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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (April 15, 1909)
DISPOSES OF BILLS ALL !N GOVERNOR’S HANDS FIN ALLY ACTED UPON. TWO GENERAL BILLS VETOED A New Syctem of Fees in District Clerk Offices Throughout Nebraska Now in Effect. The last of the bills in his handR were disposed of by Governor Shal lenberger last week. Beside the two general bills which he vetoed, he signed eight remaining, vetoing out of the maintenance appropriation bill items totaling $73,000. These included two duplicate appro priations for experiment stations in the western portion of the state which are provided for in special ap propriation bills already signed. The principal veto made was that of two items providing a total appropriation of $40,000 for the proposed state his a, torical society building at Lincoln. The total appropriations for the coming biennium will amount to $3, 307,023.14, an increase over those of the past biennium of about $400,000. This i9 less than the estimated ex penses of the state as tabulated by the state auditor by $1,300,000, and is within the estimated receipts of the state for the biennium by at least $i\r.oo,ooo. The estimated receipts have been placed at $6,654,000 in round num bers. and the present legislature has enacted laws which will bring in revenue to the state in various amounts to total at least $250,000. The King bill for levying an occu pation against corporations will bring in upwards of $150,000. The additional bank examinations required under the basking law will- double the fees from that source. The new oil inspection bill increases those fees. Another large source of revenue is contained in the bill creating a state Are com mission, which provides for a tax of one-half of 1 per cent on the gross premiums of Are insurance companies. Putting the clerk of the supreme court and the Tibbets bill providing for an increased fee from foreign cor porations which maintain resident agents, bring in still more revenue. Of the increases shown in the ap propriations this year the necessary additional salaries for judges of the supreme court, the additional amount given the university and the money expended in normal schools and for additional equipment at the present normals, together with the extra ap propriations for aid to weak school districts and normal training in high schools, make up more than the in crease over two years ago. In vetoing the $40,000 provision for a state historical society building the governor said: "I think there are two good reasons for not signing it. One is that the .state is much more in need of a new capitol than of such a building as the one contemplated. The other is that I do not consider it good business to attempt the construction of a $600, <>00 building with small appropriations like $25,000. The present capitol, I am informed, cost between $300,000 and $400,000, and the historical build ing is designed to cost nearly twice as much. In my opinion it would be better to put the money into a wing of a new capitol.” Signs Pure Food Law. After consulting with the attorney general as to its provisions, the gover nor finally signed house roll 486, which amends the present pure food law in the matter of stamping net weights. The governor had hoped that an opinion of the supreme court would be handed down in the Swift case with reference to the branding provision of the law of two years ago, but this may not come for another two weeks. The chief point involved in that case from the star*’point of the pack ers was the question as to whether their hams, wrapped in papers, could properly be designated packages. If t'ne. decision hinges on this point alone, litle light would be thrown upon the mooted question with reference to the law itself. The governor is not at all satisfied with the provisions of the new law. He said that so far as he could see they were just about as ambiguous as the statute for which they are substituted. First Municipal Bonds for State. State Treasurer Brian contracted for his first municipal bonds as an in vestment for the permanent school fund. The bonds were issued by the city of Albion for the erection of a city hall and for the construction of an electric light system and amount ed to $18,000. They will net the state 4t2 per cent interest. The bonds are optional at the end of the year. They are considered a good investment for state money. Chosen Secretary. E. C. Simmons was chosen secre tary of the State Board of Irrigation by the board, composed of Governor Shallenberger, Land Commissioner Cowles and Attorney General Thomp son. Ho received the votes of Gov. Shallenberger