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Whether Common or Not ii
H"M-M' l"..f......i,Mll..,..,.,gl.l,n-i--H "I i i 1 i 1 !
A Neglected Education.
She was up in physiology, zoology, biology,
In physics, in philosophy and art;
She was long on sociology, .philology, astrology,
And classic works she almost had by heart.
She was good in etymology, orthography, and prosody,
In languages she reveled day and night.
For either she said "eyether" and for neither she
Said "nyether,"
And was prepared to prove her methods right.
She knew much of anthropology, and also
Demonology,
Also social topics of the day.
She was AI in astronomy, political economy,
And learnedly discussed the latest py,
When it came to egyptology, mythology, geology,
She knew as much as any one can know.
In all matters like psychology, ichthyology, theology,
She talked until her pallid cheeks would glow.
But though versed in most all 'ology she was forced
to make apology
In matters of grave moment morn and night
She knew nought of housekeepology, sweepology
breadology,
And couldn't boil clear water half-way right.
n
The Worms Turned.
'What were you and the rest of Dingman's neigh
bor doing to him yesterday?"
"We went over to make an appeal and a protest."
"What was it all about?"
"We appealed to him to quit buying Sunday news
papers that gave away musical supplements. When
he refused, we appealed to him to prevent his daugh
ter from trying to play and sing the music"
BBBB
Precaution.
"Here comes Fullman. Let's turn down this side
street."
1 "Why dou',t you want to meet him?"
"Oh, he's got a two-year-old boy, and when he
meets me he takes up all the time telling what his boy
does and doesn't give me a chance to say a word about
my three-year-old girl. Fullman is a perfect bore."
Owed to Spring.
Hail spring! (Confound that snow!)
We welcome thy return.
Hail spring! (Hear that wind blow!
Why don't that furnace burn?)
Soon birds from out the south
Will come and sweetly sing.
So let me ope my mouth
To hail,
sleet,
ruin.
snow, c.'t . -. -V"
blow, . -''."'
, ' - .' frost, - . -
"'' ' .- blizzard,' .
fc gentle spring.
! -
4.
v,
V
r
j 7 :
The Commoner.
per from her pocket and laid it on the table where
she could see it.
14 Is that so, Mr. Bildad? LastMonday you backed
a ten-full for $17.25 and lost to a man who held four
deuces. On Tuesday night you and cloven friends
dropped into a saloon, and before you camo out your
share amounted to $5.45. Wednesday evening you
rolled ten pins with Mr. Golightly for a dollar a game,
and your losses amounted to $11. On Thursday even
ing you spent $1.75 playing billards and that was the
evening you wore too tired-to go to Mrs. Highfly's re
ception with mc. Last night you played poker until
midnight because you had to work at the office, as
you said, and when you quit oven you wore so tickled
that you spent $2.35 celebrating the event with your
comrades. During the week you also smoked cigars
to the amount of $4.70, and your lunches down town
cost you $5.85. The hat I mentioned in thebeginning
will cost only $20 and T want you to understand Mr.
Bildad, that I am"
Jumping from the chair Bildad threw a roll of
bills down upon the table and hastily fled into his don.
"It is strange," smiled Mrs. Bildad, "how much
a poor husband has to worry him." W. M. M.
Smooth rtrs. Bildad.
Profiting by the experience of former Easters,
Mrs. Bildad had availed herself of the services of a
private detective. Therefore, when Mr. Bildad shoved
his chair back from the dinner table Saturday morn
ing Mrs. Bildad was ready for him:
"My dear' she began. "One week from tomor
row is Easter, you know. I was down town this
afternoon and saw the sweetest love of a bonnet in
Bargain's window for only "
" No use talking to me about a new hat this Eas
ter," growled Bildad, " I'm too hard up. I can't raise
enough money to pay the grocery, meat and rent
bills."
' With a smile Mrs. Bildad extracted a slip of pa-
i
MHH-H-41 f.hi i 11 1! 1 11 I I i 11 1 1 1
Borrowed fun.
t-H-H-H-i-l-H-HW-H-H M i 111111111111
Wanted the Experience.
The girl was very rich and the young man poor
but honest. She liked him, but that was all, and he
knew it. One night he had been a little more tender
than usuaL
" You are very rich," he ventured.
"Yes," she replied frankly, "I am worth $1,
250,000." "And I am poor."
"Yes." ' V
" Will you marry me? w
."No." . -"?V
" I thought you wouldn't" v '
" Then why did you ask me? " &
"Oh, just to see how a man feels when he loses
$1,250,000." National Watchman.
The Modern Iioonldan.
The Parsons Eclipse says that Senator House
holder, "fighting the iniquitous Republican railroad
bill," is like a brave Spartan fighting the brave hosts
at Thermopylae. And the point is not badly taken
if along the lino suggested by Gene Ware's poem: D
A father said to his hopeful son,
"Who was Leonidas, my cherished one?"
