With the World's Great Humorists Selections from the 'Writings of the "Best Kjnobun Makers of Mirth. Addison Spriggs in Love By S. E. Kiser. Within the breast of Addison Spriggs was formed a great and glori ous resolution. He had lived for 42 years in single blessedness, or what lie had always supposed was single blessedness. Now, however, it oc curred to him that it had really been single selfishness. "What right have I,” he asked him self, "to deny to the woman who was intended for me the happiness she was born to inherit? It is my duty to find her out and give her the glad ness for which she is waiting. 1 feel within me stirring the spirit of love. It is a sign that I should be up and doing. Who knows that she may not at any moment be pining for my caress?" For two weeks Miss Beatrice Bonner bad been officiating as stenographer for the firm in which Mr. Spriggs was a silent partner. Thrice within a few days she had looked up at him and smiled in a way that had caused him to experience certain thrills within the region of the solar plexus. As he reflected upon these occurrences it be came clear to him that Miss Bonner had been sent into the world to be come his soul mate, and, gazing at her where she sat reading "Beautiful Nell the Millhand's Daughter," lie decided to permit her to have immediate cog nizance of the good fortune that was about to befall her. Approaching her and tenderly*-placing a hand upon one of her shoulders, he said: "Miss Bonner, I have decided to call on you this evening. Will you please tel! me where you live and how I can get there?" After she had finished the direc tions he returned to his desk, leaving her somewhat perplexed but hopeful. At eight o'clock that evening Addison Spriggs was ushered into the small parlor maintained by the Bonner fam ily, and little Launcelot Bonner in formed him Beatrice would conte in as soon as she could get all her hair on. Mr. Spriggs was not inclined to waste valuable time, and as soon as the lady of his choice appeared he “Come and Sit Beside Me.” drew a long, deep sigh, at the same time wondering what he had ever done to deserve one so sweet and so beau tiful as she who stood before him. “Won't you take the rocking chair, Mr. Spriggs?” Miss Bonner asked, after she had persuaded little Launce lot to leave them alone together. “No,” he replied, “the settee looks better. Come and sit beside me. 1 have something important to tell you.” She sat down, and again he saw in her soulful eyes the look that had previously thrilled him. Cautiously he slipped au arm around her waist and gradually he drew her to him. For a few minutes they sat in silence, and she permitted her face to incline toward him until her cheek rested upon his shoulder. At last he pushed her gently from him and said: “Miss Bonner, I have come to bring you glad tidings of great joy. Your parents are not rich, are they?" "No, I am sorry to say that my fa ther has beeu rather unfortunate. The firm he works for has never ap preciated him.” “1 judged by the furniture here that you were in poor circumstances. Bea trice, I wish to ask you some thing. Has any man ever told you that you were beautiful? Has any man's lips ever been pressed to yours? Has any other man ever caused your heart to beat gladly? Have you ever thought before to-night that you would care to hear a man say he loved you? Has any other man's arm ever been around your waist? Have you eveF be fore felt that you were ready to sur render yourself to the care of one of the opposite sex?” "Before I answer your questions.” she replied, "I wish to say something. You have never before told a girl that you loved her. You have never before had your arm around the waist of any girl. You have never had your lips so close to the sweet mouth of a beautiful girl that you might have kissed her. whether she wished to be kissed or not. You have never before been ready to ask one of the opposite sex to surrender herself to your care, have you?" “No, never before. But what has caused you to think so?" “You’re such a rank amateur at love making.” As he was dejectedly walking home that night Addison Spriggs said to himself: “Confound it, I wonder if there is left in the world a girl who is really worthy of me?” (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) Irrigating Balloons By William J. Lamptcn. 1 here are so many balloonatics around these days,” said Artemus C. Johnson, president of the Near-aero ciub of Colorado, situated a mile and a half from Pike’s peak or bust, '“that you can t throw a brick without hitting one—” "A gold brick?” interrupted an eager listener. “They hit harder than the other kind,” laughed Mr. Johnson without re senting the interruption; “but what I have on hand is no gold brick proposi tion. On the contrary it is a sure vfinner.” “It isn’t an asylum fcr balloeyatioa, is it?” some other eager listener in quired. Mr. Johnson laughed again. He was proof against scurrrilous attack. “We’ll get around to that later,” he said. “But what I have now is of more importance.