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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 15, 1908)
' tS/wsp Of u/f /McM'f?//Cf SlffP/UC CONPfof The pfmmr I m/pm/ P N’ DE shack wanted yez tuh heave clinkers, he did. huh? Well, I s'pose yez toie where t'eli he got off, didn't yez?" ,i “Naw, not fer dese weary meat hooks. I piles me carcus off de blind at dis hole in de woods an', wedder permittin', me and de hoes from de Ollie Ma goo belt'll roost here 'til de snow flickers.” “Sov. how's de brakies down dat way? De last time me an' de Honyak wuz dere, de connie elevated us from the inside of a empty inter a cactus garden, four hundred and eiglity-wan miles from grub. We walks de ties fer tree weeks. Den we hits Alberquerque an' I near had tuh beat a carpet tuh git grub. De ole gurrul would uv had me woikin’ only she grubs me foist, befoar she brings out de woik tools. Den I digs." "Dere's nuttin’ like dat, dere. dese days. Dev leaves de pies an' eats out in de opun an' de bo wot can t freeze to wan meal an hour don't git no soft woids from dis lulu.” That animated, brilliant and engrossing reper toire was only one of several thousand of the same variety, which comprised hobo reminiscences told by members of the great army of the unwashed which assembled in convention not many months ago at Clifford, 111., for the National Hobo re union. Small tramps, fat tramps, tall tramps, short tramps, red-headed ones, blondes, colored tramps, low-down tramps, tramps with high personal re gard for their vocations, and others who were sneaky and might be caught working, were it not lor the watchfulness of iheir brother.-, all assem bled in solemn conclave to worship their goddess. Rest. These sons of res?—but they were not all sons, there were several daughters o!' rest—all paid their respects to the cause for which they are fighting in their own tactless way. They, for the nine teenth time, swore loyalty to the association's mot to: “Work, washing and worry are weapons of the devil and he who would knowingly or intentionally invite the descent of his platonic majesty in that manner, he it is who is no true Son of Rest." Slothful Sam, Pres:d m Weary Willie, Ragged Rufus. Tattered Toni, Reeking Reignald. Dinky Dan. the best dressed "bo” in the association; Handout Hank. Piefaee Peter, Loping Louie, Walk ing Walter, Frayed Francis. Mirthful Mike, Tin-Can Teddy, and all the rest of the influential brethren of the Fraternal Order of the Unwashed, were there. The attendance was as large as usual. There L were sonic mi-sing, of course. Roll call revealed ihe fact that Secretary Sighing Sinkers was un avoidably detained by friends among the authori ties at the Despiaines street police station in Chi cago. He was booked as a "vag," much to the un washed chagrin of President Weary Willie, who in the course of his opening address remarked that it was “De woist coise dat wuz ever put fort' on dis susietie, tub t'ink dat one uv de most necessary poissons of de order should be cumpelled tuh miss A. dis intellergen' meetinY' All the old officers of the association were re elected, the minutes of the meeting being inscribed ujion the brain of President Weary Willie until Sec retary Sinkers should be released from his sojourn in Chicago. The members of the association, the most easily satisfied crowd on earth, then ad journed. This action consisted of the chief execu tive dropping into a sound sleep. Others did the same. The following day the annual games of the or ganization were given. There were several inno vations, hitherto not introduced. The long distance snoozing contest drew out several hundred entries and it required three days before the judges were able to render a decision. Wakeful Waffles was returned victor eventually, but up to the time of writing he was still snoozing noisily, utterly ignor ant of the honor which his happy faculty had thrust upon him. The handsomest hobo contest was captured by Dinky Dan, who in a little address to the slumber ing contestants in the long-distance sleeping con test, declared that in the absence of any prize, the honor alone gave him plenty of satisfaction. It was decidedly ap propriate that Handout P/fCaPpy/Yc Ceprpsr tiaEK snouict corral the - laurels in the handout roping contest. The pies, which proved the articles of war and also the prizes, were placed on a ledge on the outside of a house loaned for the purpose. Hank, instead of struggling with his fellows on the outside, stole a pitchfork, went inside the house and speared the pies, one by one. from the second story window. Then to rub in the defeat inflicted upon the rest of the convention, he sat on the sill of the open window and slowly munched the pastry delicacies, to the discomfiture of several hundred upturned