--
!!
EFUSING TO RETURN PICTURE.
etter sit still where born. I say,
Wed one sweet woman and love her
well.
ove and be loved in the old East way,
Drink sweet waters, and dream in a
spell,
han to wander in search of the blessed
isles,
.nd to sail the thousands of watery
miles
In search of love, and And you at last
On the edge of the world and a cursed
outcast
“Should a girl allow a young man
who Is a frequent visitor only at her
nome to nave ner
picture in his pos
session?” This is
quaintly asked of
me by anxious
girls, as well as
by mothers.
You can find
harm you never
thought of result
ing from many
young girls’ and
young women’s ex
periences, which
has thoughtlessly
led them into the
saddest of folly.
A young girl is
pleased to accept
the attentions of
a young man,
knowing that he is a constant caller
and that he takes pain to instill in
her mind that he thinks a great deal
of her. Often he gives her to under
stand that he thinks more of her than
of any young woman he has ever met.
For the time being he is sincere and
means what he says. But how does
she know that they may be intended
for life partners in the near future?
He may be only a deeply interested,
friendly visitor, and actually not hav
ing considered betrothal, nor even hav
ing serious intentions, although she
has made quite an impression upon
him.
If he is a far-seeing young man, he
believes in calling constantly upon the
girl who is pleasing and makes his
visits enjoyable, concluding that he
has plenty of time and opportunity to
consider whether his heart shall be
given into her keeping or not. He
cons over the selfish fact that, as he
is heart-whole and fancy-free, he is
at liberty to pay attention to first one
girl, then another, perhaps, until he
comes to propose.
While their prospects are unsettled,
girls should be earnestly advised not
to allow their thoughts of love to
dwell upon him captive-like. There
in lies the source of many a heartache.
During the love time, naturally, bright
young women choose a sunny day to
have their photographs taken, in their
prettiest fetching white frock and rib
bon bows, coquettish looking hats, the
dainty costume looking too sweet for
anything; captivating those who are
privileged to look upon the smiling
face of the picture proudly shown. The
young man takes it from her and
gazes long and rapturously at the
lovely bit of femininity the card re
veals, exclaiming; “I think it's per
fectly splendid! Don’t you want to let
me have one of them? I would ap
preciate it more than words can tell!”
This little flattery, and thinking it
would be constantly a reminder of her,
won a hesitating consent ‘‘Take it till
you tire of it and the subject; then
be sure and return it.” "I promise
that faithfully,”‘is his response, as he
pockets the photograph.
Little does a girl realize, as in this
case, of the rift in the lute which sep
arated them. Of it accidentally fall
ing out of an envelope and the club
fellows’ comments and remarks passed
which were uncomplimentary. Photo
graphs have been lost in the street,
picked up to adorn pamphlets. One
girl, at last wise, declares she never
allowed her photograph to be given
without losing the young man recip
ient. Usually they refuse to return
pictures or part with them.
A JILTED GIRL’S CHANCE.
No one Is so accursed by fate.
No one so utterly desolate.
But some heart, though unknown.
Responds unto his own.
It has often been noticed with con
siderable wonder that the fairest of
girls to look upon has possibly been
left alone in love’s race at some one
time by a fickle lover. At the time
when he took his departure it
seemed that there was no more trying
position the wide world over for the
girl to find herself placed in than this
turn in her devotion. There is noth
ing more appalling than a faithless
lover.
She must face foes and dear ones
alike, knowing tKlif tfiey are scrutinis
ing her bearing at such a time. Gos
sips, too, must come in for their share
of meddling. The girl has much rf
her proper pride and spirit left; this
has never failed in coming to her
rescue.
There were circumstances that she
could not control which prevented her
from staying away from places where
she would unfortunately be likely to
meet him with another whom he had
chosen. She resolves that her wisest
course to pursue is to school herself
to meet the ordeal and to get through
it bravely, holding her head high. The
man who without Just cause Jilts the
woman who has learned to love him
is not worthy of the least respect from
her or one heart throb from her bosom.
Such a man should not observe, by the
faintest sign or word, that she has a
remnant of love left for him in her
wronged heart or that he has the least
place in her regard. She conceals the
resentment and bitterness from show
ing, for that would but humiliate her
the more.
Her only course to pursue is to treat
him entirely as if he were a newcomer
“Tr
her part, a ladylike way which is plain
er than words can speajc: "Tour un
worthiness has not broken this heart!"
Most all men are chivalrous by nature.
