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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 10, 1908)
_ loop City Northwestern J. W. BURLEIGH, Publisher LOUP CITY, - - NEBRASKA Spears Versus Pruning-Hooks. A French writer on nervous diseases declares that women are more subject than men to the disturbances known as “fixed ideas.” He suggests that, many a woman is fit patient for his treatment whom her family regards as merely obstinate and unreasonable. This is a cheering view for the fami lies of the victims. If a “queerness" can be cured by a course of pills and powders, life will be simplified. Mean time there is one prevalent fixed idea which may be easily recognized as such, and perhaps cured by a dose of concentrated public opinion. The wo man is known to us all for whom the pruning-hook is far more terrible than the spear, remarks the Youth's Com panion. If one proposes trimming a rose-bush or training a vine, she re gards the plan as she would one for the abbreviation of the fingers and toes of her children. To cut down a tree is as heinous in her eyes as to drown a baby, and to clear a vista for a sea-view would be a veritable massa cre of the innocents. Hours of tears or days of gloom are the penalty of the transgression of her fixed idea. Argument wiht her on this sensitive •subject falls on deaf ears. She may be a good neighbor and a wise adviser •n every other question, but she would live in a jungle rather than use the pruning-shears on her beloved green ery. The woman who thinks the right to grow and spread is inalienable with the vegetable creation is a perfectly well-recognized type. If the French specialist can cure her as well as classify her he will do a public service. American business men, persistent and daring advertisers though they are, would hardly venture to offer to buy "space” in a government publica tion; yet the new British issue of two shilling books of stamps contains a no tice to advertisers, to the effect that “The postmaster-general is prepared to consider offers for the insertion of trade advertisements in these books,” and inviting communications on the subject. There are persons who will criticise this step as being in the wrong direction, toward the sacrifice of dignity; but manufacturers of pills, powders and potions will approve it heartily, and unless the postmaster general is strong-minded enough to re fuse much of the business that will be tendered, one can foresee stajnp books in which the advertisements will hide the stamps. Last summer the city of Trenton, N. J., bought 2,000 baseball uniforms, to gether with the necessary bats, balls, gloves and masks to equip that num ber of boys for playing ball on the public playgrounds. The boys were organized into three leagues. The first contained those between the ages of 1® and 14 years. The boys between 14 and 16 played in the second league, and the third Was composed of those not more than 18 years old. Decent behavior was insisted on; boys guilty of swearing while in uniform, or of smoking, were suspended for the firs; offense and expelled for the second. The boys were kept so busy playing ball all summer, or planning games, that they had no time to get into mis chief. The game of billiards was invented by a pawnbroker, William Kew by name, who flourished in London in the sixteenth century. He used to employ his leisure hours in wet weather when trade was dull by taking down the three balls which were the insignia of his profession and pushing them about the counter of his shop with a yard stick, after the manner of the game as at present played, and using boxes fastened to the sides of his counter for pockets. Out of this was develop&u a table with a fence of slight elevation about it to keep the balls from rolling off on the floor, and to enable the player to make what have since be come known as cushion shots. One characteristic of the present feotball rules, as compared with those in force a year or two ago, is the pro portionate strengthening of the teams •f the smaller colleges. The small col leges are increasing In the number of their students, and therefore have more football material to choose from. The new rules give greater opportuni ty for speed and skill, as contrasted with mere weight and strength, and therefore offer a more attractive game, for which more candidates present themselves. These results amply jus iffy the changes in the rules. The cheering news comes from as tronomical experts at Albany that, con trary to the sad suggestions of the French astronomers, the new comet has not lost Its appendage, but, like the sheep in the old rhyme, is coming along the skies, bringing its tail be hind it. Hunters are to be barred from New Bngland forests until the fire fires are conquered. The loss of the amateur hunters will be a great gain to the rest ef the community. Prof. Edwin Emerson, who died recently in Tokyo, when he lived in Europe knew intimately Gladstone, Herbert Spencer and Bismarck. It was possible, therefore, for him to follow Edward Everett Hale s advice, Tali a litlle every day with somebody who knows more than you do.' The new issue of stamps comes out lost before the Lincoln centennial an niversary, but President Lincoln’s pic (tore wiH not appear on any one of •hem. Ehe pubuc eye II -—.