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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (April 11, 1912)
NO MAN’S Y 4k>10UIS JOSEPH VANCE ‘^'ILLUSTRATIONS BY XuxsvtoAiKS CCJ*Y/t'5*r r .j erwu/i jax/n r*rtc£ svr cpsis. 3«n» ( «'«*». a *~s man e.f N«w Tarn tMvia i>.. tUncfcstorfc. who MIm bun tv a tmrj :urtr lit arrapf •Nkauxb tv d.sMkes Klv-«ftnn list rea hr-as tl.t! Uj< ar it> «*\a with IUl!i •* ns ■ 11 !•-» . **» la.it >lnoe li ” a- l.la La»— * •* unaortl... of her ftwmdvtam At the part* CaM nMi two ■twti l*»mdsa M I'm Tui'l There i« n «amt, »i Bln* kato'-k aboou Van ▼tart «tai Coast >irito(W to wr-at ft ■•Mat from litas thus the poire d.a • * tar ft-etr Coast la arrested for murter. lie ta naif-ial hut aa he heein* hia >en tta-t tsundas name* Mr katurk aa she a>«x«>rer isi h.l’i ■ ! tix If Const be • e»a f-v* hut BUrl -1„ l. hat matned KarVrtat Ttut t an-J tied • 'oast par < hoars a far 1st -r.S a. ie aniline aet-a a thrown froth a 4!»t-.»t hut. He res eat* lia Hi t « ■ .1 ta t imed Apr' vard TWr> *rm» at a lne.C r :>ltn4 known as **• M-o'a [anI Coast t arts out t.> '* '■ ha (4-. r sad rueita upon ► me ‘em-rted haMmp tie discover* a man dead epos coUtc hrthrr sad upfu'-n »**e a a. mas he mes K.«■ *r iti-e Tbatter. ■ ha eapiaait that her » al> rnd. under the tiiatoa of Kart, bar tamt!it the island He la *. wd. a artri « .iterator and turn a Malaa t • • -e C... at ii.fanaa her that her hashand amrj. red Van Tu'l Coast and some c; •• *n.-n i Tiie) f!r» at him hut he AwVrard. who c-t* him ■ saferr. and there Is re • ila r*»at •-» -■ : t •■•n v ma*. —d has toe tmtetdWK the •.*»n 1 on the talon 4 auafe-ot r a tie* are ertrrurrala •’sad ta amino# t. atisMn th- mysteries of K« Man's laU end la del embus! it aa*e Ksthertu- .Appievard bell even that tr atdt and fttaa c«. a twa.it e a * field ' • -• m ■ , ro at • . t. >ridu t *l.. >« ^ l-C !es • s t'i . p-rj't ■ ' t» lt».‘ 1- i tf itia i i.'aa' d-ttcutne Kaflserire ear era the ram and yrn— liiri ■ •hai-h r-!l» ••'oar* ' -ut ft- f... » l.ts if. •■r her own are safe ('mat f ~l* t a! Bis t««« au...porta ta .Mil. lari Uti ha B tbv dtasi*;*-*. r'oaad assure* Kmth *fht of ton pr.re- net CHA?Te« XV!.—(Cnnt.n.td.t Sk» eBut UP duor ud saw C wl la aa it>*iw her (are aa> blood- I Iran, oa.i her (1» tempt to hi* fjrff j :»W a level -d «’»• Her hands k n«d fddrt.1; toward her tosam. I hesl-aiod half air. aril (ell sU.oly. S'rftrrtas She Ipfced profoundly. . Them abrwpti>. as she rtf golzed that ho was Jrlcht-aed for ter and in *aa fear auai.-ht «o.ld htirry to Her alia bet-dlena of '■oast-queere. she re. n :..«d eoctitaaad at her*elf wish sk I * atstih* effort at «fH; the small* fcuada ! *t.rn«d a'. b< r tides, she lift- . «d ht-r head, ’owed her iipt t‘.g!i». ! nod csonec'arily al atlec'ioc h '* alas to tom* cuts* l> yosii ihc door ai the sir* less At the re If rck-sa-d from a spell. the SSM<4 auiek'y BUT ro the Her han-i r<u« d imperative!? * -*ad forearm eu&ortcan lips her voice came *o« but dear. Ustea tiarrett—dat't litcrmjt. . - • fSemetiiing h._» happened. «« are **’ *•»»* '.he ;-.eod toaigb'! . . . Hwh-doal apeak: his hearing t* uboortaal!} sharj*. alien he slops i-narng . . . lie has just told me. *- han* afli rim for ns. ite didst UI *heo—after dinner, sometime. I r .’iierad He has Jest told me to goA ap a feo sec to—ties . . .“ Tl* •«**»• of the a ireler- ceased, sad she topped speaking :n ihe came h eath Isua- distel?. in the hush. tt-T heard the hiss of the snitch throats oot to cwvert the current iron the sosdtng tManlci to the detec tor He < -hit* fo the anther. tai».~ « oast ventured la a gas:tied lone. • Seel >he teid him sharp.}', ahls 1- 'ttg "h aJt * •'J* •*■ treed 1. ; herd. M*f ylijuslr on ard and e a ahtie seem- d to hold to-r breath The hand spaa his arm a as treaahsieg Tisbntly; be pat hi* **• paim over it with a strsng sue r-*a*.»*rt®g treasure. ".stead*, dear!" he murmured * Han't he afraid . . .** She shook her head ai'h a futile et left in smile brave!