and Attorney General Thompson, while Mr. Cowles voted for Adna Dobson, who for eight years has held the position. Mr. Simmons formerly lived in Central City, where twenty-five years ago he was principal of the public schools, ne also served as county surveyor of Merrick county. State Guarantees No Insurance. Auditor Barton is shortly to issue a ruling from his office that no insur ance company may sell a policy in Xtrraska upon which is stamped that it is guaranteed by the state. It Is the practice of some companies, the auditor said, to tell prospective pur chasers of insurance that their pol icies are backed up by the state, which is not a fact, and to prove it they show the seal of the auditor that the company has on deposit securities to the amount of $100,000, or what ever the amount is on deposit. FEES IN DISTRICT COURT. New Order of Arrangements Will Greatly Simplify Matters. A new system of fees in the district Clerks office went Into effect Wednes day, every county in Nebraska being affected by the bill which was signed by the governor. The new order of affairs will greatly simplify matters and will enable the county commis sioners through comptroller or auditor to know each day what and where the clerk’s office stands. The fees here after charged litigants will be as fol lows: Docketing cause, 52.011. Filing petition, answer, '-ross-peti tion, petition in intervention, inter pleader, indictment or information, S2.w Filing amended or substituted plead ing, demurrer, motion, affidavit, tran script for appeal, reply or other piper not otherwise provided for (except praecipes, depositions, mandates, re ceipts for fees, exhibits in foreclosure cases and files from lower courts In appeal cases), each 50 cents. Entering names in general index at*d doing all necessary indexing, each -name'25 cents. Issuing, filing and entering return of summons, subpoena, order of at tachment, order of replevin, notice, ci tation, commission, warrant, writ, capias, order of arrest, or other mesne or final process not otherwise provided for, $1. Issuing order of injunction, man damus, restraining order or other or der of court, 3(10 words or less, $1. And tor 100 words or part thereof additional, 10 cents. Taking, filing and recording bond, undertaking of recognizance, includ ing justification of sureties, $1. Issuing execution or vendi entering return and filing papers return and filing papers returned by sherifT, J.2. Issuing order of sale, entering re turn and filing papers returned by sheriff, $5. Impaneling jury, administering oaths, filing instructions and excep tions thereto, jury and witness lists and verdict to be paid by the plaintiff before jury is impaneled, $3. Filing, docketing and indexing transcript of judgment, for lien from other court, $1. Taking acknowledgment of deed or other instrument, 50 cents. Taking affidavit, administering oath, certificate or seal not otherwise pro vided for, each 25 cents. Making complete record for each 100 words, 10 cents. Making transcript or copy of re cords, filings or any other papers for first 100 words, 25 cents. Each 100 words additional, 10 cents. Provided that no fee shall be charged for services rendered in any habeas corpus case and that all rules, orders, procedings. findings, judgments and decrees of the court, and all verdicts and special findings of the jury, mandate and orders from the supreme court and from the fed eral courts shall be entered upon the journal of the court, indexed and noted upon the docket, with charge, also sheriff's returns. • __________ Endorsed Daylight Saloon. Lincoln typographical union, previ ous to the governor’s signing of the bill, adopted the following: "Lincoln typographical union No. 209, organized for the purpose of fos tering fellowship and brotherhood and shield from aggression and temptation the isolated toiler; to aid the destitute and unfortunate; to develop and stim ulate, by association and social uplift, sobriety and those kindred instincts of humanity, which most highly adorn true manhood; to defend the weak befriend the friendless and encourage better citizenship and in all charity inculcate lessons of morality and sobriety among men; applauds any steps toward the curbing of the drink habit, and especially endorses the provision of senate file No. 263. Where as—Our motto for humanity ‘eight hours for work, eight hours for rest and eight hours for the material ben efit of the soul and body,’ is applic able even to the drink habit and we applaud the effort of the Nebraska legislature toward tlie eight hour day.” Changes in Sleeping Quarters. Because of the passage of the pure bakery law introduced »n