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P©KEP
PLAYING
BY GEO. V. HOBART, (“HUGH M’HUGH”)
Dear Bunch: So now' you're at
Monte Carlo, eh?
Gee! you and Alice must be having
the time of your lives hiking over
Europe, handing out good money to
hotel clerks and bad French to hotel
waiters all day long.
Oh, what bliss, what joy must be
your portion, Bunch, when you squeeze
into one of those French cafes, grab a
French menu card, glance over the
"rcady-to-serves," and in a confidential
tone give an order like this to your
French waiter: ‘‘Avec le beaucoup
pom rue de terre. Donnez-moi de l'eau
chaude; je vais me raser. Avec get a
move on you!”
Then in a French hour and a half
your French waiter hurries back and
serves you a culinary melodrama
Handing Out Bad French to Hotel
Waiters.
wherein each swallow is a thrill and
your stomach gets up and yells at
every climax.
1 can see you and Alice sitting there,
spilling Schenectady French all over
the tablecloth, while the waiter gets a
stone bruise on his palate from hold
ing back his Parisian laughter.
Now don't wrinkle the map when
you read this, Bunch, because I've
been present when you blurted out
some of your French with the ossified
accent and it's a scream ail right.
Remember that day in Martin's here
In littleoldnewyork when you ordered
lamb chops and a baked potato in
French? The waiter bowed, said,
"Oul, M’sieu!” and brought you a
bowl of vegetable soup and a morning
paper!
That’s how good your French is, my
lad.
It's almost as bad as Fred Perry's—
and that's going some.
I met Fred and Henri Leoni at the
Bingle club not long ago, and they put
it all over me.
With Henri speaking almost-French
and Fred gesticulating nearly-French
there wasn’t anything left for me to
do but call the waiter and talk booze.
I found out later that Fred knows
exactly nine ordinary French words,
including n'cost pas and avec plaisir,
■but he has memorized the name of
every street in Paris.
So when Fred exhausts his nine or
dinary words he rushes all over the
city, out to Vaugirard, over to the
Batignoiles, to Clichy, by Rues and
side streets to the eastern Boulevards
Beaumarchais and St. Denis, then
across lots to the western Boulevard
des Italiens. then with a hop, skip and
jump, he's in the Place de la Concorde
and off into the Champs-Elysees—it's
immense!
Fred can sit there and rattle off the
names of the streets in Paris so elo
quently that the average listener b»
gins to cuss himself inwardly because
he didn’t learn French enough to fol
low the Guy de Maupas-ant story
• which he thinks Fred is telling.
' A has ie Fred!
I notice in your letter, Bunch, that
you met some of your old pals in
Uncle Gregory Is the Original Human
Safe.
Paris and that you stayed up all night
playtng poker.
It's a good old wheeze. Bunch, and
no doubt Alice believed you when you
brought home the nine million francs
you won.
Of course she didn’t stop to think
that nine million francs is only about
,$2.40 in real money. But why wake
her up?
If you really had to play poker,
Bunch. I’m glad you stayed up all
night at it. When you first mentioned
the word in your letter I was afraid
to read further for fear I’d see that at
12 o'clock you got a kink in your in
step and quit four dollars winner.
If you play the game, play it like a
sport. Bunch, and wear overshoes to
keep your feet warm.
I bate the poker player who gets
congestion of the ankles every time
.he wins two dollars over his car fare.
Poker players are divided Into two
classes; the Companions of the Cold
Feet and the Little Brothers of the
■Boost.
The Companions of the Cold Feet
make the most money, but the Little
Brothers of the Boost have all the
fun—and this would be a pretty
tough old world If we couldn’t have a
bit of fun with each other, wouldn’t It,
Bunch?
We’re living out in the country all
the year round now, and once or
twice a week the neighbor drop in of
an evening and try to drag money
away from us.
TTneIe Gregory Grant and Aunt Julia
from Kansas City are visiting at
Uncle Peter’s house across the road.
Uncle Gregory is the original human
safe. You can't get money out of him
with an ax.
He came to New York on a visit
some years ago with a red undershirt
and a ten-dollar bill.
