“What Ails Him,” Says She, “Is Girl.” By Joseph C. Lincoln Altbob of "Capn Eri' 'Partners of the Tide" f Copyeiwr /so? Ao Bps mi ns CoiPAuf ^ Illustrations sy TD. Mtu.*tll SYNOPSIS. Mr. Solomon Pratt began comical nar ration of story, introducing well-to-do Nathan Scudder of Ills town, and Edward Van Brunt and Martin Hartley , two rich New Yorkers st eking rest. Because of matter pair's lavish expenditure of money. Pratt's first impression was connected with lunatics. Van Erunt. it was learned, was the successful suitor for the hand of Miss Agnes Page, who gave Hartley up. Adventure at Fourth of July cele bration at Eagtwich. Hartley rescued a boy, known as "Reddy." from under a horse's feet and the urchin proved to be one of Miss Page's charges, whom she had taken to the country for an outing. «»ut sailing later. Van Brunt. Pratt and Hopper were wrecked in a squall, rratt landed safely and a search for the other two revealed an island upon which they were found. Van Brunt rented it from Soudder and called it Ozone island. In charge of a company of New York poor children Miss Tatter 1 and Miss Page vis ited Ozone island. 1:. another storm Van Brunt and Hartley narrowly escaped be ing wrecked, having aboard chickens, i pigs. etc., with which they were to start a farm. Eureka Sparrow, a country girl, was engaged as a cook and Van Brunt and Hartley paid a visit to her father, who for years had been claiming con sumption as an excuse for not working. CHAPTER XL—Continued. Washington Sparrow was there. There wa n t but one comfortable rocking chair in sight and he was in that, with his stocking feet resting on the ruins of a haircloth sofa. He was pretty husky looking, seemed to me, for a man complicated with consump tion and nervous dvspepsv, but his face was as doleful as a crape bonnet, and ’twas plain that he could see no hope, and was satisfied with his eye sight. He had a clay pipe in his mouth and was smoking like a peat fire. now are you. Mr. sparrow .' says Martin, bright and chipper. "How's the health this morning?" The invalid rolled his eyes around, but he didn't get out of the rocker. Neither did he take them blue yarn socks ofT the sofa. “Oh!’’ says he. groaning something awful. ‘‘I'm miseraLde, thank you. Set down and make yourselves to home.” La There was only three settable pieces of furniture in the room. He was using two of 'em. and t'other was a child's high chair. So we decided to stand up. “Don't you find yourself improving this beautiful weather?” asks Hartley, sympathetic. Washy fetched another groan, so deep that 1 judged it started way down in the blue socks. “No.” says he. "I’m past improving. Jnst lingering 'round now and suffer ing waiting for the end. I s pose Reky told you what I had, didn't she?” Hartley looked troubled. “Why,” he says, "she did say that you feared tuberculosis, but—” “Tuber—nothing! That's just iike her! making fun of her poor sick fa ther. What I’ve got is old-fashioned consumption.'' Here he fetched a cough that was hollerer than the groaning. “Old-fashioned consumption and nerv ous dyspepsy. Can t eat a meal's Tit tles in comfort. But there! I’ll be through pretty soon. The sooner the quicker I say. Everybody ’ll be glad when I'm gone. ‘Don't.’ I says to ’em, ‘don’t rag out in no mourning for me. Don't put no hothouse wreaths on my grave. I know how you fee! and—’ Get off my feet, you everlasting young one! Think I'm a ladder?” - The last part was to Dewey, who * had come in from the kitchen, and was trying to climb onto the sofa. idartin looked like he didn’t know what to say. By and by he cleared his throat and threw out a hint concerning Eureka's coming to Ozone. The sick man shook his head. “No.” he says. “I'm self-sacrificing, and all that, but somehow I can’t make up mv mind to let her go. I can’t |) bear to have her out of my sight a minute. You can't begin to think, Mr. .What’s-Your Name, what a comfort ’tis to me, agonizing here and suffer ing. to have Reky setting down along side of me day after day. the way she does. You can't begin to think it. mis ter.” I cculdn t begin to think it—not without v hat the doctor calls ”stimu lan.s." The amount of setting down that poor, hard-woi king Eureka got time for wouldn't comfort anybody much, it seemed to me. “She’s my favorite child." went on Washy, swabbing his eyes. ’ She al ways was. too. Even when she was a baby I thought more of her than I done of ■all- the others.” Eureka