The Lonp City Northwestern 1 W Bt KLKIUH. Publisher Lour CITY. - NEBRASKA o— 1 ■' —. - N<-*t Jut v* tU nu; loai for the Wl»> ter* of Jeauarjr Pwoiblj -fa* la the cat «Lo* ••uH rs)Bf more Hrtri.iT lilt- la the Soot per, » ia led a trjojraph kai error a bo mrr Bed an Idem of tkr.r m ** bar* yot to Bisector aa *cr that baa bora Haprored by the («M ator a*r treatment imbe< baa tabc* its plain* ia the ball of fata- brodr la Hjrbrr *d ittoa. too. baa It* Jan Iluaut* slrl started for cal rrj’ .< ae i pi heat Ub* (Ul ::mut V»tb< it is atd.ng. *J'-« t9 Tfest Jersey vettur! who fuW to l'onAr s *ti:r»jy lor * L*w filoal ■posc bui ?1U *+ : 1st tills Is Is sec of * ilauc«n Tfcwo and s Islf ' ilUons was the salwr of tbs foreign ’rsdc of the (sited TTBiTf last rest- Prettjr bi{ .osetry tits. :*s t ft* ■mats sCords s V-g market for lisrrtf ty^*-setters ToJwdcefTMn j* cartoons •« see. Boss— : not s ag msrso*. for Asse-.can u'rtj There 1c S powerful B#oie scent ill 4>tf of tnsd opera in i.cglu!. o u :a s position to snow Aside fro* that and s few Jtfeer 6rf« ts r is s good pis * to line B if on* isn't partarsUr Kurope .las nos definitely decided tat Tolstoi w'ss insane This may V true, be* it sews.* ss ' oj*i s lit is *or« of tint sort of imaxuly sosttsT lan Karope sny If tie fsslloa of *«arut tight rinsen sad pediess 'Oats fncues into general use we know s great many io|i;nr brawty awn wbo will Iwmdle woe* .i > in si iesranee Mas; readers of ne*»;a.i«-r» law asmderod the uf those oft :t>nu4 words fo.nd i! tie rad of mysterious diaappvmratiw norms '!wecC»e» Lav* bees as».«r,«-d to the A* any ra'e the Chicago acmae wbo t*id Mo rode all six tit ot street can to or« a bead*' he Las invented a food rt- use for person* »bo an ,■«»• to ftajr oat Mill the wee mu’ mn A V« York woman says she lost _et r*wfo«-t for bet husband wbra she augh' silk fise ace* in bis Land jibe Is jerfety rigt* A man wbo allows kiaw.f to be caught that war deserve* no respect if :iat ifsSaio man wbo would not fi« op a umstetMt lull tc an acrat ■e •-• y ■ e.'i.trirat were to ret tbs •all prani*y of $:•».* and a year's 1m lessor mew* be might think he had necutf e«t real 'Titos Wo base tt from a .k piny the (ins® and is wining tc tiny hooe nights ind ! -totvc herself yT- then they tell us thrt the women s/ today are without opportunities $3.50 RECIPE CURES WEAK KIDNEYS, FREE RELIEVES URINARY AND KIDNEY TROUBLES. BACKACHE. STRAIN ING, SWELLING, ETC. Btopa Pa>n In the Bladder, Kidney* and Back. Wouldn't It b# nice within a Kf*k or so to twfn to say aoodbve forever to the dribbling. straining, or too fre quent passage of urine: the forehead and the bach-of-the-head achea; the aUtchea and palna tn the back: the growing mus r> weakness: spots before the eye*; yel low skin, s jggtsh bowels: swollen eye lids or ankles, leg cramps: unnatural short breath; sleeplessness and the de St* ndency ? 1 hate a recipe for these troubles that you can depend on. and if you want to mai-e a QUICK RBOOTKRT. you ought to write and get a copy of It. Many a doctor would charge you 13.50 just for writing this pr< r r.ption. but I have It and will be glad to send It to you entire ly free Just drop tn« a line like this: I>r. A. E. Robinson. K-JK l uck Building. I . troit. HU h.. and 1 will send It by re :..rn tusil tn a plain envelope. As you will #*e wlcn nia get It. this recipe contains or.!;. ; :r- harm! s« remedies, but it has gt.at !..-.ling nrd pain-conquering power. It will ugh on Hat"" lor c* • n • ■ a c{ Prune D- g* write this Mr. H P Mo-dr. a ranchman, un er late of Fel 4th, 1911 writes as fol 1 w- tt U II .11 Toll. Douglas Co., t 'ol He sc- § "I have read vour ad v«t:i«**irr: < ? lb .gh on Rats;' it not oi.'. rea l- g d but it is good. I have '(-••i tr ublt-i twenty tears with Prairie IV g- have use! many so-called exter tr. r .* rw t • no purpose. Not long since 1 u-ed a i- - ncd wheat, prepared by an expert v . • had made it a study for year*. 1 .: di: no g—»l for me . they ate it. but ’ •; i • r ■ .ore The 'IN'S- were eating v» a r. •! : fin for me I was a- my ’ - <-d what to do. I could only get • - 15 - -e here of To ugh on I Lata? I m red :t with corn aad applied; ny of the-u chirped no more I then ?- ii 1 it with c -ti meal and placed it on da--# n«t windv. near their holes. 