}. *xmly be quiet * . -** she begged A artnate passed. and sno" her. and »at ascihor the pause Si*, d with the lisii drone of the dynamo and the r*ead} humming of the gnroUse motor Then arsis the spark began to talk— ra#h creak crack crack c-t-trash*— and ‘®f oaer owe it »_s safe to speak. * hr a ; reed Be s' rtcljy to say noth tag of 'Ms itfher to you or to the hot toM me to go and mil and Chang- «hnt he nnoted hf to thick It super •■»»>—with tne“ ‘o**** J*»f* conjured up a niltrar na«e of Apple}ard*» plans Sca.eb>m.' tafaaps. tta little maa tad failed to treats Quirk's Hole in tic. * to pr~vec» Ike escape of either tke Csaadr or tar treo la sorb case the toner ■••11 aeek the t]uirkt»t mode of cam »—tratloti with No Mao* Itoad. UM speculation mas just then out •aia < cast s oaemt His first, bis •state ocij duty a as to Katherine. Itai't marry." ta hewed her in a burned ublsper: -well rod am- may ■ta Appie/ard moo t fall u—and 1! ta aboatid f'll mar.arc to steal that taal aad get you off Kb her that may m aaoCber . . . Near go. afcile 1 •ea mkat ta m-ats of me. Ill My I •art you ea be a ay Uo quickly — me'** delayed km* enough . . . tan of sty bran!" Tit- last mas la as under'one as tta voiata. taking !ngbt because of a taw.. *ue eeseauon of the mtreieta ra -« its- s gaged fie bat d. aud myth «ta t: **:•*? rtlanr-e fiy tray ol adieu, ta't.ed iomard he farm bouse Abac fie lingered lor a little mbere ibr left bits, rtrntrg to collect and train fils faculties against this unan ticipated tarn of events Thoroughly as you tied disturbed aad depressed, be drtftad tate a deep aa<l sou.fire reverie which talgbt meti have endured be rood fils kaomiedge had not the sta tionary sartor chosen an early moment (a choke up talk a aeries of guttural smart* aad stop deed Tbe unlooked for t iftir-iilirn of Ha >-on ten ted mork img aoag left a distinctly audible void It tta eiti»«a ta mhirh the ke.- of dynamo raa doma tbe ohiae ere It ceased al by this. Coast Inmothrr aad hurried rnttb to tta storm of aa cer which followed Ulackstock's rec ognition of the mishap. A hair scraiied roughly on the floor and 'ell with a crash; something else was '.brown violently down; Black k gut his breath deliberately and •he «k»ors and windows of the oper .cing toon: became jammed with blas ; l.err Discreetly Coast paused and waited until the man's tongtie began to falter, until the oaths escaped from him a trickle rather than a deluge, until he stopped short, his system wrung dry of profanity. Then Coast advanced. He found Illackstock striding to and :ro and mumbling a cigar, the scowl that darkened his countenance sug c'2-ting a state of lerturbation and anxiety no less acute than Coast’s. Kin without Katherine's warning, .id ignoring L..; pettish rage over the ' r.lky motor. Coast would have been ; lick to guess that something had h opened seriously to complicate the ; .an's scheme He flew every sign ;w uliar to one who to the physical with the confession of neglect to gu!C# him. "Mmmm. . . . Look here, whit d'you suppose became of the Corsair?” “One guess is as good as another, isn't it?” "What d'you mean by that?” "That 1 don't know." "You'd think Finn 'ud 've managed to get her off by this time—eh? Wouldn’t you?” Blackstock grumbled. "Without outside help, I'd judge it a pretty tough job.” “Well, but with help . . “Not so easy to get, under the cir cumstances. That wind was enough to clear the Sound of ordinary traffic, and even today, up to some time after noon at least, there'd be a fairly rug- i i ged s; a running to keep smaller craft ! I at home." "Oh, you think so. eh?” commented Blackstock with an accent of irony that made Coast straighten up and look over his shoulder. But the man was not even facing him, and he could gather little from his expression. "That’s all very well,” he continued, "but it happens 1 advised Voorhis of their fix last night, and he sent a tug down from Vineyard Ilaven this morn- j ing. The tug reports no sign of the Corsair. Now what d'you know about that?” "It’s not easy to explain,” said Coast in perhaps too placid a tone. It was difficult to subtract from his voice the exultation he felt. So Appleyard had been successful, after all! That was a moiety of news to cheer his heart wonderfully. He ventured an obvious * Thrust It Up Smartly. :: h ; :..t,■ foliowing a night of dissl tation has had added grave reason for mental disquiet. A- 'be younger man drew near Ilia kited s opped short. facing the dacr with a lowering look. “Who's that?" be demanded sharp ly. wi'h a Bcrvccs gesture plucking •h i.t.