hungry faces. Several weeks before the session was called to order Slothful Sam appeared as an advance guard of the army of the unwashed and prepared a set of rules, which were turned over to the meeting, but were turned down by unanimous vote, the members fearing they might inflict punishment up on themselves by voting for the proposed regula tions. Following were Sam's proposals: That one month's growth of beard be made the maximum. That special refrigerator cars be provided for tanks. Titat questionable touring anecdotes be punished according to the veracity of the tales. That any member guilty of work be made lo.toil and wash daily. Thai hoboes found guilty of aiding in perpetuat ing tile ancient tin can joke be shunned by iheir fellows. That members apprehended with soap upon their persons be given capital punishment. Ttiat rewards of merit he devised for those who promised to work, secured a meal upon that basis, and then deserted. That a system of chalk signals be arranged to designate homes where the lady of the house is generous. That the war on savage dogs be carried on with the extermination of all canines in view. That brakemen be made honorary members of the order. That those brakemen who have distinguished themselves in the aid of members be awarded re wards of merit. That thorough tests, mental and physical, be pro vided for taking in new members. That beer be made the official drink of the order. That water be shunned with customary regular ity. President W eary Willie pointed that these rules showed the deep thought of Slothful Sam. The president ruled that a man guilty of thinking should be watched, for he might work. So fearful lest there should be a joker concealed somewhere within the resolutions, the convention turned them down flat. "Even wid dese t’ings aside," soliloquized Weary, ' it needs woik ter keep dem resolushuns on de members’ min’s an' woik is de most hated uv de order's enemies." So that ended Slothful Sam’s great coup. He said he thought he had a great idea, but he had not figured that in nursing his plans he had infringed upon one of the most sacred traditions of his brothers. Before members were allowed to enter the field in which the convention was held, a thorough in spection was made of the man’s credentials. Bona fide proof of membership was necessary. Traces of prosperity about the hobo's person relegated him to the position of a rank outsider. Special arrange ments were made with railroad companies for the transportation of such undesirables. The meetings, as a rule, were held in Riverview park, Clifford, but occasionally committees met wherever there was standing room. A grand parade i#£0/#£CrO/#c Mc> of hoboes took place on the third day of the convention and it was watched by hundreds of townspeo X>le. The hobo association of a near-by aisincL gave an excursion, and a feast, after which the members disbanded to their regular territories, , mo?! of them going into winter quarters. The reader will wonder where the wayfarers slept while they were engaged in carrying out their convention plans. Others wmndered, too, but one early-risine farmer near Clifford determined for himself when he fouund the committee upon the extermination of water snoring in the key of A in a manger early one morning. Others took to re clining benches in the parks, some utilized fence corners, while the more listless of the order satis fied themselves with such luxuries of sleep as were furnished underneath front porches. All in all. it must be said that the convention was a great success, more enthusiasm attending the meeting than ever before. There was more grub, less allusion to soap and water and lots of sleep for the tourists. - I THE WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR. It is a big thing to be born with a sense of humor. It will force smooth sailing on life's rough est seas, and will make even drudgery bearable. The woman who cannot see a joke, even at her own expense, is to be pitied—and so are her fun loving friends. There is nothing harder on both sides than a humorism that falls flat. The good people who are interested in the de crease of divorce should have a law passed that the serious minded and the joker may not wed. It means ructions ere the orange blossoms fade. A man not long ago was bewailing a broken en gagement. A friend who knew them both said: "It is the Lord taking a hand to save you from a lifetime of misery. Georgia couldn’t see fun if it were labeled JOKE, and you couldn’t help jok ing though it meant a separation from those you loved best.” But it is one tiling to have a sense of humor and another to have a warped sense of humor. There . is no one more maddening than the person who roars at our mishaps and thinks it "so funny” to mortify his friends. You