must have been listening, for she called front the kitchen: “Why, pa!” she says. “When I was a baby there wa'n't any others. I'm the oldest.” The invalid bounced up straight in the rocker. "That's it!” he hollers. "Make fun of your helpless, poor old father! Go ahead! pick at me and contradict me! 1 s'pose when I’m dead and in my grave you’ll contradict me every time I speak.” He blew off steam for much as five minutes. Didn't ever remember to stop and get his cough going. Hartley turned to the door. I could see he was disappointed. "Very well,” he says. “I’m sorry. I'm sure she is just the girl we need. Good day, Mr. Sparrow.” I cal'late Washy wa'n't expecting that. He hitched around in his chair. It had a busted cane seat, the chair did. and he had to roost on the edge of it to keep from falling through. ”Er—er—-just a minute, mister," he says. ”1 want you to understand how I feel about, this thing. If I was able to do for myself ’t.would be different, but—” Eureka came to the door then, ; wiping her arms on her apron. “Why, pa.” she says, ”1 told you I ' could fix that." She went on to tell how she'd get up j early every morning and cook the , meals afore she left, and how Editha would be there, and Lycurgus would i split the wood and do the chores, and how she'd be home nights, and so on. She had planned everything. I liked that girl. At last her dad give another one of his groans. “All right,” says he. “I give in. I ain't going to stand in the way. Hadn't ought to expect nothing different, I I s’pose. Work and fret and slave your ' self into the boneyard bringing up chil ! dren. and—and educating ’em and all, i and then off they go and leave you. i Well. I'm resigned. Mr.—Mr.—What's | Your-Xame, she can go, Eureka can— I for two dollars more a week.” I actually gasped out loud. The i cheek of him! Why, the price Van had offered was enough to hire three girls. And now this shark wanted j more. Even Martin Hartley seemed to be i set back some. But he was game. For a “mercenary” chap he was the i most liberal piece of goods on the shelf. “Certainly, Mr. Sparrow,” says he. "That will be satisfactory. Good i morning. Good-morning, Eureka. 1 | presume we shall see you to-morrow?" t\ e got out of the house finally. Washy come far as the kitchen to see us off. He was smiling and sweet as j syrup now. When I'd got to the walk Eureka called me back. "Mr. Pratt," she whispered, “you tell Mr. Hartley that of course I sha n’t ! take the extra two dollars. I'll be I paid too much as 'tis. But we won’t j let pa know.” Afore I could answer there was a , yell from the dining room. I looked : in and there was Washy doubled up in i thar rocker with his knees under his chin. He'd forget about the busted 1 cane seat and had set down heavy and gone through. Editha was trying to haul him out. the baby was crying and the invalid himself was turning loose the healthiest collection of language I’d heard for a good while. • Eureka dove to the rescue, add i come away. Hartley and 1 walked on a spell without saying much. Then he asks: "Skipper, do you suppose that fel low really has consumption?” “Humph!" says I, disgusted; "con sumption of grub.” He thought a minute longer. “Poor girl,” says he. “She has a hard time of it. We must see if we can't help her in some way.” CHAPTER XII. Miss Sparrow’s Diagnosis. Eureka was on hand bright and early the,next day and it didn’t take me. long to see that she was worth her salt. She took hold like a good one and had breakfast—and a mighty good breakfast—ready right on time. 1 don't know when I've enjoyed a meal like I done that one, sure all the while that 1 hadn't got to turn to and wash the dishes afterwards. 1 went out to my gardening feeiing like a sick man who had turned the corner and was on the road to getting well again. And from then on the Natural Life was easy for all of us. for quite a spell. The new girl was a wonder, so far as doing work was concerned. She'd go through Marcellus' old home like a hurricane, sweeping and dusting and singing. She was most always singing—that is. when she wa’n't talk ing. She had a queer program of music, too. running from hymn tunes to songs she'd heard the boarders use over at the hotel. One minute 'twould be, "Land Ahead! Its Fruits Are Waving,” and the next meeting some body ' in the shade of the old apple tree.” One day I come in and she was piping up about how everybody in her house worked but her dad, or words to that effect. "Hello!" says I. "Did you make that up out of your head?" "No,” she says. “It's a new one that Lvcurgus heard over to the Old Home house. It sounded so as if 'twas made for our family that it kind of stuck in Lvs’ craw and he come home and told it to me. *' ‘Everybody works but father. And he sets ‘round all day.’ “I tried it on pa last night." she went on. ‘ Thought it might jar him some, but it didn't. He said ’twas funny. Maybe I'd think so, too, if I was him.” How Hartley laughed when he heard her singing. She tickled the Twins most to death, anyway. She was as sharp as a wjiip and as honest as a Quaker parson. When her first pay day come she set her squared-toed boot down and simpiv would not take the extry two dollars wages. She said even a hog knew when it had enough, and she want a hog. Martin told me he was going to make it up to her sente other way. The Heavenlies was mighty interested in her; hut not more so tnan sne was in tnem. She ami I had some great confabs when we was aicne together. She asked I don't know how many ques tions about Hartley and Van Brunt; why they was living this way. and how they used to live and all. I told her some of what Lord James had told me. but not the whole. I left out about the engaged business, because I figgered it wa n t any of her affairs, rightly speaking. Course iwa'n't none of mine, neither, but somehow I'd got to feel that I was a sort of father to them two cracked New Yorkers. “Do you think they're crazy?” she asks. "Nate Scudder says they act as if they was." “You’ve got me,” says I. “I ain’t made up my mind yet.” “What makes ’em go in swimming every morning?" she wanted to know. “Why, to take a bath, I guess,” says I “Van Brunt told me he always took his ’plunge' when he was home.” She nodded, quick as usual. “Urn hum,” says she. “I've read about it. They do it in the marble swimming pool in the gardens of the ducal man sion. And there's palm trees around and fountains, and nightingales sing ing. and music floating on the balmy, perfumed air. And when they’ve got. al! scrubbed up there's velvet-footed menials to fan ’em and give ’em hasheesh to smoke." “Want to know!” I says. “What's hasheesh? Plug cut or cigars?” “ ’Tain't neither,” said she. “It’s some kind of stuff that makes you dream about beautiful women and tilings.” w ell, they don t have that here, says I. “They smoke cigars and cig a-ettes. And I've smoked both of ’em and my dreams was mainly about how much work 1 had to do. Nightingales are birds, ain't they? We're pretty shy on nightingales over here to Horsefoot, but maybe fhe gulls make that up. Gulis don’t sing, no more than hens, but they screech enough for six. Where did you get all this stuff from, anyway?” She got it out of library books and the Home Comforter. Seems old Miss Paine, over in the village, lent her the Comforter every week as fast as she got through with it herself. Eureka had never been to the city, nor any wheres further than Eastwich. and her ideas about such things was the queerest mixed-up mess of novel trash and smart boarder's lies that ever was. That, and what she’d read In the newspapers. She said she was going to the city some day when her "affinity" showed up. ’ What’s your idea of a first-class af finity?" I asks, looking for informa tion. I didn't know whether 'twas an arimal or a cart. “Well,” says she. “he’s got to be gcod-lcoking and have chests and chests of gold and jewelry. Further than that I ain't made up my mind yet.” She said when she did go she would sew up her money in the waist of her dress and if a confidence man or a trust or a policeman tried to get it away from her, she bet he'd have trouble on his hands. •Policeman?” says I. "What would he be doing trying to steal your money? Policemen ain’t thieves.” "They ain't, hey?" she says. “City policemen ain't? I guess you ain't read much about ’em.” She read the police committee trials in a stack of three or four-year-oid newspapers and they’d fixed her, far's pokceuidn was concerned. She didn’t take any stock in Hart ley's being down oar way for his health. She said she had made up her mind what was the matter with him. “What ails him," says slie, “is Girl.” "Girl?” says I. “Yup. He's in love.” I set back and looked at her. Mind you I hadn't said one word about Agnes Page or the busted engagement. “Get out!” I says, finally. "What did he come here for, then? There ain’t a female native in this neighborhood that wouldn’t stop a clock—present company excepted, of course.” “It don’t make no difference. He’s in love, and he's come here to forget his troubles. You never read ‘False, but Fair; or the Bride Bereft,’ did you? I thought not. Why, East Well mouth is Glory alongside of some places that young men in love goes to. You wait. I'll find out that girl's name some of these days.” She said that Van Brunt wa'n't in love; which struck me funny, knowing what I did. 