m cms spy
• * The Mystery of a Silent Love • •
6r levaher WILLIAM LEQUEUX
f (J AUTHOR f "THE CLOSED BOOK/ ETC- ^
ILLUSTRATIONS /% C D RHODES j
fobt me 3*a*t irr ruauiM/*; co
SYNOPSIS.
• -7—
Gordon Gregg l» called -port to let
•ora |.> llsri.l i the yacht I->da*s owner,
ud dining ale ard with Mm and hts
n*a<J. M* iU-n Orator. ac. Ider.tally we*
• lorn pi olograph of a gin That
MH the rimoui’a aafe la r -
*!.<« ftf.d that H* r»by I* a fraud and
he l<a a name a false on* Gregg tla
ta Cape. Jack Ihimford of tie* n.urine*
• i- tit hi* ie»*el. lmmfor I knows but
nil *M retea. the return of the I-oLa
“It conert-na a *«un In J»f»d«*n
iregg la trapped nearly to hia death by
• former servant. OUntn Vtaitlng in
•amfr.en Gregg meets >1 .n*l Ijrlt!.court
d. rt.hy Sl peare and M -ru-l Introduces
#n aa Mart.r W.-o<Jr- ffe h* r father’*
Tlend Gregg f.ndo that abe is engaged
la Woodruff* Grace o*» a copy of the
ora phoGgrapr. aa the la-la *nd find*
f*! the yo.l.c glr’. 1* Munel’r friend.
• codtoffe disappear* Gregg discovers
Udf of a b.-rdered a - in tn Kan
**■ t word. The tody disappear* and in
go place in found the Mj of < >Imfo.
•'egg tafka to the police but < • nceala hi*
»wr ku-vMtr of the aranr Muriel
*w’-ia wcne'ly on Gregg and t. :'•* him that
•he 1* rerram that a won a-. i« well a*
I man i aa two murdered T < y warch
•twr-iue t. wood together and find the
*ody of t - e v- er.an Gregg r*-. agnize*
*** a* Arm la Ottnio* »-tf. <t-egg tells
’•*-» poM<e hui » :.en they g-< to the wood
to UJy t-a* disappeared.
CHAPTER VII—Continued.
That nigt* after calling upon the
Selective Mackenzie. ! took the sleep
ing car express to Easton The res
Aurmnt which Hutcheson had indicated
was I found situated about halfway
»p Westbourne Grove, nearly oppo
me Wt teiey’s It was soon after nine
• Hock when I entered the long shop
• tth its rows of marble-tcpt* d tables
and greasy Uungea of red flush An
iLhesitby-looking lad was sweeping
»ut the place with wet sawdust, and a
>tg dark bearded, flabby-faced man in
thin sleeves stood behind the small
xmnter polishing some forks.
’ 1 wish to see Signor Ferrari." 1 said,
addressing him.
"There •* no Ferrari, he is <2* ad." re
•ponded the man in broken FugHsh.
*M* name is Odinzoff. ! bought the
place from madame "
"I have come to inquire after a
•miter you have in your service, an
laiian named Fantinl. He was my
•ervant for some years, and 1 naturally
take at in'erest in him.”
'Santini’" he repeated “Oh you
nenn Oiinto? He is not here yet. He
x me* at ten o'cloch.”
Th:» reply surprised me I had ex
*ect#d the restaurant keeper to ex
press regret at his disappearance, yet
he spoke as though he bad been at
•ork as usual on the previous day.
find Oiinto a good servant. 1
u-pposef I said, for warn of nii.e
hitf else to say.
Excellent The Italians are the best
•miters m the world 1 am Russian,
wt 1 dare not employ a Russian w&it
r* These English would not come to
*.» shop if I did "
How long has Oiinto been with
x>u’~ I inquired
About a year- perhaps a little
acre 1 trust him implicitly and I
e**e him in charge when I go away
‘or holidays He does not get along
very well with the cook—who is Mi
nus** These Italians from different
provinces always quarrel.” he added.