-iit* i cigar from between his teeth, “yon. Haadyside?" C‘ a • -ti-eu d "Mrs. Black said you wish d to see me. . . .” "1 v., uld to Gcd 1 could!" Black k cried wrathfj'ly, dashing the igar upon the floor. He lifted his . >•.• -! hands and shook them above hi * h« .<!. v.bib bis features twitched. dropped them. "Here.” .:•* said curtly, ' what d you know cut •; ttcisiy motors? Everything. I suppose?" Not , trite.” return'd Coast pacif ically. I i’u n -hut the devil are you doing here?" 1 :*j ;n; • >ed <o be a wireless op erator—“ "Oh. y'are. eh?” "Not a skilled mecLanlc." Coast con a • evenly “Still. 1 know a little something about mHa iAnything 1 «an do?~ "You ran take a look at that damned g’t.e. 11 joj don't mind. It (aimed •to d just now. It hasn't had any al ter.: ton since Tower quit and left the in the lurch, hang him! I don't know wl th r it's oil or gas or water it needs Perhaps you do." ' I'll see." said Coast. With an impatient grunt Blackstock •.-cun. d his walk, guiding himself in . n-J out amongst the furniture and ma air.ery cluttering the room with his nub; ul but still extraordinary ease. The sound of Blackstock's foot -■ eps ceased behind him. w hile he was bonding over the machine, and he was r< nscious of the uneasy sensation of being watched—which, of course, wa.- absurd, the man's affliction brought to mir.d. -"Well . . r Haven't local-d It yet.” said Coast, though this was not strictly true; he uuld already hazard a shrewd guess. and irritatingly stupid observation: “Then they niusi have got off some how. during the night." ‘•Looks that way, doesn’t it—even to a blind man? But then—?” "Perhaps some accident to the ma chinery—” “Finn never permits an accident to machinery under his care.” "You never can tell—” "Finn can.” Blackstock snapped de cidedly. “You ought to have him here, then,” said Coast disgustedly, turning the conversation of deliberate intent, by now fully convinced that Blackstock had been talking to kill time—or else to make it, for some occult purpose. "You've about ruined this machine, as far as I can judge. The lubricating tank's dry as a bone, the bearings so hot I can’t bear my hand on them, and the chances are the connecting-rod babbitt has burned out. I can’t tell how bad it is without taking the motor down, and that’s an expert's job. Where's your cylinder oil? A good dose of that will ease matters a bit until I can investigate without blistering my hands.” “Over there—that large can in the corner,” Blackstock indicated. , To reach it Coast had to pass be tween the man and the door; as he did so, temporarily off his guard, Blackstock stepped suddenly to his side. Grasping Coast’s right wrist with his left hand, he thrust it up smartly, interposing his shoulder to prevent it from coming down as he released it and simultaneously passed his own right arm across Coast’s chest, seizing and pinioning his left Having him thus helpless in one oi the simplest of jiu-jutsu holds. Black stock thrus't his left hand into Coast's pccket, wiihdrek the automatic pis tol and let him go with a shove that sent him reeling and staggering back against the wall. “I’ve been wanting this toy ever since you mentioned it last night.” he said calmly, balancing the weapon in his palm. “It’s one of my rules that no arms shall be carried on thi3 Is land.” (TO BE CONTINUED.) Scolding Wife is Berated Physician Declares Something Is the Matter Ins Ce cf Her and Ad vises an Operation. At a medical convention held in Cleveland. Ohio, the other day. Dr. C W. Moots bore down with heavy band and amid much applause upon the hatchet-faced individual common ly known as the scolding wife. He said: “Every time I see one of these women coming into my office, with - harp face and flat