He stayed two weeks and never
changed anything.
Uncle Gregory is a charter member
in Zero lodge of the Companions of
the Cold Feet.
Uncle Gregory never sat in a game
in his life without baing prepared to
have pneumonia in both heels the mo
ment he was six dollars ahead of the
game.
He plays them close to his appendi
citis. unkie does, and every time he
fills a four-flush he feels an awful
draught on the floor.
He has his feet so well trained that
every time their owner rakes in a pot
with four blue checks in it they give
him the icehouse signal to cease
liring and cash in before the bank ex
plodes.
We had a little poker party at our
house last Monday night, and for sev
eral days after we bought costly
trifles with the money left by our lov
ing neighbors.
Thee was Uncle Gregory and Aunt
Julia, George Riggaby and his wife,
Maude, George's mother-in-law, Mrs.
Lorienz, Peaches and yours respect
fully.
Uncle Peter and Aunt Martha don’t
play poker, so they went cut in the
other room and played the phono
graph.
I think the phonograph won, be
cause they are both easy.
George Riggabv is a member in
good standing of the Little Brothers of
the Boost, and he can laugh louder
and mean it when he loses three dol
lars than any man I ever met.
But George’s wife, Maude, takes two
aces and a pair of jacks seriously,
Had a Little Poker Party at Our
House.
i
while her mother, Mrs. Lorrenz is the
corresponding secretary in the Wom
an's Annex to the Companions of the
Cold Feet.
She certainly runs Unrle Greg, a
close second when it comes to getting
frappe in the pedals.
Every time Mrs. Lorrenz is sepa- j
rated from 50 cents something in her
mind seems to give way with a crash. ;
But Uncle Greg, and Mrs. Lorlenz
love money so much that every time
they bet a blue check they close their
eyes and pretend it was a white one.
Any time you see a silver dollar !
with all the tall feathers pulled out
of the eagle it’s a cinch the bird once
belonged to Mrs. Lorrenz anil the part
ing was a bitter one.
She is the original Tessie Tight- !
Wid.
Ever thine,
J. H.
(Copyright. 1908. by G. W. Dillingham Co.) !
TRIUMPH FOR MEAN MAN.
Unbeliever in Vacations Kept His
Clerks at Their Desks.
The man who doesn't believe in :
vacations gathered his office staff
about him.
“I want to read you something, '
boys,” he said kindly, “front the diary
of ‘he great John Wesley. Listen.”
And he read:
“ ‘To-day I entered on my eighty
second year, as fit for any exercise of
body or mind as I was 40 years ago.
I am as strong at 81 as I was at 21,
but abundantly more healthy, being
a stranger to the headache and other
bodily disorders which attended me in
my youth.’
“In his eighty-fourth year he said
he was a wonder, wriiing:
“ ‘I am a wonder to myself. It is
now 12 years since 1 have felt a sensa
tion as weariness. I am never tired
either with writing, preaching or
traveling.’ ’’
In the impressive silence that en
sued the man who doesn't believe in
vacations said:
“Boys, Wesley attributed his ex
traordinary health and longevity to
early rising, to hard work, and above
all to the fact that he never took va
cations.”
With grunts of assent the young
men wearily took up their pens
again.—Buffalo Express.
First Jewish Cemetery.
Many travelers on the Third and
Second avenue elevated railways of
New York city wonder how *he little
cemetery at New Bowe-v ' O'lver
street came to be th< Is a
remnant of the first Jew;- metery
in the United States and was estab
lished In 1656.
Tea a Germ Destroyer.
Tea is now elevated to the dignity
of a gWrm destroyer. Dr. MeNaught,
the medical Investigator, has found
that typhoid bacilli placed in cold or
lukewarm tea are greatly diminished
at the end of four hours, and have
completely disappeared at the end of
24 hours.
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SHEER blouses and sheath gowns have been jokingly called “back to na
ture' garments, but perhaps there is some truth in the name. Surely
there is a trend toward unadorned simplicity. We have the tight-fitting
gown, the one piece dress, the sandal fad. tiie old-fashioned sun hat and
now the comfortable, cool and artistic Byron collar.