A^db-ng "If you live in Italy you
snow that, no doubt '
I laughed In chorus and'hen. gianc
ng at my watch, said “111 wait for
him It he will be here at ten. I'd
aiuch like to see him again "
The Russian was by no means nor
ilused bat merely remarked: He i«
ate sometimes but not often He lives
» the other side of London—over at
Camberwell “
Suddenly & side door open* d and the
-ook put his head in to speak with
aia master in French He was a tvpi
ml Italian about forty, with dark mus
aches turned upwards, and an easy
folag careless manner Feeing me.
*o»ev< r. and believing me to be a cus
outer, be turned and closed the door
(sickly. In that instant I not iced the
ngb broadness of his shoulders, and
li* back struck me as strangely simi
lar to that of the man in brown whom
• e had seen disappearing in Kannoch
• ocd
The suspicion held me breathless.
Presently Odinzoff went outside, tar
71®* with him two boards upon which
•he menu of the Kightpenr.y Lunch
's* ' This Uay?” was written in
•crawly characters, and proceeded to
tlfii them to the shop front.
TbU was my opportunity, and cuick
•» thought 1 moved toward: where th>
:lhealth! youth was at work, atd
■ t.sp» red
"I'll *tve you ha!?-a-sovt—eipr: if
roc 11 answer my Questions truthfully
Kow. -HI me. was the cook the maa
I ts just seen, here yesterday? '
“Emilio’ Yes. sir.”
"Was he here the day before?”
“No. sir He's been away ill for
i four days ”
"Ar;d your master?"
1 had no time to put any further
question, for the Russian re-entered at
that moment, and the youth busied
himself rubbing the front of the coun
' ter in pretense that I had not spoken
to him Indeed. I had some difficulty
in slipping the promised coin into his
hand at a moment when his master
was not looking.
While 1 stood there a rather thin, re
spectably dressed man entered and
seated himself upon one of the plush
lounges at the farther end. removed
his bowler hat and ordered from the
proprietor a chop and a pot of tea.
Then, taking a newspaper from his
pocket, he settled himself to read, ap
parently oblivious to his surroundings.
And yet as I watched I saw* that over
the top of his paper he was carefully
taking in the general appearance of
the place, and his eyes were keenly
following the Russian's movements.
So deep was his interest in the place,
and so keen those dark eyes of his,
that the truth suddenly dawned upon
me Mackenzie had telegraphed to
Scotland Yard and the customer sitting
there was a detective who had come
to investigate. I had advanced to the
counter to chat again with the proprie
tor when a quick step behind me
caused me to turn.
Hefore me stood the slim figure of a
* man in a straw- hat and rather seedy
black jacket.
"Hio Signor Padrone!” he cried
I staggered as though I had received
! a blow.
tHinio Santini in the flesh, smiling
and well, stood there before me!
1 -
CHAPTER VIII.
Life's Counter-Claim.
No word of mine i an express my ab
solute and abject amazement when I j
aeed the man. whom I had seen ly
ng cold and dead upon that gray stone
idab in the mortuary of Dumfries.
Mv eye caught the customer who. :
on ihe entry of Olinto, had dropped
his paper and sat staring at him in j
wonderment. The detective had evi- !
dently been furnished with a photo
graph of the dead man. and now, like ;
myself, discovered him alive and liv- !
! mg.
S gnor Padrone!" cried the man
whose appearance was so absolutely
bewildering "How did you find me !
here? I admit that 1 deceived you '
when I told you I worked at the Mi- j
iano. he went on rapidly in Italian.
"But it was under compulsion—my ac
tions that night were not my own—
but those of others "
"Yes. I understand." I said "But j
come out into the street. I don't wish i
to siK-ak before these people. Your ;
padrone knows Italian, no doubt.” And
turning with a smile to the Pole. I i
apologized for taking away his serv
ant tor a few minutes.
