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About The commoner. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-1923 | View Entire Issue (March 29, 1901)
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j4i 1 t I B Hi I i i 1 H IH-hh-W-H-iW i-M-444
Whether Common or Not !i
When Nature Smiles.
Bonnie blue sky and a warm sun shines,
And birds in the woodlands are pluming;
Swelling buds burst on the trees and vines,
And soon will the flowers be blooming.
Birds from the southlcnd will soon come and sing,
And living is loving in spring in spring.
Winter is dead and the fire burns low,
And snow skiffs uo longer are llying;
Violets b'oom in the warm sun's glow,
And gone is the season of sighing.
Soon her green mantle Dame Nature will fling,
And laughter iscatching in spring in spring.
'There's two kinds of people I'm always kinder
suspicious of," remarked Uncle Hiram, elevating his
feet to the top of the stove; "them that air always
hollerin' 'stop, thief,' an' them that is always posin'
as better'n anybody else."
Everybody Uses It
The caoutchouc plant noted that the man was
peering intently through the rank tropical growth.
"Ah, I see you!" exclaimed the man.
"Rubber!" hissed the caoutchouc plant.
This, too, long before any slang terms had pene
trated into the wilderness.
lie gave his gold with lavish hand
And spread his fame througout the land.
He builded here and builded there,
And as he wrought things passing fair
His face with conscious pride did glow.
Then, when at last his time had come
And he had gone to his long home,
He stepped within and proudly said:
'Of course I shall be quickly led
To the best seat in the front row."
St, Peter smiled and shook his head,
And to the new arrival said:
"M-M-Miss Brightleigh, may I cr, that is to say,
will j'ou er Miss Brightleigh, may I ring "
With a low, glad cry the young lady tripped
lightly across the room and threw herself into his
" 0, Mr. Dumson, this is so sudden! "
Even in her most exciting moments a woman will
not forget the proprieties.
A Promising1 Youth.
The proud father gazed at his offspring and ex
claimed: " I expect Thomas to grow up and earn not less
than a million a year as the head of some great cor
poration." We could do nothing less than ask what gave rise
to this expectation.
" I've noticed," said the proud father in reply,
" that Thomas is able to persuade the other boys that
he should keep right on fishing while they dig for
more worms." W. M. M.
HHhfrM III M U Z H rU-H'M H 8 H-H-WM-H
4 - "'
"We manage this place on a plan
That may seem rather strange to man,
But 'tis a plan we know is right."
Then leading him to second place,
St. Peter smiled and turned his face,
"Who has first place?" the proud man cried.
St. Peter turned and quick replied:
"A widow and she gave a mite."
, , ansassaa, j) i
.a - The Social Philosopher. J
"I am always puzzled," remarked the Social
Philosopher, " when I see a man wipe his feet before
entering his house."
" What is there puzzling about that?" queried the
"Well, I never know whether to give him credit'
for neatness or to give his wife credit for managerial
m 1 1 1 1 1 1 m 1 1 n n 1 1 1 1 1 m i n m ii n i'
Oh, wherefore do they call them "trusts?"
'Tis wrong, it seems to me
Since everything one gets from them
Is issued C. O. D. Washington Star.
We call them "trusts" in irony
Because the people flock
In simple, guileless, child like trust
To buy the common stock.
' Ills Customary State.
" Your friend Tackey is 'way off in Honolulu
now. Doesn't that surprise you?"
"It does and doesn't."
Heard he was going there, eh?"
4No, I didn't know he was in Honolulu, but I
knew he was 'way off even when he was here."
Partially Correct Diagnosis.
"I don't like your heart action," the doctor said,
applying the stethoscope again. "You have had
some trouble with angina pectoris."
"You're partly right, doctor," sheepishly an
swered the young man. "Only that ain't her name."
"I undertand," said Mrs. Ascum. "that you've
had a good deal of sickness at your house."
" Well," replied the haughty Miss Woodby, "one
of the servants, I believe, is sick. Papa was ill and
mamma' is quite seriously indisposed. Philadelphia
The man who proudly boasts that ho
Much money has to burn,
Will in good time be made to see
He ashes has to urn.
tf& Wily Woman.
The gas-burned low, but the man sat bolt upright
in a chair on the farther side of the room.
"I nresume," said the young woman, "that it
will be my luck to marry a sexton."
The man turned pale and twisted uneasily in his
What makes you think that? " he stammered.