-The balloon, as well as the heavier-than-air ship, is bound to become practical. Listen”— every body was listening, but Mr. Johnson had the habit, and couldn’t well begin j %M€g^N “We Are a Great Improvement Over the Ordinary Rain System.” to tell anything without the preface so much in use these clays—“I’ve been out through the arid lands of Wyoming and I’ve got a plan perfected and a company organized, the Aerial Irriga tion Company, to revolutionize the whole system of irrigation. Land out there that ain't worth a dam. I mean a dam to hold water, will under proper irrigation be worth anywhere from $50 to $100 an acre. But how will they ir rigate. with water too far to be brought to it at an expense that will justify? There is no way on earth but by balloons—" “They ain't on earth, are they?" put in a third eager listener. “That's the answer,” laughed Mr. Johnson. “Transportation on earth is too expensive, so we propose to take to the air. We've got the company or ganized and stock for sale. Our plan Is to establish at Green River. Wyo., a thrifty little city on the river of the same name, our central station. The Green river is a beautiful stream of clear water, and in evidence all sum mer, which cannot be said of ail the streams of the arid region. Now. from our central station we propose to send out huge balloons, dirigible balloons, of course, going in every di rection where water is needed. To each of our balloons is attached a tank with a wide-mouthed sprinkler below it. That is the entire mechanism. We will fill these tanks at Green River and the balloons will sail away through the blue empyrean distributing water which shall fall as the gentle rain mak ing the desert to blossom as the rose. Do you get the idea? Natural irriga tion by artificial means. Isn't it the goods? We are a great improvement over the ordinary rain system, be cause whenever a farmer needs water he can telephone the central station and have a tank sent out anti sprinkled on his place. I have talked to several well known promoters and some Wall street men on the subject, and they are a unit in assuring me that they have never known a proposition so fraught with wind and water to make stock buoyant and active. Shares are sell ing below par now, but they will begin to go up as soon as the balloons do.” Mr. .lohnsou took a long breath, and several eager listeners took alon^ all the irrigating literature Mr. Johnson had to offer. (Copyright. 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) Uncle William’s Nature Story By W. D. Nesbit. The children Clustered about Uncle William’s knees and demanded that he tell them a really truly true animal story before they should go to bed. and Uncle William, being a kind hearted old fellow, told them this: I don't believe I have ever told you about the three pets I had once upon a time—the pet elephant and the pet mosquito and the pet bumblebee. 1 had caught the bumblebee when it was too young even to bumble at all, and the mosquito I had taken in one chilly evening and treated so kindly that it would eat off my hand. The pet ele phant was one that I got in Africa on one of my hunting trips. While there one afternoon 1 came upon an ele phant's nest and in it was the little elephant, the cunningest little baby elephant you ever saw. So I took it and brought it home with me. At first it was so small that it trotted after me like a pet dog. but it grew rapidly and finally became a full grown ele phant. and it would have done your hearts good to have seen the way peo ple would stare at me when I would | stroll down street with my huge ele phant pacing contentedly after me. or could have heard the objections of street car conductors when I would insist upon taking the elephant aboard with me. I called the elephant Bumpi loo and the bumblebee Hum by loo and the mosquito Bttzzyloo. Hut. alas! they fell out. once and that broke up the happy family. My pets had grown so fond of each other and I of them that I allowed the three to sleep together. I had a comfortable big bed made for them, and Bumpiloo slept next the wall, Buzzyloo in the middle and Butnbyloo on the outside. Bumpiloo may have l>een growing again, but one night Buzzyloo began whining and complaining that he was being crowded, and Bttmbyloo set up the same complaint. Bumpiloo paid no attention to them, being rather petulant that evening, and from my bed in the other room I listened with amusement, thinking that soon their little quarrel would end in peaceful slumber. But evidently Bumpiloo was obstinate; maybe he Intentionally took up more than his share of the bed. At any rate 1 heard Buzzyloo demanding that he lay over and Butnbyloo saying if he was crowded any more he would show somebody what was what. Sud denly I heard Buzzvloo and Humbyloo scolding Bumpiloo