplo will insist upon
Knowing what Is going on
"When they've got to raise the "spon,"
Mr. Root. .
Thero are sad and lonely scenes,
Mr. Root.
In the far-off Philippines,
Mr. Root.
Though you say tho trouble's done,
Seems that it's but just begun,
Spite of fairy tales you've spun,
Mr. Root.
Heard you say you were quite sure,
Mr. Root,
That there was no "water cure,"
Mr. Root.
Heard you say with accents clear
That your plans were not severe
But we're onto you, my dear
Mr. Root.
w
You've an easy job to hold,
Mr. Root.
But, th.o chances are, my bold"
Mr. Root,
If you had to hike and fight,
Wade and sleep in swamps at night,
Yu'd declare it isn't right,
- Mr. Root.
Don't you think it would be best,
Mr. Root,
If you stepped up and confessed,
- Mr. Root,
That you've hidden things from sight,
. Trying to make wrong look right,
Till' you're in a pretty plight,
Mr. Root?
flowers I purchased at tho bargain
counter."
Wo were rejoiced upon receipt of
the good news, and said so in our
nicest tones.
"I think, dear, that I'm entitled to
somo reward for my economy."
Naturally we assented to this propo
sition. "And I want that dream of a dress
pattern on exhibition in Catchem &
Cheatem's window. Made up en train,
decollette, trimmad with real old lace
and with eleven rows of insertion
around the bottom ruffle, made by
Madame Squeezem, who came direct
from Paree, it will look just too "
At this point it was that we realized
the error of the wise men who de
clared that women have no business
sagacity.
Recognized.
Surely we had met the man some
where sometime, for his face was very
familiar. There was that well-remembered
breadth of brow, that easily
recognized smile of sweet content, that
mobile face.
But strive as we could we could not
p'.ace him.
Perhaps we will recall it all when ho
speaks. Hark!
Useless. He has quite escaped our
memory.
On our way home we stopped at the
drug store for a spring tonic. "When
the druggist handed us a bottle of Dr.
,FlUup Allmen's Fluid Extract of Jimp-
son weed and Carbonated Essence of
Burdock Roots our treacherous mem
ory returned to duty.
We had seen his picture in the almanac.
Uncle Joshua.
"Circumstances alter cases," re
marked Uncle Joshua, pushing the
cat out of the rocking chair and seat
ing himself with every evidenco of
satisfaction. "When a man is about
to die he calls in the preacher, and
When ho gets well he forgets the doc
tor. Now that meat is so high I no
tice that people ain't a makin' a3
much fun, o' th' vegetarians as thoy
used to."
Moving Day.
'Tis first of May and moving day,
And deepest woe is mine
I've got to take the carpets up
. And 'hang 'em on a line.
Then with a, club I've got to. drub
Those carpets for a whiie,
And though I think some red-hot
. thoughts
I've got to wear a smile.
With heating stove I madly strove,
With stovepipe wrestled, too;
I've lifted heavy furniture
Until I'm black and blue.
Wild chaos reigns. I'm full of pains;
I m weary, worn and sore;
And here and now I make this vow:
I'll move again no more.
My wife is watching me.
Unless thoy raise the rent.
Fortunate Man.
"Binks is a lucky dogi"
"What makes you say that?"
His wife furnishes all, the cooking
recipes for the Ladies Homo Sidepart
nor, and it keeps her so busy she
can't find time to do the cooking, so
she keeps a cook." x.
that I havo had no time to read the
latest novels."
But it may hve been a carefully
baited trap to catch Mr. Oldboy.
Marriage is still the same old lot
tery. Braja Leaks.
A half loaf is better in the case of
some bread.
The truly good neighbor keeps his
chickens penned up.
People who -live in glass houses
should stain the glass.
There are no cloudy. days for tho
man who wears sunshine in his heart.
As long as men only lie about you
there is no reason why you should not
smile.
Heaven will not be as badly crowded
as the epitaphs on tombstones would
indicate.
People who crowd the rear pews
of the churches will find that there
are no back seats in Hades.
A man deserves but scant sympathy
when he loses something precious be
cause of his own carlessness.
What has become of the dear old
grandmother who used to smoke a
pipe and light it with a live coal?
There is no cure for the itching
nose of the young lady who is wear
1 .g a diamond engagement ring.
The man who is right and knows it
never offer3 to compromise as long as
he is determined to remain right.
You never see "Closed for the sum
mer; manager away on a vacation,"
on the doors of the devil's workshop.
We always have our doubts about
the liberality of th'e hostess who cuts
her pie into more than four pieces.
Hjstory repeats Jtself. Knowing
this we were prepared for the promo
tion of Potts when we heard of tho
promotion of Crowninshield.
Will M. Maup'in.
HHcaPHHKtiHn5 -i3 ay$&!M
All He Could Use.
There was a rich schomor in Perth
Who struggled to capture the earth,
But when the end came
All the earth he could claim
Was tho 7 by 3 of his berth.
