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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 20, 1901)
pfmmm.m,wmc, ?sH The Commoner. 8 ft- W l pjafjHSJSMBlBMBWMiMB'JEMWiiB"B"" J The Home Department. WM Jest 'Fore Christmas. Father calls mo William, sister calls mo Will, Mother calls me Willie, but the fellers call mo Bill! Mighty glad I ain't a girl ruther be a boy, Without them sashes, curls and things that's worn by Pauntleroy! Love to chawnk green apples an' go swimmin' in the lake Hate to take the castor-ile they- give for belly-ache! 'Most all the time the whole year round, there ain't no flies on me, But jest 'fore Christmas I'm as good as I kin be. Got a yaller dog named Sport,- sick him on tho cat; First thing she knows she doesn't know where sho is at! Got a clipper sled, an' when us kids goes out to slide, 'Long comes tho grocery cart, an' we all hook a ride! But sometimes when the grocery man is worrited an' cross, He reaches at us with a whip and lar rups up his boss, An' then we laugh an' holler, "Oh, ye never teched me!" But jest 'fore Christmas I'm as good as I kin be! Gran'ma says she hopes that when I git to be a man, I'll be a missionarer like her oldest brother, Dan, As was et up by cannibuls that live in Ceylon's Isle, ''.- Where every prospeck pleases an' only man is vile! But gran'ma she has never been to see a Wild West show, Nor read the life of Daniel Boone, or else I guess she'd know That Buff'lo Bill an' cowboys is good enough for me! Excep' jest 'fore ChriBtmas, when I'm good as I kin be! word wo have chosen rhymes with so and so." Then the players begin to think of words which rhyme with the given word, and proceed to act them out in dumb show to those in the room, who must guess what is being acted and say, "It is not ," until the right word is represented, when they applaud and become actors- in their turn. Unexpected talents are devel oped in this game, which needs wide awake players. And then old Sport 'he hangs around, so solemn-like an' still, His eyes they seem a-sayin': "What's the matter, little Bill?" The old cat sneaks down off her pearch an' wonders what's become or them two enemies of hern, that used to make things hum! But I am so polito an' 'tend so earnest ly to biz, That mother says to father: "How im proved our Willie is." But father, havin' been a boy hisself, suspicions me When, jest 'fore Christmas, I'm as good as I kin be. For Christmas' with-its lots an' lots of candies, cakes and toys, Was made, they say, for proper kids, an' not for naughty boys; So wash your face an' brush your hair, an' mind yer p's an' q's, An' don't bust out yer pantaloons, an' don't wear oiit yer shoes; to tho ladles, an' "yes- sur" to the men, An' when there's company don't pass yer plate for pie agaiil; Biit, thinkin' of the things yer'd like to see . upon that tree, Jest 'fore Christmas be as good as yer kin be! feugene Field. Advice as to Roasting: a Turkey. "Ninety-nine women out of every one hundred, ninety-nine cooks, out of every one hundred, will bake a tur key with the back to the pan," said a New Orleans man who keeps in touch with the kitchen, "and this is a mis take. I said ninety-nine out of ev ery ono hundred. Rather should I have said that the mistake is almdst universally made. But few cooks ever think of cooking the turkey any other way. There seems to be a demand for well browned turkey breast. But in browning the breast they sacriiice the sweetness of this part of the fowl. The best way to prepare a turkey is to bake it with the breast down. I learned this lesson from Mme. Begue, whose place down in the Old Quarter, near'fhe French market, has become famed all over the country. She never thinks of baking a turkey with the breast up.' The breast is turned to the bottom of the pan, and instead of be ing dry and tasteless when it is served, is richly flavored and as sweet and juicy as one would care to have it. You see, all the line flavoring of the turkey, the juices of the dressing and all the daintier touches flow down to ward the breast of the, fowl, and when the white meat is served you get the full benefit of every flavor added dur ing the processes of preparing and baking the turkey, in addition to the distinctive taste of the fowl itself. -"Inconvenient and awkward? Not at all. It is just as easy to cook a tur key in this way as in any other way, and the result is infinitely more satis factory. It is no trouble to arrange the fowl in the pan; if you desire to place the fowl on the table before carving it you will find that it will look quite as well as it would if baked in the usual way, and certainly it will taste much better than it would if you baked the breast until it was dry and flavorless." . through his pockets. "That's a very stale joke," retorted the Little Woman. "Besides, that is often tho only way a wife can get what she has rightfully earned. If you" But the husband begged pardon and asked the Little Woman to resume her thread of her remarks. "As I was saying," she continued, "a man wouldn't be satisfied without a lot of useless and often injurious articles loading down his pockets. Now there's your lower vest pocket in the right side" and the Little Woman thrust her fingers into the pocket men tioned "is a broken toothpick, six matches, a button, a piece of string, a teaspoonful of dirt and three newspa per clippings. In the opposite pock et" And the Little Woman emptied that pocket as she had the first. "In this pocket you have a badly soiled postage stamp, more matches, a couple of toothpicks, five newspaper clippings, a piece of lead pencil, two pennies with holes in them, more dirt and a small nail." "I expect to use that nail in place of a button," meekly replied the hud band. "That's another stale joke," retorted the Little Woman. "In the upper vest pocket you have a comb, three lead pencils, a fountain pen, a tooth-brush which you never use, a small account book without a figure in it, and a badly broken cigar. "In your right hand trouser pocket you have a knife, fourteen keys of which thirteen are never used a piece of tobacco and three metal checks. In the left hand pocket you have a lea'th er purse with two old coins worth less and a newspaper clipping in it. In one hip pocket you have a huge wallet stuffed with papers whose only value is to make the