'I: .,h on Kata* :« \.y far the best thing ] hare tried, but I fancy I am using it v• • «anly -' - ’ s cr you may suggest • b rt. - v.:.\ i*.»n 1 kn »w to mix or use it. 1 w :r : v.. Jd keep the l.irg *-• "V- - e ".'d you send me the 75c. »./• ’ It cars 'hem out in great shape; **.•■ m, . •• it better known to Rarw hmen.” Pea e are f ;« as stated by Mr. M is Ijr. "Rough n Rat«" is equally i .ri cn !‘i i.r: ■ 11 gs. Sjuirrels. Clap n. uni,- ners. Rabbits. Mice. Rat* — -• f f ‘ I ry and ail kin Is. Ruche*. mI th •• * - 1 v to w it safelv m outbuild • i for th • d'Terent kind* of t>e*ts. I Prairie Tt.g» 1 would advise soaking e in» cracked com in a mixture of. sav <-• i of "U ugh on ILita" to five , ratei el stand a week. .* tr- . • • . ins < ,n u-e the same t *■ *e * cr ar.d ■ ur again for cracked • ' *' r * x "1!" . .-Ii * in Ra*-.*’ thorooghlv •it -.o. on.- part to twenty of ra r. .1 nr s;;; v lien it cools, di i Jc m pin • - and place about their h • 15 ”*■ ind 7.V : woolen hotea B B V.’. '-, i hcaiot, J.i-i City, Neatly Put. The Duchess Dacazes. as all the world knows »a< an American—a dacgh't-r of Uie enormously rich Sin g*-r family. The d ich- s* a as once taking part in ’...■ ir theatricals at Hagaz wi.'ti .1 New York girl said to her mother: U she a real duchess?” Yes. tnv dear." the mother, a Kc;< k>-ric ( i.er. answered. “Yes. real, hut machine made.” True Humility. 'I *••:,•; o- tempted to put on air* since you ow n a motor car.” 1 houid say not." replied Mr. fhuggins. "A tnan with a motor car put.- in most of his life apologizing. Important to Mothers Examine caretuily every bottle of C ASTORIA. a safe and sure remedy for infants and children, and see that it Rears the Signature of In Use For Over 30 Years. The Kind You Have Always Bought Latest Quotations. "Mow would you like a game picture for your dining room? A brace of can vas backs, say?*’ “No cheap stuff for me. Paint roe a picture of a dozen eggs.” Consulted Mim Often. Mrs lienbam—Health is wealth ■ >tiham At the rate you have the doctor you ought to get rich quick." t*K AII.KV% lOOT-rtSE tSc |Miwn *» olnutead.LeKoy,N.Y. fan a woman become a member of the I taught err of the Revolution Just because her ancestors murdered the king's English? I>r. Pierce'* Pleasant Pellets regulate »r.d invigorate stomach, liver and bowels, 'ugir - nte-i. tiny, granule*, easy to take. Ik* not gnpe. The strongest symptom of wisdom la man Is hi* being sensible of his owu follies.—Rochefoucauld. J-* v u; l!:-.i3er give* the smoker a rich, mrlltrt 'ldiTij it* cigar. The ocean Is crossed In love—by 3 number of bridal parties. <»arii*-ld it-a i- ,hr i»s; remedy for con a^pel.ou. !. ..!• •. cup beioie retiring. A girl ir always sure her latest lov; j U the real ttlrg. THE SWEETS THAT LIE IN WOMEN’S UPS iMlw. IVJZ- o'c: ZPtscxsjts cir^XjE*&v*2* (■Zt.nvr* *Ssr*z&Erj Or begin, usually, by gazing imo her eyes and feeling, all at once, that some coro na of glory bas illumined her whole face and is draw ing you toward her as inev itably as the helpless lit tle comets tumble into the blinding glory of the sun. You begin to burn up with a feverish longing. Just about then you no tice that her lips promise the sweetest kisses that mortal ever, dreamed of. And it is just then. too. that she seems to have made up her mind that those lips are the very things that >ou shall never ap proach nearer than about a yard and a half, and then with her dear moth er within safe observation distance, to guard against any sudden vertigo which her alluring eyes may inspire. After that you can't think of any- j thing but the delicious sweetness that is lingering on those lips .of hers, waiing to be garnered: and you un derstand how that impetuous person. Byron, must have felt when he wrote ' the lines about the women in the world having a single month, so that he could kiss them all at once. He seems a pretty effective one to mention, so you’ mention him. and from him you range through the im passioned poets, beginning with Sap pho and probably using Omar as a way siatiou into the list of the mod ern decadents. And then? Well, then the earth trembles and the heavens roll up as j a scroll, and you realize you've kissed her. It may have cost you nothing more ;han a few expressions of distin guished consideration—and. by the