And when we were outside, Olinto
waii^jng by my side in wonderment,
1 asked suddenly:
Tell me. Have you ever been in
Scotland—at Dumfries?"
Never signor, in my life. Why?”
Answer me another question,” I
s. id quickly. You married Armida
at the Italian consulate. Where is
she now—where is she this morn
ing’"
He turned pale and I saw a com
■ plete change in his countenance.
Ah signore!” he responded. "I
I only wish I could tell."
! cast no reflection whatever upon
vou. Olinto: 1 have merely inquired
after >our wife, and you do not give
me a direct reply"
We had walked to the Royal Oak.
and stood talking on the curb outside.
"I give you no reply, because I
can't" he said in Italian. Armida—
m> poor Armida—has left home.”
hy did you tell me such a tale of
, distress regarding her'’”
As ! have already explained, sig
• nore, 1 was not then master of my
! own actions I was ruled by others
But 1 saved your life at risk of my
I own. Some day, when It is safe, I
} will re\ea! to you everything,'
t us ul.ow the past to remain,"
I stud ‘"Where is your wife now?"
Ht hesitated a moment, looking
s-ratght into my face.
The truth is. Signor Coinmenda
re : .-<at my wife has mysteriously
Uist!< ared. Last Saturday at eleven
e site was talking over the gar
den wad with a neighbor, and was
tic n ci:• i. to go out. She apparent
rfISIT SPRINGS TO STAY WELL
neatth Resorts Are by No Means
Only for Those Who Are Sick
and Afflicted.
America possesses springs and
eealth resorts that equal any found
In Europe. American physicians in
t*ery branch of medicine are ts
ratable and efficient as those of any
other country. Our doctor* are now.
more than ever, recommending hydra
te rapy a* a curative treatment for
many forms of disease Gout, rheu
matism. obesity, nervous and skin
diseases malarial infection, sciatica,
dyspepsia, liver and kidney diseases
tnd many other ailments are elieved
and often cured by the hea. j giving
properties of natural spring water
• ten used by tbe advice and under
the prescription of reputable physi
cians These treatments are not sole
ly for the sick and afflicted Many
•ho are In tbe cenaeless activity af
tbe business world or surrounded by
the humdrum existence and manifold
worries of household duties find rest,
lelisation and renewed vigor at any
' f our health resorts, w here the treat
ment is com bit ed with a life so care
ire r that it is in itself a tonic. The
outdo. exercise and wholesome
pleasure derived from a stay at any
of the numerous springs make the
'•is.de sleep sounder, eat with a bet
ter appetite, laugh more and live
enter Persons do not go to the
springs ar.d baths only to get well, but
to krep we 11 and have a good time
while- they are about it
Many of our great business men
and deepest thinkers make visits to
■orne spring or bath regularly and
•ake the treatment once or twice a
year thus keeping in fine physical
condition. Some people have an idea
that these- tre-’"uents are expensive,
but such is no; the case.—Leslie's.
Lost Art.
They had been sitting around the
table at the club all evening as usual
talking about the war—always the
war. There fell a little silence at
last and then Jones spoke. "Is there
any person present,” said he. "who
can tell me what it was we used to
talk about before the war?”
ly went out, but from that moment no
one has seen or heard of her.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to
tell him the ghastly truth, yet so
strange was the circumstance that his
own double, even to the mole upon his
face, should be lying dead and burled
in Scotland that I hesitated to relate
what I knew. .
"She spoke English, I suppose?"
"She could make herself understood
very well,” he said with a sigh, and 1
saw a heavy, thoughtful look upon his
brow. That he was really devoted to
her, I knew. With the Italian of
whatever station in life, love is all
consuming—it Is either perfect love
or genuine hatred. The Tuscan char
acter is one of two extremes.
I glanced across the road, and saw
that the detective who had ordered
his chop and coffee had stopped to
light bis pipe and was watching us.
