The Commoner.
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01 Alan Armstead's Violin
It ain't no use t' talk t' me
'Bout Paderoosky an' his class,
For when it conies t' classic art
. I've got to let it by me pass.
My ears wa'nt trained for thorn fugees
That make up such a dreadful din,
But I kin listen by th' hour
T ol' man Armstead's violin.
Once't on a time I went to hear
Th' famous Thomas orkestray.
Th' players only sawed and blowed,
An' nary tune I heard 'em play.
Good music? Well, perhaps it wuz
T' them that like them screechy
things;
B'ut give me music as it comes
From ol' man Armstead's fiddle
strings.
Sonatys an' great symphonees
May suit th etlikated taste,
But on such yowlin' as that is
I've got no time to sinful waste.
Th' music that I love th' best
Is them ol' tunes that's lockedwithin
Th' strings stretched tight across th'
bridge
Of 61' man Armstead's violin.
An' when my life o' toil is done
An' I am summoned up on high,
I want some music soft ah' sweet
r T' bear me up'ards to th' sky.
"i want, when Peter swings tb'gate
p T' let this weary toiler in, ' :
T' be a keepin' joyful step
1" ol' man Armstead's violin.
Cleaning; More Every Day.
"Is it true," we asked of Senator
.Smqo.th, "that politics is a dirty business?,'-'-
i 4No, it is not true," replied the sena
tor;' flicking the ash from his cigar
'" and gazing idly at the ticker tape. "1
; have cleaned up a whole lot since I
Miwent into politics."
Our Beautiful Language.
There was a young lady named Beau
champ Who know things and longed for to
teauchamp.
But she held them so high
. That those who passed bigh
Realized that they never could
. reauchamp.
you read acounts of where men stand
up and engage in a brutalizing sport
that results in bfood and bodily in
jury' and has" a demoralizing effect
upon the minds of our young men? I
am surprised at you. I would not al
low newspapers "to print such bloody
stuff if I had power to stop it. I think
it is a blot upon the twentieth cen
tury." "Well, I confess it is not just the
proper reading for our boys and girls;
Prim. But it is interesting. How
ever, I will try to pass up that sort of
thing hereafter. I never thought of it
in that light before."
"That's right, Sluggerly. By the
way, let me see your paper a minute.
I want to see the news from the Phil
ippines. Whoop! I see we killed off
about a hundred of the savages yes
terday. Bully! Say, here's a good
one. Among the killed is the principal
of the Bamabalog schools, who was
educated in France and supposed to be
friendly to us. The old barbarian. I
hope we'll drive the last one of the
heathens into the sea. By George, this
is good news! A priest who tried to
rally the natives was filled so full of
holes his hide wouldn't hold shucks
That's the way to treat those heathona..
They need a little of our Christian
civilization. I'd kill every last one of
them if I had my way abouWt. They've
got-no right to live, after refusing to
accept our benevolent rule. I bet this
news will have the effect of raising
the value of my shares in the Philip
pine Exploitation and Development
company at least 10 per cent. . Thanks,
old man. I must get a paper and read
the whole account. That's the best
news I've read for a month. .Killed
over. a. .hundred of the beggars, eh?
Bully for that!".
When Mr. Prim left the car his. face
was wreathed in smiles, .while Mr.
Sluggerly gazed .out of the window
with a thoughtful air and whistled
softly.
memory,, but finally she sat down at
the piano and began. "And of course
once beginning she didn't know when
to stop. But he stood by her, as In
duty bound to do, until his knees
wobbled. Still she played on.
"What was that last piece you
played?" he asked.
"That was Mendelssohn's 'Songs
Without Words.' Do you not think it
soulfully beautiful?"
"Yes, it was very fine. Now if
Mendelssohn ever wrote any music
without notes I wish you'd tear off a
few bars of it."
He escaped uninjured, but the shock
causer him to forget her papa's street
number. " :
Good Paving; Material.
"I see by the paper that Mr. Rocke
feller says riches do not bring happi
ness." "Perhaps he is right, but if strikes
me that riches would make a mighty
good paving material' for the road
that leads to happiness."
- Words.
"What do you think of the election
returns?"
The defeated candidate looked up
from the floor and replied:
"My friend, I am more deeply inter
ested in the election remains than in
the election returns."
Then there dawned upon us a realiz
ing sdnse of the splendid resources ot
our vocabulary.
As It Usually Is.
M.What are you reading, Sluggerly?"
queried; Mr. Prim as he dropped Into
the vacant seat by his acquaintance
and felt for his street car fare.
. "I'm just reading the account of the
fight between Reffries and Jhulin, the
heavyweight prize fighters of the
world. Say, it was a great mill. In
the first round Reffries led off with
his right and Jhulin countered with
the left, swatting Reffries on the neck
and getting a stiff punch on the nose
in return that brought the claret In a
stream. Then Jhulin tried a left hook,
t but got a biff that-"
"Great goodness, Sluggerly; how
ican you read such stuff? How can
Interrupted Dreams.