the legis lature by Senator Randall a lot of people probably will have to rear range their sleeping quarters in this state. Section 7 of the bill reads as follows: “No person or persons shall be allowed to live or sleep in any room of a bakery shop, kitchen, din ing room, confectionery, creamery, cheese factory or place where food is prepared, used or sold.” Signed by Governor. Against the protests of delegations of Fremont people who fought the bill to a finish, Governor Shallen berger signed the measure providing for the purchase by the state of the Wayne Normal school and appropriat ing $90,000 with which to pay for it. Fremont sent a delegation to urge the governor not to sign the measure. Wayne was equally active in insist ing that he approve it. Mutual Hail Case. A new turn in the receivership case of the Mutual Hail Insurance society has developed in the answers of a number of defendant policy holders, who claim that the alleged fraud of the officers of the society invalidat ed tne whole attempted organization of the society, consequently that there never was any effective organization and that the policy holders cannot be held liable for the debts of the or ganization. This claim is made by nine Thurston county policy holders who are among the 400 defendants. New Bank for Tecumseh. The First State bank of Tecumseh is a new banking institution which filed its articles of incorporation with the Banking board. The capital stock is $20,000. Is Pronounced Invalid. H. R. 287, which provides for the sale of buffalo, carp, sturgeon, suck ers, catfish and gar, passed by the last legislature, carries no repealing clause, and for that reason has been pronounced invalid by competent lawyers. NEWS NOTES OF INTEREST FROM VARI0U8 SECTIONS. ALL SUBJECTS TOUCHED UPON i — | Religious, Social, Agricultural, Polit ical and Other Matters Given Due Consideration. A druggist at Hordville got a fine of $150 for "blind pigging.” ^ For the first time in eleven years ! Kearney has gone dry. Evangelists have invaded Humboldt fior a series of meetings. The winter wheat outlook in the vi | cinity of Table Rock is said to be fine. James McDowell dropped dead at ! his home in Falls City. He was 81 years old. Mr. and Mrs. Boss of Richardson county celebrated fifty years of wed ded life. Omaha's city election occurs May 4th. The present mayor (democrat) is a candidate for re-election. Presbyterians of Ponca will rebuild tteir burned-down church, destroyed February 13. The next annual camp-meeting of the Nebraska Adventists will be held in Hastings in August. The Wahoo office is selling so many postage stamps that it expects to get a second class rating July 1st. Stanton county has made a start on its county fair for 1909, having named the days upon which it will be held. Cupid was unusually lazy in Jeffer son county during March, only eleven licenses being issued for the entire month. Now tnat burning of rubbish accum ulation of the winter has commenced, fatalities begin to come in. One child thu3 far has been fatally burned. For signing the dayligt saloon bill, Gov. Shallenberger is being roasted, in some quarters and lauded in others. It's about a stand-off. There were warm fights in many towns in Nebraska at the late elec tions over the liquor question. Vic tories were about even. July 1st the daylight saloon bill be comes operative. And think of the sweltering nights with not a drop of beer to drink after 8 p. m. W. L. Payne of Lansing, Mich., was burned to death and W. P. Eelder and F. L. Miller, stockmen, were injured in a wreck on the Union Pacific at Fremont. Tom Reynolds was arrested in Plattsmouth and taken to Gienwood, la., a few miles distant, to face the charge of assaulting a young girl. May he get sinched good and hard. Southwest Nebraska teachers had a fine meeting at McCook, with an en rollment the last day of 555. Many able papers and discussions were in evidence. The hay barn of the Union Pacific at Grand Island, with a capacity of 200 tons, caught fire from a switch engine and was totally destroyed, to gether with 150 tons of prairie hay. The first purchase of municipal bonds by the state was made April 3, when State Treasurer Brian bought heating and lighting and city hail bonds of the city of Albion, aggregat ing the sum of $18,000. York has no saloons, but a “window peeper” seems to be steadily doing business there. As he continues to elude capture, the only thing for the girls to do is to “pull down the blinds.” I he * remont hoard ot education voted to make the minimum salary for teachers in the high school $75 per month. This means a raise at once for three members of the fac ulty. Automobiles