"But why haven't you told the po
lice?”
“I prefer to make Inquiries for my
self."
“And in what have your inquiries re
sulted ?"
"Nothing—absolutely nothing," he
said gravely.
"You do not suspect any plot? I
recollect that night in Lambeth you
told me you had enemies?”
"Ah! so I have, signore—and so
have you!” he exclaimed hoarsely.
"Yes. my poor Armlda may have been
entrapped by them.”
“And if entrapped, what then?"
"They would kill her with as lit
tle compunction as they would a fly,”
he said. "Ah! you do not know the
callousness of those people. I only
hope and pray that she may have es
caped and is in hiding somew here, and
will arrive unexpectedly and give me
a startling surprise. She delights in
startling me,” he added with a laugh.
“Then you think she must have been
called away from home by some urg
ent message?” I suggested.
"By the manner in which she left
things, it seemed as though she went
away hurriedly. There were five sov
Olinto Santini in the Flesh, Smiling
and Well, Stood There Before Me.
ereigns in a drawer that we had
saved for the rent, and she took them
with her.”
I paused, hesitating whether to tell
him the terrible truth. 1 recollected
that the body had disappeared, there
fore what proof had I of my allega
tion that she had been murdered?
"Tell me, Olinto,” I said as we
moved forward again in the direction
of Paddington station, “have you any
knowledge of a man named Leith
court?”
He started suddenly and locked at
me.
“I have heard of him," he answered
very lamely.
"And of his daughter—Muriel?”
"And also of her. But 1 am not ac
quainted with them—nor, to tell the
truth, do I wish to be.”
"Why?”
“Because they are enemies of mine
—bitter enemies.”
His declaration was strange, for it
threw some light upon the tragedy in
Rannocb wood.
"And of your wife, also?”
"I do not know that,” he respond
ed. "My enemies are my wife's also,
I suppose.”
"You have not told me the secret of
that dastardly attempt upon me when
we last met.” I said in a low voice.
Why not tell me the truth? I surely
ought to know who my enemies really
are, so as to be warned against any
future plot."
“You shall know some day, signore.
1 dare not tell you now.”
“You said that before," I exclaimed
with dissatisfaction. "If you are
HAS HAD TRAGIC HISTORY
From Earliest Times. Soissons Has
Been the Scene of Warfare That
Was Almost Constant.
In the history of warfare conducted
in France there is no town which
bears such an unenviable record as
that of Soissons. which, in times of
peace, has a pleasant location on one
bank of the River Aisne, surrounded
by wooded hills. At one time there
w as no more popular place of pilgrim
age, when its abbeys were the rich
est in the land with the best blood
of the country at their head, and when
the abbots of St. Medard, the most
important of ail French abbevs dur
ing the first two dynasties, coined
money, and were lords of almost in
numerable villages, farms and manors.
Soissons was the field of the mis
sionary labors of St. Crispin and St.
Crispinian, patrons of the shoemak
ing craft, who brought Christianity
to the town in the third century.
They sufiered severely at the Sands
of Rictiovarus, the governor, under
whose orders they were stretched on
faithful to me, you ought at least to
tell me the reason they wished to kill
me In secret.”
"Because they fear you,” was his an
swer.
"Why should they fear me?”
But he shrugged his shoulders, and
made a gesture with his hands indica
tive of utter ignorance.
'1 ask you one question. Answer
yes or no. Is the man Leithcourt my
enemy?"
The young Italian paused, and then
answered:
"He is not your friend. I am qnlte
well aware of that. I have known
him several years. When we first
met he was poor.”
“Suddenly became rich—eh?”
"Bought a fine house in the country;
lives mostly at the Carlton when he
and hts wife and daughter are In
London—although I believe they now
have a house somewhere In the West
end—and he often makes long cruises
in his steam yacht."
"And how did he make his money?*’
Again Olinto elevated his shoulders
without replying.
