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About The Loup City northwestern. (Loup City, Neb.) 189?-1917 | View Entire Issue (March 26, 1908)
KAYKI.ING leisure ly from the far west to New York TJb ami I had left the autocratic pot ter and his vesti lutletl h o m e a t lleanrilic—I won't tut me t he state in an idle quest for tourmalines and amethyst, orien found in that locality. * horse dealer had told us of the place, and llh ini mediately took a fancy to loiter about • few days. It was while at Kean Tille that we heard of Tanker s Mills, 33 miles hack in the mountains. It was connected with the outside world largely by heart-throbs, for the rough country road evident!.' was construe! <*d while the workmen were entertain ing the delirium tremens. “It seems that at the dose of Un civil war the only insane asylum in the state burned down, and 'hat » score of the Inmates in escaping the flames wandered up to I ankers and took possession of a few deserted cabins As the commonwealth was bedridden with debt, and as the little colony was quiet and gave no trouble the authorities decided to leave it alone to iiiarxet ns ; In the settlement were several men of unusual culture, perfectly rational ex cept on some one subject, aiul as they controlled the weaker-minded and more perfectly crazy inhabitants, the taxpayers were glad to he rid of the ■whole outfit. As the years passed, the colony grew, and the individual streaks of non compos were relegated to and merged in a general plane of oddity. It became the custom when a man or woman got daffy to take them up there to board. The ruined shacks bad given place to neat frame houses, and the queer people took the best of care of any sufferers from the outside world and often sent them back cured. Funny graft, eh? Tib said it was a case of sitniiia similibes curantur. And. mind you. those peo pie weren't rank crazy They averaged enough rationality to prosper and to care for an occasionally valient voter. But they were peculiar, eccentric, and of course every tittle while some one would got to teiepho tig to himself and cufling up didoes -•We are all batty on some one sub ject,' he declared to me. I'm san» until it. conies to shows. Another Is evenly balanced until it conies to north poles, and so ! goes. I'll b;*t those simple folk are more rational than the average alderman.' "To cut across lots, wo came to Tanker's at nightfall and saw from the brow of a bill a scattering settle meat of white holism As we entered the main street we observed a grocery store, a blacksmith shop and a small ball. And what surprised us was the busy-bee activity of ;t crowd of men bunched in front of the village smithy's place of business. ■ What's doing, fair and merry sirs™ accosted Tib. cheerily, in his old free-and-easy way. a- v.e pedaled up to the gang. "Instantly they turned, and an oil man with u Chris K ingle li**ard star* ed back as though faced l>;. a ho upnl cobra, and with one dramatic, lean linger pointed at us. cried. By my faith! he has conn-! it is he!' " Odd bodkins, put him to death!' cheerfully advised au urchin, who im pressed my startled gaze as being IS feet in height. ‘‘‘Odd Hooligans! cried Tib. \nd why? "Well, sir, the n’d man threw bark liis head and pealed out a laugh that sounded about as mellow as a rusty buzz-saw eating a ruck-maple knot, and as he chortled in unseemly glee he ejaculated. Walked into the trap! Stap my vitals, and had he called on me at St. James, or Whitehall. 1 had not been more surprised.' “From his tone 1 realized, sir. that we were about as popular with them as a safety deposit vault full of soar let fever germs. Tib was impressed after the same fashion. for he whis pered to me: wnai s up. isur. n ue w- s'ruc'v them at the harvest time of lunacy? Their speech savors of ye oMen time and good Queen Bess, sitli ii pleas ye.' Then lie asked aloud. Kindly identify us. reverend sir. and then yourselves.' Monmouth, thou wert eyer a false-hearted knave, but prithee, didst think to dull my royal eyes by tha* disguise?- demanded the ringleader of the mental aberrations in his shrill voice Nay. sire. denied Tib. looking hack only fo behold all escape cut. off ‘And you are—? Your uncle, sirrah. King .lames! was the stern response. ‘"Strike me purple. Billy!