wallet look im portant. In the other hip pocket yoit have an old newspaper and three old letters. "In your inside coat pocket you have seventeen old letters, two postal cards, a card advertising a new brand of cigars and a railroad time table. In this outside coat pocket you have a handkerchief terribly dirty a car penter's rule, some peanut shells and three nails. In this other coat pocket you have a little bunch of twine, an other newspaper, three business cards and some more peanut hulls. "Now, a woman may love to have an unnatural lump somewhere about her person, but she isn't foolish enough to wear a dozen pockets and All them up with cigars, strings, useless keys, ragged letters, and questionable things that threaten microbes and bacilli." Mrs. Wiaalew' Keatlilar Byrmp. Has been used for over sixtt ikasb by urtn lions of MOTHKK8 for iheir childex whilh TBKTIirNO, With PEBFKOT SUCCESS. It BOOTIIKS the CHILD, BOFTKNS the DUMB, ALL AT B all FAIN, cuwsa wind colic, and is the best remedy for diakkhce A. Sold by Druggists in erory part of the world. Be sure and ask for "Mrs. winslow's Soothing Syrup," andtalcenoothor kind. Twenty-five cents a bottle. It is the best of all . it will heat slowly, until the curd sep arates from the whey. Be careful not to let it scald too much, qv the curd will be tough. When it is scalded suf ficiently pour it into a cheesecloth bag, and let the whey drain off. When tho curd is quite dry .put it into a bowl, season with salt, butter and sweet cream, and mix well. Set it in a cold place until ready to serve, then break up lightly with a fork. Louisville Homo and Farm. Conundrums.. , What is the difference between tho manager of a theater and a sailor? A sailor likes to see a light-house and the manager doesn't. Why is it that when a church is burned, nothing is so difficult to save as the organ? Because the fire engine cannot play upon it. What did Jack Frost say to the lily? Wilt thou and she wilted. Why was Noah the best broker of ancient times? He could float more stock than any other man. What is the difference between a hill and a pill? One is hard to get up and the other is hard to get down. Why do lovers linger long at tho garden gate? Because so much can bo said on both sides. When are two heads better than one? When they are in a barrel. When Is a farmer like a dentist? When he is pulling out stumps. Why should the highest apple on a tree be the best one? Because it's .a tip top apple. ' ' What is tho most afflicted part of a house? The window .because 'it" ia always full of panes. Why is milk like a treadmill? Be cause it strengthens the calves. - What is the most fashionable article in the world? O woman. Why is a nice, but uncultured girl like brown sugar? Because she is sweet but unrefined. What are the most popular airs in the land? Millionaires. Why is baseball likely to become epidemic? Because the game is catcb ing. What is the best size for a man? Exercise. ' CSnir "irnnoiim" au; jfizaawin Indoor Gamos, No, 3, "Dumb Crambo" was very popular with young and old, offering scope for original acting. The players divide in to two sides, One group leaves the h'ooin, the other selects a word of rea sonable difficulty which can be acted In pantomime, and announces, "The Tho Retort Courteous. A woman wouldn't be satisfied without having an unnatural hump on her somewhere. ior a time the bustle sufficed, then the big sleeves with an unnatural hump at tho shoulders. This didn't last long, and the puff moved from the shoulder to the cuff. Just now the style is to wear a shirt waist that looks like about a peck of apples had been dumped into it in front. Journal of Industry. "That is all very well," 'remarked the Little Woman after her husband had read the above to her, "but how about the men?" "What about them?" queried ths husband. "What about them?" repeated the Little Woman. "A man wouldn't be satisfied without having a lot of use less articles loading down his numer ous pockets. Let's go through yours now, and see." Tho husband muttered something to tho effect that she was always goirig "Yes, but a woman " began the husband "Yes," interrupted the Little Wom an, "if it wasn't for a woman you'd be in a pretty fix, and " "But "began the husband. "Nonsense!" said the Little Woman. "Supper is ready." A Helping: Hand. When William clears the table, And carries out each plate, And piles the cups and saucers, He says his name is Kate! And when he dons his overcoat And mitts and leggins trim, And sallies forth to carry wood, YThy, then his name is Jim! But when 1iq dresses in his best, With collar stiff and white, To promenade upon the street, He's William Horace Dwight! And would you lend a helping hand And be three boys in one? -You'll find that work and play unite To make the best of fun! Little Men and Women, TO CUBJC A COLD IN ONE DAY Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All druggists refund the mosey if it fails to cure. H. VYi Grove's signature is on each box, 25c. Dutch Cheese. Put some thick, sour milk in a pan on the range or over hot water, whore SHOOTS AGAIN Although Coffco Took His Eyesight For Awhile A Colorado camp cook had to quit his job because he could not make cof xio without drinking it himself, and it was killing him. He says he used to take a cup of coffee before he got his breakfast for the men, for he felt the need of keeping up his strength and his stomach troubled him so much. "Finally," he says, "I got so bad I was taken .o the hospital. The doctor told me it was a clear case of coffee poison and if I did not quit I .would never get well. I had to quit in the hos .pital and gradually got a little better, then I took to drinking Postum Food Coffee and took it out with me to a, job in the woods. I have been using Postum steadily for abcut eighteen months and have entirely recovered from dyspepsia, and all my old aches and ails. My ,e.yes are so well now that I can see the gun sights as good as anybody, but two years ago I never could hunt because of my eyes. I know it is the quitting of coffee and using Postum that haa benefited me. Nobody could have dys pepsia any worse than I had. All my neighbors thought I was going to die, but I am all right now. I have to send thirty-five miles to the city of Trinidad for my Postum, but it is worth while." Wm. Green, Burwing, Colorado,