~--11 MBMMMMMmMMMr _MAY HEAD BIG BANK | Frank A. Vanderlip, who, unless the unfore seen happens, will succeed Janies Stillman as president of the National City bank next Janu ary, began his business career as a reporter on a Chicago newspaper in 1889. Believing the op portunities offered in Aurora, where he was born November 17, 1SG4. were too limited, he went to Chicago for a broader field. After a short period of general reporting he was made financial editor to succeed Joseph French Johnson, now dean of the school of com merce and finance of the University of New York. After seven years of daily newspaper work Mr. Vanderlip secured an interest in the Econo mist, a Chicago financial weekly. He enhanced the prestige of this publication by issuing under its name a supplement known as “Chicago Street Railways” that conveyed more information .concerning the mortgages, contracts, agreements, and sta tistics than had ever before been presentd. Mr. Vandrlip did not remain long with the Economist. Contrary to the advice of his partner and some of his friends, he became private secretary to Lyman J. Gage, who March 4, 1897, assumed the office of secretary of the treasury. Mr. Gage at the time of his own appointment was the president of the First National bank. He was the one banker in Chicago the newspapers were accustomed to seek for views on financial matters. Although Mr. Vanderlip began as a private secretary, he was within three months made an assistant secretary of the treasury, and this position afford ed him a wide range of opportunities. He was not only an assistant secretary of the treasury but wras in a way the confidential adviser oi the secretary him self. After four years in the treasury department Mr. Vanderlip resigned on February 26, 1901. to become vice-president of the National City bank. The National City Rank of New York is by far the largest banking in stitution in this country. It has a capital stock of $25,000,000 and surplus and undivided profits of $25,219,000. Its deposits are over $226,500,000. IS CHAMPION OPTIMIST | William C. Brown, first vice-president of the New York Central railway system, is an Optimist. Moreover, the title should bo spelled with a capi tal “o." No lower case letter would ever do justice to the great mantle of optimism that cov ers Mr. Brown as a blanket. It is an avalanche that falls over and around and about him like the yellow sunshine or the balmy air of spring. Not that Mr. Brown ever lets his optimism interfere with his business. Far be it. Rather, he permits the optimism to gild and refine the sordid business necessity—to hallow it and make it a bright rose color instead of the dull gray that is presumed to be its natural hue. In the pleasant pursuit of his calling as the high priest of optimism, Mr. Brown has just announced that the railroads of the central west are auuui 10 uoosi me ireigni rates on January i next, tie snmea pleasantly when he said it. as though it were just the one thing the commercial world had been waiting for and longing for during the past six months. Of course, there was an immediate response in the way of a long-drawn howl from the large business interests. What does Mr. Brown do then? Does he crawl back into his hole of a private office and refuse to see any of the reporters? Dees he come out with an explanation that does nothing but retract? Does he rush into print with another interview that gives masses of dry figures and comparative tables? Not for a minute. On the contrary, he permits himself to be quoted again. He explains that the business interests really want a raise in rates. They don't know it, but they want it bad. Now lie's going to call a little meeting—just a conference—of the business inter ests, and explain to them just why they have been longing for the rate boost. He is going to make them like the idea. Wherefore we repeat that Mr. Brown is certainly an Optimist. AN UNPOPULAR ENVOY Charles S. Francis, American ambassador at Vienna, is the latest incumbent to find that espe cial job a long way less attractive than it seems from a distance. Mr. Francis followed Bellamy Storer in the position—and all the world, or that section of it which reads the United States news papers, remembers how Bellamy quit. He re signed, it is true, but the act was accompanied by red fire effects during which President Roose velt expressed several chaste but emphatic opin ions of Mr. Storer and likewise of Mrs. Storer. Mr. Francis has seen much of the diplomatic game before, and should have known how to work it. He was secretary to the Russian em bassy while his father was United States min ister some 30 years ago, and on his own hook he had been minister to Greece. Roumania and Ser via. Moreover, he is a newspaper man, owner and editor of the Troy (N. Y.i Daily Times, and might reasonably be expected to have all ihe tact, sangfroid, smoothness and nerve anybody would need even at the court of Vienna, But Mr. Francis has apparently got in wrong with Francis Joseph and some of his friends. He came home to vote, of course, and now, on the eve of his return, some of the Vienna papers are editorially hoping the boat sinks before he gets back. “Never in diplomatic circles," says one Vienna journal with a name like a handful of pied type, “Never