Nebraska Newspapers

    F TOL* are haypfly married. |
these l.-tle stories will
make you realise how
lerky you are. w rites Maude
N-ai. ta the Mew Tork
_Snaikjr World
If your wedded lot ts
more fun of thorns -han roses, then
»ou may nr.vide a little company for
yew misery
If row are contemplating matri
*=o*y. hey may --an to have the sab
n-ary eSert of P-iMti i advice to those
who are planning marr-.age—Don't!
At any rate, they show what an
hwwir Uttle god Cupid Is sometime*,
a*., how be wears a rap and bell* u
«fi»E as the how and arrow*.
Mcved to Avoid Rent.
S t KTl.T after James E. Jarrett of
Fort Wayne married >tm<* New
man he told ter one even.ng after din
ner that he had solved th- whole qaes
tiog of the advanced price of living,
and shea she leaned breathlessly for
«srd he Imparted the somewhat worn
arborists that It Is cheaper to move 1
than to pay retd
Mr* JartvU laughed and took It ms
a Jehe. herattse the neat day aras the
«*» *«»-d for the visit of the landlord
H never, she found that Mr Jarrett
•as in < mm*. hpaws within the
*se*» week or so she had her Erst ea
prrience w -.»h ar angry rent gatherer,
pagers of eut-ios and a visit from
the sheriff J J iJ
A'ter that Mr Jarrett put his theory
Into continuous practice, and In the
nest seven years the Jarrett* crated
tfaefr household goods no less than Z9
times; 1C motes being only two
jumps ahead of the officers of the,
- ~ * Final!) Mrs Jarrett found that
ter love had been broken all to
pie'es nith so muck moving, as she
b«d not always had time to crate it
property When she sued for di
vorce she declared that her husband
had failed to provide a' home for her.
and Mr Jarrtt answered that he had.
bn* the jodge sided with the plaintiff
Mad to Mums the Chlckena.
WHf.X the ids of Herman Roemer
o* Denver loft him be bud his
►bare of trouble* He bad to turn
is and do the cooking. z.ad the wash
lag and to complete the disaster.
**■•* chickens got stch. »nd there
Herman was left all alone with them
on bis hands He inserted personal"
afler personal- la the colnc nt of the
daily paper beseeching Paalise to!
fame hack to her desolate home, but
no* eve* the thought of the suffer
.ng tots Is moved her fickle heart. FI
nally. »e are glad to relate Herman
nursed them hack to health, and then
he sued far blurts.
«
Sewed Runaway Husband in Sheet.
ERNFST STEWVKT Of New York
pm tired of too much domesticity
a few month* ago and derided to re
ttM to tho adventurous life of a rover
So ope night he failed to come home,
and big wife went thrvn-gh various
«■«*• anxiety. fear and grief until
she discovered that he tad sailed
•**F e**c the tew as assistant rew
ard on an orris liner On the day
the ship was expected in port on its
retorn vsyig* she mil her jZyearold
son to the pier. So. when the recal
cttrant Freest came down the gang
piank the first person'%e saw was bis
hoy Bin Charles brought no re
proaches to his parent, .put said:
“Papa, mamma says thdt she Isn't
anger or sayy^ng. .byj she has fixed
yo« up a nie* dinner fihd wants you
to cotne up to the house.” At first
Stewart hung back, but as the boy
ran over the menu his decision weak- 1
eaed and he went home.
His wife, instead of greeting him
with tears, had on a nice white apron. ■
and set dinner fit for kings before j
*-im. He ate to repletion, so that
hen he arose after it and said he
was about to return to his vessel, it !
w as easy tor Mrs Stewar' to persuade |
him to take a little nap before so
doing.
As scon as Stewart had begun to !
>r.cre the sleep of perfect digestion |
Mrs. Stewart and Charlie bound him :
fast u» his couch with clothesline, and
then Mrs. Stewart sewed a sheet
about him. Then she sent Charles to
the police station, and when the po
liceman came they took Stewart to
the f at ion on his bed. and there his
bonds were cut.
She Wouldn’t Say “Obey.