The “Gibson” collar, with its artificial height, is still with us. It is plainly
fitted, and the bones under the t ats sene to preserve the unbroken line ol
the neck and shoulder. Cue of the beauties of low neck is that ii reveals the
curve from the car to the top of the shoulder, and when a high collar is prop
erly fitted and properly honed the curve is easily discovered. The ruche
around the top merely serves to soften the line of the face. It does not in
any way break the beautilul line, though it would were the collar a little
lower.
The collars of handkerchief linen and bits of precious lace are also used
only for informal occasions; with them it is allowable to wear a little bow
made of lace or fine linen.
Handkerehie s make charming collars and bows of this type, particularly
when combined with baby Irish or real Valenciennes edging.
Hand embroidery, too, turns a plain linen collar into a thing of beauty,
and many of the prettiest are decorated with English eyelet work. With
these one may wear a little linen bow. also embroidered in’ eyelet.
One beauty of the low collar is that it is the most becoming style of neck
wear for the younger girl, the maiden who is just at the awkward age. Foj?
her the high collar is inappropriate, and the band at the top of the dress is
not a very attractive finish. She may, therefore, appropriately wear a broad
low collar, whether it be of plain linen or embroidery.
What a charming school dress may be made of blue serge—waist and
skirt quite plain, the neck finished only with a plain stiff linen Eton collar
and black four-in-hand tie! It is girlish, attractive and serviceable.
It seems odd that in one season there should be such a difference of style
—only the very high and the very low collars tire really the fashion. The half
way, medium-height collar has no place at ail in the present scheme of tilings
But. after all, the high collar suits the woman with the long neck the lev- one
suits her with the short neck, while the average woman may wear either that
appeals to her fancy. As usual. Dame Fashion seems to have a reason.
BODICE FOR VOILE DRESS.
1- - 1
Here is a pretty bodice suitable to
be copied in voile or any thin mate
rial; it is made on a tight-fitting lin
ing of sateen, which is fastened at
the back, the trimming of filet guipure
of the color of the material is bound
each side with silk; a strip of finely
tucked silk is carried from the waist
back and front over the shoulders.
The puffed sleeves are gathered into a
band of silk-bound guipure.
Materials required: 2 yards 46
inches wide, 1 yard silk, 3^ yards
trimming, IV2 yards sateen.
The Lamp Shade Hat.
A new hat which has just arrived
• from Paris is called the lamp shade,
j It is immense. It has a huge brim
( that slopes down over the head at al
most the angle of a lamp shade.
At the top of the crown is an im
mense frill of lace or plaited tulle.
The other new hat to make Its ap
pearance is called the Botticelli. It is
not necessary to explain where this
got its name. The only question is,
will it be a success?
Plaited Tulle.
For mid-season wear, and later on
for theater and restaurant wear, is
the huge toque of plaited tulle.
I^rge as It is, it is only half as large
as the great sailor hat. It has a mob
crown, which is rather low, as mob
crowns go, and has a tiny brim laid in
small box-plaits, the crown wrapped
about with black or colored satin.
For other trimming there is added a
single black gauze rose, with a center
of gilt beads or rhinestones.
Handkerchief Picture Frame.
A neat little frame for a picture is
made with a handkerchief. It is first
stiffly laundered. All points are di
rected toward the center and ironed.
The four points are then turned back,
just reaching the edge. They are
pressed and held in place with baby
ribbon rosettes. This leaves a small
j square for the picture. Hang it dia
| mond shape on the wall.
SERGE FOR SCHOOL FROCKS.
Is Rapidly Superseding All Other Ma
terials in Popularity.
It looks as though serges would take
tltr place of almost all other materials
for those dressy little frocks that
children wear to school. The patterns
are good, too, being in jumper styles,
with outlines made with piping, and
the underwaist of a soft material in
like color with the sleeves trimmed
with anchors or pretty emblems suit
able for such purposes. One dark blue
serge dress was made plain with a
plaited skirt, each plait about two
inches wide at the waist line, gradual
ly broadening at the hem. The jumper
waist was also plaited in similar
style and made with wide armholes,
outlined with a narrow band of woolen
braid in a brick-red tone. The V
shaped yoke was fashioned in the
same manner. However, the yoke had
a heading about 2V2 Inches wide, cut
the shape of the yoke and outlined on
each side with braid; the dress fas
tened with small brick-red buttons.