has a more unpopular man held the post of ambassador. He and his family, knowing no French nor Ger man, have complained of Viennese ignorance of English, and have never con cealed their contempt for Vienna houses, shops, climate and women. When he should have returned hospitalities he subrented the embassy to the Japan ese legation, sent the ladies to America and himself occupied a back room on the fifth floor of a hotel, paying $1 a day." Aud a few other bon mots of like tenor. Mr. Francis may be a good ambassador. In fact, he must be. for he has been a typesetter, reporter, city editor and held other jobs wherein it requires the diplomacy of an angel to keep out of eternal feuds and knockdown argu ments with the foreman, the editor and other domineering enemies of civiliza tion. Of course, the editor may feel a little peevish about something. I MAY GET TREASURY POST | Joseph h. Millard, formerly a United States senator from Nebraska, is said to have been tentatively tendered the secretaryship of the treasury in the coming Taft cabinet. At least, he is near enough to a probability to make it reason able that five and twenty bright young newspa per writers in various portions of the country, beginning at Washington, should sit down and click out on their typewriters the near-positive assurance that the job has been offered, accept ed and all but started. That may not mean much to the reader, or it may. Mr. Millard is a banker of Omaha, and is one of the real pioneer bankers of the west. His institution, the Omaha National, is considered one of the soundest of the western country. It has always been a great lender, and never a bor luwer, in me east, During tne nard times which followed the dry years of 1894-5, when Nebraska was in the throes of bankruptcy and hundreds of set tlers were compelled to go east to save their lives, the Millard bank and its minor connections were never in peril. Born in Canada, the Omaha banker is still an American in that both of his parents were residents of this country who were temporarily domiciled across the border. His early years were spent on the farm. He has been president of the bank since January 1, 1867. He was mayor of Omaha for one term, and served one term in the senate. Dogs as Dowries. Everywhere is the dog the friend of man, but in Manchuria he is more strictly the friend of woman. There the dowry of a young woman does not consist, of hard cash, but in a certain number of sleek dogs with thick fur or silken hair. The girl’s status may I almost be guessed by her wedding por tion of dogs. If she receive six she is poor; if a dozen, her parents are in \ easy circumstances, and if twelve ■ dozen it may be taken that she comes ! from a rich family. They are careful * ly fattened for the!* savory flesh, their skins after death become coverlets, pelisses, vests for hunters or bed side carpets which scarcely ever wear out. Expert Finds Large Forest. The British colonial office recently sent out an expert to report on the Kenia forest in the East Africa pro tectorate. He found the forest to be 287 mileB long by eight broad, ajid to comprise 1,000,000 acres of timber, valued at $115,000,000 for the wood alone. 1 •ati m Slums F CHItSA BY A. IT. JOHNSON PHASE OF LIFE P/QT OFFER PEER 3Y TOUR id T & 2/o o°0 CAN Ton, CNIIYAV GREAT CONNENCIAL CITY A cynic has said that our minds are ruled by catch-words, aud there is certainly this amount of truth in the statement, that one's mental image of a place is usually based upon some telling phrase which has stuck, once heard, in the memory, and become in separably associated, rightly or wrong ly, with the locality to which it os tensibly refers. The Greenland of my fancy, thanks to a mind exceedingly retentive of childish lessons, has for its natural features icy mountains and very little else. That a coral strand, of a deli cate pink shade, encircled the conti nent of India like a fairy zone was a cherished belief only shattered when 1 first traveled to the past, and wondered why it was called shiny. But there are times when the fa miliar phrase is more than justified, and preconceived notions are startling ly indorsed by first actual impressions. Every schoolboy knows that China is inhabited by "teeming millions,” and I defy the most felicitous of phrase makers with two words more succinct ly to summarize such a first glimpse of a Chinese city as is afforded, let us say. to the traveler from Hongkong who approaches Canton up the Chu kiang river. In the west the oven-crowding of cities is a problem which has come to he regarded as amongst the most pressing and perplexing of all that confront the social reformer. But Compared with cities of the cast, and of China especially, those of the west may almost he regarded as depopu lated. Only those who have penetrated the innermost purlieus of a Chinese city can conceive the degree of con gestion in which it is possible for a human community to live. In the great Chinese towns it is literally true that the population overflows its con fines, the result sometimes being, as at Canton, those extraordinary floating slums which choke the riverside and form at once the most picturesque and most pestilent feature of the city’s aspect. Stand beside the imperial custom house at Canton and Jet the eye