THE other day a divorce was
granted in Pittsburg that ended
a marriage of 30 years, during all of 1
which time the man and woman had
been separated on account of a stub
: m whim of the bride. When Mary
T. rrence and John Speer were mar
r.ed Mary corrected the minister and
' lared that she was not willing to
■ me i he word "obey" in the mar
riage service. After the ceremony
the pair proceeded to their home, and
there the bridegroom began to reason
the matter out. Then Mrs. Speer
said she considered the word "obey"
foolish, as she had no intention of do
ing any such thing. The bridegroom i
asserted his right to be considered the
h- ad of the house, and in short a fine,
lively queirel started on the question
of mho should wear the trousers. Fi
nally the newly made husband seized
his hat and said angrily that he would
never return to his home until his
wife signified her willingness to sub
mit. As time went on the resolution
of both hardened, and the marriage
Lal’ed where It began at the word
obey" In the marriage service.
Husband Who Would Not Smile.
•IhyffHS. John Pohlman of Des Moines
secured a divorce because she
bed that which men usually declare a
woman does not possess—a sense of hu
mor. Besides, she had a sensitive dis
position. so that when she tried to re
gale the family dinner table with
: unny stories and witticisms, and her
husband met her efforts with only
"old stares, she was so deeply wound
ed that she charged cruelty In her pe
tition.
One time, she related, when the fam
ily was having a fine time telling
jokes and commenting humorously
upon the news of the day, her hus
band acted so morosely that one of
he children asked him if he was not
feeling well, whereupon he responded:
I hate to see a set of fools."
Comedy of May and December.
WHEN the friends of Minnie Zol
be of Detroit remonstrated with
ter for marrying 70-year-old Christian
Zoibe. she tossed her head and quoted
'he proverb about an old man's dar
ling and a young man's slave. But
■ Minnie didn't turn out a darling by
any means, for after four years of mar
riage the old gentleman sued for a
divorce on the ground of cruelty, and >
cited that when his athletic wife was 1
provoked at him she spanked him 1
with her slipper. Also, he declared. '
i when she wished to reprove him in
public, she pinched his arm. He ad
The institutional Church.
"Ac institutional church is a church
that aefcattlhcaliy studies and can i
a—I a air us* aad then, by every
agency in its power and with large
staffs aad Bsatrou volunteer work
era. who keep busy every day and
evening (a the year, it undertakes to
natty conditions, and to help the
rlur-T" of people, st s disadvantage
cessotryraUy under the present ar
ras;er<s:v if titteg*. to better coodi
cf Sev. Cr Percy S
Cr*. t
Not Spoken in Jest.
Spank! Spank! Spank' Tommy was
undergoing maternal chastisement at
the hands of his loving mother for
eating the jam.
"Tommy." she said, when she had
paused for breath, “do you know this
harts me more than it does you?”
And when Tommy was alone with
his brother he produced a square
board be had concealed, and mur
mured:
"1 thought that bit of wood would
cot do her hand any good.”—Tit-Bits, i
Couldn't Mlaa the Chance.
"I was awfully surprised when I
heard you had applied Tor a divorce.
W hat in the world is the matter? I
always thought your husband was
such a good man."
"Yes. Henry Is good—one of the best
men In the world, and he has always
been very kind to me. I really am
sorry to give him up. but 1 have a
perfectly lovely chance to marry a
man who has so much money that I
shall be able to make Mrs. Wads
worth awfully Jealous."
mitted that he might be in his sec
ond childhood, but denied the same
right to his wife that he had to his
mother, to suffer correction in such
a humiliating way. Minnie admitted
his allegations, but declared that Zol
be had grossly deceived her, as
before marriage he had told her be
was wealthy, and when she found out
the falsity of this statement she felt
that he had entrapped her into mar
riage so that he might have some one
to look after him, and she was merely
doing this.
The Silent Husband.
QGOX after their marriage, Frank
•3 Beckman aud his wife of Asbury
Park tad a tiff, and Mrs. Beekman
angrily and tearfully said: “I don't
want you ever to speak to me again."
' All right I won’t,” shouted Beek
man, seizing his hat and making for
the door.
By night Mrs. Beekman had forgot
ten about the quarrel, and was ready
to tell ner husband the news of the
day when he returned from work in
the evening. But Beekman came in,
returned no answers to her questions,
ate his supper and went to bed with
out speaking. His wife thought he
was suffering fnjfru a spell of sulki
ness and tried to coax him out of it
by persuasion, tears and finally anger.