chest and inelas ! tic muscles, ! am in doubt whether ! to feel sorrier for the patient or for . myself. There is something the mat j ter; they ought to be operated upon.” Spoken like a true medico, who finds a physiological basis for every «»Mq|d»nt f There are thousands of women in the world who do not look particu larly good to the other fellows, and it is just as well that they should not. Wise nature knew what she was about when she threw the glamour of illusion over one man, so that he should think there was none other than the single paragon among her many sisters. And when he mar ried her, she was that. Happy is he if the alchemy of love still invests her with charms forever gone. And if shea has been a true and faithful wife, God help him if he ha? forgot ten the bliss of the honeymoon and the day when he stood by her side with the promise on his lips to cher ish and protect “until death do us parti" CAPTAIN SCOTT JELLS HIS STORY The English Antartic Explorer Had Trying Experiences. DARING WINTER OPERATIONS Amundsen's Rivals in Race to South Pole Had Several Miraculous Escapes—Thrilling Narrative by Noted British Officer. SPECIAL NOTICE:—Capt. Robert F. Scott's narrative of liis explorations in the antartic published below was is sued by tlie New York Times company ns a book, duly entered for copyright and publicly exposed for sale, the same being its first publication anywhere in the world. Its reproduction in this newspaper is of course duly authorised. Its reproduction elsewhere in the United States in any form except by permission from the New York Times company is forbidden. Copyright 1912 by the New York Times company, tall rights reserved!. Copy righted in the United Kingdom by the Central News. Limited.. London. Reg istered in the Department of Agricul ture. Copyright Branch. Dominion of Canada, by the Central News Limited. London. Special Cab'.j to The New York Times. Akaroa, New Zealand. Tuesday, April 2.—Lieut. Pennell, commander of the Terra Nova, of the British antarctic expedition of 1910, which arrived here yesterday, brought with him a long and intensely interesting account of the work and experiences of the expedition up to January third last, written expressly for the New York Times by Capt. Robert F. Scott, the leader of the expedition. Capt. Scott's story is as follows: Ey Robert F. Scott. Macmurdo Sound, Oct. 30, 1911.— Shortly after the departure cf the Depot-Laying party from Cape Evans on January 2.">. 1911. the sea ice broke at South Cape and severed eonimuni ca'ior.s with the ship. The Depot party consisting of 12 men. eight CAPT. ROBERT F. SCOTT Intrepid British explorer who headed in expedition In search of the south sole. ponies and two dog teams occupied till January 30 in establishing a base camp at the Harrier seven miles east, southeas* ot Hut Point. On February 8th, we proceeded south, marching by night and resting by day. The weather was exception ally bad but the surface improved. The three weakest ponies were sent back, but these unfortunately were caught in another bad blizzard and two succumbed. With the remaining ponies and the dogs we reached lati tude degrees on the 16th. when I decided owing to the condition of the weather and the animals to make a depot here and return. We left more than a ton of stores at this point which we named One Ton Camp and which should be a great help to us this season. We then returned to our Base Camp with dog teams. A.: Base camp I found every sin gle pony well, and visiting Hut Point 1 received news of the Terra Nova and Frani. On February 24. with men on skis, and a single pony, I started to take more stores to Corner camp. On j the outward journey we passed re ; turning points going well. Returning 1 from Corner camp, I was held up by a blizzard on the 27th but reached Base j camp on the 28th, I found the storm ; had been phenomenal at this place, \ raging for three days and causing ! enormous accumulation of snow i drifts. Shifts of wind had baffled all efforts to shelter the ponies with snow walls and the animals had suffered very badly, so 1 decided