The boy replied with words of ardent nature,
"He was a member of the legislature."
"How?" asked the parent; then the youngster saith,
"He got a pass and held her like grim death."
"Whoso pass? What pass?" the anxious father cried:
" 'Twas tho'r monopoly," the boy replied. Kansas
City Journal.
B
Well Enough.
" Didn't I tell you to let well enough alone? "said
the doctor to the convalescent who had disobeyed and
was suffering a relapse.
" Yes, doctor," whined the patient, " but I wasn't
well enough." Detroit Free Press.-
Skeptical.
" What did Mazie say when you told her she was
as pretty as a picture? "
"She wanted to see the picture." Philadelphia
Bulletin.
Mrs. Wunder But what could Mr. Morgan do
with all the money in the world, even if he should
corner it?
Mr. Wunder Perhaps he is fond of strawberries.
Baltimore American.
The train it is a wicked thing,
The engine smokes all day,
And drags along the chew-chew cars ; " - '
And tanks up by the way. t .
Chaparral.
111 1 1 1 11 1 H-l-H-f-H-H i l-H 11 H H 1 1 1 1 I I
Miscellaneous.
HI 11 1 1 I -HUH I HlrH H 1 HH-I-H 1 II I
The cry comes from steady Scotland that drunk
enness is increasing, and The Dundee Advertiser calls
for a campaign to arouso the people.
Official reports show that during the year 170,524
persons were cited and the nearest previous approach
to this flguro was the total of 105,003 similarly appre
hended in 1898, the average for the preceding five
years having been 164,500. Not more than 2,153 were
charged with crimes so serious as to involve remit
tance to a superior court. The report says:
"It remains terribly clear that wo are getting
farther than over from getting rid of tho huge volume
of drunkenness and disorder which mark Scottish
statistics so unfavorably, as compared with those of
other countries."
Last year tho number of persons so charged rose
to 112,033, another record figure. Tho five towns
with the worst record aro Queen's Ferry, with 1,424
cases per 10,000 of the estimated population; Falkirk,
with 1,000 cases; Llnllthgaw, with 830; Cummock,
with 710, and Clydebank, with 750 case. Of tho 170,.
524 persons charged, 14,813 were acquitted or set free
by proceedings against them being dropped, and as
regards tho nationality of convicted prisoners auly 52
per cent were Scots, 4 per cent were English and 43
per cent were Irish. Of tho convictions 73 per cent
were dealt with by fines which realize 48,930, and o
this amount Glasgow contributed 10,057. '
The period of temperance succeeding the Burns
era seems to have come to an end, and John Barley
corn is as jubilant as ever. Atlanta Constitution.
If the discussion of the Evans bill had served no
other purpose it would have been worth while for the
growing unanimity of opinion it developed among
people who formerly supposed it impossible that they
should ever reach the same conclusion on any subject
involving the antagonisms that disturbed Utah for so
many years. But the public sentiment on this sub
ject proved that much of the old bitterness has passed
away; that Mormons and non-Mormons alike aro anx
ious to bury the past and begin a new era in which
all shall co-operate for the general good.
It is not in human nature to forget wrongs or
abandon prejudices in a day, but it is possible to turn
from the past and look to the future with hope and a
determination to do all that can be done for the estab
lishment of a better understanding. Such a possibil
ity has been demonstrated by tho attitude of all
classes towards tho Evans measure.
Governor Wells was exactly right when he said
the friends and foes of the bill were alike sincere in
their motives; and ho was right, also, when he de
clared the biU would afford only a delusive hope of ben
efit to those whom it was designed to protect. Botli
sides have seen the waves of bitterness rise and sub
side, each succeeding wave receding further until this
last one barely disturbed the serenity of tho people.
Salt Lake Herald.
Tho Irish World, under the caption of "Evil
Work," reprimands Miss Maude Gonno for attacking
the United Irish League in her lecture in the Academy
of Music, New York. "If Miss Gonne cannot find
some better mark for her abuse than the United Irish
League," says the Irish World, "she had better go
back to Paris." Miss Gonne prefers physical force to
parliamentary agitation. Let her advocate it all she
pleases, but refrain from belittling tho efforts of Eed
mond, O'Brien, Dillon and their confederates at West
minster. The United Irish League is waging a gal
lant light against landlordism and should be encour
aged rather than condemned. Tho Irish Standard.
One Democratic principle, that of a Senatorial
election by the people, will surely come shortly to
pass.
The situation in many of the states today is so
scandalous that public feeling is aroused throughout
the country.
New York should take the initiativejn this great
reform.
Let the state legislature act.
The present system permits corporations to dc
baach the state legislature, in order to debauch the
.United States Senate.
Let the Senator be elected by the people, not
by the corporations. Tammany Times.
41
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