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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 27, 1901)
xrrFV rit 6 The Commoner. si: WiY.YiWiYMWiViYiW 5 Whether Common or Not. The Handmaiden. 'It; seems t' mo our president," said ' " Uncle Sammie Jones, ' "Isl'good at coinin' phrases souridin' ''rt-J .svell; B'ut somehow there's a jarrin' note a- i.,runnin through his. tones Which would indicate the trusts air doiii' well. This notion that we hear about, called rec-i-pros-i-tee, vrSeemssdoomed t'-dle a -mighty-stre.n--toy's death; . - ....... . .,. Th'- president -has said it 'with-'profound ver-bos-i-teo, .An' th' handmaid may as well pro serve her breath. : Th' pulin little infants- which air needin' kindly care T' enable 'em t' scoop th' larder ' clean, Ain't filled with woe an' worry 'count o' havin' t' prepare F'r t' hustle, 'cause tliey know he doesn't mean '. .. , That he's goin' t' swat 'em heavy; go in' t' smite 'em hip an' thigh, F'r he's mild as any suckin' dove, , d'ye see? This little handmaid bus'ness makes '": your uncle wink his eye, Fr th' trusts git all th' rec-i-pros- . ,.nM - 1 . 'i-tee'. Th' captains of our. industries air sniil in' an' content, , An' pattin' of each other on'th' back.' They've got a fix-cd notion that they know jus' what was meant That th' president has hit th' back ward track Since he talked o' chainin' cunning, up , at Min-ne-ap-o-lis Onth,' day that labor makes its big "parade; ' Ail' .they're sure that's what's denied ;' ' ''cm by their friends they'll never miss, So they'll give a welcome" t' th' charmin' maid." ling until it attracts the attention of the whole world and secures us trade for our horses from every land and clime, he is entitled to protection, and I am surprised at this popular clamor against him. We are just beginning to assume that commanding position in the horse-raising world which we believe will be more and more ours. It is of the utmost importance that this position be not jeopardized, espe cially at avtime when the overflowing .exutrance of -our horse dealers, .and the skill, business energy and aptitude for assimilation of other people's prop erty moke imperative a wide field for horse exchange. "Again, my fellow citizens," contin ued .the speaker, it cannot be too often pointed out that to strike with ignor ant violence at the interests of a set of men who thrive by stealing horses is calculated to work disastrously to the horse market. I " At this juncture the sheriff's patience gave out. As he turned the key in ihe cell door he said: "You can't work the president's message on us. Wo are as anxious as anybody to pro mote the horse industry, but we'll be blamed if we're goin' to pay for the privilege of bein' horse raisers by pro tecting hoss thieves." v ! All Right Schley All right, Schley! We bank on George. Guess we knows a thing 'or two. He's tho fellow who was able To sinl: a fleet and cut :a cable-1- And so were you. All right, Schley! . We know.who won That big fight on July third. 'Twas not the men far, far away In Yashington that glorious day . Schley, you're a bird! All right, Schley! George Dewey says You're IT, and that suits mo. Mouth warriors can go to grass You and George are a separate class. - You fight ships. See!!. ' Business Interests. The sheriff had at great personal risk arrested a horse thief and recov ered the horse which had been stolen. As he was entering the jail a strenuoiiB gentleman pushed his way through the crowd and thus addressed the officer of the law and his deputies: "Gentlemen, this, I believe is quite, a country for horse raising, I note that you carefully protect this Industry, which is well. But I be seech you not to go too far. This man may be doing a great injustice to the people by stealing horses, but is there not danger that in punishing him you do great damage to the horse industry? There are two sides to tills question. He doubtless is also en gaged in the horse-raising industry, and it is only fair that we use our ut most efforts to protect these captains of industry -from-prejudice', .and vio lence. Certainly, If ho has developed his industry of horse raising and rust- Incomprehenslble. "I see," remarked the Filipino, "that the American congress purposes giving the anarchists an island and allowing them to run it to suit themselves. Pray, what Is an anarchist?" We endeavored to explain that an anarchist is one who does not believo in government or .the enforcement of laws. "Then, because an anarchist does not believe in being governed by laws made by congress or legislatures, he is to be allowed to run an island of his own?" Once.more we endeavored to explain- "And because a man is an anarchist he is to be thrust outside the pale of American control?" We admitted that such was the idea. But as we spoketl!o Filipino grabbed a bomb and gaye a wild whoop. "What are youvabout to ,do?'Vw.e asked. "I am oppo3ed to being -governed!" shouted the Filipino. "I am going to throw a few bombs and show my con tempt for law." "But you will not be an anarchist; you will only be a rebel against con stituted authority and therefore sub ject to penalties in such cases made and provided." At this the Filipino quieted down