(Copyright 1908, by Byron Williams.)
Intuitions.
No woman can be expected to talk
her best when she is undressing the
baby and has her mouth full of safety
pins.
☆ ☆
The small boy who was raised in
the country and wore a flour-sack
shirt with the brand “XXX" in the
back, makes the silk-slflrted city fel
low go some when they meet on the
highway of life.
i? <r ☆
Every man is somebody's boy and
somebody, somewhere, loves him. It
may be a mother, a father, a brother—
or it may be only the grav-haired vet
eran who used to go fishing with him
when they were boys, but somewhere
there is someone who has not forgot
ten, who will never forget.
© C O
Hi. in Town.
Hi Hinckley would not like to live
Within the city's broad domain.
He sez the restaurants they have
Clive 1dm an awful Inward pain.
They charged him 40 cents for beef
And ten for coffee—pulled his leg—
And kept the doggone knives so sharp
He cut his mouth while eating egg!
o o o
Tickle Grass.
A “cutaway” suit.
☆ ☆ ☆
Senator Platt should go 'to Kansas,
where there are few woods and no
May Wood.
☆ -fr ☆
Hone to the average man is what
cake is to Willie on the night of sis
ter's wedding.
it tr it
The man who has nothing to strive
for will do little striving. Incentive
makes the world’s progress.
☆ * -fr
There is talk of a milliners' strike
in Chicago. Mercy, no. no! Why,
only nine-tenths of the feminine popu
lation have their merry widow hats
yet!
☆ ☆ ☆
An Iowa girl asked her beau if he
heard their train coming. "I am a
•freight' not.” he replied, and now she
won't speak to him. She says a man
that will get off a pun like that isn't,
to be trusted.
o o o
Longing.
A hoy and a dog—they are chums today—
.And always, forever, no matter the way.
The boy will remember the dog he had
And wish for him back that he may be
glad!
In Jovial Mood.
The discouraged man is not worth
his salt in any field of labor.
☆ * ☆
A fireman's hose usually is white,
hut it is seldom drop-stitched.
☆ * *
Sin may pay as a one night engage
ment, but in the long run it closes the
theater.
Though we have progressed in the
science of light since Diogenes
searched with his lantern for an hon
est man. it is almost as hard to find
this paragon now as the old philoso
pher found it to he then.’ It is meet
therefore, that when we find an hon
est man, we should revere him. The
world to-day is suffering for hottest
men. The young man who builds his
success upon honor and honesty, will
find a useful and a busy career awaits
him.
O O ©
Opinions.
His folks said he was too good
To marry Miss Sophrina Pratt.
Her folks gasped. "Ain’t tt a sham*
To throw herself away like that?"
Hut the people of the town
They laugh* d and shook their heads
"Ahem.
'Twouid he a crying shame, too bad.
To spoil two families with them"’
o o o
Not Always.
A mother should remember, though the
knowledge makes her sad.
That sometimes it is not only the neigh
bor’s boy that’s bad!
\JL!UsxXai4
Why Men Refuse to Teach.
The teacher may have a personality
that commands respect in spite of his
calling, but outside of his especial
work he is regarded by business men
slightingly as an improvident vision
ary.—Educational Review.
One Original Saxon Crypt.
The only complete and unaltered
Saxon crypt in Great Britain is that at
Hexham abbey, it being built wholly of
Roman stones, there being also many
Saxon stones imbedded in the new
walls of the building.
Real Cross
CouivrmRw
REMARKABLE NEW'YOM - CHICAGO RELAY
RACE BY YM.CA.BOY3.
PA661NG THE MZ36AGX Si
One of the most interesting and
unique athletic events of the summer
will he the 1.000-mile cross-country re
lay race which is to be pulled off by
the Y. M. C. A. boys between New
York city in the east and Chicago in
the west. Two thousand trained, fleet
footed runners each in turn catching
on the fly the message sent by Mayor
McClellan of the eastern city and
speeding it on its westward journey.
