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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 28, 1902)
Vol. a, No. 6
Whether Common or Not.
Whlto'flW and Eihyarcl.
Whitclaw Rold is getting roady to
affix tho crown on Eddio so 'twill
sit and balanco steady like upon
.tho branching trcetop sits tho
And ho'll wear cuto Bword and knlok
ors, while across tho king's face
flickers sundry grins and smiles and
snickors at tho sight of Whltel'iw
as ho plays tho flunkoy.
Iloid has framed his little spieling flt
and ready for tho reeling, with a
wealth of tender fooling, to ask
pardon for what Washington was
Whon ho hurled tho Continontals In
tholr ragged roglmontate 'gainst
tho British lino of sent'nnls at tho
Cowpons, Saratoga Heights and
With a graceful genuflection, and an
air of deep dejection, ho will say
v that since reflection wo arc sorry
that wo flogged King Ocorgo so
Ho will say, with features glowing,
that since seed of empire sowing
wo'vo decided that we'ro owing Ed
apology for having lashed George
" 'roundly. ' ' '
As for Boston's big tea- party, Held
will say with manner hearty 'twas
tho work jot many a smarty who
could not upprociato "a monarch's
. reigning; r
That we'vo just repudiated as -out-'
. grown and antiquated principles our
fathers . stated were eternal, and
laid down their lives sustaining.'
But if Edward gets tho notion that on
: MhiBsido tof the ocean peoplo back
up Whltolaw's motion, he has got
another guess whon Rold quits
Ho can bet his final shilling that our
real mou are not willing to admit
republic killing is a matter they
should not insist on stopping.
mand that you bo given tho full meas
ure of punishment laid down by the
law. It is the sentence of this court
"For heaven's sake, your honor,"
whispered tho coiirt bailiff, "don't be
in such a hurry. This is Hon. Easel
I. Seizeall, tho man who looted the
'Steenth National bank and stole two
"I beg your pardon," said the judgy
to tho prisoner. "I thought you were
Tom Starvor, tho fiend who stole a
ham to succor his starving family.
Please be seated a few moments un
til I have disposed of Tom's case.
Thon I will sit in secret session for
your case and we'll see what can be
done. Bring Starver to the bar."
Discovered. '! '-: ' ,
"Man may mako wonderful strides
in science and invention during the
coming century, but perpetual motion
will continue to baffle him."
"Hush! Come down' and ' see :my
Lfurnace.". , .)'' '
The Way It '.s.
"Binks says ho has been offered a
position at $2,000 a year."
"What's ho going to do?"'
"He's going to look for a job at $15
"What do you consider the most Im
portant event in your life?" asked the
repbrtor of the noted' visitor.
"Being born, sir," said the repre
sentative of the foreign dynasty with
('What time o' year is it?" queried
Aunt- Jerusha. "First o March!
Land's sakos! Well, this is about tn'
time o year that th' man who is alius
behind hand with his work in th'
fall an' never gits his corn in th'
ground in th' spring till after his
neighbors hov cultivated thelrn a cou
ple o times, alius has his flshin' tackle
in fust-class shape ready f'r th' fh-st
sign o' bullheads bitin'."
Where Justice Wavered.
"Sir, yours is a most heinous crime,"
said tho judge to tho prisoner at tho
bar. "You were detected in tho very
act of a most Cespicablo crime. An
example must bo made of you, for so-
'Cietyvmust not bo .subjected to such
dangerous men. Tho safoty of the
publivtho -morals of the-community,
the future of our young man, all- de-
Caller- "Is your mamma putting on'
Little Maud "No'm. When she saw
you comin' she said she wasn't goln
t' put on her new dress so's you
could see it an go 'round t' all th'
neighbors tellin' what a tacky lookin'
thing it is."
Winter is flying,
IClng Frost is dying,
Tomorrow tho skies will be blue.
Trees will be leaving,
Farewell to vain grieving
It's laughing and loving with you.
Sun the buds bringing,
Landscape a bright golden hue. '
Cease vain regretting,
AH sorrows forgetting- -It's
living and loving with you.
In Time of Peace, Etc.
"Tho king of Bulawayoo is prepar
ing to declare war against us,"
"Is he? Then we must prepare for
"Well, .what is the first thing-we
should do?" '
"Wo -should immediately ascertain
if it -is to be a land fight or a son
fight. Then we should pick out the
fellows wo want to have the glory of
victory. Then we should assign. tho
men to do the real fighting."
A Free Press.
Stormington Barnes "I see the
postofflce department is going to be
more strict with the newspapers."
Howland Wrant "I'm glad of it.
We're sufferin' because the' press Is
Stormington Barnes "What makes
you think so?"
Howland Wrant "Don't the news
papers spring all of our good gage and
jokes before we can think of 'em?"
First Jersey Mosquito "Gracious,
see what a swell Amos Quito has be
come. Where'd he get the .money to
make such a spread?"
. Second Jersey Mosquito "He saw
something in the newspapers about
this new plan of subduingthe mos
quito pest by the use of oil and imme
diately invested in Standard Oil
Success is not measured by' recogni
tion, but by results. ' '
A dividend in the hand is worth
itWo in the prospectus.