long enough to admit that it wouiil take him several hundred years to un derstand American institutions. Thin Ice. Willie one day, ' "j . With his skates so nice Went out to play On the smooth, thin ice. He "started off .... Arid the thin ice poppeS- " "' And this is the hole rv Where Willie dropped: ; O . Brain Leaks Happiness in the heart always shows on the, face. You enjoyed Christmas according to what you gave. Nothing propagates more rapidly than the microbe of worry. A man is in a bad way when he can be happy only when he is miserable. The happy laughter of a little-child is the best reward a man can have for doing good. The trouble "with a great many church members is that they are pre paring for death. Of course it is wrong to swear at a plumber, but it is difficult to convince some men of the fact. There's something wrong about the man who puts off making good resolu tions until New Year's day. Some men try to evade' responsibility by denying the existence of a power to which they are responsible. Once More. ' , Now comes the man with airy mien And -manner blithe and gay Who never fails to leave ajar The door he closed in May. Holiday Echoes. "I see that Rockefeller has given another million to Chicago univer sity," said the head mailer. "What" "Yes," interrupted the subscription clerk. "That reminds me. Why Is Rockefeller" "Like an old song? Because he sheds the oil of gladness on Dr. Harper's head. That's easy. Why" "That's not. the answer. It's be cause he gives his might. Wonder" "The worst ever. What's the reason Mr. Hanna pays no more attention to Ohio?" "Give It up." "Because it's only Foraker's. Ho wants the earth." "Perfectly atrocious. Why is Charles Gates. Dawes like" "A balloon? Becauso " "No, like a man about to build a house? Because he's got to figure with a Mason. Now tell me why J. Pierpont -Morgan " But. dust -then tho clock struck and the-forceraiide adivefor a' quick lunch stand. Will M. Maupln. Let Me Tell You 'flow to Get Well. Send no money; simply state 'the book you want. " It will tell yotf..wh'at I spent a lifetime in learning. With the book I will send an order on your druggist for six botth.s of Br Shoop's Restorative; and he will let you test it a month. If satisfied; the cost is $5.50. If it fails, I will pay your druggist myself. v? I do just as I say. Over half a mil lion people have secured my treat ment in that way, and 30 out of each 40 have paid for it because they were cured. Not a penny is accepted if It fails. . There are 39 chances in 40 that I can cure you. No.Tnattor-howdifllcult your 'case. I .take-thecentirQ .riHr..fnv tlmc 'half -million cases have proved- what my remedy can do. My way is to strengthen the inside nerves. I bring back the nerve power which alone makes each vital organ do its duty. No other remedy dees that; and in mosi chronic .'diseases there is no other way to get well. Don't let doubt or prejudice kecip you from asking about it. Simply stato which book you wnnt, nnd nddress Dr. Shoop, Box 515, Rucino, Wis. Mill cm, not chronic, m cfltn cured bj ooc orUatoltlu. M ill imtu TOOK NO. 1 ON DTSriPSU. HOOK NO. 8 ON THE HEART. HOOK NO. 3 ON THE KIDNEYS. HOOK NO. 4 FOR WOMKN. HOOK NO. (FOR MEN. (rlM BOOK NO. 0 ON RHEUMATISM. Hope for the 5norer. A French scientist has invented an anti-snorlng apparatus. It is a "revolv ing ventilator fixed in the window anti operated by a spring. ..'.!', .,,: Snoring, the . scientist says, is;i the result of vitiated atmosphere,' Mich is breathed through nose"' and. in outli, both Leing required' to gk'ough into the lungs to 'areate tlie !blood. Then follows catarrh and then conns the snore by reason of the vibration of the dry palate between air from nose and mouth. '" Fresh air is admitted to the sleeping room by the Frenchman's ventilator in such a manner as not to create a draft and not too fast to enable the chill to be taken from it before it is breathed into the lungs. ' ;'.' Several months ago, the daily-psess printed a story about the 'founder of Morris Park, N. J. He was a mil lionaire and had a beautiful home with splendid grounds, His wife was a splenJid type of womanhood'and he seemed to be a man who should be congratulated. B'ut he was not. "" There was a small summer house on his grounds. There was a bed room in it. One day a friend iipon making an early call on the million aire, discovered that he slept in the summer house. Then the skeleton came from the closet. The million aire admitted he snored so terribly that to prevent his wife from getting a divorce, he slept by himself'. He is dead now, and probably his grief over his affliction shortened his life. If tho Frenchman's anti-snoring machine is practicable, the inventor may be come one of the world's benefactors. St. Louis Chronicle. ' Mrs. Winslo-iv's Soothing Syrup. Has beon used for over sixttj tears by milt mons of jiotukxr for tboir CHir.DSlLN AVIULK 'TKXTHlNOV-withTlISKECT SUCCESS. It SOOTUKS -tho CHII.tJ,BOrO'KN bo GUMS, AIATB RllrAINi cukes -wind qoiiic, and. isttbe best remedy "lor diaxkhou olilbyarfrKiU.iii:eT,i7 pan.nr tbe-world. Be1 snre and ask for "Mra. Wlnalow'a Soothing SyTup," and tak nootbtr klnd'.-Twen ty-five cqU a bottle. It is tbo best of all. f
