8
The Commoner.
,jf
Whether Common or Not
Disrupted the Society ,
Tho Booravlllo Society of Scientific Research
Is no more. Being interested in learning the cause
of its demise I asked Sam Rlcketts to tell mo the
whole story.
"Well, sir; when wo organized that air so
ciety wo wus plum' shore it wus goin' t' he a edu
catin' inflooence in th' social life o' Boomvllle.
Our young folks tuk right hold on it, an' wo ol'
folks wus not fur behin'. Mighty interestin' ses
sions wus hold. Fust wo had a magic lantern fel
ler como down frum Boston t' show us what kind
p' bugs an' things we wus takin' into our stum
micks every timo wo et or drunk. Some o' his pic
ters wus horrlfyin', hut as wo wus there t' learn
we managed t' stand it.
"Next wo had a feller como down from New
York an' feel all th' humps on our heads. After
he left we wus convinced that Boomvillo contained
more future presidents, senators, congressmen and
justices o' th peace than ary othor similar arear
o' teritory in th' republic.
"By this time th' society wus dolh' amazln'
fine and we wus glttin' applications fur member
ship frum all over th' township. Then we had
lectures on .astronomy, sociology an' several other
'ologles, an' we wus shorely glttin' headachy with
our sooperabundance o' scientific knowledge.
"Then we had a feller come down frum Wash
ington to give us a lecture on chemistry. Ho
brought a lot o' tools along an' said ho Was goin'
t' glvo us some demonstrashuns. That was th'
last meotln' o' th' Society fur Scientific Research.
"Th feller done some purty tricks with dlf
f'runfc kinds o' powders an' sich which stunk up
' tho hall considerable, but we didn't mind that.
Then he said somethin' abput 'chemical affinity
whatever that may be, an' said ho would lllus
trai) it by showln' what affinity wus. Said oxy
glu and hldergln had a chemical affinity an'- when
combined made, water. Some things had no chem
ical affinity, he said. F'r instance, he said, oil an'
water won't mix.
"Jus then Bill Swlggers begin' t' laffi, and ho
laffed.so hard we started t' put him- out. Bill's
frlen'a come to his assistance an' th' meetin' ended
In a -fight. We ain't had no meetln's since."
"Who is Bill Swlggers?" I asked.
"Don't know Bill Swlggers? Why to bo
shore you don't. He come hero after you went
away. Bill Is th local agent o' th'' Standard Oil
company." - ,
&H
Will It Come to This?
"William, have you locked the rear door?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you fastened all the windows?"
"Yes, sir."
"Have you put tho cover on the sugar barrel,
looked at the spigot of the molasses barrel, put the
cheese under cover, put the butter in tho ice box
and brought in the front display?"
. "Yes, sir."
"Then put the potatoes in tho burglar-proof
safe and we'll close up for the night."
$S
The Literary Struggle.
"Now, John Swlthers, you stay home tonight
and take care of the baby. Johnnie Swlthers, if you
don't stop driving tacks in the wall I'll box. your
ears. Want to go t' lodge? Not much, you're
not. You wont to lodge three weeks ago tonight.
Now take tLat baby and rock her, and bo careful
how you hold her, too. Mary Ellen Swlthers, you
sit right down on that stool and don't you dare
-move for twenty minutes. Susan, you bring me
a pen and ink and then get all the children ready
for bed. An hour till bed-time? That makes no
difference. I can not have you disturbing mo.
You have them all roady for bed before I got my
writing gown on. You hear me? All right; now
mind.
Then Mrs. Mary Elizabeth Swithers went up
stairs to don her writing habiliments.
"I guoss," remarked Mr. Swithers as he sad
ly rocked tho baby to and fro, "that your mother
is preparing to" write her monthly letter on 'How
to Make Home Happy' for the Ladles' Own Companion."
How?
Pray tell us, yachting experts, please,
Who on the race have reckoned,
How can Sir Thomas In the race
Come out a-whooping in first place
When he sails Shamrock II?
Sure Sign. ,
"I'm 'afraid Bllklns Is afflicted with paresis?"
"What makes you think so?"
"Ho mot Wilklns on the street yesterday.
Wilkins was wheeling his baby around the block.
And Bilklns, whose baby is the same age as
Wilklns' baby, actually admitted that the Wilkins
baby was better looking that his own."
"0, cheer up! That's not a sign of paresis.
That's a sign Wilkins is going to run for some
county office."
Our Beautiful Language.
A modern young maid of Scoharie
Said, "No, sir; I never shall marie."