angrily, and then Humpiloo snorted with surprise and pain, for Buzzvloo had bitten him, and the next instant he snorted even loud er, tor Bumbvloo had stung him. This shows what happens if we let our angry passions rise, children. I got up and started in to quiet them, when Humpiloo snorted again and jumped up, with Buzzvloo and Bumbvloo after him, and the next thing 1 knew Bumpi loo had charged right through the wall and was out, running down the big road waving his trunk wildly to one “They Sat Up Too Late One Evening." side and his tail wildly to the other, with Buzzyloo biting him and Bumby loo stinging him at every step. I pursued them as far as I could, but eventually had to give up. Last sum mer I saw an elephant in a circus and he looked at me so sadly and r.eminls cently that I am sure it was my little pet, Bumpiloo, for an elephant’s mem-, ory is long. But it had been many years since he had been with me, and of course I could not be sure. But, chil dren the thing that caused this terrible quarrel between Bumpiloo, Buzzyloo and Bumbyloo was that they had sat up too late one evening and were cross and tired when they went to bed, so let us not run any risks of that sort. (Copyright. 1305, by W. G. Chapmatk) WORLD’S CITIES HARD TO KILL Few of the world's great cities have’ not faced, at one time or another, to tal destruction. But a city is hard to kill. Take Rome, for instance. She has been swept by pestilence no fewer than ten times. She has been twice burned and six times driven to submis sion by starvation. Perhaps it is on account of her great vitality that she is called the Eternal city. Paris has gone through eight sieges, ten famines, two plagues ami one tire which devastated it. Constantinople has been burned out nine times and has suffered front fou plagues and five sieges, la a 'ditton she has been ruled by monarchu win were worse than a plague. Yet Con stantinop'e still flourishes. London has been decimated fivp times by plagues, in addition to visit.t tions cf tyi hus, cholera and other epi j demies. She has been burned more i less severely several limes.—Str: Stories. What He Wanted. "Sir." said the agent, addressing ii man who had t; pencil the d< or in a swer to his knock. "I am introducit .1 patent burglar alarm aad ihou;;i perhaps you might be interested." "Well, I’m not." growled the . :a:i t the other side of the door "W.ta wait! is it device tin wiil put btt. tiii to sleep instead cf o.atmai.g ti.e.u " The fuse is an elegant dress in dragon-fly blue cashmere. The long, slightly trained skirt is trimmed near the foot by two deep tucks and a deep hem, which give the appearance of an additional tuck. The bodice has two wide folds on each shoulder; llie inner one Is trimmed at the edge by buttons, the outer one rests slightly over the sleeve, which is composed, as far as the elbow, of narrow material folds, piped with velvet; a strip of embroidered galloou is sewn down the middle, finished by a silk ornament; the remainder of the sleeve is of tucked material. Piece lace is used for the yoke, with r, waistcoat of blue velvet below it; a bow of velvet is worn at the neck. Material required; Eight yavds cashmere -18 inches wide, one yard velvet, three-eighths yard galloon, two ornaments, one-half yard piece lace, lVfe dozen buttons. The second is an equally pretty style in oak-apple brown chiffon-faced cloth. The long skirt has wrapped seams, which are trimmed with buttons at the foot. One fold is made over the shoulder, resting slightly over the sleeve; the openings are just stitched round and trimmed in parts by buttons; the over sleeve is trimmed in the same way. Spotted net to match is used for the under-slip; it is tucked across the front as far the bust, and all the way down the back, also for the under-sleeves. Materials required: Seven yards cloth 48 inches wide, two yards net, about one gross of buttons. THE CANDLE BACK IN FAVOR Artistic Holders Employed for the II luminants of a Past Generation. The woman whose aim is to reveal a touch of the artist in her home just at present is interested in the old iashioned candlestick. It is a revival as happy in its way as that of the re turn to favor of Sheffield or pewter ware. The candle held its own against the oil lamp, but lost its popularity when gas came in. and it was practi cally outlawed when electricity came into general use. Now, however, many women of society are using candles ex tensively. One society leader, in fact, has gone to the extreme of having electric fixtures removed from several rooms, relying entirely upon candles for lighting. These candles she dis plays in antique candlesticks of beaten brass. Tall Russian candlesticks now are seen on many library tables and tall silver colonial sticks are on many dressing tables. New candlesticks are shown in pottery and wrought iron, but antiques are first in favor. The prices of old brass candlesticks have