"Uncle John," said little Emily, "do 3rou know
that a baby that was fed on elephant's milk gained,
twentv nounds in a week?" " Nonsene!" exclaimed
Uncle John, and then asked: " Whose baby, was it? "
It was the elephant's baby,' replied little Emily.
The Dietetic and Hygienic Gazette.
Chicago Tribune : "Just before Badraun was sent
to prison he bought a set of books, to be paid for in
" What did he do that for?"
He said it would make the time seem shorter."
Tit-Bits: Awestruck Visitor It must be very
difficult to produce such an exquisite work of art.
Dealer Nonsense. Almost anybody can paint a
picture, but finding a victim to buy it after it is
painted is where the art comes in.
Chicago Times-Herald: " Have -you ever read
" Well, he appears to be the only man-of my ac-l An English Woman's Love Letters?'"
quaintance who knows how to ring a bell.'! . . " No; the only girl I ever corresponded with reg
" Miss Brightleigh! " stammered the young man, fa ularly was born in Indiana." a -i i - .
For cool effrontery, the attempt of a cookedmp
"Directory of the Federal Party' in Manila to impoae
on the American public has rarely been equalled Ii
has struck the imperial newspapers dumb. Their si
lence on the subject may bo only temporary, but it is
none the less grateful and significant. They seem to
think the Philippine Commission takes them for nin
nies to send on such humbug "petitions." But why
should they be surprised or indignant at this? After
Uncle Sam has bought a whole gold brick, in the
shape of the Philippine archipelago, is he to take
offense at being ahkd further to invest in a few spe
cimens of "fool's gold"? In Manila they evidently
think that a simple-minded old gentleman who has
believed what he has in the past, is capable of any
credulity. But this is a little too much to set up
one American, two Spaniards, and three Filipinos
who have been in the employ of the Americans from
the first, as the mouthpiece of the millions of disaf
fected natives! The whole thing is obviously a move
and not a very creditable one, in the game to secure
for the Philippine Commission something more than
a semblance of power as against the Military Gov
ernor. But the thing cannot be done. As long as
one man at the head of the army is held responsible
for the islands, ho must have supreme authority. It
is all well enough to allow Judge Taft to amuae the
natives with legislative figments, but, as long as the
insurrection continues, the Judge wilj. have to bp
really under the orders of the General. New Yprk
Eliminate the contributions of the corporations
engaged in domestic and foreign commerce as a factor
in elections and the republican party would be in a
minority in both houses of congress, and the demo
cratic party would be in control of both jthe xecu,tive
and legislative branches of the government at ho
I nevt presidential election. The growth of gigantic
trusts which are such a menace to free government
would cease. Subsidies, all the various forms ot steal
age which flourish under that and cognate terms would
disappear. Tariffs to enrich the few at the expense
of the many would, again be scaled to produce rev
enue instead of to build up favored industries afc the
expense of the taxpaying consumer, war taxes would
be repealed or limited to the actual needs of phe
S innnUn on7 Mm rnnainman( n1tnlnic4nini'l nnnn 4liut
and economical! principles instead upon a partisan
and wasteful basis. Louisville Courier-Journal.
Permit us to refer in terms of almost passionate
applause to the president's gentle forethought in the
cases of our now unemployed statesmen. Bleak, in
deed, and biting, is the day on which he cannot find a
pillow for the head of him who has done faithful
service or a refuge with fullness for the zealous friend,
William E. Chandler has fallen like a wounded bear
into a pit and found a chairmanship, with the pld
familiar 5,000 per annum at it leg. Thomas Henry
Carter has stumbled over a billet as commissioner to
some fair, with oil enough connected with it U lubri
cate the hinges of the very rustiest oracle. All is
peace and plenty. Gilead has not a thing but balm.
Washington Post. '
The armor plate monopoly in this country. has
been extorting about 150 per cent profit on its product
sold to our government. The German government
finds that it is being bled on the armor account even
I worse than we have been. Krupp charges Germany
100 a ton more for armor plate than the United
t States government pays manufacturers who pay a
royalty to Krupp. The armor platfe monopolists' are
a tough set on both, sides of the sea. Atlanta Jour
I would not enter on my list of friends, -Though-graced
with polished manners and flae seaso,
Yet wanting sensibility, the man .'.'
Who needlessly sets foot upon a worm. Cowpeb.
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