way. they make the finest kisses— or It may cost you millions, if you have them. It may cost you a king dom. and it may cost your life: and it may cost both. Kisses never came higher than now. V HAT is, for the population » at large. Nor need the mass of the world's popu lation be called on to in dorse the sentiment. The _ national percentages of conspicuous examples are too impressive to call for a census of the crowds, although, what with the diamond trust whooping up the price of engagement rings and the hens or ganized to ele\ate their yearly output, the kiss market has gone up even in France, where it was supposed to let happiness radiate, free as air, with out costing more than a compliment. The conspicuous examples that stand out in history as expensive kiss es—like those Antony obtained from Cleopatra and Jacob earned from La ban's attractive daughter—are being paralleled nowadays on the wholesale scale, with women figuring pretty prominently among the buyers, al though the men, as usual, are the more daring operators. Very often the price that is actual ly paid reaches a level far above the original valuation. Adonis may be per suaded, after long youthful timidity, to let Venus have a lock of his hair as a souvenir of their meeting, and it turns out that he has sacrificed his Immortal soul. Whether the soul of the latest and most romantic Adonis, Manuel of Por j tugal, went into limbo with his neat little throne, must be settled between Manuel and the recording angel in the future; but Paris and Portugal had very decided opinions, at the time of the one-night revolution, that it was the kiss of Mile. Gaby Deslys that cost him the throne. Just a Eoy King. To look at Mile. Gaby the average man might confess to a willingness to sacrifice a bouquet or two or the front seat in the motor cur for a few kisses; but he would think several times before he would take a chance on swapping a gold-plated ancestral throne for her. luminous eyes includ ed. The trouble about being a boy king, as Manuel was, is that boy kings don't even think twice, especially Spanish and Portuguese kinglets. Manuel had sought all over Europe for a pretty princess who would take her chances beside him on the throne, with the dynamite and the rifle bullets which the Portuguese conspirators handle so loosely liable to happen along any minute; and he was really in quite an unhappy frame of mind when he ran across Mile. Deslys. And that is the time when a pretty woman's lips look most alluring. He was not much more than a boy. and a boy can't be expected to know that kisses are expensive, because he is so near to his childhood, when all womankind seems eager to give them to him for nothing. The revolutionaries needed only that single Indiscretion to give them the weapon the1^ needed to insure popular support—the boy king was going the way of all kings, duplicat ing the career of his father. Carlos, wasting the wealth of the people on a French actress. Mile. Gaby Deslys may not have received the price he paid for the kisses that her pretty mouth vouchsafed him; but Manuel as suredly paid it over to the blood-stain ed creditors who demanded it. The bitterest part of it has been that near ly every other pretty woman who had met him was believed to be willing to let him take twice as many kisses for nothing—handsome young kings being rather scarce—while he still held his royal position. But he came off rather luckily in his misfortune as compared with the ap palling tragedy that was enacted a few years ago in Servia, when King Alexander, equally foolish king and yet more ardent lover, closed a career of miserable ineptitude and the rash est follies with all the splendid cour age of tlie primal, heroic man. defend ing the woman he had mated with. Queen Diana was of the same class as Manuel's inamorata, but far more notorious. She gave the same weapon for her lover's destruction into the pitiless hands of his foes. Servian Monarch's Romance. But Servia's monarch, if he was reckless, had the courage of his love. He married her. made her his queen, with full knowledge of the risk he ran. And when, in the alarm of that as sassins' midnight raid, he might have saved himself by leaving her to the un escapable fate they confronted, he fought out the hopeless fight there