* • ' " -• ' -- *V - ‘ • ory THE — BY GEO. V. HOBART, (“HUGH M'HL'GH ”) Dear Punch: The other evening when we gave an onion sacngerfest you remember our lives were saved from too much vocal fireworks by the announcement that chow was ready. We waltzed in and took our stalls with hearts full of thanksgiving. And here’s where old Dr. Guffhand er, the food expert, stopped into the spot light and took the show away from everybody. You know, Punch, the Doc is one of those old guys with a license to hunt for germs, and everything he eats has to give the countersign and then go through a written examination. He loves to display his scientific knowledge and throw Latin crimps into the low foreheads. Uncle Peter believes every word that leaves Doc Guffhander’s face, but for my part I think he's an old Cam embert. Well, Bunch, no sooner were we seated at the table than Doc parted his whiskers carefully, coughed to at “Have a Lemon," Said Stub. tract attention, then picked up a tittle neck clam on the end of his fork and proceeded to give it the third degree. "The adulteration of foodstuffs these days is being carried on to an extent worse than criminal,” the old fluff began, solemnly. “Ah, even here i see traces of saliysillic acid with borax-phosphos, even here on this clam.” “Put a little tabasco on it and cut loose,” suggested Bud Hawley. “Have a lemon," said Stub. “Squeeze it over the clams and make a wish." Uncle Peter and Uncle Gregory, the latter refreshed and made happy by his noisy nap, were the only ones at ihe table who seemed to take the doc tor seriously. Uncle Peter listened with marked attention, while Uncle Gregory glanced at his clams and shuddered. The doctor ate his unconcernedly. When the soup came on the Doc lifted a spoonful thoughtfully, then sloshed it slowly back in his plate, while the two old unkies eyed him nervously. ' It's bullyon.” whispered Uncle Peter, anxious to prove the soup's in nocence. “Booyon," corrected Aunt Martha in a stage whisper to Uncle Pete. “Here," said the doctor, examining the spoonful critically, “here are traces of hydrophosphates and about ten per cent, philharmonic acid.” “I never eat soup." gurgled Uncle Greg., “because it'3 a waste of good space.” The doctor said nothing more, but quietly surrounded his soup. When the fish was served the doc “But We Can Never Be Sure.” tor danced over his plate with his fork, and said: “Hydrostatic acid with here and there symptoms of manganese germs, and a few sulphide microbes.” Uncle Gregory pushed his plate back with a sigh that was pitiful to bear. Peaches was now so nervous that her hands were doing a shaker duet, and there was a bright spot on each cheek. The others at the table, with the exception of nervous old Uncle Greg ory, paid not the slightest attention to Dr. Busyface. Even Uncle Peter threw away his germ fear after the clam episode, and took a long chance with everything from soup to nuts. Next we had some chicken a la Maryland, with French-fried potatoes, green peas and asparagus tips. When Uncle Gregory saw all this his face broke out in a smile, and we could see his appetite roll up Us sleeves. “In this," the doctor began again, holding up a chicken wing on his fork, “in this we have a cold storage hen which has been treated with ox alic acid and chloride of potassium to beep it in a shivering state.” “Pardon me, doctor,” exclaimed Peaches, indignantly, “but ft isn’t a cold storage chicken, because I bought it from Mrs. Riley only this morning.” “Possibly," went on Caterpillar Charlie, “possibly my hurried diag nosis was at fault, but we can never be sure about these things, because here, on the elbow of the wing, I And traces of calisthenic acid over the membranes.” "No, thank you.” said Uncle Greg ory, “I never eat chicken, It gives me the heartburn,” and the poor old guy struck such a note of hunger that 1 wanted to throw that damdoctor out of the window. By this time several others at the table were becoming more or less Im pressed. and the dinner party was be ginning to assume the cheerful aspect of a meeting of martyrs an hour be fore the arena.opened. “Please pass me some French-fried potatoes,” whispered Gregory, after the pangs of hunger had eaten him ti the ropes. “Here we find,” croaked the doctor, raising a sliver of potato high on his fork, “here we find one of the most evil effects of food adulteration. This potato was grown in the fall of the year 1889, but it has been washed in alum water to give it the appearance of being