to retire to Hut Point without delay. A Close Call. There at 2 a. m., on March 1, the tired condition of the ponies obliged the party to camp at 4:30. Bovvers, awakened by a noise, found the ice broken all around the camp, and mov ing with the heavy swell. One pony had disappeared from the picketing line and was not seen again. Hastily packing their sledges, the party decid ed to try and work southwest over the packed ice. With infinite diffi culty the sledges were dragged, the ponies jumping from floe to floe to ward the barrier. About noon the party neared the barrier but found its ice wall unclimbable and the swell churning and breakinng heavy floes against it. In this delemma Crean was allowed to attempt to obtain help. He traveled east over the mov ing pack to find a break in the ice wall and eventually hoisted himself to the barrier surface by wedging his ski stick in a crack. More Ponies Lost. On March 4 we ascended hills east of Castle Rock, and on the fifth the party with the two remaining ponies and the dog teams was safely housed at Hut Point. By this incident we lost three of our strongest ponies. This was a severe blow' to the expe dition. but not enough to wreck Us plans if the remaining animals could be preserved. The heavy swell which caused this disaster broke more than ten miles of sea ice, large fragments from the barrier, and two miles of glacier tongue—a feature which had remained otherwise un hanged since discovery, in 1902. The hit was found almost completely fill d with hard snow, the windows broken and the door unhinged. With much labor we cleared and repaired it. It then afforded good shelter. Preparing For the Winter. On March 17 Lieutenant Evans led a party to Corner Camp, completing the depot arrangements for the com ing season. The temperature at the barrier had already fallen to minus 40 degrees. Throughout the month ice continually formed over the sea but the strong winds quickly drove it out. Afrer March 25 the ice remain ed fast in the sheltered bays but continued to drive out of the sound. Huge land ice falls cn the southwes' slopes of Mount Erebus prevented any possibility of returning to Cape Evans by land, but with the freezing of the bays 1 decided to make an attempt to reach the station, partly1 by land and partly by sea ice. With eight companions 1 started, on April 11, and although caught by a storm on sea ice, we reached Cape Evans early on the 13th. We found the statiou, which had been left in Simpson's charge, in excellent order, and ar rangements for comfort remarkably perfect On April IT I returned to Hut Point with a fresh sledge party carrying supplies and stores. As it was im possible for animals to travel on the route taken. I left Meares and five others in charge of those at Hut Point and again returned to Cape Evans on April 30. Sea ice continued to drive out of sounds until the first week ir. May. It was not until May 13. three weeks after the sun had gone that the men and animals left Hut Point and safely returned to the main sta tion. The sound froze solid in May and later in winter packed ice ex tended to an unprecedented distance northward, despite numerous gales. After the return from the absentees we settled down very comfortably in our winter hut, its arrangements for lighting, heating, cooking and ventilation proved eminently satisfac tory Behind a land ridge on the slopes of Mount Terror, the party spent three days building a stone hut on which they roofed with canvas from this camp. The men had great difficulty in crossing the huge barrier pressure ridges in the dim noon twilight to reach the rookery- They were suc cessful at a second attempt. They found comparatively few birds at the rookery, but these had begun to lay even at this early date. Fortunately some eggs at different stages of de velopment were secured which should give considerable information con cerning the embryology of this inter esting bird. The same night a violent gale commenced and the ridge proved inadequate shelter from the hurri cane gusts which whirled down on the hut. A tent and other carefully