Few if any would be base enough to
look down upon a worthy girl for
this cause. Pity is akin to love. She
seems more beautiful and more re
fined, because of her pitiful treatment
and her return of good for evil.
Silence was golden to her. She
could not be induced to go from one
end of the town to the other and to
rake him over the coals, as he de
served. She avoided him when she
could. Her face wore a sweet expres
sion and she did not despise all men
on account of one man’s doing. Mr.
Right was one of the many whom
she appealed to. He took an active
part in aiding needy charities; made
unknown contributions to the poor
and suffering. It proved best and
providential that her former lover
freed her, as it was the means of gain
ing a better and devoted husband, who
dearly appreciated her true value by
making her life rosy and happily
blest.
MERRY WIVES.
I walked in the world with the worldly;
I craved what the world never gave.
And I said: "In the world each ideal
That shines like a star on life’s wave
Is wrecked on the shores of the real
And sleeps like a dream In a grave.”
There are women whose only de
light consists in leading a merry life,
planning ahead for every day and
evening’s amusement. The more they
go among gay pleasure throngs the
more they want to be in their midst.
They assume an air of sunshine and
the fragrance of roses is about them.
If their lives ever had a desire to
change into busy, important spheres
of womanhood, this dear privilege
seems denied them through their go
ings, which they cannot break away
from.
The women who have reached this
stage should not be blamed, and ex
amples of useless lives pointed out by
those who do not consider the cause
and effect of what takes them into the
path of never-ceasing revelry. Quite
a number of these fair women who are
lovers of sport have in their hearts re
solves, thoughts, rich, mellow and of
deep appreciation for their loved ones,
the stay-at-home folks, who do not
leave the hearthstone any oftener
than they are obliged to.
Very often they are married to men
whose dispositions and fancies are
just the opposite to their own.* The
regret of one or both since they wed
is that no dear little one has come to
their household to hold their devotion
within the four walls of their home.
This is the serious drawback which
has led her to seek solace and pass
away time merrily in the outside live
ly world.
The merry wife is popular and
never lacks an opportunity to push
forward as an attraction, added to her
alluring knack of making herself beau
tiful, together with adopting pleasing
styles. The seasons of merry wives
pass by with countless rapidity. The
first few seasons she is full of vim,
radiant over the idea that she has
taken the shine off from her young
woman rivals. Conquests by the
score she knows she has made. Bache
lors, married men, those who have
come in contact with her, have never
missed paying homage to her merry
moods. She expected this sort of life
to go on and last from one season to
another.
As they winged their swift flight by
the merry wife at length looked long
and earnestly into her faithful mir
ror, realizing the truth. Youth and its
purposeless years have fled; beauty
she can no longer boast of. It has
faded under the relentless hand of
time and artifice. With hands clinched
lightly, lips too mute for a sob, eyes
too dry for a tear, she faces the in
evitable—the problem of what she had
better turn to the rest of her years,
the misspent, merry life which opened
out so rosily. She is not lonely now
in her home. She creates a new In
terest in home and dear ones. There
is a grateful exchange of deep true
love, which experience has taught Is
a wife’s only happy tie that is lasting
and full of tender sentiment and devo
tion. Husbandlike, he is glad she
took her time to find this out.
Panama Canal Tolls.
All vessels using the Panama canal
pay toll according to the system of
toll rates decreed in the proclamation
of the president, November 14, 1912.
There is no discrimination in favor
of the United States or any other na
tion. The rates are as follows: On
merchant vessels carrying passengers
or cargo, fl.20 per net vessel ton
each 100 cubic £eet—of actual earn
ing capacity; on vessels in ballast
without passengers or cargo, 40 per
cent less than the rate of tolls for
vessels with passengers or cargo;
upon naval vessels, other than trans
ports, colliers, hospital ships, and
Bupifly ships, 60 cents per displace
ment ton; upon army and navy trans
ports, colliers, hospital ships, and
supply ships, $1.20 per net ton; the
vessels to be measured by the same
rules as are employed in determining
the net tonnage of merchant vessels.
A.y.*',.*., ~
This Should Stop Air Raid*.
Wonderful stories are being whis
pered about Paris of a new Marconi
invention. It is declared the inventor
of wireless teleg ~phy has found a
way to utilize Hertzian waves in such
manner that aeroplanes can be
brought to a standstill and held im
movable in the air. Experiments, so
the report goes, have been conducted
with great secrecy until the invention
has been perfected and soon will be
in use. The picture presented of air
machines held stationary in the air
while guns of the enemy below were
shooting them to plec^ offers a new
thrill of horror for followers of war
news.