modern, while its eyes have been treated with belladonna to make them bright and snappy.” Uncle Gregory groaned pathetically, and the rest of us, out of politeness, tried to look interested, but only suc ceeded in locking seasick. When the ice cream and cake were brought on Dr. Guffhander drove his spoon down deep into the chocolate and vanilla mixed, and said: “Here Is a pitiful illustration of what dishonest tradesmen will do for money. Here we find that some of this ice cream was pale originally, but it was treat ed with aniline dye to give it this chocolate effect, and then baked in the sun to deceive the eye. On the other hand, we find this vanilla was originally dark and forbidding, but it has been treated with peroxide of hy drogen to make it more of a blonde." “Pardon me, doctor.” snapped Peaches, her teeth chattering with nervousness, “but this ice cream was male in our own kitchen by Dora, our own cook, with cream from Mrs. Riley’s own cow, and we never have any but home-made ice cream, so there!” “Ah,” said the doctor, “then in that case it must be traces of thanatopsis which I see, and the evidence is con clusive that a great deal of artificial frappe has been used, nevertheless.” “No, thank you,” said Uncle Greg ory, "I never eat ice cream, because it goes to my head and makes rae cold to my friends.” “Take this coffee, for instance,” chortled the doctor, juggling a spoon “I Never Eat Ice Cream.” ful with the loft hand and four lumps of sugar with the right; “herein you will find copper salts, iodide of chic ory. a four per cent, solution of gladi olus. together with about a sixteenth of a grain of mocha to the cupful.” “No, thank you,” gasped Uncle Greg ory; "I never d.ink coffee; it gives me | the hiccups.” After the dinner was over Uncle Gregory took me outside and whis pered: “John, for the love of a bliss ful heaven, the next time you give a dinner party cut out that hug doctor, or let me wear ear-muffs!” Peaches hasn't spoken a sensible word since that bitter evening. Can you blame her? Yours till the wheels fall off, JOHN. (Copyright, 190S, by G. W. Dillingham Co.) Hair and Heredity. Ge-trude and Charles Davenport, connected with the Carnegie institu tion’s station at Cold Spring Harbor, N. Y., writing in the American Nat uralist of the results of their observa tions on the “Heredity of Hair Form in Man,” say it is now possible to pre dict from the hair of parents the form of their children’s hair, whether straight, wavy, curly or frizzy. They find that the following rules are al most invariable: “Two blue-eyed, straight-haired parents will have only blue-eyed, straight-haired children. Two wavy-haired parents may have straight, wavy or curly-haired chil dren, but the chances of curly hair are slight. Two curly-haired parents, may have children with either straight wavy or curly hair, and the propor tion of curly-haired offspring will prob ably be large." Installing Relics of Logan. Mrs. John A. Logan has begun the work of supervising the installation of the relics of her husband, Gen. Logan, in the memorial hall prepared for them in the state house at Springfield, 111. The collection consists in part of a large number of photographs taken during the civil war, photographs of Gen. Logan from boyhood up, bronzes and resolutions passed by organiza tions all over the United States at the time of his death, and resolutions on the death of his son, Maj. John A. Logan, Jr., Thirty-third United States Volunteers, who was killed on Novem ber 11, 1899, while leading a charge against Aguinaldo’s intrenched army in tlie Philippines. Leads to “Open Sunday.” French communication seems to be corrupting the British Sabbath. The Sunday society has pleaded the in creasing number of visitors—“entente cordiallists”—from across the channel unaccustomed to such severe observ ance, as a reason for opening more galleries and museums on Sundays. The request has been granted with a special view probably to the French invasion which is expected during the Franco-Brltish exhibition this summer. A distinguished French journalist ex presses a hope that other places be thrown open—restaurants, for in stance tty lies Dim SftndDe J> SPIDER cl SSUPPER j ]W£LLE5Lf$ pWELLESLEYt r JBuTTon c. IF YOU wish to be in the ranks of the fashionable, you must wear shoes which match your gown. So say the authorities in whose hands lies the awful power of dictating what women shall wear. They do not. deign to give good reasons, for so autocratic is their power that they can