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Whether Common or Not.
Patty Cake.
Old Lucullus was a "feastor with a record hard to
beat,
And old Nero had some banquets "rich and rare;
But each evening' I'd be willing to trot each of
them a heat,
For I havo a feast of good things, and to spare.
Though no china rare and costly gives my board"
an added graco,
Though the viands do not come across the sea,
I'm content, for rich and flaky,- by my long ac
customed placo
Is the "patty-cake" Lorona makes for me.
Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker man;
Roll 'em, roll 'em, fast as you can.
Pick 'em, pick 'em,- cute as can bo,
Toss 'em In the oven for j?apa and mo. ,
At rare banquet boards I've feasted when the wlno
of wisdom flowed
Till the flying hours of night merged into day;
But my heart was ever turning to my humble,
bright abodo,
Where a baby spends hor waking hours in play.
For' I knew the little darling, ore she closed her
laughing eyes,
Sat1 In state upon her mamma's dancing knee
And prepared for absent papa such a wonderful
surprise
Made a toothsome littlo "patty-cake" for mo.
Patty-cake, patty-cake, baker man;
Roll 'em, roll 'em, fast as you can.
v Pick 'em, pick 'em, cute as can be,
Toss om in the oven for papa and me. '
- "
Finest sfruits of fair. Arcady, finest wines ,frqm
sunny Franco, , , . ., '
Finest china and cut glass of beauty raro, tf,rh
From which sparks of glowing splendor in their
gleaming beauty glance,
And the richest breath of perfume .on the air
These may grace the brown stone palace of ,tho
haughty millionaire,
But In happiness I'm richer far than he. ,
For his millions and his palace I'd not trade the
. , .smallest share
Of the "patty-cake" Lorena makes for me.
Patty-cake, patty-cake, .baker man;
v . Jtoll 'em, roll 'em, fast as . you can.
Pick 'em, pick 'em, cute as can bo,
Toss 'em in the oven for papa and me. '
1
A Feminine Sherlock Holmes.
They say women are guided solely by instinct.
Th'ey sat on a park bench,-watching the swans sail
ing by. .
"And you say you have never had on skates?"
she said,
"Never in ray life," replied the young man.
She gazed at him for a brief moment, then
asked:
"Then, sif, why does your breath smell of
cloves?"'
ThiiTalso proves the wonderful adaptability of
our language. ' ' ' ' s . t
A Wise Girl.
' v
. He was' desperately- slow;- although? he.qheer-
fully spent his money. s
"No, Mr. Slowman," she said. "I do not eat
Ice cream. It contains ptomaine, toxin, typhus and'
other poisons."
He gasped for a moment and then asked:
"Er, Miss Smoothe, may I er may I hope?"
Aristocratic
"I do not believe wo can recognize the Do
Sraythes," said Mrs. Von Astorflold.
"Whv TlOt?" Inniilfnrl Mi. r Ani. i.i
The Commoner.
Mrs. DoSmytho on tho street last evening we
caught a faint odor of gasoline?"
"Yes. What of It?"
"It means that they take care of their own
automobile."
A Warlor Bold.
Ho never won a naval fight, .
Nor led an army bold; v
He never sought to find the pole
Midst Arctic ice and cold.
But ho is looked upon with awo ,
In spite of all of that
He is tho "kingly janitor
Who manages our flat.
t&
A Description.
' . "What kind of a fellow is Jimson?"
"Jimson is what I would call an auto-philanthropist."
" "What's that?"
"An auto-philanthropist is one who. exerts all
of his philanthropy upon himself."
A Puzzled Subject.
I'm just a Porto Rican with a tall, tough tax;
I got it where the chicken got the keen, cold ax.
And an ornamental duty
That waa levied just for booty,
Of days of George of England somewhat seems and
smacks.
And I wait an explanation
Of your boasted Declaration,
Which at present seems well ridden with some
criss-cross cracks.
Plagiarism.
The young man arose from his knees, a look of
sadness in his jeyes.
"Then your refusal is final, 'Miss Billlngsbill?"
Beatrice Billlngsbill leaned' forward with 'a
fleeting gleam of sorrow in her blue eyes and saidr
' "It is, Mr. McGimplelgh. I regret to state"
"O, come off, Miss Billlngsbill," said Mr. Regi
nald Do Puyster McGimplelgh, reaching for his
hat, "I ain't no British war office receiving n report
from South Africa."
And with a hollow laugh he strode through tho
hall door and vanished in the darkness.
They Will Hile.