But from that day for 4 years Beekman
never spoke a word at home. Mrs. Beek
man tried burning the soup and put
ting salt In his coffee, in the hope
that his anger would drive him to
speech, but Beekman never went fur
then than shaking his head. Once—
it was a red letter day for Mrs. Beek
man—he moved his lips as if about to
3ay something, but evidently changed
his mind, and closed them firmly
again. Adhering to his policy of si
lence. Beekman interposed no answer
to his wife's suit for divorce.
Romance Versus Commuting.
IF THE time-tables had been differ
ent. if Dermot Holden's hours at
work had been shorter, if Delawanna,
X. J., had been nearer to New York,
Isabelle Holden is sure that the dream
of her married life would never have
been shattered. For the irksomeness
of arising at 4 a. m. to start her hus
band's breakfast, of blacking his shoes
at night so that be would not be late
in starting for bis train, of seeing
that he really arose when the alarm
clock gave its warning, wore all the
romance out of her life. "The wife
who stays at home," she satd. "com
mutes just as much as the husband."
The rush to the train and the rush
home made Dermot nervous and irri
table, and he was to tired at night to
take her out any place or to be any com
pany to her. The pair owned a house
at Delawanna. they were not able to
dispose of it. and until they did they
could not move into the city, so each
wearied of the joys of a commuter's
life, and a divorce suit was filed.
i-ie impersonated Satan.
ANDREW BLAES of Chicago be
came much interested in hypnot
ism and occult science several years
ago. and insisted upon performing
many of his experiments at home,
much to the discomfort of his wife.
He burned incense, which made her
sick, and on one occasion, after she
had retired, she heard such strange
noises proceeding from the kitchen
that she arose, tip-toed to the door and
peeped in. What was her horror at
finding her hushand dressed in red ,
to represent Satanic Majesty, burn
ing red fire and screeching like a
fiend. When he caught sight of the
frightened face of his wife he start
ed toward her, and as she fled he fol- j
lowed. He chased her all over the
house, and each lime he caught her
he tore a piece out of her night dress,
until she was almost nude. He also,
on another occasion, erected a throne
in the bedroom, and, dressed as the
devil, he seated himself upon It and
made her bow down and worship him.
Retort Practical.
A too convlvially inclined young
clubman was introduced at a recep
tion last week to a clever society
woman whom he understood, in some
hazy fashion, to be a great artist. She
was not an artist, nor had she ever
made aiJy attempt to be. But the
young man, whose wits were apt to go
wool gathering at times, thought she
was. And he was very anxious to
make a sufficiently pretty speech to
her.
He murmured the usual convention
alities when he was presented, and
“You paint, don't you? So many peo
ple have told me about it." he said
ingratiatingly.
The young woman stared at him.
looked him severely in the eyes, let
her glance fall on every feature of
his perplexed face, glared her indig
nation, and then she spoke:
"If I do," she remarked, icily, “at
least I don’t make a mistake and put
it on my nose."—Philadelphia Times.
Honey Sixty Years Old.
One thousand pounds of honey, some
of it more than sixty years old, Is the
remarkable exhibit now being viewed
by hundreds of people at East Lee, a
village of Massachusetts. The entire
quantity was obtained by workmen
while tearing down a tavern built one
hundred and fifty years ago. They
discovered in the garret more than
fifty swarms of bees and their half
ton accumulation of honey. For more
than a century the tavern has been
in the hands of a single family. No
person now living can remember ever
having entered the garret.
No Doubt.
"I have Just been reading in a news
paper about an armless man who is
writing a book with hiB toes."
"Ahem! I presume it will consist
I largely of footnotes."
I - _•_ I
New News &
Of Yesterday
II _ g/
Origin of a “Best Seller”
. ___
Charles Dudley Warner’s Explanation
of How He Came to Write His
Famous Book, “My Summer
In a Garden.”
After a brilliant career as an officer
in the Civil war, Gen. Joseph R. Haw
ley returned to his home at Hartford.
Conn., at the close of the hostilities.