Hand Embroidery on Blouse.
Hand embroidery is not positively
necessary as a means of introducing
color in a blouse, all hough a little
hand-work of this sort is very desira
ble. Very fine and dainty embroideries
of batiste, with embroidered vines or
dot patterns in color, are to be had.
and can lie introduced as trimming in
combination with a little Valenciennes
or duny lace in a blouse of sheer
white fabric. White mull frills, scal
loped in color, are also good in the
finer machine-made embroideries.
Fancy Broadcloths.
Chiffon broadcloth appears in all the
new colorings and of a lightness and
softness even surpassing that achieved
by the manufacturers last year. Fancy
broadcloths in one-tone colorings and
woven satin or chevron stripes are
numerous.—American Register, Lon
don.
Let Fat Women Beware.
The fat woman will have to make
her own neck fixings this winter, so
there seems to be little that she can,
or at any rate, ought to wear in the
stocks and collars displayed. A wide
ruffle at the top of some of the lace
stocks makes a fat woman look like
a pouter pigeon, but that will prob
ably not deter her from following the
fashion. If she will wear a high
stock let her arrange the lace in
lengthwise bands and the effect will
be not quite so bad as it would be
otherwise.
New Trotteur Suit.
The latest examples of the about
town trotteur are made of shining lib
erty satin, skirt thickly plaited, but
nothing like so short as they are
worn by Americans—the Parisienne
short skirt reaches to the heels. Its
belt Is placed very high, and its long
cutaway, smoking or redingote of the
same satin is unlined and falls heavily
by means of clever weights. Such a
skirt is .worn over a very limp lingerie
petticoat, and shades of khaki that
verge on the orange are extremely
smart.—Vogue.
MAKE BEEF RAISING
PAY YOU A PROFIT
Factors Which Influence the Value and Cost of Feeders —
By J. H. Skinner.
The production of cattle which will
return a profit both to the producer
and the feeder, is a problem which
deserves careful attention. It is easi
ly possible to buy cattle which have
been produced at a loss and fatten
theip at a profit, but the aim of the
most thoughlfui and intelligent men
engaged in the beef cattle business
is to encourage the production of a
grade of cattle which will return a
profit when sold as feeders without
diminishing the profits in finishing
them. In producing such cattle the
particular system to be followed
should be determined by the size, lo
cation and-adaptability of the farm.
One farm may he especially adapted
High grade Hereford. “Quality” In !
a feeder is synonymous with capacity.
This type can be fed at any age and
it pays to make them prime. Fed as
a yearling at the station.. Daily gain
for six months 2,63 pounds.
for the production of feeders, another
for the production of yearling beef
and still another only lot finishing
cattle.
It is of vital importance to the pro
ducer to be able to appreciate the fac
tors which influence the value of feed
eye is one that indicates a quiet and
contented disposition.
The head should be broad, short,
with full forehead, strong jaw, large
mouth and nostrils, and free from
either coarseness or delicacy. If such
a bead is found on a steer in feeder
condition, it is usually a guarantee
that he will make good use of feed
and develop into a ttyick, blocky indi
vidual when finished. A thick, short
neck is desirable, not because of its
intrinsic value but because it usually
indicates a thick carcass.
A short, straight hack indicates
strong muscular development and a
tendency to mature early. Other
things being equal, the steer with the
broadest and thickest back will he
the most valuable as the highest
priced cuts of meat are taken from
the back and loin.
(Capacity for feed is essential in a
feeder as the body must be main
tained and provided with heat and en
ergy before any of tlie food is stored
in the form of fat.
Short, straight legs, together with
a short, deep, broad body, are asso
ciated with early maturity. This is
desirable front the producer's stand
point, as it enables him to market
his cattle as feeders weighing 1.000
pounds at IS 10 20 months instead of
keeping them a year longer in order
to attain the same weight. The early
maturing steer will also soil for a
greater price per pound, as the ex
perienced feeder has learned that they
will not only make rapid and economi
ca! gains hut will finish quicker than
those which are slower in maturing.