- whis pered Tib, hut we are invaders, and if I recall my history rightly. Mr Monmouth lost his heart. I say, old chap, this is getting tiresome,- I murmured to Tib Tei em 1 m plain Billy Campbell and a etanch supporter of the throne ' "-A Campbell!- shrieked Kin? .Tames. Ay, smite me bleeding, bul I know the foul Scottish brood! Bul Argyle or Campbell, ye shall bang anc change from the quick to the dead more readily *hs.n ever ye shifted tiliases. Probably some one has opened i quart bottle of pieasuroid,- murmured Tib, and they are unduly excited foi the minute. Anyway, if they are goint to behave like this. I don’t care ho* soon we desert them. I feel like at historical romance. But, sir, the minute we tried tc turn we were surrounded. And wha do you suppose those oddities wen armed with? Pikes, sir. pikes! \m that was what the smithy war. bus; turning out. As a rule. Tib’s air o confidence would incite a cowardly pug dog to throw rocks at an elephant but he was a bit puzzled over this situ aJBERIUS SMITH • The Brain Tangle at Tanker’s Mills -By HUGH PENDEXTER a:ion. We'tl net lots of heathens and irresponsible persons in our day. but once you realized their status you could dope out their susceptibilities and comprehend the logical trend of their intentions Hut a score of incom petents might glide front one person silty to another at any second and pitlck us from one epoch only to plant us in another, and in every event would probably insist that we hold tint most otiery cards and lie soundly spanked " It's no use. Karl of Argyle. to dodge our identity.' remarked Tib to me. gravely. Then to the king. Yes. I am Monmouth, your dutiful nephew, come all the way front Brabant to kiss your august hand ' The crowd of peasants jeered at this admission, and one stalwart rogue seemed determined to explore on.' physical systems with his long prod der 'Nay. nay.' prohibited the king Their seeming frankness shall avail them naught, but retribution must overtake them in an orderly manner. My laud Chief Justice Jeffreys shall try them, in the meantime lay them in tile tower with the spy who was captured three days ago.' We were enamored with even this respite, for Tib declared it was an ill omen to lie slaughtered in front of a prosaic blacksmith's shop. and. sur ' rounded by the pikemen. we were ! dragged to the little town hall and I thrust inside. Hello, spy. where are you;' demanded Tib. sparring neatly through the open window to one of the guards want to earn 5W cants?' "The man jabhed at us playfully with his spear and mumbled some thing about the king. ' 'See?' cried Tib. 'the old one ha* led these poor incompetents into be lieving lie's king and they are hi* sub jects.' Then to the guard again, tak ing care to keep out of range: What's your name, fellow? Not your stage name, hut your real name?' The guard looked puzzled for a moment, and then replied, slowly: ‘Why. I was always called AI Sntiklns. btit since the king come I'm Colonel Kirke. That's me. Kirke.' When did the king come?' soothed Tib. " Why, let's see. Yes. it was just before the blackness s°itled down.' and the guard grinned triumphantly at remembering thus much. Sic and Jed Biifkins. hint that's my Lord Chief Justice Jeffreys now. had just got bark from selling some garden truck in Ueanville. But I forgit. There ain't any Beanville now. It's Brabant, and this is Kngland. Hooray for King ; James' Stand hack from that winder, i ye poisonous critter!' and we all three j leaped aside just in time to escape be ing decorated with the pike And if ; ye git sassy I'll climb in there and larrup ye.' warned the yeoman, in con i elusion. '• (Jrantercy for thy courtesy growled Tib. rubbing his barked kuyckles 'If ever I catch ye chasin' and they decided th* spy can live, *s he warned m of your coming.' "'Hooray!' shouted the drummer, with a vulgar display of enthusiasm. " 'Shut up!' growled Tib. 'So you foretold our coming, eh?’ ‘“Sure; had to. to save my hide,’ grinned the drummer, happily. 'Of course it was only con on my part, but luckily it worked out all hunkey. All's well that ends well, you know.’ " You needn't be so devilish gay over it.’ snapped Tib, ’or you’ll find it's sad work to double-cross even the pretender.' " 'Oil, come now.' whined the drum mer. you fellers wouldn't spike a poor man's game! Don't you see, just as soon as i get to Rcanville I’ll catch a constable ami come back and rescue you both.' " No ye won’t,’ chuckled the guard, whom we'd forgotten. ’Cause King James says ye can't go till after they've been executed, whatever that means—for danged if I do. And before ye go, we re going to brand tin* word "traitor" on your brow.' "Well, that doubled the drummer all up. lie tried to bribe the guard to run up to the comer store and beg the king to modify the sentence. I I give two dollars if you'll get him to change his mind and brand me on the leg or in tin- newspapers,' he offered, hyster ically. " Odds tomatoes!' I whispered to Tib. 'but we must leave here in very 300th.’ "BY MY FAITH! HE HAS COME! IT IS HE." j to ward off any possible attack, as he i endeavored to peer through the dark : ness. " '! say. fellers. I'll admit you're all I kings, hut for heaven's sake concede i I'm only a drummer from Buffalo!' ' h-'gged a weak voice, and a tall, thin man. very much frightened, humbly approached os. hat in hand, and stood where the light tillered through the window and made his angular form look willowy. “ 'Odds fish, hut ye are petitioning the wrong court. I ant only the un happy Monmouth.* groaned Tib. “‘Crazy as an owl!' whimpered the drummer. Say. king, help me to get 1 out of this and I'll send you down the ' best spring-tooth harrow made.’ "Well, sir, Tib was so intent in I trying to recall his Monmouth lines that 1 had to take the drummer aside and convince him of our good inten 1 tions and sanity. Rut, Lord, sir! he was suspicious. He'd been cooped up for three days and was beginning to hear bees in his own belfry. But after I'd told him who was president and , had named the capitals of 30 states. ‘ he agreed we might be what we didn't seem. 'For,' he concluded, conflden j tially, ‘if ever I saw a trifling light i glint in a man’s eye it is your part i ner's there.' j “ 'Alack a day.' muttered Tib. ‘plots and more plots! Now, see here, chil dren, we've got to play our parts until the general intellect of this town clears up a hit. This head fanatic is i some college professor. 1 guess, and he’s hypnotized himself into believing for the moment that he’s .Tames of England. Now we must humor him or he’ll never recover. So. try and inhale the same kind of dope, and at the first opening we'll leave bloody England for the quiet shores of Bean ville. Hi, you halberdier!' he cried the stag at Epping we'll have this out to a finish, my lad.' “ 'Say. boss.' sobbed the drummer, don't talk like that when we're alone. It unhinges me. I feel myself going.' “ ‘A murrain take thee. Go to, thou [ knave!' I sneered. *' ‘Beautiful, Billy, beautiful!' con gratulated Tib. Let's wear the purple while we can and play our parts to | the finish. This poor varlet has sub i mitted to captiivty for three days and 1 will wind up by waiting on a foolish I counter for life. Now, sirrah, hark j ye. We leave this place to-night. If ye ever want to sec Brabant again, silence!' “ ‘How are we to work it, Tib?' I in quired: for the quaintness of our peril was getting into my bones. “‘I'm Monmouth until we get back to Bean-Brabant,' reminded Tib, sim ply. ‘Well, earl, 1 shall try to start a revolution.' “As he said this a hearty hammer ing caused us to creep to the window on the other side of the building and steal a peep. And what do you think, sir? Why, those poor, hard-hearted idiots were building a gibbet! it sim ply swept the drummer oft his feet. ‘Oh, Monmouth,’ he wailed, 'save this one fool! What an idiot l was, with all the United States to live in. that I had to come down here to be slaugh tered by a counterfeit!' “ ‘Well, well,' murmured Tib, purs ing up his lips and drawing up his rotund form. 