The entrants for the race hate been
carefully selected from the fleetest
gymnasiums of t he Young Men's Chris
tian associations of New York and
Chicago, and by those of the numerous
other branches of the association
which line the 1.000-mile route.
It will be a race against time, a con
test between the flying feet of the
young athletes and the fugitive hours.
But although the race is against time
there will be the zest of keen rivalry
to spur the racers on. An automobile
carrying official timekepers will follow
the racers over the entire route, mak
ing careful record of the speed of each
relay. Besides this individual rivalry
there is the rivalry of the numerous
associations, each hoping that as a
body its champions will show a higher
average than the others.
The direct mail route to Chicago is
BOO miles. The more winding highways
that the boys will traverse is estimated
at 1 000 miles. There will be nearly
2.000 boys in the race, and it is expect
ed that it will be run well within five
days.
The start will he made from the city
hall of New York at nine o'clock on
the morning of July 15. There the
speediest runner of the Twenty-third
street branch of the Young Men's
Christian association will receive from
Mayor McClellan a message addressed
to Mayor Busse of Chicago. The mes
sage will be inclosed in a silver tube
The starter will give the signal, and
the youth will sprint up Broadway, fol
lowed by the automobile which is to
accompany the racers to Chicago.
The route will be up Broadway, and
at a half-mile from the starting point
the bearer of the silver tube will toss
it to the fleet-footed youngster await
ing him there, and he in turn will set
a flying pace to the nest half-mile
point where another eager youth will
snatch the tube and after his half-mile
race will pass it to the next in the re
lay line. So it will go day and night
until the tube, which by the time it
has reached Chicago will have passed
through nearly 2.000 hands, is deliv
ered to the mayor of that city.
“Owing to the continuous course of
training which our boys undergo," said
Mr. A. A. Jameson, boys' work director
of the Twenty-third street branch of
the Young Men's Christian association,
New York city, "it would be quite pos
sible for us to pull this race off in a
week. We have extended the time of
the start, however, because of neces
sary road arrangments and the ap
pointment of district superintendents.
Our tryouts have revealed the fact
that the boys' average speed is about
2.48 for every half mile. Making al
lowances for possible bad weather and
poor roads, it is expected that the av
erage speed of the race of 1.000 miles
or more will be about a mile in eight
minutes. When you come to consider
that the age limit of the contestants is
18 years, and as the majority of
these will not be over 15 years old, the
plan becomes a significant test in ath
letics. The time I have mentioned will
undoubtedly be improved, and by
rough calculation we assume that the
race w-ill be run in five days. The
first part of the race will be from city
hay. New York city, to city hall, Yonk
ers. a boy being stationed at that dis
lance for every half mile. We average
a distance from New Y'ork to Yonkers
at 18 miles, which will be covered by
25 or 30 of our New Y'ork city boys.
"The schedule of our course from
New Y'ork to Buffalo will be as fol
lows: New Y'ork to Y’onkers. Ossining,
Newburg, Poughkeepsie, Rhinebeck,
Catskill. Hudson, Albany, Troy, Schen
ectady, Johnstown, Little Falls. Utica,
Rome. Syracuse. Auburn. Geneva, Ca
nandaigua, Rochester, Batavia. Buffa
lo. The western division of the race
will be in charge of Mr. M. D. Crackel.
director of the West Side Boys’ club of
the Young Men's Christian association
of Cleveland. O., who will direct the
course trom his town to tne city hail
in Chicago. Mr. Crackel deserve^ the
credit of being the originator of this
plan, as the outcome of the cross-coun
try race he organized among his boys
from Cleveland to Erie. Each boy
will wear the athletic dress of the
Young Men's Christian association,
and will stand ready at his post to
take the message from the hand of the
boy who has just finished his half mile
and dart off with it at full speed. An
automobile will accompany each run
ner with an official timekeeper, who
will register his time. In this automo
bile there will also be a relief runner,
who in case of accident will jump out
ONE OF THE TWO THOUSAND'
and carry the message at top speed.