range down the river towards Hong kong. As far as the eight can reach lie boats., boats, and again boats. These are no ordinary craft, mere ves sels of transport plying hither and thither, but the countless homes of myriad Chinese, in which millions of human beings have been born, have lived, and have died. They are the dwellings of the very poor, who live in them practically free from rent, taxes, and other burdens of the ordinary citi zen. The Tankia (which means boat dwellers), as- the denizens of these floating houses are called, form a sort of caste apart from the rest of the Cantonese. The shore dwellers re gard them as belonging to a lower so cial order; and indeed they have many customs, peculiar to themselves, which mark them as a separate com munity. How the swarming masses of them contrive to support existence is a mystery, but their chief mode of em ployment Is in carrying merchandise and passengers from place to place. In some cases the daughters of the family go ashore to work In factories, as do the girls of other countries; but the year's earnings of a Chinese fac tory girl would scarce suffice to buy a single hat for her western sister. It is of course hardly necessary to point out that, as against this low rate of pay, the standard of living is corre spondingly different. The "houses" which make up these vast floating slums are of all sizes. Some are but 15 feet long. From these cramped dimensions, however, they range up to a length of 50 and 60 feet. A boat large enough to accommodate a family of moderate size can be ob tained for $20, and since the anchor age is free it is obvious that the Tankia effects many savings impos sible to the shore-dweller. For a hun dred dollars a boat that is (compara tively) luxurious in its appointments can be obtained: and not infrequently European travelers who wish to make a prolonged sojourn in the vicinity of Canton, and do not care to pay the high prices charged in the one hotel, hire a comfortable house-boat, at a cost, of about one dollar per day. In that case the native owners occupy a small space in the bow. where all cooking is done for the traveler with out extra cost, with the additional ad vantage of free transportation to any point on the river. Most of the boats, however, are small. A thatch of palm leaves, or a cover of matting, over a part of each boat serves to protect the occupants from sun and rain, and serves as an eating and sleeping place. The in terior presents a curious picture of domestic economy, beside which the arrangements of an Irish cabin or a crofter's cottage in Lewis are palatial. On many of them pigs and chickens are reared, and frequently, when the smallness of the boat does not afford deck-space for such stock, a box or cage is suspended from the stern to serve as a pigpen or chicken coop. Xor do sties and henneries, in addition to the apartments of the family, ex haust the accommodation of the tiny craft, for on many flower gardening is carried on. a considerable space being set apart in the bows for the flower pots. How life can be endured in such quarters, cribbed, cabined and con fined, well-nigh passes comprehension. It has been estimated that about Can ton there are not less than 85,000 In habited craft, and that of this vast number some 40,000 are permanently located—250,000 to 400,000 human lives, that is to say, daily rising and tailing with the tide. Births, deaths and funerals all take place within the narrow limits of the boats. Not all the boats in the dense mass that blocks the riverside are squalid, however. There are some as gaudy and resplendent as the majority are wretched and poor, and these are fa miliar to every one who has visited Canton. “Have you been to the flower boats?” is a question continually heard in the hotel, and he is sure to be a recent arrival who answers in the neg ative. The “flower-boats” are. In brief, the pleasure resorts of Canton. Whole streets of them are moored In rows that extend from mid-stream to the shore, and every night they are thronged with seekers after pleasure and recreation—of a sort. For it can not be pretended that the amusements to be found thereon are of a very high moral order. Concerts, or rather sing songs, are held on some, but most cater to that gambling instinct which is the national vice of China. WATER SUPPLY AND POWER. Great Hydro-Electric Project Near Torreon in Mexico. Following the report of government engineers who have been making sur veys and estimates of a projected dam across the Nazas river near Torreon, the federal government of Mexico has agreed to give financial support to the proposition, and the contract for its construction has been awarded. Ac cording to the estimates of the engi neers the dam will cost about $6,000, 000, and will form one of the largest water storage reservoirs on the conti nent, affording a water supply to the whole Nazas river cotton-growing dis trict for a period of three years with out replenishing. In connection with this dam, it is also planned to install a hydro-electric plant to supply all of the towns within a radius of 150 miles. There are many large industrial plants in the Nazas valley which will be provided with cheap power from the proposed plant, i and it is expected that the establish mcnt of manufacturing