beside her. and perished with her. Life and throne Servia's king gave for woman's kisses; but there are few men with blood in their veins who will believe that royal lover gave his soul. But all three may have been the price paid by Austria's Crown Prince Rudolf for the kisses of the Baroness Betsera, with whom he was desperate ly in love. The pair were found dead in the hunting seat of Mayerling, and the only explanation of the tragedy ever accepted has been that ven geance found him out suddenly, In stantly in the midst of his sin. The whole houseful of heirs to the ancient and powerful empire of Aus tria has proved cheerfully ready to give up all tor love. Archduke Jo seph Ferdinand, madly in love with Frauleln Xitzko, the daughter of a Viennese restaurant keeper, flung away his chances for the throne by fleeing with her to Germany. He had been placed in line of succession by the same sort of romance on the part of his brother, the Archduke Leopold Salvator, who married a soubrette named Adamowicz eight years ago. He has been followed in the succes sion by the Archduke Francis Fer dinand, who as openly defied Emper or Francis Joseph and all the laws of the realm by marrying Countess So phia Chotek. the lovely widow of a Hungarian nobleman. But that last defiance, with the lov er the only heir left, broke the anathe ma that had been previously visited on all those royal lovers of the reign ing family. After years of futile ef fort to part them the o'.d emperor has been compelled to acknowledge his unwelcome heiress by marriage, to raise her in rank and put things in order for her seat on the throne be side her husband. Sacrifice All for Love. The Archduke Charles Louis, infat- | uated with the daughter of Prof. Czu ber, of the Vienna university, vows he will never wed any other woman; and even the women of the race show i the same determined sptrit In paying whatever bitter price the sweet kisses ! of love may require. The most sensational scandal j Europe's courts knew ior years was the elopement of Louise, sister of Archduke Leopold and crown prin cess of Saxony, who eloped from her royal palace with Giron, the tutor of her children, and is now plain Mae. i Toselli, lost to all the friends and i grandeurs of her former high estate. The Portuguese throne, which young Manuel lost for a few kisses from a French comedienne, might possi-bly have gone to the duke of Rraganza, who was recognized at the court oi Austria as a legitimate pretender tc the Portuguese crown. But the charm ing face—and, perhaps, the more charming figure—of Anita Stewart and her millions flashed into his view the golden aureole that is so blinding tc princes as well as common mortals, i Francis Joseph, who has no poor taste i himself in pretty women, has always ] been the bar to Cupid in the realm, with Cupid either sneaking under or boldly vaulting over to make the matches he has set his heart on. Braganza was given the alternative, by the emperor, of formally renounc ing his claims to the Portuguese j throne or of abandoning bis marriage 1 with the dainty and wealthy Anita. • It was the throne that was sacrificed when the choice had to be made. Then Anita also paid dearly because she had to stand for about a million of the prince's debts Vanderbilt Put Love First. Precisely the same renunciation of heirship was made to the full extent or proud position and immense wealth that is possible in America, by that brilliant aud firm-natured son of his futker, Cornelius Vanderbilt. Jr., when he married Grace Wilson and told his father that he might do as he pleased with the fl0.000.000 of the Vanderbilt fortune—which was exactly what stern old Cornelius did. Alfred ! Gwynne got the bulk of the fortune ! and the headship of the family, so far I as the father's dictum could convey them. \\ hue the dictum workea practical ! ly with the cash, it has failed with i the leadership. Cornelius is recog nized. socially, as the chief of the Van derbilts. here and abroad, and he has earned $25,000,000 on his own account since his father died and cut him oil with the $1.0004100 a Vanderbilt was | supposed to need to keep him from ■ starving. The price that W. E. Corey is be lieved to have paid to escape from the bonds that held him to the wife who stood by him until he