There was a young miss in Mobile
Who went for a ride on her while;
But the impolite bike
Threw her out on the pike,
And many a bruise she can file.
ys
O.'-N
Proof Positive.
"Writaly is the most even-tempered man I ever
saw."
"What makes you think that?"
"He never swears when his typewriter fails
to space properly." ' ,
Brain Leaks.
Soon forgotten some Jay recalled.
A well trained conscience is a poor guide.
- Man's pleasure is too often a woman's woe.
True faith never worries over small things.
Slander is the weapon of the weak-minded.
The religion that costs nothing is worth it.
Where contentment is love sits in the window.
'The foolish man prepares to die. The wise
man prepares to live.
Tho word "murder" spelled backwards re
veals tho cause of much of it.
The agnostic says, "I do not know." The
Christian says, "I believe." God knows.-
Something: In a Name.
That his now yacht would come out last
. Sir Thomas should havo reckoned;
For. what, else could ho figure on
When he named it Shamrock II.?
W. M. M.
A'
Newyorkitis.
Dr. Girdner, In his delightful book, 'Newyork
itis,' thus describes one of the mental symptoms
on the disease: '
"A Newyorkitlc is simply unable to under
stand how a man can reach a conclusion and stand
by It, uninfluenced by other men's opinions and
his own personal Interests.
"These unfortunates adopt a particular creed
or party for no better reason than the fact that
their parents belonged to it, or, what is less com
mendable, because of fear of some individual, or of
public opinion, or because it coincides with their
material interests. The Nowyorkitic thus forfeits
tho respect of ' all men of. all creeds and parties
who are mentally honest You meet a man, for in
stance, who, argues that the moon is made of
cheese. He may convince you, for the time, that
he Is sincere in this belief. You do not agree with
him, but his apparent sincerity commands your'
respect. Now if you learn the next day that this ,'
man is in the dairy business, and that the general
acceptation of his cheese theory would bo of im
mense advantage to his dairy interests, you uncon
sciously lose all respect for, and Interest in, his
views on astronomy and every other subject.
"I admire the honest avowal of motive which
was contained in the reply to a question I once
asked of an insane man. This poor man was chron
ically and incurable insane. He had been in tho
asylum for ten years. Every time he was allowed
out in the ground for exercise, he would walk"
back and forth over the same path, some twenty
yards Jong, and looking across the river at the
rows of city blocks, he would repeat aloud to him
self in a monotonous tone: 'All these houses be
long to me! All these houses belong to me!' I
asked him why he continued to announce that he
was the owner of all jthe houses. His reply was: 'I
am trying to create a sentiment of that kind, sir,
and turning quickly, he continued his monotonous
tramp and 'All these houses belong to me!'
"The New York academy of medicine ap
pointed a committee some years ago to endeavor
to induce congress to pass certain legislation look
ing to the improvement of the national health laws.
A distinguished Newyorkitlc asked me confiden
tially this question: 'What is there In this bill for
you doctors?' He looked surprised and incred
ulous when I told, him there was nothing in it ex
cept that the academy believed its enactment into
law would save tens of thousands of human lives
every year.
"To many of these patients, such productions
a3 the Decalogue, the Sermon on the Mount, the
Lord's Prayer, the Declaration of Independence, .
and Plato, are 'back numbers.' "
Marquis Ito.
The recent critical situation between Russia'
and Japan-a crisis, indeed, which at one time
many students of international affairs thought im- "
minent of war has again brought into special
prominence the Japanese statesman who has been
called the father of the Japanese constitution. Ito,
Okuma, and Yamagata have been the three great
political leaders of Japan slrce the war with China
fn oh?nf lffSnaT? is morTe famous as commander-in-chief
of the victorious Japanese army than as a
statesman Ito, indeed, has been connected With
Japanese diplomacy since as long ago as 1864
when he helped negotiate the treaty with Great
Britain, the United States, France, and Holland!
i if 5een nrGmIer several times, and despite '
cabinet changes, has always been respected by the
best elements in Japan, because he has always
stood for a strong, positive Japanese policy, com
bined with progressive political ideas as respects
foreign intercourse and relations. His enemies
have been almost invariably the reactionaries. The
result of the war with China justified his radical
policy. His retirement in 1896 was forced by the
aversion of Japan to admit that It was necessary
to accept the unsatisfactory terms forcad upon Ito
by Russia and the other powers. But whenever
danger of war with Russia is strong, Ito again
comes to tho front in the minds of all the people
of Japan. The Outlook.
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