command obedience in a manner more absolute than can the czar of Russia. The prevailing color is to be green, and to meet the mode shoe manufac turers have put forth a green suede shoe to match the gowns. There fs a groat variety in this article, and one of the most fashionable styles consists of what is known as the sheath boot. This is nothing more than the old fashioned ten strapped sandal. In stead, however, of having straps the shoe is made like an ordinary Napo leon boot, but the tops are cut in a sort of diamond pattern and therefore show a good deal of open work. The buttons are run right down the front of the shoe and afford the button man ufacturer an opportunity to do some fancy ornamenting on the buttons. Incidentally all the diamonds cut in the of the top of the shoe are finished in embroidery. The most decided change in the new shoe will be the edge trimming. In stead of having the edges trimmed close there is to be considerable leather on the outside of the shoe. With the moderate shaped toe now in use by the manufacturers of lasts it is claimed that a wide seamed sole is necessary to bring out the good points of the shoe. It is further said that full soles across the ball of the shoe prevent it from losing its shape. One of the most artistic designs which has been put out consists of a cross strapped slipper buckling close to the instep. Three frogs decoratd the shoe under the straps. The toe is pointed sharply and ornamented witli a buckle. The heel is higher than had been fashionable with the summei shoes, allowing a decided arch to the instep. For those who desire a high shoe the Vassar boot should meet all re quirements. These goods are being put out in bronze or soft black kid and in colors to match the fashionable shades in gowns, which are dull blue, wistaria, bronze and the new shade which is popularly known as sand color, having derived the name from its resemblance to the sand on a beach when the sun shines on it. This shade is one of the most beauti ful in vogue for some time and is sure to be popular in shoes and gowns. This shoe, which is distinctly indi vidualistic, has 11 straps, the series culminating with a bow at the top of the shoe. The high Louis XV. heel is in general the style, but it is being manufactured also with the Cuban heel, which has made such headway lately. The most noticeable tendency in modern footgear is towards an in crease in ornamentation on the toe cap. The spider slipper represents an extreme in this respect. These goods made of suede or kid, are heavily beaded and fasten with three straps oi extremely ornamental pattern. The shoe is made with the Louis XV. heel and a long and slender last. It is de clared by the authorities that shoes of this style will be highly popular during the winter in spite of the fact that the protection that they afford the foot is extremely small. DRESSING JACKET OF MUSLIN. Ribbons and Embroidery Help to Elab orate the Garment. For a useful dressing jacket nothing is better than white spotted muslin, as it washes so beautifully. This has a V-shaped yoke, edged with button holed embroidery to thread ribbon through; the material is gathered at » - » the top and set to yoke under the em broidery: puffed sleeve gathered into a band of embroidery, through which ribbon is threaded, with a frill of mus lin, trimmed with insertion and lace. Materials required: Four and one half yards muslin 30 inches wide, two yards buttonholed embroidery, one yard narrow lace, IV2 yards wide lace, one yard insertion, three yards rib bon. A New Shade. The new color, manille, much seen in Paris in model hats and gowns, is a very dark brownish taupe and was seen the past summer on several hats designed by certain Parisian mil liners. It is an especially becoming shade to almost every woman, especially to those past the bloom of youth, and. lightened by brighter tints, it will do quite as well for the still youthful woman. There are some astonishing color combinations in evening frocks being shown. An example is of royal blue over green, a.nd that of a vivid shade, the blue being tulle and the satin green. Pale but clear green trimmed with a clear, bright mauve is also of fered. Make Stockings Last. When buying- boys’ stockings, pur chase as long as can be had. Before wearing, sew a neat tuck around the ankle. When the stockinng Is worn at the knee let out the tuck and the worn part will be raised so as to be covered by the trousers, and the stocking will be as good as new. BEAUTY IN THE