He proposed beginning over again as
an editor, for he was the editor of a
Republican paper at the time he laid
i down the pen to open the first recruit
| ing office in the state of Connecticut
| in response to Lincoln’s call for vol
; unteers on April 15. 1861. And 24
| hours after the call had been issued,
he had raised his state’s first com
i pany of volunteers.
General Hawley, however, was
i obliged to defer that purpose, for, in
! 1866, he was elected governor of Con
necticut. A year later, when he re
i turned to private life, he brought
1 about him an ably body of associates,
five in all, who bought the Hartford
! Courant and consolidated with it the
Hartford Press, of which General
! Hawley had been the editor before
the outbreak of the war. One of these
| associates was Charles Dudley War
ner, who was known to a circle of cul
1 tivated literary men and women as a
master of English style, but whose
came was not them familiar to the
! public.
General Hawley’s election to the
lower house of congress in 1868 and
his long service In that body (followed
| by four terms In the senate) made It
I necessary for Mr. Warner to assume
the duties of editorial chief of the
I Courant. It was while he was serv
ing in that capacity that Mr. Warner
began the publication of a daily series
! of articles without the slightest
thought that upon this trifling work.
! is he called It. was to be based his
I masterly reputation, and that by rea
I sod of it he would join the ranks of
1 those who in that day published what
nowadays we would call a “best
seller."
While Mr. Warner was occupied with
conducting the department, entitled
The Editor's Drawer," in Harper's
Magazine, a task which he assumed
in 1884, I asked him if he would tell
| me how he was led to write the little
Refused Chief Justiceship
When Speaker, Carlisle Was Offered
Position by President Cleveland
and Afterwards Thought He
Made Mistake in Declining.
With Mr. George F. Parker, the bi
ographer and intimate friend of Grover
Cleveland as my authority, I told re
oently that John G. Carlisle, lieutenant
governor of Kentucky, membe? of con
gress for six and speaker of the house
for three terms. United States senator
for three years, and secretary of the
treasury throughout President Cleve
land's second administration, refused
to become chief justice of the United
States when President Cleveland, to
ward the close of his first term, of- 1
fered him the exalted post. Todry, in ,
Mr. Carlisle's own words, I tell how j
that offer was made and how it was :
refused—a hitherto unchronicled bit of
national history, and one of dramatic
simplicity while it was happening.
Mr. Carlisle himself was the first to
let it be known privately that he had
been offered the place of chief justice
of the United States by Mr. Cleveland.
A few days after Mr. Cleveland's fu
neral, in 1908, when Mr. Carlisle had
been practicing law not too success
fully In New York Tor a number of
years, he said to a friend:
“I owe much of the success of my
career to Grover Cleveland. I also
owe to him an expression of confi
dence which I have never before made
any reference, except to my immedi
ate family. I called one morning in
1888 upon the president; as speaker of
the house of representatives I had
some official business to transact
with him.
He received me cordially in his pri
vate office. Suddenly, while we were
chatting about the business in hand,
he arose from his chair, went to the
window which gives upon the south
lawn, or White Hause lot, thrust his
hands in his packets, and stood for a
long time looking put of the window in
the direction of the Potomac. I knew
from his manaer that he had some
thing on his mind. Then, as suddenly
as he had left his chair he wheeled
It Was Not a Legal Laugh.
Talking over the telephone consti
tutes a personal conversation, but
laughing over the telephone may not
be a legal ' igh. This is the offhand
opinion gh.-n by Municipal Judge Ed
win K. Walker.
The question arose in a lawsuit be
ing tried between E. Goodfrlend. 52oo
Sleuth Halsted street, and H. King
man. 491 Wells street. Goodfrlend
rued for the price of a fur collar that
did not suit him.
•Did you have a personal conversa
tion with Klugman about this collar?
Attorney I.loyd M. Brown asked.
"No,” Goodfrlend replied, “I talked
to him over the telephone. He didn’t
talk much, though. He began laugh
ing aa aoon as he heard my voice.
"Well, that was a personal conver
sation,” replied the Judge.
"He laughed loud at me and seemed
to be mirthful because I did not get
what I wanted when I bought the col
lar of him.”
"We wont consider that a legal
In ugh.” Judge Walke* said.—Chicago
InterOcean.