Not only is this type more desirable
to the producer and to the feeder, but
also to the packer, as the early ma
turing kind yield a higher dressing
Steer sired by grade bu'l, after ha vir.g been fed for six months. Daily
gain, 1.54 lbs.
Steer sired by pure bred bull, after being fed six months. Daily gain,
3.08 lbs. Notice how much greater the improvement is on the high grade
steer while in the feed let.
ers in order to make the maximum
profit from the business, it is es
sential that he recognize good and
bad features in order to select, breed
and produce what is wanted by the
feeder. It is of importance to the feed
er to have a knowledge of what de
termines the market price and val
ue of different grades of feeders in
order that he may buy the kind of
cattle wltich are relatively the cheap
est at the time of purchase. The
chief aim in producing or in feeding
beef cattle is to turn large quantities
of grain and roughage into a more
profitable product, to maintain soil
fertility and to increase the yield of
crops from year to year. The suc
cessful beef cattle producer or feed
er must of necessity be a good farm
er and, in addition, have the business
ability and the knowledge of breeding,
feeding and management of livestock,
to derive two profits, one from grow
ing farm products, the other from
feeding them on the farm. Regardless
of the system followed, whether it be
the production of feeders or finishing
cattle, a knowledge of the factors
which control the cost of feeders is
of vital importance.
These factors may be arranged into
two distinct groups; one inherent in
the individual, which causes one grade
of cattle to bring a higher price per
hundred weight than another; the
other, depending on financial or in
dustrial or market conditions and in
fluencing all grades. The group of
factors which influences the prices of
various grades of cattle is as follows:
1. Type or conformity; 2. Quality and
breeding; 3. Age; 4. Condition; 5.
Weight.
A typical beef steer is blocky and
compact; has a short, deep body,
short, thick neck, short straight legs,
straight back and underline, an abun
dance of width from one end to the
other, plenty of scale and a “feeder’s
head and eye.” The skilled feeder
buyer pays much more attention to
the head than the inexperienced buy
er would deem necessary, especially
with stock cattle, which are not filled
out sufficiently to judge as to their
future development and probable form
when finished. He will also realize
i at first glance whether or not the
percentage, thicker cuts and greater
proportion of high priced meat.
Clean Milk on the Farm. — Clean
milk is better than pasteurized milk.
The pasteurizing of milk is for the sake
of destroying the disease germs in it
or the too numerous acid ferments.
The time will come when all milk will
be produced under such cleanly condi
tions that pasteurization will not be
desirable. Even now, the producers of
certified milk do not pasteurize, as
they say their milk does not need it. On
the farm it is possible to entirely con
trol the production of milk and make
sure that it is perfectly clean when
drawn. But to get such milk some of
our cow stables we have seen will
have to be radically changed in their
general arrangements.
Sheep Feeding in Winter.—During
the first winter the ewe and ram lambs
should receive special care. The aim
should be to encourage growth as
much as possible by good feeding with
out making them fat. Some grain,
preferably oats, and wholesome fod
ders. such as clover, hay, cut corn fod
der, and others that they relish, should
(be fed. Until they become matured
the ewe and ram lambs should be fed
liberally, for any loss In growth that
they may suffer through -scrimped or
neglected feeding can never be re
gained in later life.—Prof. John A.
! Craig.
Feeding Stock a Particular Job.—
The feeding of cattle when corn sold
at ten cents a bushel was an unsci
entific proposition, and many men
made money out of the operation
without thinking much about it. Corn
cannot be now unscientifically fed and
return a profit from its use. Conditions
in the raising of live stock have
so changed in ten years that the men
that go only on past experience are al
most certain to be heavy losers. Live
stock raising must now be studied
from entirely new viewpoints.
Pump Packing.—Try a strand of
common cotton rope to pack your
pump with; it is better than most oth
er packing. '
DRAGS YOU DOWN,
Backache and Kidney Trouble Clc A'y
Wear One Out.