EXPRESSION. Kindliness and Good Nature Redeem the Plainest Features. One of the fust things that the girl who is seeking for beauty must think about is her expression. You will no tice I he plain gir! whose face is "sc expressive." when you would never even see the girl whose features wer« beautiful, but whose face lacked ex pression. Every one enjoys looking upon a young girl whose bright, laugh ing eyes light up her already cheerful smiling face. When you meet such a girl as this your mouth forms a smile in spite of you. But when you meet the woman who is always whining or the one whose imaginary ills bore you to death, then how do you feel? Yoi become irritable and cross, and you wish you never had met her. Imagine then your effect upon other people, and if you feel that it is not as pleasant as it might be make it sc I at once. Good nature is an ideal beau tifier. It brightens your eyes, dis courages approaching wrinkles, and brings tints of the rose into your cheeks, while a cross disposition makes your eyes fretful and surround ed by crow's feet, and your mouth droops at the corners and makes you look years older. Velvet Empire Belts. Dead white cloth, chiffon cloth and silk will be used this winter for elab orate indoor garments. To give these color a wide, soft belt of velvet is to be added. The effect is quite vivid. The smart women in Paris have beer, wearing these belts constantly at the races during the last few weeks, and there seems little doubt that the fash ion will be taken up here. It is about four inches wide, Is not folded, but left quite plain. It may be of ribbon or of shaped velvet in the piece. It is put around the figure just below the bust and simply hooked at the back or front under a flap. Green Hats for Girls. The olive green hats that have topped the heads of young men the first few days of fall have been taken up with enthusiasm by young girls. Some of these have the pheasant's wing in the front just as it is worn in the Alps. The hat is used by girls for school wear in the same rakish way of the summer panama. It looks very well with the first fall coat suit, and is far more becoming than the stiff or the floppy Corday. Comfort in Winter Fashions. There is a gleam of comfort in fash ions for the winter as they are appear ing now. Hats—that is to say, some of them—will be by no means difficult or expensive to duplicate. Fortunately for those whose purses are limited, there is one pronounced mode in wdiich the shapes are all simply covered with satin and have only a wing or an aigrette for trimming. Any little mil liner can cover one of the frames, and it requires no experience to attach the feather. Figures and Stripes. Figures and stripes are predominant for short skirt walking costumes. SUGGESTIONS FOR PIGGERY FOR FARM By a Canadian Expert. The plan herewith illustrates a Rood Idea for a hog building about 50x16 feet. It is not given as being ideal, since no plan could possibly be the best for every feeder. It includes several ideas which could be incorpor ated into almost any plan of a pig gery. A frequently neglected feature in building piggeries is the providing of convenient passages for cleaning. pens when at right angles to the pas sage and serve to confine pigs in the bed space when parallel to the pas sage. When D. D. D. are all parallel to the passage, a truck or barrow may be run along FL. and the pens easily cleaned. Tr. Tr. Tr. are troughs made of cement or good hard wood. Dr. Dr. Dr. are doors opening into the yards. K. K. K. are posts against which D. D. Plan of Piggery. bedding and moving pigs from pen to pen. A study of this floor plan will show that this important feature is not neglected. The building may, of course, be of any length to accommodate from 20 to 100 pigs or more. Two rows of pens flank the passage, one on either side. Doors, two feet wide, open off the passage into each pen. The feed ing is done from the passage. The pens are 10 feet front and 12 feet deep, being large enough for four to eight animals, according to size. In the plan FL. FL. FL. are feeding floors 6x10. L. L. L. are low partitions separating the beds from feeding floors. D. D. D., large swinging doors or rather partitions, 6 feet long and 4 feet high, serve as partitions between D. close. F. F. are farrowing pens properly fitted with a board about 8 inches wide placed flat horizontally about S inches from the floor along the wall to which it should be firmly attached. In the feed room C. is the feed cooker. B. B. B. are