Shortage of Eclipses.
This year has been a famine so far
as eclipse phenomena are concerned.
Usually there are four eclipses each
year, two of the sun and two of the
moon; but both bodies have managed
to avoid total obscuration this year,
and although there have been two
annual solar eclipses, confined mainly
to the Pacific ocean, not once >»»■
*' --—— J *!■»
sof GOTHAM
CITIES
Milwaukee Girls Learning Housekeeping on $500
MILWAUKEE.—“I might just as well die right now. There certainly won’t
be anything left for me to eat or wear after my husband and three smaL'
children have been taken care of, so I might just as well die.”
JIF I HAVE TO GET
HARRIED ON #500
A Y5AR AND
1 STARVE TDEATH
Z I'M GONNA STAY
^stNCLt-—y
Shouts of laughter greeted this
woebegone lament. The speaker was
a sophomore in the South division of
the Milwaukee high school. As part
of her work in the household arts de
partment, she was wrestling with the
problem of apportioning an annual
salary of $500 so that all the needs
of a family of five would be met, with
a little left for a bank account.
“I haven’t any money left for
meals on Sunday; I guess we'll have
to be invited out,” sighed a class-mate.
Here are a few of the things taught to girls in the Milwaukee schools:
The feeding and care of children, laundry work, actual practice, first aid to
the injured, emergency and home nursing, marketing and household account
ing.
It makes no difference how many millions her father may have, if a
Milwaukee high-school co-ed elects to take the domestic science course she
must stand over the washtub and wash her own clothes and, after they are
dried, iron them. If there are stains in the garment she must remove them.
If the garment is faded she will be taught to make her own bleaches to use
on the fabric until it becomes pure white. If she doesn’t want a white gown
she will be taught how to dye it.
Particularly interesting are the experiments in apportioning the income.
Each girl is given an income, ranging from $500 to $2,000, and is required
to divide it so that there shall be a proper proportion for rent, clothes, food
and other expenses. Then she is required to take the allowance for food for
each week and figure out a series of menus which can be served within the
sum allowed, and which will give the greatest possible food value for the
money expended.
Kansas City Business Men - Are Becoming Sylphs
KANSAS CITY.—Visitors to Kansas City have been commenting of late on
the graceful, sylphlike figures possessed by many of the city's mid
dle-aged business men. Not so long ago these gentlemen were moaning about
their physical architecture, for the
part of them from ribs to hips—their
dining rooms, so to speak—had as
sumed the appearance of bay win
dows.
“Hey, doc!” said a man thus af
flicted to Dr. J. A. Reilly, physical di
rector of the Kansas City Athletic
club. “What am I going to do about
this?” «
“That’s easy,” said “Doc” Reilly.
“Just give it away.”
"But, doc, I wouldn’t wish this
on any or my slim, trim, natty friends if I could, much as I hate them for
their greyhound waists.”
"I didn't mean that,” the physical expert said. "I mean give it back to
old Mother Nature, who handed it to you. Stationary running is the little old
Santa Claus who will carry it back to her.
‘‘Stand with your hands against the wall at a point three or four inches,
on a slope, from the shoulders. Hold your head up so you can breathe.
Then run. Heels ofT the floor; every step on the ball of the foot. Lift the
knees; not too high at first.
"Do this twice a day, morning and evening. Run 60 steps at a time the
first day, counting them aloud. When 1 say aloud, I mean loud. Wrench the
sound out of you with a heave and a grunt. Increase the number of steps
by ten and fifteen for a few days. In a week you should be running three
or four minutes at a time by the watch. In ten days you will notice a dimin
ishing waist line.”
The man spread the joyful news, and now many members of the club
may be seen "running” daily, and waist lines have come back.
New York Puts Chile Penguin Among Its Fish
NEW YORK.—When did the penguin become a fish? That is the question
that is being propounded by numerous visitors to the aquarium. The dic
tionary says an aquarium is a place where fish are kept. But there is a
penguin at the aquarium. Sometimes
it can be seen and sometimes it can’t,
but if you want to see it look up at
the roof.
A short time ago, while cruising
off the coast of Chile, W. D. Swart
ridge of this city captured a penguin.
He brought it here, and, having no
use for it himself, sent it to the
aquarium. There it has remained and
has proved a veritable white elephant.
The penguin was put into a tank
with a number of fish from southern
waters. In the morning it wore a contented look. But there were no fish in
the tank.