He walked with me as far as the
end of Bishop’s road, endeavoring with
all the Italian's exquisite diplomacy
to obtain from me what I knew con
cerning the I^eithcourts. But I told
him nothing, nor did 1 reveal that I
had only that morning returned from
Scotland. Then at last we parted, and
he retraced his steps to the little res
taurant in Westbourne Grove, while I
entered a hansom and drove to the
well-known photographer's in New
Bond street, whose name had been
upon the torn photograph of the young
girl in the white pique blouse and her
hair fastened with a bow of ribbon,
the picture that I had found on board
the Lola on that memorable night in
the Mediterranean, and a duplicate of
which I had seen in Muriel s cozy little
room up at Rannoch.
I recollected that shs had told me i
the name of the original was Elma '
Heath, and that she had been a school
fellow of hers at Chichester. There
fore I inquired of the photographer's
lady clerk whether she could supply
me with a print of the negative.
For a considerable time she searched
in her hooks for the nanae, and at last
discovered it. Then she said:
“I regret, sir, that we can't give you !
a print, for the customer purchased |
the negative at the time."
“Ah. I'm very sorry for that.” 1 said, j
“To what address did you send it?” |
"The customer who ordered it was
apparently a foreigner,” she said, at
the same time turning round the ledger
so that I could read, and I saw that
the entry was: "Heath—Miss Elma—
three dozen cabinets and negative.
Address: Baron Xavier Oberg, Vos
nesenski Prospect 48, St Petersburg.
Russia.”
Who was this Baron Oberg? The
name was German undoubtedly, yet he
lived in the Russian capital. From
London to St. Petersburg is a far cry,
yet I resolved if it were necessary 1
would travel there and investigate.
At the German embassy, in the Carl- 1
ton House Terrace., I found my friend.
Captain Nieberdiug. the second sec
retary, of whom I inquired whether
the name of Baron Oberg was known,
but having referred to a number of
German books in his excellency’s li
brary, he returned and told me that
the name did not appear in the lists of
the German nobility.
"He may be Russian—Polish, most
probably,” added the captain. His
opinion was that it was not a German
name, for there was a little place
called Oberg, he said, on the railway
between Ix>dz and Lowicz.
Next day I ran down to Chichester,
and after some difficulty found the
Cheverton College for Ladies, a big
old-fashioned house about half a mile
out of the town of the Drayton road.
The seminary was evidently a first
class one. for when I entered I no
ticed how well everything was kept.
To the principal an elderly lady of
somewhat'severe aspect, I said:
"I regret, madam, to trouble you, i
but 1 am in search of information you
can supply. It is with regard to a
certain Elma Heath whom you had as
pupil here, and who left, 1 believe,
about two years ago. Her parents
lived in Durham. There has been some j
little friction in the family, and I am
making inquiries on behalf of another
branch of it—an aunt who desires to
ascertain the girl's whereabouts."
"Ah. I regret, sir. that I cannot tell
you that. The baron, her uncle, came
here one day and took her away sud
denly—abroad, 1 think."
"Had she no school friends to whom
she would probably write?"
“There was a girl named Leithcourt
—Muriel Leithcourt—who was bet
friend, but who has also left."
"And no one else?" 1 asked "Girls !
often write to each other after leav- j
ing school, until they get married j
and then the correspondence usually ;
ceases.'
The principal was silent and reflec-!
tive. v
"Well," she said at last, "there was !
another pupil who was also on friendly |
terms with Elma—a girl named Lydia j
Moreton She may have written to j
her. If you really uesire to know,'
the rack and after the application of
several ether tortures were thrown
into the Aisne, a millstone having
first been tied around the neck of
each They were able to swim, how
ever. and managed to reach the oppo
site bank
Soissons has been the scene of
many victories and defeats, has been
sacked times without number, and
enjoys an unenviable notoriety for
the great number of sieges it has un- !
dergone. In 1870 the Germans en- j
tered it after a bombardment of four
days.