Business Sagacity.
v
For many years yea, for many
centuries we were told that women
had HO business finrrnHfv
i "My dear. I ilirl nnr hnv n n i,
jthls spring. I took the frame of my
u uui uuu u-immea it witli somo
Vain Search.
"Say, that fellow Chase A. Fan
tom you introduced me to has a few
bricks loose in his chimney, hasn't
he?"
"Yes, poor follow. Several years
ago he saw a picture in a fashion mag
azine and ever since he's been looking
for the woman that resembles it."
Mother Goose, Revised.
Hi diddle diddle,
The cat's In the fiddle,
Tho cow jumped over the moon.
Guess she's still in tho sky,1
Cause the price is so high,
And she's not coming down very soon.
Cinched.
o -.
"Miss Cutely, have you read 'The
Zebra's Stripes or 'The Swlpcus or
'Monsiuer Take Care?' "
"No, Mr. Oldboy, 1 havo been so busy
learning cooking recipes from mamma
DPm Pierce's
GOLDEN
MEDICAL
DISCOVERY
Restores . .
10ST lit $11
AND STRENGTH
"I was a total wreck-could not sleep or eat
'r? MMr;,"J,C; Rccrs 'l1,c.rryan. Crawford
i'. MoV .l or two ycars ! lric medicine from
doctors but received very little benefit. I lost
llcs.li and strength, was not able to do a cood
Ku0wkVI fowmenced taking Dr. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery, and when I had
taken one bottle I could sleep and my appetite
was wouderfully improved. I have taken five
bottles and am still improving."
The sole motive for substitution is to
permit the dealer to make, the little more
profit paid by the sale of less meritori
ous medicines. He gains; you lose.
Therefore, accept no substitute for
"Golden Medical Discovery."
Let Me Tell You
JIow to (let Well. .
Send no money; simply state the
IcjIc you want It will tell you what
I spent a -lifetime in learning.
With the book I will send an order
oh your druggist for six bottles of Dr.
Shoop's. Restorative; and he will let
you test it a month. If satisfied, the
cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay,
your druggist myself.
I do just as I say. Over half a mil
lion people have secured my treatment
In that way, and 39 out of each 40
have paid for it because they were
cured. Not a penny is accepted if
it fails.
There are 39 chances in 40 that I can
cure you. No matter how difficult
your case, I take the entire risk, for
those half-million cases have proved
what my remedy can do.
My way is to strengthen the inside
nerves. I bring back the nerve powec
which alone makes each vital organ
do its duty. No other remedy does
that; and in most chronic diseases
there is no other way to get well.
Don't let doubt or prejudice keep you
from asking about it.
Simply stato which
book you want, and
address Dr. Shoop,
Box 515, Hncino, Wis.
Mild ium tcbrtmle,ut cnrarondbjuMotlwoNjtUti. At all droottU.
TOOK NO. 1 ON DTSPXFSU.
BOOK J.O. 2 ON THE IIKART.
BOOK NO. 3 ON TI1E KIDNETB.
BOOK NO. 4 FOB V, OMEN.
BOOK NO. 5 FOR HEN. (Miled.)
BOOK NO. C ON RIISCMATISM.
The Beef Trust.
The American people are a meat
eating nation. Our workingmen feed
on better and stouter food than thoso
of any other country, and unques
tionably their superiority over work
ingmen abroad, is due to some extent "
to this fact. Their jtablqsare spread-,
daily with food that would be co- -sidered
an extravagant luxury in
Europe. When, therefore, the beef
trust of Chicago decrees an advance
of three or four cents a pound fn
t a price of beef, mutton and pork, it
strikes a blow at the well-being ofyj
the great mass of our pepple.
The excuse for this extortion is,
made that the shortage in the corn
crop of last year has caused farmers
and grazers to reduce the stock car
ried by them over the winter, and
that we are now feeling the effect of
the scarcity. This excuse will not be
accepted. There is reason to believe
that tie increase in the price of meats
is entirely arbitrary, as shown by the
fact that the trust is selling its pro
ducts in England at lower rates than '
here. And the beef trust is able to
do thio for the same reason that the
steel trust can charge American con
sumers $11 a ton more than it sells
its product for to European buyers.
That is, the beef trust enjoys "pro
tection" under the Dingley tariff.
Ordinarily, the tariff tax of two
cents a pond on meats would not
make much difference, our exports of
such products being enormous. But
with the business here in tho hands
of a trust which dominates the situa-'
tion absolutely, dictating the price
paid the ranchman and the price
charged the consumer, it becomes a
mat.rr of much consequence that wo
are forbidden to get in cattle and
meats f - Dm Canada in order to cheap
en mo ueuessaries of life.
u The beef trust ,'oes not neod this
protection," any more than the steel
trust needs the duty on iron and steel,
it ought to be. abolished in the inter
est of pur workmen's dinner table?,
And so should tho tariff tax on hides'
be abolished, which puts in the pock
cts of the sao beef trust the extra
price o r neonlo hnvo n-, v...
land shoeB-Boston Post '