made his fortune in steel in order to enjoy the kisses of gorgeous Maybelle Gilman, is general ly put at $4,000,000. H. M Flagler, the Florida magnate, whose first wife became insane, and who wanted to wed Miss Mary Lily Kennan. of Wil mington. X. C., spent $4,100,000. first and last, before he could place the bri dal kiss on the new Mrs. Flagler's lips. James B. Duke's first bridal oscu lation for his second wife cost him $1,600,000. in the form of the magnifi cent new residence he had built to content her with her lot. The kings and queens of earlier times may have paid as much; but the market value of kisses has cer tainly risen for the proletariat of the present. The two sexes offer differ ent explanations, each, equally cred itable to the human race. The women think it is because the men have more to give for them, the men believe the kisses are worth mere than they used to be. Perhaps both are right. The high cost of living doesn'i rf concile many people to the low cost c dying. VAST FIELDS OF LEGAL LORE Law Libraries Scattered in Profusion Throughout the States of the Union. _ Suppose that a lawyer. unhampered by lack of time and money, wishes tc make exhaustive researches in any field of legal investigation, where in ! the United States, asks a writer in the Green Bag. can he find the books j necessary for his quest? I According to statistics of public, so ; ciety and school libraries having 5.000 : volumes and over in 1908, there arc 109 law libraries aud 54 state'libraries in the United States. The latter con tain many law books, but the number has not been ascertained. The 109 law libraries contained in 1908 a total of 1,975,014 bound vol t umes and 62,125 pamphlets. Of these libraries 28 had over 25.000 volumes { and five more than 50,000 volumes. The largest iaw libraries in the I I'nlted States are, according to pub ) lished reports. Harvard, with 102,826 1 volumes; New York State Law Li ■ brr.rv SC.554 volumes; Association of the Bar of the City of New York, 75. 722 volumes; New York Law Institute, 67.398 volumes, and Law Association of Philadelphia, 50,223 volumes. (1908 figures. * In \oiumes the law libraries of the country are large enough to contain untold treasures, and for the most part their treasures are literally un told. Many catalogues have been is sued, and it would be possible to bring these together and compile something like a union list of legal literature. But the result would be unsatisfactory, because printed cata logues are out of date in growing li braries almost before they are printed. A union list of books in the whole field of law would, however, be an unnecessary compilation, since it may ; ; be taken for granted that each law j j library duplicates every other law li brary along certain well known lines. But to bring out in relief notable col lections contained in law libraries is quite another matter. Special libraries are springing up 1 all over the country. They have been a prominent subject of discussion at recent library conventions and %gre acquiring a literature of their own. In harmony with this developmcn; the I'nited States bureau of educa tion is compiling the statistics of sp» cial collections in libraries in the I'cit ed States. This publication will cove all special collections, no matter it what class they belong, and prorain ent among them should be special co: lections of law. Accidental Omission. The cynic was discoursing on mu; rimony. “You say that no man ought to mar ry a woman who is fat or thin, tal’ or -short, large or small,” we said. "Then in your opinion the only sort of woman one ought to marry is one who is of medium size?" “Mercy!’ said the cynic. “How for getful I am. I forgot her!”—Lippin cott’s. Discouragement. “So you have quit laughing at your wife's hats?” “Yes.” replied Mr. Growcher. “The funnier they seem to me the more convinced she is that they must be correct in style.” One May Buy Stamps and Insur ance Policies. In New York a Machine Will Vend Your Dinner and at Coney la lard Palme Are Read Automatically. Kansas City. Mo.