Fortune for Missing Boy.
If Keith Dairymple, the missing
Port Alleghany boy, returns home
now, after an absence of more than
eight years, he win find that the. for
tune of $365,000 is about all that
awaits him. The missing heir's moth
er, whose death occurred a year ago I
as a result of worry over her son's
absence, has been followed by the
death of%Hugh Dairymple, bis brother.
Hugh Dairymple died on his farm
near North Bast He was a joint heir
with Keith Dairymple of the Arnold
sir, I dare say I could And her ad*
dress. She left us about nine months
after Elma."
"I should esteem tt a great favor If
you would give me that young lady's
address," 1 said, whereupon she un
locked a drawer In her writing-table
and took therefrom a thick. leather
bound book which she consulted for s
few minutes, at last exclaiming:
"Yes, here it is—Lydia Moreton,
daughter of Sir Hamilton Moreton,
K. C. M. G., Whiston Grange, Doncas
ter.’"
And with that I took my leave,
thanking her, and returned to Lon
don.
Could Lydia Moreton furnish any
information? If so, I might find this
girl whose photograph had aroused the
irate jealousy of the mysterious un
known.
The ten o'clock Edinburgh express
from King's Cross next morning took
me up to Doncaster, and hiring a musty
old fly at the station, I drove three
miles cut of the town on the Rother
ham road, flnding Whiston Grange 'tc
be a fine old Elizabethan mansion in
the center of a great park, with tall
old twisted chimneys, and beautifully
kept gardens.
When I descended at the door and
rang, the footman was not aware
whether Miss Lydia was in. He looked
at me somewhat suspiciously, 1
thought, until l.gave him my card and
impressed upon him meaningly that 1
had come from London purposely tc
see his young mistress upon a very im
portant matter.
"Tell her," I said, “that I wish to see
her regarding her friend. Miss Elms
Heath."
"Miss Elma ’Eath," repeated the
man. "Very well, sir. Will you walk
this way?"
1 follow-ed him across the big old
oak-paneled hall, filled with trophies
of the chase and arms of the civil
wars, into a small paneled room on
the left, the deep-set window with its
diamond panes giving out upon the old
bowling-green and the flower garden
beyond.
Presently the door opened, and a
tall, dark haired girl in w hite entered
with an inquiring expression upon hei
face as she halted and bowed to me.
“Miss Lydia Moreton. 1 believe?" 1
commenced, and as she replied in the
affirmative, I went on: "I have first
to apologize for coming to you, but
Miss Sotheby, the principal of the
school at Chichester, referred me tc
you for information as to the present
whereabouts of Miss Elma Heath, who.
I believe, was one of your most inti
mate friends at school." And I added
a lie, saying: "I am trying on beball
of an aunt of hers, to discover her.*
"Well,” responded the girl. "I have
only one or two letters. She's in hei
uncle's hands, I believe, and he won’t
let her write, poor girl. She dreaded
leaving us.”
"Why?”
"Ah! she would never say. She had
some deep-rooted terror of her uncle
Baron Oberg, who lived in St. Peters
burg, and who came over at long inter
vals to see her. But possibly you know
the whole story?”
“I know nothing." I cried eagerly
“You will be furthering her interests
as well as doing me a great personal
favor, if you will tell me what you
know.”
"It is very little,” she answered,
leaning back against the edge of the
table and regarding me seriously
"Poor Elma! Her people treated het
very badly indeed. They sent her nc
money, and allowed her no holidays
and yet she was the sweetest-tempered
and roost patient girl in the whole
school.”
"Well—and the story regarding
her?”
"It was supposed that her people at
Durham did not exist.” she explained
"Elma had evidently lived a greatei
part of her life abroad, for she could
speak French and Italian better than
the professor himself, and therefore
always won the prizes. The class re
volted. and then she did not compete
any more. Yet she never told us of
where she had lived when a child. She
came from Dt .ham. she said—that
was all.”