Just when my dream of wealth and
fame
Seems coming true, it pains my soul
To have my wife awaken me
And say, it's time to get some coal.
Great Opportunity.
"It don't seem to ma true that An
drew Carnegie is trying to do the most
possible good with his money."- ,
"How strange! Why do you say
that?" 0 ..( .
"Well, if I wanted. to do the most
good with a lot. of money I would de
vote most of it to hiring, stoves put up.
for husbands and fathers. It would
result in a much better moral atmos
phere around the house for a, day or
two every fall." .
Brain Leaks. '
The loudest prayer does riot always
reach heaven first. '" r' '
Going To Do is forever asking fav
ors of Have Done. ' '
Two may make a home,. but it takes
three or more to make a Home.
The trouble with, many men is that
they think with their stomachs.
Some men are so afraid of stubbing
their toes that they never look up.
' The man who is looking for trouble
does not need the services of an
pculist.
If men only voted as they thought it
would not take so long to count the
ballots.
It is better to be born lucky than
rich; but it is better to be born plucky
than either lucky or rich.
It does not always take two to make
a bargain. The lender usually attends
to that in financial transactions.
Jordan is a hard road for some peo
ple, because they have never learned to
stop dragging their feet when they
walk.
The trouble with some men is that
they spend more time trying to make
excuses for not doing right than they
do trying to do right.
Paragraphic Punches
Chicago Tribune: People at the ends
of -the earth will meet some very agree
able American naval gentlemen this
winter. They testified in Admiral
Schley's favor.
Denver News: It is proposed to hang
the Filipinos who talk "agin the gov
ernment." Why adopt such mild
measures? Why not stick their heads
on poles to adorn the city gates?
Washington Post: Mrs. Taylor, who
went over Niagara Falls with a barrel,
is going to lecture. The gentlemen
who get into the United States senate
in the same manner are more reticent
Peoria Herald-Transcript: The Am
erican consumer will in all probability,
continue lo pay this toll to the trusts
until a democratic congress and a
democratic president remove the bur
den. St. Paul Globe: It maybe to the
gain of the human family that Britan
nia shall rule and that the Boers shall
.bo annihilated. But the London jingoes
have certainly done a deal to prove the
reverse of the proposition.
New York World: Of course there
is no war in the Philippines there
hasn't been any, arid it has been ended
again and again but they are hang
ing people there for 'giving aid and
comfort to the "insurgents."
Omaha World-Herald: The Porto
Rican delegation has called on the
president and told him that Porto Rico
wants a tariff of 5 per. cent put on all
coffee from other countries than Porto
Rico. ' The Porto Ricans seem to bo
learning very quickly from that little
15 per cent of the Dihgley rate'tariff.
TO CUBE A COM) IN ONE DAY
Tuko Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All
curt
25c.
druggists rofund tho monoy if it fails to cure
ju, y. urove's signature is on oacn box,
' There are 800 public baths in Tokyo,
which are patronized' daily by 300,000
persons. The charge is about half a
c6nt.
Canada's forests are found to be
equal to supplying the world with
pulp wood alone for 840 years, on the
basis of 1,500,000 tons of manufactured
pulp a year.
When the dismantling of tle Pospn
fortifications is completed the land
which they covered will be purchased
from the German otnrire by Prussia
for 11,250,000 marks.
His Preference.
. Of course Bhe insisted that she wag
all out of practice, that she had no
music and that she could not play from J liquor
We know a woman whose idea of
heaven is that it Is a place where
there are no dishes to wash or grum
bling husbands to endure.
It iS'Often the case that the man who
is loudest in declaring woman's place
is in the homo makes the declaration
while fronting up to a saloon bar.
spending his week's wage for rod-
A. IMfcESB BOOIv.
Sufforore from Kidney, Blnddor,
Llvor, Stomach, Nervous DUoubob or
llhouinutisni should writo for clenn
C3-pngo booklet. It contahiB much
usuful information regarding food
digestion. civuBO nnd piovcntlou oc
(Usoiiro nnd explaining liow patientB
at it distunco can bo ticutfd micccbb
fnlly by mall. Remember It will bo
pont freo by mail, postngo paid. Ad
diesfl, Dr. C. D. SlIAVJSIl. No. 147
darneld Placo, Cincinnati. Ohio.
IJITCUTO and sketch for froo opinlon.Feo
r A I rll I rf dependent on BuccosB.E3tab.lwH.
I ft I L.I1 1 U M1Jj0 b. STEVENS & CO.,Attys.
Div, L, 11th & Q Sts., WASHINGTON. P. 0.
01 CI CVCQ MADE NEW Away with glasses.
ULU L I LO By mall, 10p. Ho 788, Now York.
Qnnfl Parrnto Price, list and little book froo.
ZUUU rGllGIS N.A. KNAPP. Kochcstor, O.
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