Libelous Yam of the West
--- ————————————————— I
Ex-Governor Adams, at Alfalfa Ban
quet in Colorado, Points Moral
With a Good Story.
Ex-Gov. Alva Adams was the guest
of honor at the recent alfalfa banquet
In Rifle. Colo.—a banquet wherein ap
peared alfalfa biscuit, alfalfa-stuffed
turkey, mashed alfalfa, alfalfa-leat
spinach, alfalfa tea and cider, alfalta
salad and alfalfa toothpicks.
•‘Alfalfa is delicious,” said Mr.
Adams at the banquet's end. as he
^e« his napkin across his mouth. ”1
have eaten and drunk heartily of it. i
can only speak of it in terms of the
highest praise.
“The people misjudge alfalfa. They
misjudge it as the ‘biled clothes* story
misjudges the civilization of the west.
"According to this libelous yarn, a
Harvard professor visited the weston
a geological expedition. In Albertus
he put up with a rancher. The first
night on the ranch he slept in his
clothes, like the rest of the boys, out
of politeness, but the second night be
complained about this.
" '1 can’t stand it,’ he said to the
rancher. ’I don’t seem to get my rest.
My toots especially incommode me.’
"So the rancher stretched a cowskin
across the shack and that night the
Harvard professor slept in his long
white nightgown by himself.
"At daybreak the night foreman
came in while the professor was still
slumbering. The foreman cast one
glance at the sleeper, then tiptoed
forth and said to the ranches:
“’Rather sudden, wasn't it?
“ ’What?' the rancher asked.
“ ‘Why, the death of the old prof.’
"'He's not dead,’ said the rancher.
'He’s sleepin'.’
“ ‘Then what in tarnation is he
wearin’ them biled clothes for? snort
ed the foreman. ‘Never seen a chap
laid out In “biled clothes” afore 'cept
ing he was dead.' ’’—Washington Star.
around, looked at me intently for a
moment, and said: 'Mr. Carlisle, I want
to nominate you ft* chief justice of
the Supreme court of the United
States: will you accept?'
"That was the first suspicion I had
that the president had borne me in
mind in connection with the vacant
chief justiceship. For myself. I had
never even connected myself with the
position. Therefore, his words came
to me with the suddenness of a wholly
unexpected blow. I was startled—yet
1 knew instantly from his manner that
he wanted an immediate reply.
“At that time all my aspirations
were directly In line with a political
career. The whole situation confront
ing me, in view of the president's rev
elation, passed through my mind in
stantly. and I made intuitive judgment.
1 told the president that as great as
was the compliment, and distinguished
as was the honor, nevertheless my
judgment was that I must decline the
chief justiceship. He looked at me
regretfully for a moment, and then
took up again the business we had in
hand.
“I have often wondered." concluded
Mr. Carlisle, “whether or not I made
a mistake in declining that unexpected
ofTer of the chief justiceship.”
It may be set down as a practical
certainty that had not Mr. Carlisle de
clined that ofTer the closing years of
his life would have been happier than
they were to him as a great lawyer
with few clients In the city of New
York.
(Copyright. 1911. by E. J. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved.)
A Man of Mystery.
The death has taken place In Dun
fermline, Scotland, of a man whose
identity has been a mystery for ten
years, says a dispatch.
Ten years ago he was seized in the
streets of the town with a stroke of
apoplexy.- He was picked up by a po
liceman. but it was found that he had
been Struck deaf and dumb. A stran
ger to the locality, he could neither
read nor write, and his identity has
never been established.
series of daily essays which became
nationally famous under the book ti
tle, "My Summer in a Garden.”
“I have been asked that question
many times,’1 said Mr. Warner, “and
l have always said that 1 did net
know,- exactly how I came to write
those daily articles. I suppose it was
a sort of literary lark. 1 lived in the
center of a colony of well-known lit
erary people. Mrs. Harriet Beecher
Stowe was my neighbor, and so was
Mark Twain, and there w as the charm
ing literary circle which met at the
house of Francis Gillette, who had
been United States senator and was
the father of William Gillette, the
actor. We all had little plots of
ground attached to our homes, and
some of us undertook to have kitchen
gardens. We used to have great sport
in describing our experience with pus
ley weed.