advanced greatly In the last few weeks and few now are to be found in the antique shops. Smart Touch for a Handbag. A New York woman recently discov ered a use for a heavy sold link watch chain (of the style long ago discarded) belonging to her husband. She had a small, gold-mounted handbag, with a leather strap. The latter having be come rusty from constant friction with the hand, she removed the strap, riv eted the gold chain on with gas pliers and, behold! an added smart touch without expense or recourse to a jew eler. Since the passing of this style of chain those who own ornaments of the kind find them something of a prob lem. The splendid workmanship often makes the smelter's office seem a sac rifice, and to convert them into brace lets at a Jeweler's Is costly. Here tor more than one of us is a really practi cal suggestion requiring no outside as sistance. Variety in Sleeves. Sleeves are fuller, especially from the elbow to the wrist, and with the lighter dresses a long three-quarter sleeve is much In vogue, though the long sleeve over the hand Is as much seen ^s ever. The wise woman makes it a question of individual judgment. For Instance, a frou frouing muslin garden party frock seems to always look smarter with the shorter type of sleeve, whereas nothing looks worse than the sleeve of a tailor-made that displays an expanse of bare arm. EASILY MADE PINAFORE. This is an easily made pinafore, suit able to be copied in washing silk of nainsook. The square band or yoke at the neck is of embroidery; inser tion might be used and sharply mitred at the corners to bring it to shape; the material is gathered to this and is hemmed at the foot; a frill of material edged with embroidery finishes the armholes. Materials required: One yard 36 inches wide, three-quarters yard inser tion, three-quarters yard embroidery. Brushing Hair Is Essential. A woman who wears her hat con stantly, as one mustt during days of many social engagements, must brush her hair carefully at night unless she wishes it to be seriously affected. Combing will not bring back the turn of the hair near the scalp, to the angle at which it should grow, but brushing will overcome the difficulty. The brush must be held to make the hair go up. and when the latter is released there will be a iluffiness and lightness not to be secured otherwise. The Huge All Black Hat. Paris has gone stark mad over the all-black hat. Of course, to be modish too, the black hat must be huge. We see these huge shapes in everything —straw, criu, silk, coarse and fine straw—and they reall.' are stunning. No trimming must conceal the high crown, and no matter how bare it ap pears. that is only an illustration Of grand chic." HANDSOME FROCKS FOR BABY. Designers of Talent Have Put Forth Their Best Efforts for Little One’s Adornment. A little empire frock for the baby is one of the season's new wrinkles. It has the tiniest, shortest yoke, cut square and outlined with a band of beading run with blue ribbon. The full little skirt is gathered to the yoke and finished with a deep hem. feather stitched. Above the hem Is a band of Valenciennes insertion with three tiny tucks above and be low it. The sleeves are merely little pufTs gathered into beading run with rib bon tied in a rakish bow and finished with a lace frill. Tiny pearl buttons fasten the frock at the back. Another equally attractive little frock is cut with a front and back panel and sleeves in one piece. The panels run from the neck to the hem of frock and are outlined with fine feather-stitching, and have scattered tiny blossoms and French knots worked in white mercerized embroid ery thread over the entire surface. The neck and sleeves are finished with lace insertion and frills of edging and the skirt is gathered at the sides. A Color Study. A young woman at the theater the other night had bright red hair—not the lovely auburn or famous Titian, but just plain red, and blue eyes, says the Boston Globe. She would have been hopelessly mediocre had she worn pink, or worse still, light blue. Attired as she was in a long sweeping gown of all black, witn not a speck of color anywhere, she was transformed into a striking beauty. Extremely long black jet earrings lent a decorative touch, and brought out unexpected red gold lights in her hair. When Stitching Tucks. When stitching tucks or any seams on sewing machine do not dip and tie by hand, but hold the material so it cannot feed and continue to sew about four stitches. The result will be a tight knot underneath that will not come undoue. i Guaranteed under the Footlam Infants r?tCHiLUKbN ALCOHOL-3 PER CENT AVegetable Preparation far As - similating the Food and Regula ting the Stomachs and Bowels of Promotes Digestion,Cheerful nessand Rest Contains neither Opium,Morphine nor Mineral Not Narcotic Rtt,p, ,fOM Dri.MSllffitfS/t Pumplu t *Sstd • 4lx Sa/tna - JRocheUi Salts * ,4m tt Sttd • f±pp*rmtn£, - BiCnrUruzU$e