Looking for an easy snap" usually
ends in coming up with a hard 'jerk.
Better a shoulder gall from the col
lar than a blister from the breech
- . (
A great many bo'yg have been ruined'
by front rdoms that were too good for
them to sit in.
Some men are so intent on building
up a good reputation that they neglect
ta build up character.
TLe firm of Dig & Delve declares
dividends while the firm of Guess &
Skim is conferring with, its receiver.
Some people would become rich if
they attended to their own business
as. industriously as they attend to the
business of their neighbors."
. Wiil M. Maupln.
An Opinion From England.
The republican party, which always
seeks to profit by playing upon the
credulity of the credulous, will, no
doubt, flood the country with eulogies
of the American laboring man as soon
as the approach of another national
election makes it expedient. Tho
great captains of industrv can better
exploit the labor of their employes
" hen they are in possession of the
government. They can obtain this
only through their common business
organization, the republican party
Hence that party's quadrennial anx
iety to conciliate that "mammon of
unrighteousness, the laboring man."
Tho country has been nauseated time
and again with the fulsome flattery
bestowed upon the wage-earners about
election time. Especially has this
been true when giant monopolies like
t':e Standard Oil company, tho Amer
ican Sugar Refining company, the
Steel trust and a host of other cor
porations were seeking" protection
r gainst the "pauper made goods" of
The laboring men were referred to
as tho mORr tnrlnnonrtftnf tin A lj.i
dlgont workers on- earth, .and .assured
Tlin fhftV Ttroi.s nt.4n.l ii'i -
i r xi i "C1U wjeuus uj. buvj anq aa
:nilration on the part of their TSnglish
fellow workmen. This boasted su
periority, they were told, was due to
Mrs. Wlnslotv's Soothing Syrup
Has boon yscd for oror but" years by Miii
LIONS Of MOTHEBB for tlioir cniLDKEN Will LB
TEETHING, with PEBFKOT SUCCESS. It BOOTI1E3
tho CHILD, BOFTJ3N8 tllO OUMB, ALLATS all PAIN,
cures wind colic, and is tho best remedy for
DiABRiiau. Bold by drucgists in ovnry part of
tho world. Bo suro and ask for "Mrs. YvinBlow'
Soothing Syrup," and take no othor kind. Twen-ty-fivo
couts a bottle. It is tho best of all.
the benevolent policy of the repub
lican party in maintaining a higher
standard of wages as compared with
foreign countries, and the Arnerican
laborer often expressed pity and some
times contempt for a people that would
willingly remain in a condition bor
dering on mental and industrial
Now if the republican party is re
sponsible for the opinion which for
eigners hold of American laborers, let
us see what their real opinion is. The
Trades and Labor Gazette, the organ
of the London trade unionists, in a
recent issue said:
"The American workman, it appears
to us, may grumble less and more
readily respond to the invitation of
his capitalist taskmaster because,. he
Is a better broken-in animal. He rec
ognizes capital as king and fully' un
derstands that the capitalist owns' him
body and soul, and that he must lay
at the feet of his king, capital, all his
physical and intellectual energies and
fight his battles. He is, entirely the
creature of capital and has no more
real independence than the machine
he works. He claims tov be the most
independent worker on earth, but. that
independence is, nevertheless, entirely
subject to a money value, and up" to
the present" he has sold it to the high
est bidder. Industrially and politically
the American worker in the. political
sense is the mo'st degraded of .crea
turemost degraded because his' op
portunities are greatest. , American
workmen do but obey their animal
instincts when they favor the survival
of any particular group ''of "employers,
f.or it is under such a group thattth'dy
live and have their being." ,
Evidently the American laborer can
have 'no poorer opinion of his English
brother than he has of us. This1
should also show that wage-earners of
whatever nationality all look alike to
the modern multi-millionaire, and that
the interests of labor and capital are
not always identical. Kansas City
World. . :
FRESH AND STKONG
Foort Tlint Sends One' Along
"I found a food at . last that I. could;
work on .and that would keep mo, fresh
and strong. I have been a school'
teacher for eleven years, and every
year toward the last have felt more or
les3 worn out, and have been bothered
particularly with my stomach and ser
Last year I used Grape-Nuts reg
ularly at both morning and evening
meals and the result was really won
derful. I have been entirely cured of
tho troubles spoken of,-and don't' know
what it is to take a dose of physic any
more. The old nervousness and sleep
lessness have gone. No more do I lie
awake nights until my brain is in a
wlJirl Now 1 sleep all night long like
a healthy child. '
I was the only teacher out of four
teen, in our public school, who did not
miss a day on account of sickness dur
ing the last session. I have been able
w moi;eAnard studying than ever
before, and took up the teachers' state
'"e " completed the course
and passed a successful examination
at tho last institute.
Grape-Nuts in mv no i, .-i
the truth of tho assertion that it is -a
MflTi v T rve ,D,uliaQr. I would espe
cially recommend it for tired over
worked school teachers, or any other:
n fa, .Battle Creek, Mich.
'strenetnarJtf,er build UP health .
2th, naturally with food than "to
and leASni?11 6m ldnd of "icine
and let tho disease finally do its work
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