—"Two stamp* please." a traveler at one of the ho tels said to the mall clerk. Instead of selling the stamps the mall clerk pointed to a machine a few feet away. "That machine will sell you stamps." And the traveler dropped a nickel in to a slot and out popped two 2-cent postage stamps. It is very simple and operated on the order of a gum slot machine. There are two places in which to drop coins, in both the amount must be a 5-cent piece. One receives for his rdckel either four 1-cent stamps or a pair of 2-cent stamps. In the same room of the hotel there Is a slot machine which sells a thou sand dollar accident insurance policy, effective for twenty-four hours, and the price is five cents. While some persons doubt the wisdom of buying this machine vending insurance, there is one point in its favor—one's time is not taken by an agent. As soon as the nickel goes Into the machine there Is the clicking of a spring which stamps the exact time the policy Is issued. A handle Is turned and out comes the policy. The person getting the policy must write his name on the stub and separate it where it says: "Tear here." The stub on which the name has been written must be poked into a slot and then the insurance Is effective. Automatic machines are almost as old as civilization, but each year sees some new machine added to the list. The stamp and Insurance vending de vices come under the new classifica tion. as do many others. For example on Twenty-third street, in New York, there is what is known as the Auto mat, a restaurant where soup and al most any food desired may be pur chased by contributing certain sums in a slot machine. For several years there has been a shoe shining machine where one may have his shoes shined. There is what is known as a mutiphcne, which plays twenty-four distinct Kdison records. Machine That Sells Stamps. The machine has the appearance of a grandfather clock with its big dial. The patron desiring to hear a certain record, moves the hand of the dial to his favorite tune and when the nickel sounds a bell, the music starts. At Coney Island in N'ew York, palms are read automatically. The hand is placed on a little tickler which feels the lines and according to the impression depends the reading. Any one of thirty readings is possible. An other new automatic machine is a picture vending contraption where one may have his photograph taken automatically. There is much interest being mani fested in Paris in an ingenious de vice invented by Antal Fedor for reg istering letters. A letter bearing stamps sufficient for ordinary postage | is placed in an opening at the top of i the machine, with the address side in 1 contact with a plate. A handle is turned and in a few seconds the let ter is registered and a receipt drops i from the tube. Then at the drinking fountains in many of the big cities there is a ma chine which sells paraffine-coated j drinking cups. COW GOT HER CUDS MIXED Sukey Was a Good Animal Until She Went Into the Banking and Junk Business. Greensburg. Pa.—If Thomas Morri- j son’s pet cow hadn't neglected the dairy business for the banking and junk business she would still be in the land of the living somewhere in this vicinity. It was a find of 17 cents that start ed her on her downward career— three nickels and two pennies which a barn boy had placed in a line on the top of a fence to gloat over, and then forgot in the face of some greater ex citement. Sukey nosed around and swallowed the coins. Her taste for metal thus whetted she proceeded to swallow a number of wire nails, pull ing them out of the fence, and wound up her repast by taking into her sys tem five feet of steel wire. It was the wire that tangled her up. It insisted in sojourning in all three stomachs at once. Sukey found her wires were crossed when she tried to chew her cud. so she died. An autopsy was held and the concrete evidences of the facts here related was found in her little "tummy”—in all three of them, in fact. Scientists Keeping Eye on Fog. The movement of air is variously designated, according to its velocity, as a zephyr, breeze, wind, gale or hur ricane. With fogs the designations are mists, slight, moderate or thick. A dense or thick fog, according to the weather bureau, obscures objects at a distance of 1,000 feet. In Great Britain a body of men known as the Elder Brethren of Trin ity House have arranged for fog ex periments at six lightships, and when the reports are complete a special re port will be made. Ships will move thereafter guided by this report. Nothing Too Good for you. That’s why we want you to take CASCARETS for liver and bowels. It’s not advertising talk— but merit—the great, wonderful, lasting merit of cS5CARE*?S^hat we want you to know by trial. Then you’ll have faith—and join the mil lions who keep well by CASCA RETS alone. 