bins for feed. P. root pulper; T. trap door to root cellar; P. P. p. are doors from pens to passage. The yards extend out on either side. The manner of ar ranging the pens on one side of the passage shows how the other side may be laid out. At the end are large, roomy, winter quarters for sows. It is a great mistake to house sows in the small ordinary pen. Sows need roomy quarters and this building provides that—Hoard's Dairy man. SCIENTIFIC FEEDING OF SWINE Feeding hogs is a subject in which every farmer and breeder is or should be deeply interested. It is of univer sal importance; and I only wish I could go into it deeply and in a way that woirid interest you men here. Starting with the new-born pig, it requires practice and skill to feed the mother so that she will bring her litter out without scouring them. When this is done the first great danger is over. To do this she should be fed lightly and systematically. The same man should feed and care for her that fed her previous to farrowing. He should have his work well planned, and good judgment should direct his move ments. Many writers advocate the use of a strictly milk-producing ra tion, but experience has shown that this is wrong. The flow of milk at this time is naturally greater than the pigs will take in the majority of cases. For this reason a light feed of corn and oats is better for the sow and pigs both. In the course of a week the ration should be gradually changed to a slop of shorts, and this increased until the ration consists of one-half of such feeds. At the age of three weeks the pigs will commence eating and they should be encouraged by the use of a creep. The feed should consist of a slop of some good mill feeds. From the time the pigs commence eating the expense of feeding gradually increases, and with it the value of the pig increases if he is doing well and is properly fed. It is not my purpose to propound the balanced ration, fact or theory. However, the purpose or final end of the feeding operation is to produce a hog with strong bony framework and a development of mus cle of such an extent that all the vital organs such as the lungs, heart, di gestive and reproducive organs will be as perfect as possible when the hog is matured. To do this, the scientific, or, as I would rather call it, the sys tematic way of feeding must come into operation. Feeds high in protein and ash must be used or the development will not be so complete as it otherwise would. Any of the following feeds may be used: Wheat, wheat sorts, middlings, oil meal, oat shorts, pack ing house by-products, alfalfa and clover pastures. The ration should consist for the most part of one or a combination of these feeds. Every man has an idea of what combination he thinks best. The feeding of correctives, tonics, and wrorm powders is at present ad vocated by a great many men, and it is all right, but these are found on all farms, with the exception of the worm exterminator, in the form of corn cob charcoal and grass. As a worm exterminator I have found five grains of santonin and three grains of calomel to each 80 pounds of hog to be the cheapest and most ef fective. However, considerable care is needed to feed such a powder, as only ten head should be treated at a time and the powder thoroughly mixed through the slop. Xo feeder, be he ever so careful and patient, can be successful in his oper ations if the conditions surrounding his hogs are not sanitary and clean. Slacked lime and coal tar dip and crude oil should be used freely, but not extravagantly, by every hog man. Lime and dip are good disinfectants, ! and will keep down disease, while the crude oil is the cheapest and most ef fective louse k: ler I have ever tried. J. H. ASHBY, Iowa. FARM GATE THAT IS AJUSTABLE. A heavy gate is very apt to sag even if carefully constructed and fair ly well braced. A good plan is to make an adjustable brace like that shown in ' the illustration. The post, B, is mor tised into the sill, A, firmly and braced Keeps Sag Out of the Gate. at the sides with the strips, C. A sub stantial pole, D, is pinned to the top of the gate post and is also connected with the post by the adjustable brace, E, E being fastened to the pole, D, by pins through the holes in E. When the gate sags lift the pole, D, and ad just the brace, E, to another of the holes, thus taking up the sag. Hay and Grass.