The penguin had to have a home, so it was put in a tank with the croco
diles, alligators and shellfish. It tried to eat them, but without result. Now
the penguin has to be fed, and although homesick it devours at every meal
a pound of herrings, for which it shows a preference over codfish. It spends
the greater part of the day on the gravel roof as a general rule.
There is no danger of the penguin flying away, because, although it has
wings, it cannot fly. The wings are only useful for swimming. The penguin
is the most docile inhabitant of the aquarium, as it never shows any temper
and permits anyone to stroke its neck.
"I know now where the women got the notion of wearing furs in the
summer,” said one of the attaches. "They adopted it from the penguin. In
the summer he grows a lot of fuzzy feathers about his neck, and in the win
ter they disappear, leaving his neck exposed just like the throats of the
women you see wearing furs in the summer, but who have open collars in
the cold weather.”
Voice Culture for New York Subway Guards
NEW YORK.—Training subway guards to call distinctly and in one breath
names of express and local stations on their runs is the ts.sk now being
performed by the Interborough professors in the school of instruction at
west Farms, variegated voices come
to this mill to be ground. The lead
ing vocalists prove to be truck drivers
and longshoremen. All nations con
tribute sons to the service. The big
task is to get the Italian, the Corkon
tan, the cockney, the Portuguese, the
Frenchman and the Cuban to shout
"Astor place!" in the pitch found to
carry clear above the din of under
ground traffic.
Day after day the candidates are
run through their paces in the instruc
tion car, each lesson taking an hour and a quarter. First the guard has to
Bing off the local stations, say from the Bridge to Fourteenth street. There
is no swish of passing trains or whir of motors to give him the key. He
strikes a note that is too low. The instructor warns him not to stand be
tween cars and throw his voice oat into the tube. Guard takes heed, places
one foot inside the platform and shouts ahead so his voice is sent forward
Into the car. The pitch this time is high enough to distinguish the call above
the subway noises.
The plan is to get all the dialects and accents so Americanized as to
make the names of subway stops understood by the Interborough patrons, no
matter whether ttgs voice hails from Kerry, Whitechapel, Brittany
or Palermo.
CONDENSATIONS
▲1 at Lloyd’s means hull, anchors,
sables and stores first rate. A2, hull
first-rate, but furniture second-rate.
Japanese volunteers who offer their
services to Russia will be enrolled at
Vladivostock in ttte Fifteenth Fusiliers
and sent to the front in Europe.
Tests of electrical smelting at old
tin mines in Wales have shown that
the loss of metal is about one per
cent, as compared with eight or nine
■■■■IP 1. ' as.-- aa-ws sthals
Azorean “hemp” fiber 1b to be used
In the production of American papers,
a paper manufacturer In the United,
States having opened negotiations
with a St. Michaels grower for the
bulk of his output
Hudson Maxim, the inventor, has an,
artificial left arm. He lost his real
arm experimenting with explosives,
bat he can manage the steering wheel
of bis automobile better than half the
people who own cars. He had to give
a demonstration of this before the an>
"■wtHf* «nnM mat him a
WOMEN ENVIOUS OF
THRESHER’S COOKIES
Wisconsin Man Wins Prizes for
Dainties That Set Mouths
Watering at Festival.
Madison, Wis.—“Cocfcing for the
threshers” has been the stock expres
sion for all that is wearisome in farm
ing households for many years. It
meant extra help in the kitchen—
hustle and worry and stew, bake and
broil and fret from 5 a. m. until after
eight o’clock at night.
But in Dane county the farmers’
wives have no need to worry. That
county can boast of one thresherman
who is such an exceedingly skillful
and resourceful cook that he can beat
the best of woman competitors.
C. A. Bailey of De Forest is the
man. At the Windsor fall festival
he carried off one first prize on devil’s
food cake, another first prize on cocoa
nut cookies, first prize on baking-pow
Told the Gaping Group Hia Best
Recipes.
der biscuits, second prize on lemon
pie and sweepstakes on canned
peaches.
“It’s a shame I couldn’t have spared
more time from my work with the
gang or I would have entered some
thing in every class in the outfit,’’
smilingly declared Bailey to a group
of people who were admiring his
dainties.
He then leaned back complacently
against the show case and, putting
his thumbs in the armholes of his
vest, told the gaping group his best
recipes. His defeated rivals icily
turned their backs and began examin
ing the crazy qujlts and tatting.
Bailey bids fair to rival the famous
Baker Bunn of Baraboo.
WOMAN KILLS BIG BEAR
While She Trailed Huge Animal and
Shot It Husband Watched
Auto.