“One day I though I would turn my
attention from the heavier sort of
editorial work to a sort of recrea
tion. to writing a little sketch each
day that would hint at the experl
Too Versatile as a Writer
Edward Eggleston’s Failure to Equal
His First Success Was Due to
Fact That He Scattered
His Abilities.
At one period in his career Donald
G. Mitchell, better known to the world
of readers as Ik Marvel, creator of«
•Reveries of a Bachelor." was tempt
ed from his retirement at "Edgewood."
his farm, then upon the outskirts of
New Haven. Conn., to assume the ed
itorial management of a weekly pub
lication called "Hearth and Home."
Mr. Mitchell, however, found the
post somewhat Irksome, and further
more it interfered with the literary
work he was doing at home. “The
editing of this periodical is of itself
not irksome," he explained, "but it en
tails two or three trips a week back
and forth between New- Haven and
New York, and for that reason I have
given it up."
Mr. Mitchell’s successor as editor
of this periodical was Edward Eggles
ton. Like Charles Dudley Warner.
Mr. Eggleston suddenly emerged from
comparative literary obscurity with
such suddenness and with such daz
zling illumination that he was regard
ed for a time as sure to become recog
nized as a great American writer of
Action. His venture, however, was
accidental and due to an emergency.
The story has often been^told, but I
will repeat enough of it to illustrate
the new anecdote I am about to tell.
Mr. Eggleston was disappointed
about receiving a serial contribution
which he expected for “Hearth and
Home." Not knowing what to do or
where to go for a substitute, he de- I
termined to make use of some of his
experiences as a Methodist circuit
rider in Indiana. He, therefore, on the
spur of the moment almost, wrote the
first installment of a story entitled
“The Hoosier Schoolmaster.” It ap
peared in 1871 and no one was more j
astonished at the instant success of |
this, his first venture into fiction, than !
was Mr. Eggleston himself. It de- !
termined his career. ?or he decided to
take up literature as a vocation.
The question has often been asked:
Why did Eggleston never quite re
peat his first success? He had other j
successes, but none so pronounced as i
his first. Why? Probably the best
answer to that question was the one
once given by Donald G. Mitchell.
"Eggleston's 'Hoosier Schoolmas
ter,’ " said Mr. Mitchell, “was so racy
of the soil, was so evidently a true
picture of Indiana life, and moreover,
had just the touch of illusion that is 1
necessary for success in fiction, that !
it is no wonder it gained widespread
and well deserved popularity, and
that many persons looked for subse
quent works of fiction that would be
its equal in all respects. But Eggles
ton never quite reached that high
mark, and he knew it as well as any
one. He explained it to me by saying
that if it were not for a versatility
which he possessed he undoubtedly
would have made a great career as a
writer of American fiction. His ver
satility, however, haunted him. He
could write good fiction, he could write
good history, he could write good bi
ography. If he had been able to con
centrate himself upon any one of these
departments of literature, he was sure
that he would have gained a high
measure of success. ‘My versatility is
the bane of my literary life,’ he told
me, and it is my impression that in
saying that he was an accurate critic
of himself. And after he had said
that he added—and 1 could see that
it came from the heart:
“ ‘If I were ever called upon to give
any counsel to a young man ambitious
to gain literary success, I would most
surely and earnestly say to him:
"Study my career, and be warned by
it. Don’t scatter your abilities. Con
centrate them upon one department of
literature. Then, if you do not suc
ceed. you may be sure that literature
is not vour vocation!' "
(Copyright. 1911. by E. J. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved.)
A Celebrity.
“Who is the chesty individual pos
ing in front of Piller's drug store?"
“Oh. that's Colonel Todd, one of
our most prominent citizens. He
claims to be an intimate friend of
Christy Mathewson.”
ences of the amateur gardener, espe
cially with pusley weed. I and my
fellow colonists had had proof of the
truth that was in the saying of Hor
ace Bushnell, our great fellowtowns
man. who in one of his lectures spoke
of the moral perversity of inanimate
objects. If there could be anything
more pfetwerse than pusley weed none
of us knew what it was.