are getting so num erous in Nebraska that farmers with fractious teams are kept busy dodg ing them. Runaways are of frequent occurence and damage suits galore will be in the courts in due time. A very substantial building boom is now under way at Albion, some of the larger operations being a city hall, a city gas plant, a telephone exchange, the remodeling on an extensive scale of the First National bank building and the large and modern residence of Robert Hutchison. While a ourglar was concealed in a closet adjoining the room, an employe of the Updike elevator at Arlington sat for nearly an nour in the office. When the latter left, the burglar re sumed operations, breaking open the safe, securing a quantity of stamps and a revolver. R. F. Crosby, a piano tuner, was ar rested in Gering, the charge being malicious injury. The piano owned by Rev. D. A. Youtzy was tuned by Crosby and he was paid the stipulat ed price for the job, but for some reason he demanded an additional fee of V-. which was promptly refused. Un der some pretense he got access to the piano and unstrung it. It cost him $14 to square matters with the court. The board of education of Grand Island adopted rules for the examina tion and elimination from the public schols of all pupils and teachers af flicted with tuberculosis. The teacher is to report all cases to the medical examiner. Miss Katharine Rogers, a Norfolk school teacher, flagged a train with an umbrella and saved a horse’s life. The horse’s foot was caught in a frog on the track. Miss Rogers ran down the track waving her umbrella at the oncoming train, which stopped long enough for the horse to be extricated by means of a pickax. The body of William H. Burnett was brought home to Geneva for burial. He died at the asylum at Ifcs tings where he had been for several years. Claiming the modern waltz and two step to be the most heinous form of dancing ever introduced, Dr. M. V. O’Shea of Wisconsin university, told north Nebraska teachers that the ball room is no place for young men or young women under twenty-one. He would restore the old dances and make the kids stay at home and go to bed about the time the chickens seek their roosts. ,* iZ ,-;r. - ... . . .vr? . ^ ..." -F.r ■ ; • * ... ' •• . • « =-. ■ ■ ■ ■— ..-. i! Addison Spriggs in Search of Happiness By S. E. Kiser. wuu a ueep aim neartteir sign Aa dison Spriggs put down his book. He had been perusing the words of the poet, and the poet had written: They drink the bitter dregs of woe Whose deeds cause others to be sad; The sweetest joy a,man may know Js found in making others glad. "Truer words never were penned," thought Spriggs. "I shall otart forth at once for the purpose of making somebody happy. I feel the need of gladness, and how shall I find it ex cept in giving joy to soma one who has no joy on hand?” As he stepped into the elevator the man who was operating the car turned to him rather eagerly, and said: "Mr. Spriggs, I’m in trouble, and if you can help me out I'll never forget your kindness." “How much do you need?” asked Spriggs. "If you could let me have $2 till Saturday I'd be able to get along.” Mr. Spriggs handed out the money, and went upon his way feeling glad that he had not been asked for a larger sum. As he stepped into the street a ragged man who had not been shaved for a week cautiously ap proached him. "My friend,’ said Addison Spriggs. ‘I can see that you are in hard luck. You want enough to buy a meal and pay for a night’s lodging. Here.” He gave the man 50 cents and went on. As he was looking for some one else to whom he might give happiness it occurred to him that the man who had approached him had exhibited signs of dissipation. Also he remem bered that the elevator man had re cently been on a spree, ami he began to censure himself for encouraging worthlessness. His happiness van ished and a feeling of sadness crept into his heart. “Confound it,’’ • he mused, “I wish 1 _1~- 1 Explaining Matters to the Satisfaction of the Desk Sergeant. I hadn't been such a fool. It’s all right being a benefactor, if one bene facts only where the benofacting is going to do good. I wish i had my money back." He paused in front of a jeweler’s j window and after he had gazed for a few minutes at the solid gold watches which were offered for $5.98 each, a man who wore the garb of a laborer approached and stood beside him. Mr. Spriggs studied the work man carefully, and, having decided that here was an honest, worthy citi zen, said: “My good man, I desire to do you a favor. I wish to be kind to you. Have you ever read the sublime and beauti ful words of the poet who tells us of the joy that comes from giving