Spokane, Wash.—Mrs. Charles W.
Sanders shot and killed a big black
bear when she and her husband were
motoring to Colville. Mr. and MrB.
Sanders left Spokane at daylight on a
hunting trip in Stevens county. The
bear was seen in the timber several
yards from the road.
While her husband remained in their
machine Mrs. Sanders followed the
bear until at close range and killed
him with one shot, which struck the
bear just behind the ear.
A hunting party encountered the
bear last week, and in a fierce strug
gle with their dogs the bear came off
victor, after wounding one dog severe
ly. The bear weighed 250 pounds.
THIRTEEN EXPLAINS DEFEAT
Persistence of Unlucky Number Was
Also Aided by Killing
Black Cat.
California, Pa.—T. J. Underwood,
comptroller of Washington county, as
cribes to “thirteens” bis defeat as can
didate for sheriff at the primaries.
In the first place, his name, Tom L.
Underwood, contains thirteen letters.
The license number of his yellow cam
paign car was 113. On Friday, August
13, while riding in his car with an
other candidate now numbered among
the also-rans, he ran over and killed
a black cat. The number of signers
on Mr. Underwood’s petition was 113.
$3,000 IN GEMS IN SLIPPER
Forgetful Woman Sends Secret “Vault”
— - to Cobbler—Follows Old
Adage.
Chicago.—Adam Schultz, a cobbler,
believes thoroughly in the old age,
"Honesty is the best policy.”
Mrs. Harold Felinger has a habit of
concealing her jewels, valued at about
13,000, In the toe of her slipper. She
put them in a new slipper the other
night and then forgot the fact when
she sent the slipper to the cobbler to
be stretched. The cobbler found the
jewels. They were restored to the
owner and he was rewarded with 36.
RATTLER’S FANGS MISS HIM
Snake Strikes Negro’s. Overalls and la
Unable to Disengage Itself From
8laek.
Jefferson City.—A negro farm hand
cutting corn felt several sharp tugs
at his overalls and thought he had be
come caught in briers. Glancing over
his shoulder he saw a rattlesnake live
feet long. Reaching round with his
corn knife, he managed to sever the
snake Just back of the head.
The snake had buried Its curved
fangs, nearly an inch in length, in
the slack of the negro’s overalls and
** Hiam
NO TEMPTATION.
Mrs. Earlydawn—Get up, daughter.
Remember, it’s the early bird that gets
the worm.
Daughter—Let him have ’em. I
think worms are horrid, anyway.
The Usual Result.
■When modern fiction writers try
Their thoughts to serve up hot,
We get erotic novels—with
The accent on the "rot.’’
Grim Humor.
‘‘Seems like you’ve had an accident
here,” said the farmer, as he brought
his team of fat mules to a halt.
‘No.’’ replied the motorist, who was
crawling painfully from under his
wrecked car. ‘‘I’ve just played a prac
tical joke on my wife.”
“How’s that?”
"She thinks she’s going to a mati
nee this afternoon in this car.”
Resented.
“What I want to see,” said Diogenes,
’is an honest man.”
"And when you see him, what will
you do?”
“I’ll simply go my way. A thor
oughly honest man generally has posi
tive opinions of his own, and, there
fore, is liable not to be very good
company.”
A Straight Tip.
”1 hear your engagement with young
Cashleigh is ofT?" said the first fair
daughter of Eve.
"Well, you are entitled to another
hearing,” answered fair daughter No.
2, as she held up a graceful band on
which a solitaire sparkled. “You see
for yourself that I am still in the
ring.”
Very Much So.
"There is an extremely paradoxi
cal way of freezing out a man in
business.”
"How’s that?”
“By hot competition.”
Surmises.
"1 wonder what sort of life the peo
ple lead who live on Mars.”
"Do you suppose that for pets they
have moon dogs?”
Night Views Only.
City Resident—That’s a very pretty
suburban town you live in, Jones.
Distant Suburbanite—Yes, I hope to
see it by daylight myself some time.
A Personal Tragedy.
"The stranger you saw took me
apart to tell me a startling story.”
“What happened then?”
“I could not pull myself together.”
Limited Experience.
Mistress (to new girl)—We enter
tain a good deal. Have you had much
experience at parties?
Girl—Only as a guest, mum.
COULDN’T HELP IT.
"I love you more than life.”
“But just stop and think what a life
you lead, and it’s no wonder.”
The Human Masquerade.
Men move along as In a dream.