secured articles were blown away, and after straining for 14 hours ihe roof of the hut flew to ribbons. For 30 hours more the travelers were con fined in their frozen sleeping beds half buried beneath snow and rock debris. The state of their equipment now forced them to turn homeward, on the return journey they were held for two days by another storm after which the temperature fell and re mained below minus GO degrees. The party returned after five days absence incased in ice and suffering from want of sleep but otherwise well First Antarctic Telephone Line. At the end of the month telephone communication was established with 1 Hut Point through 15 miles of bare | wire. This telephone has already proved extremely useful for reporting the movement of parties, pending changes of weather. Start Delayed to Cave Ponies. A11 plans and preparations for the i southern journey are now complete : and despite the accident of last sea son we have great hope of success. The necessity of getting the utmost out of our remaining ponies has de cided me not to expose them to great cold. We shall therefore start later than ordinarily intended. November 21. latitude Sl.la S—We | left Hut Point on the eve of Novem ber 2, having decided to march by night and rest during the day to give the ponies the benefit of warm day temperatures. We reached Corner Camp this morning. Traveling south for 60 miles we followed the traces of the motors, then we found the ma chines abandoned. The party had proceeded onward as directed, we'e delayed by a blizzard on the eign h, but reached One Ton Camp on the morning of the 16th. The dog teams had caught us up some days earlier and the whole party proceeded in company. A days rest was given the animffis at One Ton Camp which we left on the 17th. Having regard to the weight of the loads, the heavy surfaces and limited number of eci mals. I decided to march 15 miles only every night this distance has has been maintained on bright nights and so far as we can forsee, it should be continued. The ponies are going very steadily and keeping in condition remarkably well. The first pony has been shot for expediency but could have trav eled further. The animals have ten -pounds of oats and three pounds of oil cake daily. We are hopeful of getting the men's food supply to the glacier, according to program, without great difficulty but shall be a day or two later than anticipated. We found the motor party waiting at latitude SOti. Two of their number now leave us. The sole cause of the aban donment of the motors was the over heating of the air cooled engines. December 10. latitude S3 degrees 15 minutes.—After the return of the motor party from latitude SI degrees 15 minutes we pushed steadily south hopeful for better weather conditions. A second pony was destroyed at lati tude S2 degrees 10 minutes. A third at latitude S2 degrees 45 minutes and two more near the S2ru parallel. None of these animals were exhausted but were sacrificed on account of light ening loads and as food for dogs. As we approached the weather grew worse, snow storms were frequent, the sky continually overcast and land very rarely visible. Close to the Pole. January 3, 1 i*12,- latitude 87.32. height 9,800 feet. After leaving the upper glacier depot, south of Mount Darwin. I steered southwest two days. This did not keep us clear of pressure ridges and crevasses which occurred frequently at first and gave us trouble, but we rose rapidly in alti tude. Probably the difficult places wore more snowcovered than further eastward. The adopting of this course was mainly felt on the third and fourth days when owing to our alti tude we got a splendid view of the distribution of the land masses fring ing the ice sheet and the a\n of ice falls. Since leaving the depot our marches have averaged over fifteen statute miles a day. On Christmas day we were close up to the 86tli parallel and the prospect of Christ mas fare gave us an excellent march— seventeen miles—but the effect was not so happy the following day. The surface grew more difficult as we approached the 87th parallel. On New