'This does look kind of serious. We must get word to Bean ville, yet the guards won't allow one of us to slip through the window and there's no one to carry a message. Odd situation, isn’t it?' “ 'I say, you feliers—I mean, Mon mouth,’ called out the guard, poking his head into the window—‘King James has just broken up his council "Then what was becoming an ex tremely unlovely situation, with the busy hammers clanging away on the gibbet and the tall Jasper at the win dow trying to make gimlets in our legs with his pike, was given a new direction by a lusty shout at the front door and the sound of a voice crying: 'Hooray! A Monmouth! A Monmouth!’ And then the portal was cast down and my Lord Ezra Somebody bawled forth: Hello, folkses. Where be ye?' “ And come ye in peace here, or come ye in war?’ demanded Tib, while the drummer shuddered and protested that our visitors were as welcome as burglars. " We're friendly. Hooray for Mon mouth!’ cried the rabble. “ ’Let the portcullis fall and enter,’ Invited Tib. Then to me: 'Don't you see. we're rescued. When the leading fay hypnotized this weak-minded chorus into viewing him as his majes ty- King James, he necessarily supplied the whole suggestion; that, is, the suggestion of a Monmouth, eke our re ception. The last implied a handful of supporters, and now we'll leave this dungeon, raise the west, and the in sane equation is completed. James has created a Frankenstein that will devour him.’ “ Say, I knew a feller once named Fleckenstein. He traveled—' began the drummer, eagerly; but ‘Hist, vas sal,’ commanded one of the newcom ers, and he histed. “'The floor grew warm under our prancing feet as we hurried to leave thw hall. The halberdier leaned In the window, and, eyeing us curiously, cried: Ye didn’t git out by th’ winder, did ye? I was told ter guard it, and, by gum, I have!’ But he made no move to stop our passing through the I door, aud Tib swore he was a mau with a heart la his bosom. On the other side of the keep the volunteer cabinet makers kept pounding away at the gibbet and recked us not, although one blur whistled with sinister shrill ness. f.et lOrin Remember.' ' Our new captors numbered about a dozen and watched us keenly, al though accepting T1h as their master. For when we tried to say good night and sneak away after our wheels they caused us to hesitate and informed us we would be piked to death if we made another break. ‘We've left our hoein' to stand by ye. an' don't ye dast to caper any.' warned one. “ ‘I trow we shall not part in scorn,' assured Tib. " Then let that tall feller stop his rantin',' remonstrated another. “ Beshrew me,' groaned the drum mer, keeping close to us; 'but say. fel lers, this isn't real, is it? I’m still traveling for the Buffalo house, ain’t [?' “ ‘I don't know why we took any body besides Monmouth for,' declared the leader, stopping short and eying us evilly. ‘Before this queer spell come on I don’t remember as we had any call ter rescue anybody but Mon mouth. "'Lets kill th other two. suggested a corn-haired boy. cheerfully. "'Hold!' roared Tib. 'These two men we all wot of are leal and true. Who touches a hair of their gray heads—' " 1 snum, but ye're touchy, I guess!' broke in the corn-haired youth. I onlv want ter do what's right. If ye don't, want 'em killed, say so. I didn't think twould make no difference I'm sartin no one would miss either on ’em.' "We were now clear of the mn!n street and apparently leaving the s. tlement. 1 had an idea of dodging into the hushes and escaping, but Tib wills pered we would accomplish nothing pxcept to alienate our few faithful followers. 'Taunton will receive us warmly,’ he added, and I suddered. He said it so earnestly that I feared his intellect was looping the loop, and I'm sure the drummer felt the noose. Then our adopted parents quickened the piace and conversation was killed by the high hill we r.ow began to climb. It seeniPd as if we'd been on that hill for years. In pausing to look back on the lights of the village it seemed as if cries of rag.* were fret ting the balmy summer night, and 1 could hear the drummer's teeth clink ing like pebbles in a tin can. " 'Marry, come up.' quoth Tib af last; 'whence are we hearing?' And in the moonlight 1 saw the old fellow was mopping the sweat from h:s round face. " ' Can't we call on th • overseer of the poor, or at a drug store, and get a bite to eat?' moaned the drummer. I have had naught, fair sirs " flood form!' cried 'l ib, approving " Oh, I'm going fast.' whimpered the drummer. 