With uniforms and paint,
’Most everybody tries to seem
Somebody that he ain’t.
Force of Habit.
Mr. Staylate—I often think, Miss
Susie, how I will come to die.
Bored Hostess—I wouldn’t like to
frighten you, Mr. Staylate, but I'm
sure it will be of something linger
ing
_ •
Retort Courteous.
That man has an unfair advantage
over me in a swimming match. He
can’t go down, for he’s got a cork
leg.”
Yes, but It won’t float any better
than your head.”
A Careful Lady.
“Never leave the parrot In the
room with the goldfish.”
“Very well, mum.”
“The parrot is hopeless. But I
don’t want the goldfish to learn to
swear.”
Headwork.
“Why,’’ asks a Missouri paper, “does
Missouri stand at the head In raising
mules T” •
“Because,” says another paper, "that
“afe I*1"* to stand.”—
IN DESPAIR.
“I give up!” exclaimed Mr. Dods
worth. “There’s no use trying U
please a woman."
“Confide in me,” urged Mr. Twob
ble, sympathetically.
“My wife went away for two weeks
and left me at home to keep house.’
“Well?”
“I neglected my business to wash
dishes and clean up, so everything
would be in apple-pie order when she
returned.”
“And wasn’t she pleased?”
“Umph! She looked around the
well-kept rooms—if I do say it, they
were as neat as a pin—and then eye
ing me suspiciously, she asked, ‘Henry,
where did you stay while I was
gone?’ ”
His Plea.
“Well, Cuddyhump,” said Squire
Peavy, addressing a colored citizen
who was suspected of having wan
dered from the straight and narrow
path, "what have you to say for your
self?”
“Des dis. yo’ honah—dis yuh am
muh prevarication.” was the reply.
"Nemmine wadder I’s guilty or not,
but dess tempt mercy wid jestice and
tuhn me loose. Tuhn me loose, sah,
and sho’s yo' bawn I’ll do as much for
yo' some time!"
Had Many Accomplices.
Judge—Did you commit the burglary
alone or with the help of others?
Prisoner—With the help of about
5,000 others.
Judge—What? Explain yourself.
Prisoner—Well, you see, judge, the
parade called everybody in the house
to the front windows,^so I had a clear
chance to do me work in the back.—
Boston Transcript.
BLACK AND BLUE.
"How do you like my bang? They're
all the style this season."
“It’s much more decorative than the
bang I saw over Mrs. Jones’ eye this
morning.’’
Knew Her Lesson.
He kissed the maid upon the cheek.
And when the deed was done,
The Good Book’s teaching she obeyed—
And turned the other one.
Involved Advice.
"I have destined my son eventual
ly for the bench.”
“Then if he is to sit on the bench,
I think you had better caution him
about standing so much at the bar."
Still Extant.
"Uncle Jim, have dragons gpne out
of existence?”
“Oh, no, my iad. You can see ona
almost any day chaperoning a pretty
girl.”—Judge.
Took Umbrage.
"What was the trouble between you
and that barber?”
‘I simply asked him wb&t was the
damage. I meant the Jmount due him,
but he took it as a reflection on hie
ability.”
Spreading Everywhere.
"Yes, I saw plenty of native dancing
girls in India.’
“And did you see those wonderful
native dances?”
“Naw; they wouldn’t dance ’emj
They are all crazy over the one-step.’*
Chance for Inventors.
New Arrival—Me leg’s most broke.
I’ve heard th’ Amerykins was a nation
av inventors, but, bedad, it doesn't
look loike it.
Friend—Phwy not?”
New Arrival—Sure, phwy hovnt
they inventid a coal hole that will
shtay shut phwin it’s open?”
Retort Courteous.
She—I never helped you to make a
fool of yourself.
He—You didn’t? Didn't you marry
me?
Just So.
‘‘How is the fair sex taking to the
ankle watch?"
‘‘Oh, as might be expected.”
“How’s that?”
“Those who have trim ankles are
for it, those who haven't are not.”
Patrlot’c Industry.
“So they are finding out how to
manufacture colors for our own
trade.”
“Yes; the manufacturers have been
spurred on by a desire to dye for
their country."
Don’t Try.
"Is there any way of stopping these
cyclones?” asked the man from the
East.
“Oh, no,” replied the Westerner;
“the best way is to go right along
with ’em.”
Delicious Fumes. *
Skimpy Mistress (scenting unaccus
tomed delights)—Sarah, what is that
I smell?
Undernourished Maid of All Work—
I think it must come in from m»yt
door.—Life. o' ,