We have tried to figure out all ob
stacles tnat might prevent a complete
success of this race as a test trial of
speed against time. We choose the
week of July 15 in the hope that we
shall have moonlight nights to help
the boys along on their night runs, and
every boy's department of the Young
Men's Christian association which is
on the route of the relay race from
New York to Chicago is training every
day for the contest."
Dr. George D. Fisher, the senior sec
retary of the physical department of
the international committee of the
Young Men's Christian association, will
be the official starter of the race. He
said that nearly 2.000 boys would take
part in it. Each of these, he explained,
will be a representative American boy
and a representative association mem
ber—that is, he will not be selected be
cause of physical fitness alone, but be
cause he qualifies from a fourfold
standpoint of fitness. In other words,
he will be a representative boy in
; mental equipment, in moral attain
ment. and in character; thus it will
be" truly a race by representative
! American boys.
"1 approve of this race for adoles
cents." Mr. Fisher added, "because
each boy will run only the distance
of a half mile. Each will be subject
ed to a physical examination, and to
! avoid undue exposure the boys will be
| taken care of before and after the
1 i ace in automobiles.
"The race represents a test of
; achievement. It is a scheme which
requires co-operation; each boy will
have to observe the rules to the let
ter or the whole scheme is a failure.
It will demand pluck; each boy will
have to finish his own race, and will,
have intrusted to him the responsibil
ity of carrying a message noble in
sentiment from a high oflicial of one
| great city to another. It will create
interest in wholesome, clean sport in
which the only aim is noble achieve
1 inent, the eligibility rules like those of
the Olympald, and the service void of
j personal gain or individual prestige.”
HEALTH FADS NOT NEW.
Dietetic Vagaries Were Practiced by
Our Grandfathers.
What's the yse of trying to be origi
nal? What man does to-day, his no
I tions, his fads, were practiced yester
i day. in the dim past, and if they vary
[ a little, the same idea animates them
' all. For instance, the "new" fad.
I Fletcherism and the one meal a day,
■ were preached centuries ago. Books
j on hygiene were concocted in the
j time of Shakespeare. Have you ever
! read ‘‘The Breviary of Health,” com
j piled by "Andrewe Boorde, Doctor of
j English Phifickcian English man,”
printed at London, 1587? Because, in
! this quaint, black letter volume, are
I found many of the ailments which still
j afflict us, with the same advice that
the specialist and the faddist bestow
to-day upon a suffering world. This
"one meal a day” is advised by Dr.
Andrewe Boorde, but he calls it "ab
stinence,” and also cautions the gentle
readers to eat with slowness! He fails
to mention, nevertheless, the advan
tage of going without one's breakfast.
! and would never approve of the well
known western lawyer, who goes to
his important labors daily without
breaking his fast and is, nevertheless,
a model of physical and intellectual
i vigor. "The Breviary of Health” must
! be numbered among the curiosities of
literature, but it will not be found on
the shelves of the Boston public li
brary. This is the only copy in Amer
| ica as far as known, and was the prop
erty of a reverend country doctor in
Plymouth county. It doubtless served
to preserve the health of our pilgrim
fathers, and to help the mothers bring
up their families.—Boston Herald.
Millions of Matches Used.
The civilized nations of the world
strike 3,000.000 matches every minute
of the 24 hours. Americans use up
700.000.000,000 a year. Some of the
match plants are very large, one on
the Pacific coast covering 240 acres,
with 32 miles of railroad which supply
the match machines with 200,000 feet
of sugar pine and yellow pine logs
a day.
How a Blind Student Works.
Columbia university has some blind
men students in which the public has
taken great interest, but it is not gen
erally known that Barnard has a
blind student, too. Her name is Mar
garet Hogan, and she attends lectures
regularly in the company of her read
er, Miss Ruth Carroll, a fellow-student.