can afford to laugh—if you feel like it— when you fall in a crowded ballroom or lose your false puffs in church: but you have no friendship so tender that will warrant a smile when a friend does the same.. It is the woman with the misplaced sense of humor w ho tells embarrassing anecdotes about fam ily makeshifts, or who repeats as a good joke to a common friend something you have said about her but never intended her to hear. One of these misplaced humorists is the husband who thinks it funny to ask a guest to have certain dishes, and when she accepts to tell her “We are just out of it.” Have you never been covered with embarrass ment by having such a man ask you to say grace at his dinner table and shriek with laughter at your efforts to get out of it? Then there are humorists who, when you tell a good story, think it "smart” to receive it with forced guffaws, and others who willfully refuse to laugh at the point Laugh all you can, but have a sense of fitness in your laughing. To joke over the bumps in your own life will do much to smooth them; to find hu mor in the mishaps of your friends is soon to find yourself friendless. No matter how "keen your sense of humor, use discretion In sharing a joke with a friend. Humor is like lightning. It rarely strikes twice in the I same way. HOW WORLD IS TO END. i Scientific Forecast as Made by a Learned Professor. A scientific forecast of how the end of the world might come has been V given by Prof. Ellard Gore. His theory f is that final cataclysm may possibly be the result of a collision between the sun and some dark dead, derelict planet. Although astronomers have no actual proof that such dead suns exist, without life or light, and career ing about in space, they believe it quite possible. The result of a col lision between the sun and a dark planet would be that the former’s light and heat would be enormously increased and the earth instantly de stroyed by combustion. Prof. Gore tells how we should be warned of our approaching doom. “When about 150, 000,000 miles from the sun the dark body would begin to hine by reflected j light. In about ten years It would j have become so bright as to be visible to the naked eye. In 15 years It would be brighter than any object except the moon. Very soon afterward would come the great catastrophe of its col lision, moving at 400 miles a second, with the sun moving at the same speed.” i The Quaker Boy. For truly the Pennsylvania Quaker I farm and homestead was a great place for a boy to grow into a man The old conditions lasted till the civil war. Since then there has been a gradual scattering of the old families, and their places have been taken by immigrants and renters of another type. The old race will be largely ' extinct in another generation; but many a man now in middle life or beyond who has made his mark in Philadelphia or elsewhere in business i or professional life, blesses the fate j that gave him the physical and moral | basis of such a boyhood.—Isaac Sharp- I less in the Atlantic. ! Men Who Nee >It ! DENVER YM.C.M. HAS ORLYINSTITUTION OE THE HIND IN THE WORLD_ 500 CONSUMPTIVES RESTORED IN § YEARS / PAVILION, (NEARLY CON.ALETEDj 2 NORoE ANA COIV EARNS. S WATER TOWER, OBSERVATORY AND SUN PARLORS. NASSEMBLY TENT. AVENUE BETWEEN COTTAGES . To the sacrifice made by a kind hearted Colorado farmer and his wife five years ago more than 500 men from 40 states of the union and seven for eign countries owe their lives, as ev idenced by the latest annual report of the Denver Young Men's Christian Association health farm. The only institution of its kind in the world, j this farm, which was the home of David Brothers and his wife, and was donated by them as a haven for the consumptives who were coming to Denver hopeful but surely to be stranded has proved the success it deserves to be; therefore the association repre sentatives who have undertaken to raise $50,000 for enlargement of its facilities anticipate hearty response— they are assured at least that 500 physically-regenerated, newlv-hopeful men will gratefully come to their as sistance to whatever extent possible and boost with all the power of their re-created lungs. It was long after the establishing of the health farm that it becomes rec ognized as an important department of the Young Men’s Christian associa tions of North America, and the east ern associations began showing their interest in the practical workings of the farm by sending members in need of outdoor life and systematic living to it. and by assisting the project financially. So far. more than $50,000 has been contributed in cash to the maintenance ot the farm. In 1903, IV. M. Danner, then genera! secretary of the Denver Young Men's Christian association, presented the great need of the association