Year's eve. in latitude 86 de grees, 56 minutes, we depoted there a unit of provisions and rebuilt our sledges with new short runners, which remarkable piece of work was performed by the seamen of the party under adverse conditions. Al though it cost us nearly a day's march, the change amply repaid us. We have been able to keep up our average and we are now within 150 miles of the pole. Five Going On to the Pole. I am going forward with a party of five men sending three back under Lieutenant Evans with this note. The advance party goes forward with a month's provisions and the prospects of success good, providing the weather holds and no unforseen obstacles arise. It has been very difficult to choose the advance party, as everyone was fit and able to go forward. Those who returned are naturally much disappointed. Every one has worked his hardest. The weather on the plateau has been good on the whole. The sun has never de serted us, but the temperatures are low now, about minus 20 degrees, and the wind pretty constant. However, we are excellently equipped for such conditions and the wind undoubtedly improves the surface—so far all ar rangements have worked out most satisfactorily. It is more than prob able that no further news will be received from us this year as our re turn must necessarily be late. ROBERT F. SCOTT. Church Trustee—Dili you occupy ; your last pulpit with credit? New ! Rector—Entirely. There was never j any cash connected with it.—Judge, j Friend—Now, as I understand it : you and I, instead of having unequal . wealth, ought to have just the same ' amount. Socialist—Yes—er—that is —how much have you got?—Judge. Tommy—Pop, what is retribution? ■ Tommy's Pop—Retribution, my son, is something we are always sure will overtake others.—Philadelphia Ree I ord. Damocies saw the suspended sword. “I'm all right, unless woman has just washed the hair and can’t do a thing with it,” he cried.—Harper’s Bazar. Kink—“I see they have a stepless trolley in New York.” Dink—"Nuthin' new about that. We've had seatless cars here for years.” Nor would it be at all surprising if the ever-increasing popularity of the oyster is due to its proclivities for silence. The First Thing to Serike Him. Mrs. Ferkins—Josh, now that you've seen the great sights in New York , City, what's the first thing that'd nat urally strike a visitor from up-state? ; Mr. Perkins—One o' them speedin' au \ tomobiles.—Lippincott's Magazine. Needed AM He Could Get. Mr. Flubdub — You women are mighty slow. During the time it took you to select that ha^ 1 went out and made two hundred dollars. Mrs. Flub : dub—I'm so glad. dear. Y'ou'll need ' it.—Puck. The Hostess—I should have a per | feet horror of dying unmarried. The | Caller—It’s having to live that way | that worries me!—London Opinion. -- j “Say, Pat, an wholy do they call loife a train of events?" "Sure, Moike, I’m ashoimed of ye. An did ye niver hear 'tis made of births and exits?” Now that the weather has broken for the better what will the average person find to talk about? Her Daughter Her Teacher. Catterson—Notice how Carstair's wife makes up of late? Should think I he would stop her. Hatterson—Has fried to; feels badly about it. But I he S3 vs it’s no use; she learned it j from her daughter.—Life. . Would Take No Chances. Lawyer (to the judge)—Would it be : contempt of court to call your honor i a crook and a thief? Judge—It cer i tainly would be. Lawyer—Then I won’t take the chance, your honor.— Satire. “He seems to have the happy fac ulty of never attracting any attention to himself.” “So he has. I shouldn't be at all surprised if he got to be vice- president of this country some day.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Most of the troubles with which folk are worried are the result of ex cessively active imaginations. Yon can tell by the high pitched voice of a grass widow that she is not in the heyday of life. Get This FREE Book Before You Decorate It shows 20 pretty rooms in modem homes and how to get the very latest designs for your home. 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