"You had a letter from her aftci
th" baron came ^d took her away?”
“Three or four. 1 think. They were
all from places abroad. One was from
Vienna, one was from Milan, and one
from some place with an unpronounce
able name in Hungary. The last—"
"Yes. the last!” 1 gasped eagerly, in
terrupting her. .
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
Strength of Fly.
An Englishman has made many ex
periments with various insects, such
as caterpillars, fleas, butterflies a.-d
flies, which show how extraordinarily
strong these insects are.
A bluebottle fly weighing 1-2S of at
ounce was hitched by a thread to a
tiny wagon and drew a total weight
of a little over six ounces, or practic
ally 170 times its own weight A
caterpillar harnessed in a similar man
ner pulled 25 times its own weight
A strong man with a like equip
ment of large size can at most move
but ten times his own weight
Palrymple estates, valued at $700.(199
Before his death Hugh Palrymple,
like his mother, had spent large sums
in searching for Keith, who mysteri
ously disappeared from the home of
his grandmother, Mrs. F. H. Arnold -
of Long Beach. Cal. Hugh Palrymple
leaves five children, who will inherit
the entire fortune should their ur.ele
fail to claim the estate—Kar.e (Pa >
Dispatch to Philadelphia North Aiuti*
ican.
Draftless Huts.
A new type of hut for soldiers
which, it Is claimed, will allow of a
saving of at least 25 per cent on
present expenditure, was exhibited re
cently at the College of Ambulance.
London.
’ The hut is pyramidical In shape and
designed to secure a maximum of
fresh air with an absence of drafts
no matter what the direction of the
wind.
Seventeen huts of this type, known
as the Pritchard principle, will ac
commodate, its inventors claim, a bat
talion in greater comfort than they
are now securing In 34 huts.
True Fighter*.
“The Black Watch are fighting *o
well in France that even the Ger
mans praise them. Wonderful fight
ers the Irish!’’
The speaker was W. Bourke Cock
ran. He continued:
“When I think of the valor of the
Black Watch regiment I recall the
story of Pat McCann.
"Pat came home one night with
a black eye, a broken nose and a
split lip; a front tooth was gone as
well.
" 'Tim Sullivan done it,’ he told his
wife, as he began to bathe his wounds
in a basin of water.
‘"Shame on ye!’ Bridget cried. A
big feller like you to be licked by a
little, hard-drinkin’ cockroach like Tim
Sullivan! Why, he—’
■‘ 'Whist,’ raid Pat from the ba
sin, softly. ’Don't shpake evil of the
dead.’ ”
From the Memories of a Critic.
'Good morning. Mr. Scribblepen.”
said I, as I entered the sanctum sanc
torum of the famous author of "Noth
ing Worth While," "would you mind
telling the American people through
my paper, the Daily Blister, how you
account for the rather mortifying con
dition into which the literature of the
day seems to have fallen?’’
"Why, it is perfectly simple, my
dear fellow," replied Mr. Scribblepen
affably, correcting the proofs of his
new novel, 'The Worst Yet,” with his
feet. "Literature has been dead for
so long a time that mortification has
set in as a natural sequence to its de
cease.”—John Kendrick Bangs.
Getting Along Nicely.
A minister, meeting a parishioner
of his who had been quite recently
married and about whose domestic
happiness terrible stories were rife,
saluted him and said:
"Well, John,” says be, “how's all
going on?"
“Oh, happily enough!” returns John.
fTm glad to hear it. You know,
there were rumors of rows or—”
"Rows!” says John. “Oh. yes, there
are plenty of rows; whenever she
sees me she catches the first thing
to hand, a dish or anything, and fires
it at me. If she hits me. she's happy;
if she doesn't, 1 am! Oh, we're get
ting on fine!”
Wouldn't Wear a "Molecule.”
“What are you studying now?"
asked Mrs. Johnson.
"We have taken up the subject of
molecules,” answered her son.