'Twa'n't so very long after this that ! the Heavenlies and me drove to South ! Eastwich to visit the Fresh Air school. 1 don't think Hartley would have gone if it hadn't been that his name was ’specially mentioned in the note from Agnes. Even then Van had to say that he wouldn’t go unless his chum did. We left Eureka to keep house. It seemed to suit her first rate. "You wait till that Scudder man comes,” she says to me. "I want to talk to him about the milk he’s been leaving." "What's the matter with it?” I asks. "Ain't he giving full measure?” “Not of milk he ain't.” she says “It’s too white to wash with and too blue to drink. I’m going to tell him we’ve got a pump ourselves.” The Eastwich school was a big old farmhouse with considerable land around it. The youngsters had lots of room to run and carry on. All hands was at the door to meet us, Agnes and Miss Talford and Redny. and all the inmates. The Heavenlies had stopped in the village and got a big freezer full of ice cream—they ordered it ahead— and. well. I thought we'd got a warm welcome, but when the children saw that freezer— The ladies shook hands with us and asked us in. Lord James was there in all his glory. You could see that his new job suited him down to his shoes. No hard work, no sailing or such like, good easy bosses and plenty of pick ing on the side, I judged, i turned the horse and carriage over to him. under protest, and we went into the house. "First of all. Ed," said the Page girl, turning to Van Brunt, "I want to thank you. on behalf of the children, for your kindness in sending them the I fruit. It is delicious. You should see the dears every day when the express man comes with the basket." Van looked puzzled. "Fruit?" h° | says. “I don’t understand. Do you | know anything about fruit, skipper?” I pleaded not guilty. Hartley didn't | seem to hear. He was busy talking j with Miss Talford. “Why!” says Agness. "Doesn't it I come from you? We have been receiv i ing the loveliest basket of fruit from . Boston every morning. I thought of ! course you had ordered it for us. Didn't you. really?” Van shook his head. “It takes a man with the ordinary amount of brains and thoughtfulness to do things like that," he says. “I'm miles below the average in such things. In all but carelessness and general idiocy I'm a bear on the market. Here, Martin! Miss Talford. please excuse him for a moment, will you? Martin, are you responsible for this fruit?” (TO BE CONTINUED.) FOUND WANTING AS A LOVER. Young Man Not the Type to Suit Sweetheart’s Mother. A sharp-featured, determined little woman popped her head out of the door and indignantly demanded ihe business of a bashful young man, who had been hanging around the house for hours in a pitiless downpour of rain, hoping against hope that his adored would invite him in. ’’Now, then, young feller, what do ver want here? Trvin’ to wear the pavement out, or what?” she de manded, sarcastically. ”1 reckon I've come a-courtin’ your daughter,” the shame-faced youth ad mitted. ‘‘Oh. ye're after Lizzie, are ver? Then take my advice, young man, an’ run away an’ lose yerself. My gal ain’t goin’ to marry a chap that ain’t got courage to knock at the door an’ as for her—not likely! Why, when my husban’ came a-courtin’ me and ! found the door locked he climbed the back-yard wall, strangled the bulldog an’ knocked the old man silly wi’ a clump on the jaw. Then he grabbed hold of my hand and shoved a ring as big as a cartwheel on my finger and told me that the banns were published last Sunday. That’s the sort o’ hus band I want for our Lizzie—not a shiv erin' milksop that ain’t got sense to come in out of the rain I”—Tit-Bits. A Distinction. Five-year-old Deborah had been in vited to take luncheon at a restau rant with Miss K. “Do you like cocoa?" she was asked. When the answer was "Yes,” the beverage was duly brought, but re mained untasted. At last Miss K. said: “Why don't you drink your cocoa, Deborah, when you said