happiness to others? Will you do me the honor to accept a small benefac tion?” Do I look like a come-on? asked the one to whom A. Spriggs desired to impart gladness. “I have here a $2-bill,' said Mr. Spriggs, producing the money and of fering it, “which I desire to present to you.” “Up an alley,” the other man sar castically replied. “You misunderstand me. ( ask noth ing in return. I am a searcher after happiness. I realize that I can se cure it only through giving happiness to others. I insist that you take this money.” Then a policeman who had been slyly watching and listening, pounced upon Addison Spriggs, and two hours' later, after he had succeeded in ex plaining matters to the satisfaction of the desk sergeant, the man who had been in pursuit of happiness sadly said: "The only difference between a poet and a fool is that the fool may some times have lucid spells.” (Copyright, 1909. by W. G. Chapman.) 1 Concerning Business Ability By Charles L. Doyle. They were sitting around a table In the grill-room of a Chicago club—sev eral members, a New Yorker, and Maj. Twombly, a veteran officer who had served the greater part of his life at United States army posts in the far west. “Speaking of keen business in stinct,” said the major, “there was a fellow named Gormley who visited Arizona when I was stationed there, and he certainly had more business ability about him than anyone else I ever met. His only capital was the fact that he had been born in New England. He looked around a bit. and the thing which struck him most forci bly was that the modern Indian is a quite different sort of creature from the Indian of Cooper, who talked blank verse, and on moral questions 1 • i-g^ He Started an Artificial Scalp Factory. towered like Pike’s Peak. He saw, too, that the dusky brothers had more or less money; and thus the problem requiring solution was seen to be sim ple—to wit, the transferral of this money from the aboriginal to his own pocket. So what do you think this man Gormley did? He started an ar tificial scalp factory, where the tepee keeping brave might purchase alleged jvidence of his prowess on the war path at one dollar a piece or ten dol lars a dozen. The warriors of the orairie took to the idea like ducks to a pond, and Gormley made a for tune.” The major paused, and gradually the suspicion crept into the minds of the members that he had been lying; but none of them felt like taking excep tion to his statement. Finally the New Yorker said: "Your friend was clever, major, but - once knew a man in the east whom i think surpassed him in business acu men. His name was Bloggs, and he tame of a good family. He lived out it Spudsville, N. J., but he came to New York every day, where he carried sn a house-renting agency. The first Df January Bloggs bought a 50-ride family ticket the railroad between Spudsville and New York. It was good tor one year. The first morning Bloggs lotlced that when the conductoi punched this ticket the little piece cut >ut fed to the floor, so after the official passed on he picked it up. touched :he edge all around with mucilage, arid slipped it back in. He always made the trip both ways with the same conductor, and as he never failed to pick up the punched-out piece and replace it in the hole he came out at the end of the year with a ticket as good as new.” “Hum-a-yes,” growled the major, en viously. “Certainly a smart chap, your friend Bloggs.” “Rather,” assented the New Yorker, “but that wasn't all. He then went to the company, and on the plea of not having used the ticket, got them to refund the purchase price. He'd have been all right if after getting it in his pocket he hadn't set up a loud and rasping demand for interest at legal A Medium-Sized Journey By Strickland W. Gi 11: Ian. Jonn u. Demosthenes was born a good bit ago, somewhere in Greece. Ho was a sickly baby, pasty-faced and spindling. His picture was never in the baby food circulars. If his mother had been a Spartan, Greece would have missed a heap of oratory, for that was the kind of baby the Spar tans took out to the bad lands and forgot. A Spartan had to have a con stitution and by-laws like those of a scrub steer, no matter if he had barely enough head to fasten his face on. As soon as Demosthenes was large enough to talk, he began having diffi culties wiith his speech. When he went to pronounce the letter "S” it sounded as if he were trying to gargle his throat. Naturally this made him want to become an orator. I have a friend afflicted that way, and he, too, wants to get on the lecture platform. In order to get to be an aluminum tongued spell-binder, Demosthenes took and gave great pains, though he