Miss Carroll takes the notes, and aft
erwards reads them to Miss Hogan,
who transcribes them on the typewrit
er in the embossed type used by the
blind and studies them at her leisure.
Miss Carroll also reads to Miss Hogan
such other things as are not to be
obtained in the biind prints, and Miss
Hogan writes them on the typewriter.
Her themes and essays she prepares
on an ordinary typewriter such as
sighted people use.
Turkey imported and used last year
5,356,760 pounds of ordinary soap and
51.130 pounds of toilet soap.
HEALTH BRINGS HAPPINESS.
Invalid Once, a Happy Woman Now.
Mrs. C. R. Shelton, Pleasant Street,
Covington, Tenn.. says: ‘Once I
seemed a helpless in
valid, but now I en
joy the best of health.
Kidney disease
brought me down ter
ribly. Rheumatic
aches and pains made
every move painful.
The secretions were
disordered and my head ached to dis
traction. I was in a bad condition, but
medicines failed to help. I lost ground
daily until I began with Doan's Kidney
Pills. They helped me at once and
soon made me strong and well.”
Sold by all dealers. 50 cents a box.
Foster-Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y.
SHE BAMBOOZLES HIM.
Mrs. Caller—You surely don’t al
ways give your husband a necktie on
his birthday?
Mrs. Athome—Yes, I do, and the
poor dear doesn’t even know it's the
same one each time!
DOCTOR SAID “USE CUTICURA”
In Bad Case of Eczema on Child—
Disease Had Reached a Fearful
State—His Order Resulted
in Complete Cure.
“When I was small I was troubled
with eczema for about three months.
It was all over my face and covered
nearly all of my head. It reached
such a state that it was just a large
scab all over, and the pain and itching
were terrible. I doctored with an able
physician for some time and was then
advised by him to use the Cuticura
Remedies which 1 did and I was en
tirely cured. I have not been bothered
with it since. I used Cuticura Soap
and Cuticura Ointment but do not
know exactly how much was used to
complete the cure. I can safely say
that Cuticura did a lot for me. Miss
Anabel Wilson, North Branch, Mich.,
Oct. 20. 1907.”
The Word of Excuse.
Ascum—I've often wondered what a
diplomat really means when he speaks
of expediency.
Wise—Usually it means that his di
plomacy has failed.
Truth and
Quality
appeal to the Well-Informed in every
walk of life and are essential to permanent
success and creditable standing. Accor
inglv, it is not claimed that Syrup of Figs
and Elixir of Senna is the only remedy of
known value, blit one of many reasons
why it is the best of personal and family
laxatives is the fact that it cleanses,
sweetens and relieves the internal organs
on which it acts without any debilitating
after effects and without having to increase
the quantity from time to time.
It acts pleasantly and naturally anil
truly as a laxative, and its component
parts are known to and approved by
physicians, as it is free from all objection
aide substances. To get its beneficial
effects always purchase ’ the genuine—
manufactured by the California Fig Syrup
Co., only, and for sale by all leading drug
gists.
A Cold Lunch.
The pupils of a distinguished pro
fessor of zoology, a man W'ell known
for his eccentricities, noted one day
two tidy parcels lying on their in
structor's desk as they passed out at
the noon hour. On their return to
the laboratory for the afternoon lec
ture they saw but one. This the pro
fessor took carefully up in his hand
as he opened his lecture.
"In the study of vertebrata we have
taken the frog as a type. Let us now
examine the gastrocnemius muscle of
this dessected specimen.”
So saying the professor untied the
string of his neat parcel and disclosed
to view a ham sandwich and a boiled
egg.
“But I have eaten my lunch," said
the learned man bewilderedly.—Lip
pincotts.
A Good Turn.
"Here, wake up." cried Subbubs, ap
pearing on his porch in his pajamas.
“You've got a nerve to be sleeping in
our hammock.”
“Nerve?" replied the hobo, sleepily.
"Why, I'm a benefactor; if it wasn't
fur me holdin dis hammock down de
mosquitoes would V lugged it off
long ago.”