you wanted it?" “I didn’t say I wanted it,” replied the child, politely; "I only said I liked it.” — Woman's Home Com panion. Overshoes for Horses. In large cities like Chicago and New York icy asphalt pavements cause the death of hundreds of horses every winter. Many styles and shapes of shoes are. now being introduced in an endeavor to stop accidents, one of the most promising of which consists of a chain tread, which can be quick ly buckled on and as quickly taken off the foot of a horse without the use of tools. It is practically self-adjust ing, is strong, cheap and durable. Heaven. In the philosophy of some men heaven is nothing but a place where everybody will be able to buy cheap and sell high. WESTERS CRUMS 1308 CROP WILL GIVE TO THE FARMERS OF WEST A SPLENDID RETURN. The following interesting bit of yi formation appeared in a Montreal paper: "Last December, in reviewing the year 1907, we had to record a wheat harvest considerably smaller in vol ume than in the previous year. Against ninety millions in 1906 the wheat crop of the West in 1907 only totaled some seventy-one million bushels, and much of this of inferior quality. But the price averaged high, and the total re sult to the farmers was not unprofit able. This year we have to record by far the largest wheat crop in the coun try's history. Estimates vary as to the exact figure, but it is certainly not less than one hundred million bushels, and in all probability it reaches one hundred and ten million bushels. The quality, moreover, is good, and the price obtained very high, so that in ali respects the Western harvest of 1908 has been a memorable one. The result upon the commerce and finance of the country is already apparent. The railways are again reporting in creases in traffic, the general trade of the community 1ms become active after twelve months' quiet, and the banks are loosening their purse strings to meet the demand for money. The prospects for 1999 are excellent. The credit of the country never stood as high. The immigrants of 1907 and L90S have now been absorbed into the in dustrial and agricultural community, and wise regulations are in force to prevent too great an influx next year. Large tracts of new country will be opened up by the Grand Trunk Pacific both in East and West. If the seasons are_ favorable the Western wheat crop should reach one hundred and twenty million bushels. The prospects for next year seem very fair.” An inter esting letter is received from Cardston, Alberta (Western Canada), written to an agent cf the Canadian Government, any of whom will be pleased to advise correspondents of the low rates that may be allowed intending settlers. "Cardston, December 31st. 190S. “Dear Sir: Nowt that my threshing Rs done, and the question 'What Will the Harvest Be,' has become a cer tainty. 1 wish to report to you the re sults thereof, believing it will be of in terest to you. You know I am only a novice in the agricultural line, and do net wish you to think I am boasting because cf my success, for some of my neighbors have dene much better than 1 have, and I expect to do much bet ter next year myself. My winter wheat went 53 bushels per acre—and graded No. 1. My spring wh^at went 4S% bushels per acre, and graded No. 1, My oats went 97 bushels per acre, and are fine as any oats I ever saw. My stock is all nice and fa’, and are on: in the field picking their own three square meals a day. The weather is nice an-I warm, no snow—and very little frost. This, in short, is an ideal country for farmers and stockmen. The stock requires no shelter or win ter feeding, and cattle fatten on this grass and make the finest kind of beef, better than corn fed cattle in Ills. Southwestern Alberta will scon be known as the farmers’ paradise- and I am only sorry I did not come here five years ago. Should a famine ever strike North America, I will be among the last to starve—and you can count on that. "I thank you for the persona’ assist ance you rendered me while coming in here, and I assure you I shall not soon forget your kind offices.” He Wouldn’t Sell. The owner of a small country es tate decided to sell his property, and consulted an estate agent in the near est town about the matter. After visit ing the place the agent wrote a de scription of it. and submitted it to his client for approval. "Read that again," said the owner, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair contentedly. After the second reading he was silent a few moments, and then said, thoughtfully: "I don't think I'll sell. I’ve been looking for that kind of a place all my life, but until yon read that description I didn't know I had it! No, 1 won't sell now."