was more humane about it than some other would-be spielers are nowadays. Probably because killing wasn’t re garded as such a serious offense then, Demosthenes hid himself in a cav? and copied Thueidydes eight times in vertical hand-writing. This was so he could make his gab flow along nicely if ever he got so he could talk. He wasn’t going to be like a boy I once knew who got a violin and his sister said he could play beautifully if he just knew some tune. When he got Thueidydes so he could say it backwards when he became less backward in his larynx, he used to go out on the seashore and make the wild waves wonder what he was say ing. He is the only one that ever got even with the wild waves and turned the tables on them that way. He began with a very weak voice, but within a few weeks he got so noisy you couldn’t hear the ocean during a Demosthenes rehearsal. That was a time of terrible squalls along the Gre cian coast. Still having trouble with his sibil lants, he would put a wheelbarrow load or so of bowlders in his fine, large mouth, and talk through them instead of his hat. This had the effect at first of making a noise like your wife with her mouth full of pins asking you to hcok her waist. Afterward when he had built up more voice, the presence of the pebbles wore the rough edges off from his tones. After awhile he got so he could hold a surprising lot of macadamizing ma tenal in his mouth without interfering with his talk, in the least. An attack of gravel, later in life, is attributed to his having accidentally swallowed some of those rocks during an im passioned burst of eloquence. Also he broke several cheval glasses speak ing in front of them to improve his gestures. When Demosthenes started to argue there was no way to stop him except I ■ !-> JL ' IW. .T. 1 I _gxtRT— | He Began with a Very Weak Voice. to give him whatever he wanted. This fact made him very effective as a speaker. Once he and some other Bob La Follette who wanted to talk against time, argued one question six years, but not to the same audience. De mosthenes won, and Jim Aeschines, the rival orator, said he’d never try again to out-blast that windbag. None of these things made Demos thenes unhappy. But finally be was ac cused by some knocker of having ac cepted bribes from the Macedonians. Having never been offered anything by those people, who are fs.mous for their cry, he grew despondent think-' ing of what he had missed, and once when his landlady had served a par ticularly indestructible piece of har veyized steak with vanadium steel hinges, he sneaked out into the medi cine closet and made himself a Rough on Rodents high ball, which he drank with great gusto and no chaser. 1 rather hate to mention the moral of this story, so I shall omit it, as I Delieve it would not have a wholesome effect upon the young. (Copyright. 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) rates. This was too much, and the president of the company jumped over the counter and kicked him the whole length of a long corridor, projecting him from ten to fifteen feet at each kick. However, Bloggs sued for $5,000 damages, and a jury of other commuters said he was too modest, and awarded him $10,000; and the newspapers all headed their accounts, •Rebuke to Corporate Greed—Full Vindication of a Poor but Honest Citi zen.’ ” The other occupants of the table gazed expectantly at the major as the New Yorker finished rpeaking, but the gallant officer made no comment. In stead, he arose, and muttering some thing about the “closeness of the at mosphere,'’ stalked gloomily away. (Copyright, 1909, by W. G. Chapman.) POPULAR AUTHORS --— * The Preacher Finds Ready Sale for His Books in His Parish. Bent on an errand of mercy, a city prowler made his way into a strange neighborhood. What impressed him most w'as the bookstore windows. In every one for blocks around were stacks of a new book he had never heard of by a writer of whom he had never h^ard. . _ "Who is this man?" he finally asked. ‘‘Why is he so popular hereabouts?” "He is the pastor of the Presby terian church down in the next block,” said the stationer. "Every bookseller in the neighborhood is making a spe cialty of his book. That is the usual way of doing things when a clergy man brings out a new book. Anybody else might appear in the publishers’ catalogue every month without arous ing local pride, but with the preachers it is different. When a minister turns author that old saw about the prophet being without honor in his own coun try is disproved with a vengeance. Every spring there is a considerable literary output by the pastors of New York churches. The first place where these volumes are put on sale is the bookstores near the church where tha minister preaches, and usually tke largest sales are made there." Away. ■■■■■■■■hmhmhmuhmR Where glinting pebbles lie in wait For childish fingers, soft and pink. And where the meadowlark and thrush Their rival llltings interlink, A sturdy boat is calling me To join the river's revelry! Where fisher-kings their triumphs scream And red-heads grate their raucous cry. This boat is rocking to and fro Beneath a flushed and rosy sky. "Ah, come and let us float away To glory scenes of yesterday!" Al! up and down the pulsing shore The shade is prism kissed and oool. And lilies nod in artful grace Upon the mirror of the pool. 