“Well, there was something in the
humor, possibly something in the
light of philosophy, that worked its
way into those little sketches which
happened to catch the public fancy;
and before I realized it I discovered
that the sketches were gaining in pop
ularity far beyond the boundaries of
Hartford. Then many persons urged
me to have them republished in book
form, and they were. Sometimes my |
friends tell me that, after all, 'My
Summer in a Garden' is the best thing
1 ever did. Measured by popularity, 1
am inclined to think it is.”
Mr. Warner might have gone furth
er and said that the phenomenal suc
cess of this work, and the type of
•sumor that was in it, caused him to
be ranked among the foremost of
American humorists.
(Copyright. 1911. by E. J. Edwards. All
Rights Reserved.)
$3.50 RECIPE FREE,
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RELIEVES URINARY AND KIDNEY TROUBLES,
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Stops Pain in the Bladder, Kidneys and Back.
Wouldn’t it be nice within a week or so
to begin to say good bye forever to the
scalding, dribbling, straining, or too fre
fluent passage of the urine; the forehead
and the back-of-the-head aches; the
stitches and pains in the back; the grow
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As you willsee when you get It,this recipe contains
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It willquickly snow its poweronceyou use it, sol
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APPROPRIATED IT.
Evelyn—They say there Is only one
person in fifteen with perfect eyes.
George (with uncommon fervor)—
In fifteen? There's only one in a mil
lion!
Evelyn—There you go again, George!
Always flattering somebody!
DON’T NEGLECT YOUR KIDNEYS.
Kidney troubles are too serious to
neglect. Slight ailments are often
TttryP)r!urt_
TdbA&irJS^
forerunners of
dangerous kid
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should be treat
ed without de
lay.
Obadiah B.
‘ Crane. 222 First
> Av„ Watertown,
S. Dak., says: "I
was taken with
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and my left limb
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ness and was compelled to arise sev
i eral times during the night. Shortly
i after I commenced to use Doan's Kid
nely Pills, I could do work, that was
before impossible. I am stronger and
j better than in years.”
Remember the name—Doan’s.
For sale by druggists and general
! storekeepers everywhere. Price 60c.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Dragging Their Hosiery.
Little Arlene was familiar with the
appearance of the garden hose at
home, but when she observed a line of
fire hose, with its great length and
bulk lying serpent-like in the street,
she immediately inquired what it was.
| Her mother replied that was firemen's
hose, and the child went on watching
the fire.
In the meantime two additional lire
companies dashed up, and these newly
arrived fire fighters were carrying
their respective lines toward the burn
ing building, when little Arlene spied
them.
•‘Oh, mamma," she cried, craning
her neck out of the crowd, “here
comes more firemen dragging their
hosiery behind them!”—Llppincott's.
IN THE GOOD OLD SUMMER TIME.
Many a time this summer ou’re go
ing to be just about done out by the
heat—hot, and so thirsty it Just seems
nothing could quench it. When such
moments arrive or when you just
want a delicious, palate tidkling drink
step into the first place you can find
where they sell COCA-COLA. It’s de
licious, refreshing and completely
thirst-quenching. At soda-fountains or .
carbonated in bottles—5c everywhere.
Send to the COCA-COLA CO.. Atlanta,
Ga., for their free booklet ‘‘The Truth
About COCA-COLA.” Tells what
COCA-COLA Is and why It is so deli
cious, cooling and wholesome.
Hypnotic.
Margaret—I think Mr. Baker could
easily hypnotize people.
Katherine—Why do you think soT
Margaret—He often holds my hand
till It falls asleep.—Puck.
Getting* On.
"Well, little boy, did you go to the
circus the other day?”
“Yes'm. Pa wanted to go. so I had
to go with him.”
SHAKE INTO TOCR SHOES
Allen's Foot-Base, the Antiseptic powder for Tired,
aching, swollen, nervous feet. Gives rest and
comfort. Makes walking a delight. Sold every where.
Mo. Don't accept any substitute. For FRBB
sample, address Allen 8. Olmsted. Le Roy. N. T.
Wrath and wine unveil the heart of
friend to friend.—Plutarch.
Tell the dealer you want a Lewis’ Singh
Binder straight 5c clear.
Your wile as well as your sins will
find you out.
Garfield Tea regulates a lazy liver.
Occasionally a girl doesn’t try to
flirt because it’s involuntary.