"I hope you will be very attentive
and practice constantly,” said the
mother. "I tried to get your father
to wear one, but he could not keep it
in his eye.”
Which Way Is It Going?
Little Dorothy had been looking at
her uncle's bald head intently for sev
eral minutes. She was evidently in
such a serious study about something
that her aunt asked what was the mat
ter.
'Tbay ith uncle's hair cornin' in or
goin' out?” was the reply.
As in Europe.
Knicker—1 hear you moved.
Bocker—Well, we fell tack to a
trench on the nest block.
Not Missing.
“The baby's got Maria's nose.”
“Xo. it hasn't, for she’s been pok
ing it into my business.”
MADE THE CEREMONY BRIEF
Marriage Service ai Conducted by Mis
sionary Was Binding If It Was
Not Lengthy.
Rev. R. R. Dodge is a missionary at
Maui, one of the Hawaiian group of
islands. He is a most resourceful man
in his dealings with his charges, as his
part in the following incident serves
to show:
Recently a Japanese couple came to
Mr. Dodge with a request in sign lan
guage that he make them man and
wife. They could not talk English un
derstandingly, and Mr. Dodge could
not talk Japanese, so he conducted the
ceremony as follows:
“You like this wahine?”
“Yes.”
"Bimeby no kickout?”
“No."
"You like this kane?” (To the worn
an.)
“Yes.”
"Bimeby no kickout?”
“No.”
"Pule.”
“Pau.” And the ceremony ended.
"Wahine is Hawaiian for woman,
“kane” for man, "pule” for pray, and
“pau” for enough.—Kohala Midget
(Maui).
Johnny Made Good.
In instructing a youthful class in
mathematics the pretty young teach
er turned to Johnny Jones.
“Johnny,” she remarked, "can you
tell me what an average is?”
"Yes, ma'am,” was the prompt re
sponse of Johnny, “an average is what
a hen lays eggs on.”
“What?” exclaimed the amazed
teacher. "What on earth are you
talking about?”
“That's right, Miss Mary,” was the
rejoinder of Johnny. "Most every
lesson in our 'rithmetic starts off 'If
a hen lays two eggs a day on am
average!' ”—Philadelphia Telegraph.
Telling the Time.
Midnight is his nickname and al
though it fits him exactly as far as his
color is concerned he is not always
pleased to hear someone refer to him
by that name.
He had been sulking in a corner ol
the playground for some time the oth
er day when another colored boy al
most as black as himself called out
“Come on over here and play Mid
night.”
Midnight stared at the speaker a
moment and then answered scornfully,
“Go 'long you black rascal, you lootk
like half past eleven yourself.”
A Great Musician.
Two Lancashire boys were expati
ating on the relative merits of their
fathers as musicians.
"My father is the greatest musician
in the town,’’ said one.
"Oh!” the other said- "When my
father starts his music every man
stops work.”
"How's that?” said the other. “What
| does he do?”
"He blows the whistle for meals up
at the mill.”
’ The Thinker.
"She has ideas of her own.”
"Indeed! What a disagreeable per
son!'—Detroit Free Press.
The worst thing about the self-made
man is that he usually looks upon the
world as his doormat.
Good for Boys
Camping time is a time of joy for the youngsters.
Very few things are needed for a cracking good time
—a tent, blankets, plain, stout clothing, and plenty of
good, wholesome food.
A splendid food to take along is
Grape-Nuts
It’s an ideal camping food — nourishing, appetizing
and always ready to eat.
This delicious wheat and barley food contains
great nutrition with little bulk. It is made from the
natural, whole grains, retaining all of their vital mineral
salts, particularly neccessary for building health and
strength in growing boys and girls.
Grape-Nuis is ready to serve direct from the
package—just add good milk or cream. Summer rains
won’t hurt the supply—packages are wax-wrapped
and moisture-proof.
“There’s a Reason”
lor
Grape-Nuts
—sold by Grocers everywhere.