—Exchange. Between Authors. “Why do you lay the scenes of your stories in the far north? Because you know all about that country?” “No; because nobody else does.” OXLT ONE “BROMO QriNIN'E" That is LAXATIVE HBOMO QUININE. Loo* for the signature of 1C. W. GKO YE. Used the Worlil over to Cure a Gold in One Day. Sc. It's easier for a girl to look like an angel than it is for her to act like one. Lewis’ Single Binder straight 5c cigar made cf rich, mellov.- tobacco. Your dealer or Lewis’ Factory, Peoria, 111. A good detective makes light of his ability as a shadow. If Ynnr Feet Artie or Horn gi-t a 2Sc mckajte of Allen s Foot-Base. It gives 3uick relief. Two million packages sold yearly. Smiles make a better salve for trou ble than do frowns. The Common Strain. The stress cf life may touch some lightly, may appear to pass others by, but most men whom we meet with whom we deal, who wort: for us or for whom we work, know well the common stress of humanity If in all our human relations this thought could be kept before us it would revolutionize life. We would be humanized—ennobled. We would care for men as men. We could not escape the transforming realiza tion of an actual brotherhood if we recalled and thought upon the un deniable fact of our own part in the universal brotherhood of the com mon strain.—Schuyler C. Woodhull, in The Bellman. There is more Catarrh In this section of the country than all other diseases put tocether. and until tde last few years was supposed to be incurable. For . great many years doctors pronounced it a local disease and prescribed local remedies, and by constantly lalltnc to cure with local treatment, pronounced It incurul . . Science has proven Catarrh to be a constitutional dis ease. and therefore requires constitutional ire.-.ment. Hail's Catarrh Cure, manufactured by r. .1 Cheney * On.. Toledo, Ohio. Is the only Constitutional run on the market. It La taken internally in com-, frern , i drops to a teasponaful. It acts directly -m the t,,. ar.d mucous surfaces of the system. Titov oio- on hundred doflare tor any rase It fal.s to cur. r, for circulars and torrimor.laa-. Address: F .1. CHENEY * CO.. Toledo, Ghia. Fold by Druattlsm. tic. Take Hall's l air,.!y Pills for constipation. V2in Longings. First Barn Stormcr—I say. frier.d Hamlet Second Ditto—Yea. friend Shyirck. First Barn Stormcr—Wouldn't it bo great if we could cnly eat all the roasts we got? Nearly every man. when he reads a good joke and remembers and tells it well, thinks to himself afterward: ' What a witty fellow I am getting to be!” Pettit's Eye Salve fer Over 1C0 Years lias been used for congested and inflamed eves, remover film or scum over the eyes. All druggi.-tsor Howard Bros.. Buffalo, N. k. A man's wife never thinks his ill ness is serious until he quits using lan guage that wouldn't look well in print The Best Laxative—Garfield Ten! Com posed of Herbs, it cxertf a beneficial effect upon the entire system, regulating liver, kidneys, stomach and bowels. Many a man has lost his good name by having it engraved on the ha ndle of his umbrella. Lewis'bungle Binder straight Do eigiris good quality all the time. Your dealer or Lewis’ Factory, l*eona, 111. Even a fast man may not make a rapid recovery when he's ill. “JSSSSS1 Thompson’s Eye Water W. N, U.. OMAHA, NO. 4, 1909. ovuycoto& by prorpa^sKsunaX c$:r\sv.itVte as sistance d Wet ontAtvXy Wv^vcvaV touo&vc. teEnudySytup sIXmr df Senna uXid\ endbu cnete^arevrefcAor Yibds dob. seftuit abbcXanuto nature, may be graduaby dispensed WAK when. no \ca£er needed, as \be besA $ remedies when totted art te assist na\wc,andvjEii te supp\aa\ tW na\uxc\ Wclvcns .wbxeWasi itf.'&d vftiv— ma\c\y upon proper wcaristwneiA, proper e^oits.cnd ivditbvmt vo&iaWy. Tigd'dstLMt;.arArfUis.ct*ci.iiR., its- ^caares,,. cal: fork's a PiG SVRUP C©. SOL'-, Qy ALL LEADiNO DR'jLCtSI S ONESOLCKLSr-KEO'J-AB rf.£ SC* PER BOTTLE I t. , I'osit.vcly cured by idAKTtRS El I • :f- i eve D»4 Tit i T" fER I" 7’ LLS. \ .'V.,.:v. " Eg "... L . * h. Cockt *£9 I «*«t Ti , * . I ..in in the --J=L-i>. • , v .iTi LI v t:r. They regulate the L •••< ; i. . ,y VegetaLe. SMALL PILL. SMALL ELSE. SMALL PRICE. 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