to its; friends and the public. It was then that Mr. and Mrs. David Brothers re sponded by giving to the association their 34-acre farm, on which they ]lad lived many years, and the only condi tion of the donation was that it would always be used as a health farm for young men of the Young Men's Chris tion association needing open-air treat ment. The kindly act of the rancher and his wife stirred others. Dr. E. P. George, reading a paragraph commend ing the idea, promptly subscribed $5,000. Other donations amounting to $4,000 enabled the association to start the project formally in May, 1903, and the health farm has bee- maintained ever since as a department of the Den ver Young Men's Christian associa tion. The great white plague was as kind to the earnest workers after the health farm bad become an estab lished fact as it had been harassing to them before, it seemed, for it sent them a brilliant man as resident physi cian, himself seeking relief from the disease. This physician was Dr. .lohn Wethered, who came to the Colorado Y. M. C. A. health farm after having rocovered from tuberculosis. He *ound a greater work than in the east, and his interest in it and his love for the boys who were making the struggle he had made, kept him with the colony and in charge of it as medical supervisor until very recently, and under his ministrations it has succeeded beyond all expectations, or as one might expect a project to do when an earnest man gives of his energy and thinks nothing of self sacrifice, but finds contentment in living solely for his fellow men as Dr. W'ethered has done. Since Dr. Wrethered’s leave-taking Dr. H. S. Canby has been in charge and doing excellent work for the patients at the health farm. The health farm is divided into a sanatorium occupying about six acres, and the farm proper consisting of ten acres in apple orchard, ten acres in garden and eight acres in grain and small fruits. The farm proper is being conducted in a most efficient manner. The orchard and truck garden, to gether with the poultry and dairy, are sufficient source of supply for the table and even has been proving a source of revenue. Xot only does it make the table hoard all that could be desired, but there is an abundance, and the possibilities of the farm could hardly be said to have been fully de veloped. The farm is electrically lighted throughout, has its own water works and sewer system, and, in fact, the sanitary arrangements are so perfect that they have been heartily com mended by the state board of health. The sanatorium consists of an in firmary with beds for 16 men. where a patient must spend a few days a week, as the case may demand, in absolute rest. The idea of the management is not to receive men who are in need of hospital attention, but rather to en courage men who are run down or. be cause of tubercular trouble, need a few months' rest, and who are able to take care of their own tents and come into the dining room for meals. There are 42 of these individual tents into which the patients ‘ gradu ate" .from the sanatorium, and these are comfortably furnished and con structed in the most scientific manner for outdoor living. Each case is given individual study and care by the physi cian and the results are obtained through proper food, fresh air, rest and discipline. The health farm is con ducted as a home wherein the resi dents themselves adopt a high stand ard of conduct and honor, and the spirit of the association and the gen eral care of the Denver Young Men’s Christian association is exercised over the health farm all the while. The social life of the health farm is an attractive feature and constantly being improved, as is the religious feature of the camp. In the assembly tent there is no scarcity of games, and in audition there is a splendid croquet ground which is popular with the men as a healthful outdoor recreation; a splendid library of about 500 mis cellaneous volumes is maintained, and donations of books are solicited and are being received from time to time. The definite religious work is re ceving the proper emphasis. A com mittee has been appointed among the men who will have charge of meet ings, Bible classes, etc., and at pres ent two services are held every Sun day, at 8:15 a. m., and a twilight ser vice at 6:45 p. m. These meetings are always well attended and deeply ap preciated by the men, and the services have long since proven as helpful as the association men’s meetings in the cities. The interest taken in the new Bible class formed at the health farm to meet every Thursday evening for a practical study of the book is encour aging. The committee of management of the association health farm includes Henry A. Buchtel, governor of Colo