Mrs. R. Crouse, Fayette St., Man
chester, la., says: “For two years niy
oueu uo iT cun Uilll
rheumatic. Pains ran
through my back,
hips and limbs. 1
could hardly get
about and lost much
sleep. The action of
the kidneys was
much disordered. I
began using Doan's
Kidnev Pills and the
result was remarkable. The kidney
action became normal, the backache
ceased, and my health is row un
usually good.”
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
Expressions of a Cynic.
Walter Paler, an old man at 50, bald
as a coot and grotesquely plain, re
garded every woman much as did Dean
Swift, who wrote: “A very little wit
is valued in a woman, as we are
pleased with few words spoken intel
ligibly by a parrot.” “You don’t ap
prove of marriage?” a friend once ob
served to Pater. “No,” he replied,
“nor would anybody else if he gave
the matter proper consideration. Men
and women are always pulling dif
ferent ways. Women won’t pull our
way. They are so perverse.”
Ima3lnary Holidays.
j I know a man who cannot afford to
travel, and yet has a delightful way
of deceiving himself. He learns about
the cost of traveling, the proper cloth
ing to he worn, gets a time table, and
arranges excursions for himself to
various places, and then reads about
?hem in books of travel. To the man
with imagination it is a captivating
occupation.—Hearth and Home.
The extraordinary popularity of fine
white goods this summer makes the
choice of Starch a matter of great im
portance. Defiance Starch, being free
i from all injurious chemicals, is the
only one which is safe to use on fine
fabrics. Its great strength as a stiffen
er makes half the usual quantity of
Starch necessary, with the result of
perfect finish, equai to that when the
goods were new.
An Inopportune Query.
“For whom do you intend to vote at
the next election?”
“I dunno," answered Farmer Com
tossel. “I've got too much work of
my own just at present to mix into
this rivalry for holding gover’ment
lobs."—Washington Star.
How’s This?
We ‘‘ffer One Hundred Dollars Reward for »ny
case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's
Catarrh Cure.
F. J. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo. O.
We. the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney
for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly hon
orable In all business transactions and financially
able to carry out any obligations made by his firm.
Walding, Kin nan A Marvin.
Wholesale Drutnrists. Toledo. O.
Hail's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of the
system. Testimonials sent fret-. Price 7* cents per
bottle. Sold by ail Druireists.
Take Hall's Family ITUs for constipation.
The World a Blank.
We feel sorry for the woman who
has no confidence in either her hus
band or her dressmaker.
Asthmatics, Read This.
If you are afflicted with Asthma write
me at once and learn of something for
which you will be grateful the rest of
jour life. J. («. McBride, Stella, Nebr.
Sometimes Peppery.
Spicy conversation should be
handled gingerly.
Instant Relief for All Eyes,
that are irritated from dust. heat, sun or
wind. PETTIT'S EYE SALVE, 25e. AH
druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y.
It’s a pity some people can’t marry
for brains instead of money.
Lewis’ Single Binder costs more than
other 5c cigars Smokers know why.
Your dealer or Lewis’ Factory, Peoria, 111.
An occasional failure doesn’t dis
courage a Lustier.
A SUDDEN COLD.
„——_
Miss Helen Sauerhler, of 815 Main gfc, St,
Joseph, Mich., writes an interesting letter
•n the subject of catchln* cold, which
cannot fall to be of value to all women who
catch cold easily.
IBM BED FOB
sun COLDS.
It Should be Taken According to
Directions on the Bottle, at the
First Appearance of the Cold.
St. Joseph, Mich., Sept., 1901.—Last
wmter I caught a sudden cold which
developed,moan unpleasant catarrh
of the head and throat, depriving me of
ray appetite and usual good spi^A
ft lend who had been cured by Peruna
advised me to try it and I Bent for a
bottle at once, and I am glad loaaJiu ^
in three days the phlegm h id
and 1 felt better, my a^Setito ^“‘1’
and within nine days I wJ0-™*
usual good health. J os in my
Miss Ilelen Sanerbier
for'OM "nd tried rem^y
for colds, ho woman should bo witfo