Try Murine Eye Remedy
For Red. Weak, Weary, Watery Eyes.
Murine Doesn't Smart—Soothes Eye Pain.
All Druggists Sell Murine at 50cts. The 48
Page Book in each Pkg. is worth Dollars
in every home. Ask your Druggist.
Murine Eye Remedy Co., Chicago.
Without labor there is no arriving
at rest, nor without fighting can the
victory be reached. — Thomas a
Kempis.
SMALL THING HE FORGOT,
May Have Accounted for His Proposal
Being Turned Down.
Senator Beveridge described, at a
dinner, an absent-minded farmer.
"The man was so absent-minded,”
be said, "that he couldn't open his
mouth without making an arrant ass
of himself.
“Once he courted a young woman.
His suit looked promising for a time.
Then, with a sorrowful visage, he
ceased his courtship.
“ Yet she seemed infatuated with
you. Jabez,’ said I, one day when he
came to me for sympathy.
“ 'She were, too,' Jabez agreed.
“ 'Well, what could have been the
trouble?’
“ ‘Dunno,’ said he. He filled his
pipe. •Dunno; but when 1 perposed,
she turned me down cold.’
“ Perhaps your proposal wasn't ard
ent enough?' 1 suggested.
“ ‘Oh, it was fiery,’ said Jabez. ‘Hot
as pepper. 1 told her she was the
only woman I'd ever loved, ever
looked at, ever thought of, or—’
“ ‘But, said I, ‘you forgot, then, you
were a widower.’
“ ‘Jingo.' said Jabez, 'so I did.’ ”
ASKING FOR ONE.
He—If we were not in a canoe I
would kiss you.
She—Take me ashore instantly, sir!
Smokers appreciate the quality value oi
Lewis' Single Binder cigar. Your dealer
or Lewis’ Factory, Peoria, 111.
No man on earth is rich enough to
enjoy paying taxes.
SECK HEADACHE
Positively cured by
these Little Pills.
They also relieve Dis
tress from Dyspepsia, In
digestion and Too Hearty
Eating. A perfect rem
edy for Dizziness, Nau
sea. Drowsiness, Bad
Taste in the Mouth, Coat
ed Tongue, Pain in the
Side, TORPID LIVER.
They regulate the Bowels. Purely Vegetable.
SMALL PILL. SMALL DOSE. SMALL PRICE.
Genuine Must Bear
Fac-Simiie Signature
REFUSE SUBSTITUTES.
MRS. FRANK STROEBE
A Remarkable Recover).
Mrs. Frank S troche, R. F. P. 1, Apple
ton, Wis., ■writes: “I began using- IVra
sa a few months ago, when my health
and strength were all gone, and 1 was
nothing but a nervous wreck, could
not sleep, eat or rest properly, and felt
Ho desire to live. Peruna made me look
at life in a different light, as I begau to
regain my lost strength.
••I certainly think Peruna is without
a rival as a tonic sad strength builder. ”
Why Waste Time ?
Adding in the old way when
ftnivferaaf, the modern ad
ding and listing machine will
do the work three or four
times faster than the old way
and with unerring accuracy.
At your request you can
have a demonstration on
your work in your office at
our expense to prove the ad
vantage of using the Uni
versal.
Write today.
You need me.
I’m built on honor.
I print red total
I sell on my merits.
I am fully guaranteed.
$n!v£n»n(
Adding Machine
Universal Adding Machine Co.
620 Paxton Building. Omaha. Neb.
or
3897 La Clede Avenue, St. Lania
DEFIANCE STARCH- r'^
—other starches only 12 ouncesprice and
•‘DEFIANCE’’ 18 6UPERJOR QUALITY.
Be Your Own Roofer!
Flashing
Valley
chimney
Flashing
Over ^
Old
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See Roof Book
NeS
A
m See
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Pair 13
W Seo
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Pag* 13
^ s«
Roof Booh
Page 15
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