—Hay sustains a working horse better, but a little grass now and then is an excellent regulator. Poultry House for the Farm The accompanying illustration of * poultry house is largely self-explana tory. Both a window and curtain front is provided. The window slides back and in place of it a cotton screen can be let down to fill the opening. The pens are built 12x13 feet, and the coop is placed beneath the propping board. Rough boards are used for sheeting together with tar paper and cheap shingles. The inside may be plastered. EY WAY OF COMPAE'OCN. Youngster’s First Efforts in the R-alr,i of Natural History. Four-year-old Clyde was a preco cious youngster—very talkative and a close observer. He and his father were strolling through the meadows one morning when Clyde observe^, for the first time, some tadpoles in a pond. He waded in and cried out in delight: ‘‘Oh, father, what are they?" ‘Tadpoles, son," the father replied. ‘‘Please, father, let’s take them all home with us, then come back and l find the mamma and papa, and we'll | have the whole family in our pond at | home." The father explained how impossi ble this wocld be, and as he walked on a few steps a large ugly frog hopped across their path. Clydes father said: ‘ Look, sou, perhaps there is the papa Clyde was very thoughtful. He looked at the frog, then at his father, then at himself and exclaimed: “Well, father, was there ever so much difference between me and you?” EXPERT. Doc Ahem—You seem to cough with considerable difficulty this morn ing. Patient—That’s very strange. I've been practicing all night! Naming the Culprit. A member of the flock was nodding with closed eyes during the sermon The preacher said: “I think mebbe some membah has been up too late durin’ the ebenln' pre cedin’. He better set up or I’ll name him.” Failing to accomplish the desired result the preacher soon stopped his sermon again. Shaking his Anger at the culprit, he shouted: “Jim Shepherd, dis is de secon time I stops to wake yo’ up! If I have to stop a third time I'll expose yo' by name to de whole congregashun!” Woman Chosen City Alderman. Mrs. H. J. Gates has just been elect ed one of the six aldermen of Magee, Tenn. For several years she has taken an active interest in the educa tional work of her town and wanted to be elected alderman because it would help her in this work. She is reported to have made about the most aggressive campaign ever witnessed in Magee, if not in Tennessee. The town people seemed pleased with her elec tion, and even those who voted against her believe she will make a first-class alderman. Laundry work at home would be much more satisfactory if the right Starch were used. In order to get the desired stiffness, it is usually neces sary to use so much starch that the beauty and fineness of the fabric is hidden behind a paste of varying thickness, which not only destroys the appearance, but also affects the wear ing quality of the goods. This trou ble can be entirely overcome by usiug Defiance Starch, as it can be applied much more thinly because of its great er strength than other makes. Up-to-Date. A little girl six years old gave an afternoon tea to some of her friends, and she washed to make It as perfect a reproduction of those given by her mother as was possible. “What shall you give your friends to eat?" asked the same mother. “I don’t know,” replied the embryo aesthete, “unless I give them pink tis sue paper and cambric tea. Uncle Tom says that’s the most fashionable tbing.” With a smooth Iron and Defiance Starch, you can launder your shirt waist just as well at home as the steam laundry can: it will have the proper stiffness and finish, there will be less wear and tear of the goods, and it will be a positive pleasure to use a Starch that does not stick to the iron. All the Difference. Mini—George says that my beauty intoxicates him. Elsie—I heard that he said you were enough to drive a man to drink.— Journal Amusant. Omaha Directory I I i dealers in everything for » Gentleman's table, including Fine Im- 1 ported Table Delicacies. If there is any little item you ar® unable to obtain in your Home Town, writs us for prices on same, as we will be sure to have it. Mail orde*** carefully filled. IMPORTERS >NP PEELERS IN PURE FOOD PRODUCTS AND TABLE DELICACIES "“"■•"“18SSM2& COURTNEY & CO.. Omaha. Nebr. Furs"™.'?' Aulabaugh's complete 8 catalogue will show ” you what you want. G. N. AULABAUGH Dent. M. 1508 Douglas St., OMAHA. s) TAFT'S DENTAL ROOMS 1517 Douglas St., OMAHA, NEB. Reliable Dentistry at Modaraie Prices RUBBER GOODS bv mail at cut prices. Send for free catalogue. MYER8-DILLON DRUG OO., OMAHA. NEBR.