909 CASCARBT9 IOC a box for a week’* treatment, all druggists. Biggest sc 11 or ia the world. Million boxes a month. 5 Fine POST CARDS f DCC ^ Send only »c stamp and receirej t k |! s aerT finest Gold Embossed Cards* ll**" FREfi. to Introduce post card offer. Capital Card Co.. Dep ept. 1*. Topeka, Kan. fOtTHERX IDAHO FARM BARGAIN i Improved. Irrigated. Per acre I1T.S0 cns.’i. ha.unce 1 Si uo annually, eight yours. G.xjd buildings, tenceo, I Ti» acres, fine level well drained soil, old water rights i close to railroad and town. 350 acres now alfalfa und ' grain. Write for lull description and1 nhotoemphs WALTER BOOTH WKLI.Ki l IS, IDAHO. WANTED TO BE AGREEABLE Farmer’s Rather Humorous Explana tion for Telling Exceedingly “Tall” Story. Irving Batcheller once told a story of a farmer on the Connecticut hills. “Pretty steep land for planting. Isn't : it?” a visitor asked the tiller of the j soil. “Pretty steep," the farmer assented. I “I suppose it's quite difficult to 1 plant your corn?” “Quite difficult.” came the echo. The visitor was interested, and would not be put off with short re plies. “Eh—how- do you manage to plant on this hill?” he persisted. The farmer gazed at him pityingly. “We have to shoot it all into the J earth with shotguns, stranger,” he as i sured his guest. The visitor gasped. "Really?” he ejaculated. “Really now? Is that ac tually true?” The farmer sighed and turned upon his guest a look of withering scorn. “Xo, that isn't true,” he answered. I “I'm trying to make conversation.” A WOMAN'S KIDNEYS. Are Often Responsible for Untold Suffering. Mrs. W. H. Kaiser, Whitney, Xebr., says: “Many times during the night I was obliged to arise because of too frequent passages of kidney secre tions. Again tbey be came scanty, were very thick and attend ed by burning and scalding. Soon a drop ^ sical condition be uuue uiitii11 trsl turn i 'v began to worry. My feet and ankles were bloated and I was in a bad way when I began with Doan's Kidney Pills. I used four boxes and was entirely cured.” Remember the name—Doan’s. For sale by all dealers. 50 cents a box. Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Successful Life Work. "He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has gained the respect of Intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others, and given the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction." — President Schurman. A Frequent Speaker. A member for a northern constit uency. who was one day reproached by a disappointed supporter for never opening his mouth in the house, repu diated the accusation with indignation. Not a day passed, he declared, but that he said something; and it was reported in the papers, too. In con firmation of his statement he pro duced the report of the last debate, and pointed triumphantly to the “Hear, hears.” with which certain speeches were punctuated. “That’s me," he said.—Tit-Bits. That Awful Mrs. Jones. Mrs. Smith—She is so unobserving! Mrs. Brown—And always complain ing. The other day. while ballooning near a storm center, she collided with a rain cloud and reported to the au thorities that the driver of a.i aero plane sprinkler had splashed water all over her best gown!—Widow. The Final Settlement. “A verdict for *10.000 isn’t so bad.” said the junior partner. “How* much shall we give our client?” "Oh, give him $50,” answered the senior partner. “But hold'” “Well?” “Don't be hasty. Promise to give him $50." Advantages. “You must have found the arctic cir cle very unpleasant.” \es, replied the arctic explorer; “but it has its advantages. The cli mate is disagreeable, but the people aren’t always worrying you about proofs.” COLDS Munyon's Cold Remedy Relieves the bead, throat and lungs almost Immediate ly. Checks Fevers, stops Discharges of the nose, takes away all aches and pains caused liy colds. It cures Grip and ob stinate Coughs and prevents Pneumonia Write Prof. Munyon, 53rd and Jefferson Sts.. Phila.. I'a., for medical advice ab solutely free.