'Ah, let us gather them, I say. For her beloved, of yesterday!" Not so, O boat of youthful joys, Not so, O dream of long ago. No more within thy cockled shell Shall we go drifting to and fro— Instead of rowing you. old scow. I'm splitting kindling for her now! ® ® ® How to Get Married. Making love and getting married in this country is fun for the girls, but it’s different in the Arctic regions. It' Young Fishblubber is “spoons” on the second daughter of Old Spearface, he proceeds forthwith to the abode, where she is sheltered, grabs her by the hair, ar by the ear, and yanks her along homeward. Here she has to fish and 2ut bait “until death do them part." The Japanese love and proposal cus toms are dainty and pretty. The young man there who is becoming so rattled he cannot get along without some kind of a settling, pro or con, throws a bunch of plum-flower buds Into the girl’s rickashaw as she is carried past to the wedding of a friend, if she wears them, she is “all his’n.” If she doesn’t, he can go away and drown himself or his sorrows, ac cording to his own predilection. In Hungary, the gypsies bake cakes containing coins. The lover tosses the loved one a cake. If she eats the cake and retains the coin, it is a sign that he can keep right on supplying her needs in both directions. If she cats the cake and returns the silver he is out of pocket only the dough and a few wet tears. In Arabia the girl minds her flocks. The lover arrives and attacks her. She replies with stone and sticks, used as flatirons may be later in life, if he succeeds in driving her into her father’s tent she is his honeysuckle. If he is repulsed, disgrace goes with him. In Arabia it is always well, therefore, to avoid the virago and tackle the sylphlike inamorata. The Mexican lover plods all night in the street before the house of his fair entrancer. If she approves, she sits at the window and watches him. Bon voyage! And this reminds us that when we got ready to get married, we went out into the road and stood there, all aressed up and smiling. Pretty soon we saw a woman coming up the pike hunting for us. We stood right still, made believe we weren't looking, and were caught red-handed. Then we went to a preacher and got the knot tied. For simplicity and naturalness our system takes the bun from all the foreigners in the country, and if our wife doesn't see this, the plan will go ringing down the ages as the most romantically sweet on record. But remember, fellows, you must stand perfectly still when you see 'em coming! ® ® ® By the Way. A near-sighted nature lover out in my town almost had a fit Sunday upon finding one of those paper spinners that the child: en run with against the wind. Some child had stuck the stick in the ground and the near-botanist thought for five minutes that he had discovered a rare variety that even Eurband had overlooked. ☆ ☆ ☆ "It is better to try a brides pie ot the dog than on the groom," says a Kansas editor, “because one can al ways get another dog." A lady sub scriber writes the editor that a full blooded Boston terrier costs $25, but she got her husband for nothing! Ain’t women the contrariest critters! ☆ ☆ ☆ A North side resident in Chicago, a retired naval officer, fell on a wine glass and cut his lace. The neighbor hood newspaper headed the item. “Se rious Accident 10 American Man of War While Trying to Get Into Port.” ☆ ☆ ☆ Mere suggestion will often cure. When mother suggests the coal oil for Willie’s croup, for instance, how quick ly he ceases coughing! -BYRON WILLIAMS. Result of Mince Pie Nightmare. After eating three pieces of mince pie, Albert Allen of Chicago went to sleep, and, dreaming that a man he was gambling with wa9 cheating, he got his revolver, intending to shoot the gambler, but instead fired r. bullet into his wife’s head. Analysis of Argument “Dar is two .kinds of arguments," said Uncle Eben, “dem in which you is tryin’ to enlighten somebody an' dem in which you is tryin’ to fool somebody.”