enterprises will be greatly stimulated. The principal cotton-growing region of Mexico lies in this valley, but ow ing to the uncertainty of rains in the mountains the river cannot be depend ed upon to give an adequate water supply for irrigation purposes when most needed. By storing the water this difficulty will be overcome. The site of the proposed dam is in the San Fernandez canyon. Th,e Electric Spark. An electric spark is the luminous effect produced when a sudden dis ruptive electrical discharge takes place between two charged conduc tors at different electric potentials. The length of the spark depends pri marily upon the difference of poten tial of the two charged bodies; it is. hence, in general a conspicuous phe nomenon with high-potential frictional electricity, and not with ordinary vol taic currents. i visits mm 1 vwGLBmr 1 Saturdays. To-day. within tin- galley's linld, We yearn for Naples far away. The vision of the Matterhorn Is calling to our hearts to-day! Thus, longingly, we strain and sweat Front daybreak to the fading sun— A struggling horde tl.at plays the game For prizes when the work is done. Ah. yesterday we yearned the same For Saturday to come once more! All week within the stuffy school We conned our lessons o'er and o’er. “Amo, amas, arnat," we droned And bounded Chili on the map, But over all we heard the croon Of rivers where the billows lap! Ho! Saturday would set us free To wander by the bayou’s brim, To fish for lunkers at the bridge With Stubbie and with Fat and Slim! Ah. when the sun rose in the east And mother called us from our bed. We did not drop to sleep again But heard, the first time, what she said! Then off to join our happy crew. How gladly, joyously we Sited: And as we chorused by the way. Onr faithful Tiger barked ahead. I Oh. those were days worth hoping for. Worth slaving for, when work was through— For what hi Switzerland or France. Can yield the happiness we knew? Ah, Saturdays of youth! Thy joy Sweeps back with mocking voice of scorn And scoffs at us each week-end day When carols wake the timid dawn; For what vacation is so sweet -As that we knew in childhood, pray. When, gladsome as a meadowlark, We “went a-fishin' ” Saturday? o o o On the Wing. IIforSrleI t|| ONLY [ l$2oaoooj There are a lot of people who can not afford to do things, who do them because “we cannot afford not to.” *£r A Michigan lumberjack has been bitten by a vicious skunk. It is almost impossible to believe that the lumber jack didn't know the skunk was there. ■£r ☆ ☆ Gum chewing is said to be coming in again. Those of us who stuck our quids under the side bar of the bed a year or so ago, are thus reminded to dust ’em off and get busy! When you take one of those new Chicago street cars, you have to pay in advance, hut when you take the home newspaper, you can fool the con ductor if you are foxy by jumping off the car at the end of the trip. The comptroller of the currency is kicking because there is not enough money in circulation. One would think he was once a literary gent to hear him talk. During the late panic, all bankers gave evidence of being great novelists in this regard. -V rV We cut the initials of our sweet heart upon a tree. Beneath them we cut our own, and around both we fashion a heart. Then we go away and marry another woman and the wood choppers come and obliterate our registration of love. In some flaming fire, our amorous record is burned to ash and, by and by. even we cannot remember what her initials were. Thus it is ■with many of the things we loved. Time is shifting the point of view and making insensate the heart throbs of yesterday. o o o Scissorettes. An exchange observes that a boy can sit on a sled six inches square tied to a sled moving nine miles an hour, but can’t sit on a sofa five minutes for a dollar. A man can sit on an inch board and talk politics for three hours, but put him into a comfortable church pew for 40 minutes and he gets nervous, twists and goes to sleep. A man can pouch his cheeks with tobacco and the juice running down his chin feels good: but a hair in the butter simply knocks him out completely. A young lady visited a cooking school recently and her attention was divided between a dress worn by a friend and directions for making cake. So when she undertook to write the recipe for her mother, the old lady was paralyzed to read the following: "Take two pounds of flour, three rows of plaiting down the front, the whites of two eggs cut bias, a pint of milk ruffled 'round the neck, half pound currants, with seven yards of bead trimming, grated lemon peel with lace fichu: stir well, and add a semi-fitting paletot with visite sleeves: garnish with icing and passementerie. Bake in a mod erately hot oven until the skirt is tucked from the waist down on either side, and finish with large satin rosettes." Danger in Speculation. The farmer sows his seed and has no doubt but that the harvest will re pay him; but he who embarks in speculations that, promise sudden and gTeat wealth, knows that he may be sowing the wind to reap the whirl wind.