rado; C. D. Cobb, chairman; Dr. J. E. Kinney, treasurer; Dr. S. H. Canby, J. S. Fabling, Dr. I. B. Perkins, W. D. Downs, E. H. Braukman, Zeph Charles Felt and F. L. Starrett, general sec retary. Men from other states—and no Colo rado men are admitted as patients be cause of the outside demand—who seek information about the health farm should apply to General Secre tary Starrett of the Denver Young Men’s Christian association or W. E. Edmonds, department secretary of the health farm. Not Just What He Expected. As the brisk philanthropist thrust her fare into the cab driver's hand she saw that he was wet and apparently coid after the half-hour of pouring rain.' “Do you ever take anything when you get soaked through?” she asked. “Yes, ma'am,” said the cabman, with humility, "I generally do.” “■Wait here in the vestibule,” com manded the philanthropist She in serted her house key in the lock, j opened the door and vanished, to reap pear a moment later. “Here,” she said, putting a small en velope in the man’s outstretched hand. "These are two-grain quinine pills, you take two of them now and two more in half an hour.”—Youth’s Companion. “Johnny, is your father an optimist or a pessimist?” “He ain’t neither one. He's a ma chinist.”—Chicago Record-Herald. PUTTING IT UP TO BILLIE. Logical Reason Why He Should Be the One to Ask Favor. The wagons of the "greatest show on earth” passed up the avenue at daybreak. Their incessant rumble soon awakened ten-.vear-old Billie and his five-year-old brother, Robert. Their mother feigned sleep as the two white robed figures crept past her bed into the ball, on the way to investigate. Robert struggled manfully wdth the unaccustomed task of putting on his clothes. "Wait for me, Billie.” his mother heard him beg. "You’ll get ahead of me.” "Get mother to help you,” counseled Billie, who was having troubles of his own. Mother started to the rescue, and then paused as she heard the voice of her younger, guarded but anxious and insistent: "You ask her, Billie. You’ve known her longer than I have.”—Everybody's Magazine. NOT THE RIGHT MAN. - —-1 The Rejected—And will nothing make you change your mind? She—M’yes. another man might. GIRL WAS DELIRIOUS With Fearful Eczema—Pain, Heat, and Tingling Were Excruciating— Cuticura Acted Like Magic. “An eruption broke out on my daughter’s chest. I took her to a doctor, and he pronounced it to be eczema of a very bad form. He treated her, hut the disease spread to her back, and then the whole of her head was affected, and all her hair had to be cut off. The pain she suffered was excru ciating, and with that and the heat and tingling her life was almost un bearable. Occasionally she was deliri ous and she did not have a proper hour’s sleep for many nights. The second doctor we tried afforded her just as little relief as the first. Then I pur chased Cuticura Soap, Ointment, and Pills, and before the Ointment was three-quarters finished every trace of the disease was gone. It really seemed like magic. Mrs. T. W. Hyde. Brent wood, Essex, England, Mar. S, 1907.” Rival Dignities. An Englishman, fond of boasting of his ancestry, took a coin from his pocket and, pointing to the head en graved on it, said; “My great-great grandfather was made a lord by the king whose picture you see on this shilling.” "What a coincidence!" said his Yankee companion, who at once pro duced another coin. "Mv great-treat grandfather was made an angel by the Indian whose picture you see on this cent."—Ladies' Home Journal. A Common Regard. "Just back from your vacation?” “Yes.” “How was it?” “Fine. 1 haven't but one regret.” “What’s that?” “I wish I had waited until next month to take it.” “Why?” “So I would have it to taka.” _ With a smooth iron and Defiance Starch, you can launder your shirt waist just as well at home as the steam laundry can; it will have the proper stiffness and finish, there will be less wear and tear of the goods, and it will be a positive pleasure to use a Starch that does not stick to the iron. At some period in a man’s life be firmly bolieves that all his friends have conspired to injure him. Habitual Constipation May be permanently overcome by proper personal efforts with the assistance of the one truly beneficial laxative remedy, Syrup of tigs and Ktuir of Senna, which enables one to form regular habits daily so that assistance to na ture may be gradually dispensed with when no longer needed as the best of remedies, when required, are to assist nature and not to supplant the natur. al functions, which must depend ulti mately upon proper nourishment, proper efforts,and right living generally. To get its beneficial effects, always buy the genuine Syrupffigs^El ixir°f Senna ' , manufactured fcy the California Fig Syrup Co. only SOLD BY ALL LEADING DRUGGISTS one size only, regular price 50? i>« Bottle ■ I I U