But a man with the dough
Overcame the maid's nough,
And' single no longer she'd tarie.
Biffs.
Home and hate begin and end with the. same
letters; the difference is in what is "between them;
Praying and doing are the piston and eccen
tric that keep reforms moving.
Some men bestow on others that which they
do not need or want for themselves, and the pride
themselves on their charity.
Laughter is the leaven that makes a world
light.
To Bo Sure.
"What's the use of working like a slave?1 The
world owes me a living."
"Correct, old chap. But a man's got to be a
mighty good collector to get it."
. Wlli M. Maupin.
Items of Interest.
.Mr
Japan has been cremating her dead for 1,200
years.
In Prussia all railway return tickets are good
for forty-five days. .
Russia has recently suffered a loss of $50,000,
000 by forest fires.
The Minnesota output of butter will be larger
this year than ever before.
It costs Baltimore $300 a year to display flags
on the municipal buildings.
There are more telephones in New York City
than in the whole of France.
It is estimated that tho electrical apparatus
i(sed- la mining is worth $100,000,000.
An acre of bananas will produce 133 times,
in weight, as much as an acre of wheat.
Ocean steamships are now as regular in their
arrival and departure as railroad trains.
Tho olive orchards of Arizona are said to bo
yielding a fruit superior to the imported.
Since 1871 the number of blind people in
Germany has decreased from 85 to 67 per 100,000.
Dr. Brubacher, a German physician, declares
that 72.5 per cent of dyspeptics have unsound teeth;
Athens, Greece, has a weekly newspaper writ
ten entirely in verse, even to the advortisements.
The largest theatre in the world is the Theatre
Francais, Paris. It covers three acres of ground.
The Indian Territory produced 1,900,127 tons of
coal in 1900. The output is increasing each year.
In tho United States the electrical motor busi
ness is increasing at the rate of $150,000,000 a
year.
A French savant declares that 199 men .in ev
ery 100,000 engaged in military duty become in
sane. The street railways of the country use electri- ,
cal appliances representing an investment of $1,
800,000,000. In. eastern Siberia soup and milk are sold by
the pound. The purchaser must melt them be
fore ethey can be used.
The people of Victoria are talking of holding
an exposition to celebrate the anniversary of the.
discovery of gold in 1851.
Statistics prove that the taking of human life,
either by murder of suicide, is 50 per cent greater
in summer than in winter. - .
The artesian well at Grenelle, near Paris, is tho
largest in Europe. It flows, 700,000 gallons of- wa
ter every twenty-four hours.
German trade with the Philippines amounted
to $1,499,400 in 1890 nearly treble the trade of the
United States with the islands. .
It has not been 100 years since the pillory and
the whipping post were to be seen standing in the
streets of Boston and New York.
New York, Now Jersey and Pennsylvania pay
their governors $10,000 a year. Oregon and Ver
mont pay their governors $1,500 a year.
Employes in the Lynn, Mass., shoe factories;
contemplate asking employers to continue tno
Saturday half holiday through the winter.
New York and Pennsylvania pay members of.
the legislature $1,500 a year each. Maine pays $150
a year. Nebraska pays $5 a day for sixty days.
Justices of tho supreme court in New York
City receive $7,500 a year more salary than the,
justices of tho supreme court of tho United States,
Centerville, the famous village near tho
scene of the battles of Bull Run, is not growing
rapidly. In forty years only two houses have
been erected.
Officers of the Mexican army have been noti
fied that if caught in any of the gambling houses
in the City of Mexico tlTey will be discharged
from the army.
Seventy-seven per cent, of the women who re
cently took the civil service examination at Wash
ington passed successfully. Only 62 per cent, of
the. men passed.
A year ago night schools "were established In
Honolulu for the purpose of teaching English to.
Hawalians. They have been abolished because
of non-attenda2e.
The shah of Persia and his sons have a royal'
perogative which they guard with jealous care.
The long tails of their horses are dyed for six
inches at their tips.
An exhibition of rat traps is soon to be held
in Copenhagen. The rat plague in Denmark has
become so great that a war of extermination had
been determined upon, .
There is an organization of commercial trav
elers in Chicago known as the "Gideons." , Tho
organization has 1,500 members, none of whom
drink, smoke or play cards. ,,,.
Some things which are deemed household
necessities in most American families have no
m.-.rkot whatever in France' or southern Europe.,
Among them may be mentioned rofrlgerators,i
rocking chairs and kitchen ranges with hot water
backs,,
.nM
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