—Quincey. Modesty of Great Men. Great men. Milton says, are modest, "because they continually compare themselves, not with other men, but with that idea of the perfect which they have before their mind,’r East Indian Woman Writes Book. Mies Cornelia Sorabji. a Parser who was educated and took her degree at Oxford, has just published a book. She is legal adviser to the government of India in cases in which the zenana and the rights of women are con cerned, and most, of the material for her book was collected in this way. She calls the book “Between the Twi lights: Studies of Indian women.' The man who tails seldom gets any sympathy from the man who nev' : tried. Tipping Barred. A well known New York hostelry has inaugurated an anti-gratuity pol icy for at least the current season. The management makes official state ment. thus: “Tiie servants cf the house receive full and satisfacto: ■ compensation for their services from the owners, and are neither perm! ted to accept nor do they expect to receives fes of any kind from guest The reason some people stay out. > ■ f debt is that no one will let them get in. A Novel Bott'e. In furnishing information conce . ing Calcutta's supply of the varioe “soft” drinks. Consul General William H. Michael refers as follows to an ii> proved bottle in use: This bottle is so blown as to no tain in the neck a round glass stop per, which is forced upward by th> gas in the bottle and holds the ga^ perfectly. Ah expert can remove hat the contents of one of these bottles, and by a shake force the ball up in ■ the neck, and thus preserve the r> maining half for future use. It is a ingenious device, and every way su perior to the old-style corks. In open ing a bottle a wooden, cup-shaped d vice, which fits in the hollow of ti hand and contains a short nipple, placed over and against the glass ba:! stopper and pressed downward. Tb causes the ball to drop down into tit neck of the bottle, prevents too rap,'; escape of gas and foam, and, if on part of the contents is required, th ball may be forced back into the pc tion as stopper. Nebraska's Meeting Place. That’s what, people are now' < all:i’ the city cf Lincoln. Nearly all s cieties of every sort meet somelin daring the year in Lincoln, and th gives The State Journal a peculi. interest to state readers, as it devot more space to such meetings tba any two of the other state papers. Th recent teachers' association called t* gether nearly 5,000 of the state teach ers and every home that has a sch«>i child was interested in the reports < their doings. Especially was ever*, member of a school board interesT> Soon will come the great agriculture meetings and columns of facts will be printed in The Lincoln Journal the affect the earning power of etary fa mer. Then of course the legislator will be here for three months and surely you will be interested in wir«' It will do in regard to regulating th 'irtucr traffic and guaranteeing ban deposits. The Journal spends mo.' money for and devotes more space ' its legislative reports I ban any or.ht paper. It’s a Journal specialty. Th* Journal is not a city paper, it's state paper, and its energies a* pushed in the direction cf dealing with state affairs. Whatever int ests veu as a taxpayer, interests T. Journal and you will find the imp * tfcil, disinterested facts in its eolunr ■* Putting It Up to the Querist. The next letter the information • :tor opened contained this question: “What is the correct pronunciation of ‘irrefragable?’ ’’ “Consult your unabridged,’’ he wrote, and savagely impaled both th tjuery and answer on the copy hook For somebody has carried away th office dictionary. It was about midnight that the de tectives arrived with their prisoner, and a Mr. Collins, the principal de positor in the bank, and, therefore, the principal loser, was awakened at his home and informed by telephone of tb ■ capture. He expressed his gratification and went back to bed. Shortly afterward he was aroused to receive another telephone message to the same effect, from r different source. This sort of thing continued to such in extent that Collins grew very wrathy; so that, when he answered the ’phone hell for the last time, he was in anytmng out. an amiame iram>> trf mind. “Hello, Collins.” came over the wire. “Yes. What do you want?’’ “Collins, this is Deputy Sheriff Myers. We've caught thai runaway receiver. Is there anything you’d like to have me do. personally, in the mai ler?” “Yes!” roared Collins, “hang up th • receiver!”—Illustrated Sunday Maga zine. The Jolly Fat Man. When you meet a bow-legged man in the street, do you stop him an ! ask how it feels to walk that way? On being introduced to a man with a face like an inverted comic sup plement, do you condole with him os being so homely? Do you recommend to the sallow man sitting next yon in a ear a tonic for his liver? A' nncheon do yuo hint to the puffy-eyed, ■r-nosed stranger opposite you that he ougt to get on the water wagon? Df course you don’t! Yon would not. be so impolite. You might hurt their feelings. But when you meet a fat man, It's different. Everybody recognizes him as legitimate prey. He is a buttt for jokes, a subject for condolence, an ob ject for advice. Even the man s»> thin that he does not know whether it is his back or hi sstomach that hurts him, takes it for granted that he is the fat man's ideal, and insist? •n giving him advice on how to re duce. Everyone imagines that the fat man must be unhappy because h*1 weighs more than the average perst® —Exchange.