'It seems real to me now, aud if I only had a flooded ha wk, or a baldric, I'd be doing a huntsman’s stunt. But, honest, fellers. I've had nothing in my stomach but rain wafer for three days. And 1 had to steal that out of a barrel by the window when the archers were plurir.g hors -■ shoe on the green. I could eat a mustard plaster or a cent of arms.' "I suggested that we stop and rest, and the guards for a wonder were willing. I could see. too, they were uneasy. Tib said it was because thej didn't know what to do next, being re moved from the zone of the king's in fluence. 1 rockon ho hit it right, for the corn boy swore he was going back and ask his majesty for further in structlons. By this time the drummer had gone light-headed and persisted in reciting 'The Wreck of the Hesperus.' Tib augmented the corn boy's deeiara ■ ;-:- x “I Say Fellers, I’ll Admit You're All Kings.” tion by announcing: 'Califs, we’ll all go back and hunt up the klug We’ll keep him with us. so we'll always know just what to do.' "But we mustn't hurt him.’ expostu lated one. ‘Old Freeman Ilucky is one of the best old souls in Tanker's Mills. Lord! Where'd I get that name? Sounds mighty familiar, too.' And the last was in deep perplexity. " 'Say, fellers, can’t we break into one of those barns and git some oats to eat?' babbled the drummer. ’A dish ► _ * j of nice, clean oats would took mighty i good to me.' “•Ye varmint!' cried Com llair; IT ye don't shut up I'll use th' goad on ye. I tell ye, boys, we re all goin' ter feel sorry if we don't kill this chap. Th' king said we'd got ter kill some body.' But Tib ajiti ! pacified bint and explained' there was no gain in slaying an insect, and at last we were march I ing towards the Tillage. •‘ ‘It's time to duck, I whispered to f Tib. " ‘Let's first get a w hack at King I James.' he pleaded. 'And. Billy, what ’ if we catch him and lock him up? And Down the Steep Hill We Sped. Won't that make me ruler of Tanker's Mills? We'd be so cut off from inter ference that probably we could run lhis place as a monarch; all summer. \ud do you know I've always hank ered to wear the purple.' ‘‘‘Not for a gold mine.' I objected, now fearing that his dreams of empire Would cause him to cut up for I knew that he would just like to sway the scepter ov»r Tanker's Mills, despite the fact that a despotism with in the United Status is incongruous. " I'm going to pause long enough to devour that pump.' interrupted the drummer, now walking like a drunken man. ■ We were entering tin- village at the time, and only Co: n Hair's promise to assassinate him held him to the path. Then, whom should w» meet, practical ly unattended, but King .lames hint “.•■If. 'Out. on thee arrant knave" h" cried, on beholding Monmouth. Ho. warden! ho men at arms! Hither. I I command thee!’ "'Not on your life!' howled the drummer, coming ■<> his senses and clapping his suf' hat over his majes ty's mouth. "'Hold him.' cried Tib. in a low voice, applying his handkerchief to the august arms ami thus reversing history. Now. march him quietly to the town hall.' Say. fellers, don't yc dare hurt ft.man Mucky." warned one of the guards, as with poor grace they al lowed us to drag the old man along Several of them a’s > incited gay feel ings hv producing cou se looking jack knives. Ni harm sh i.: net an a single whisker in his venerable beard, gentle sirs.' vouchsafed Till, straining his eyes to catch a glimpse of the much prayed-for bikes. "Our insurgents then hurst into a song of abus - a!!j threw down their cartel cf defiance, and said they were tired of a fat old Monmouth and that they would change allegiance and aid King James' followers in executing us on the now-finished gibbet. By this time we were ciose to the little hall, and in the bright moonlight could ad mire every detail of the clumsy yet businesslike-looking gallows. What added to our fear was the sound of shouting in the hail, where, through | Hie lighted windows, we beheld a mot ley group of scamps, dancing and wav ing home-made weapons. But just then, like a beacon-light to the hope less mariner, we caught the friendly twinkle of our bikes' frames, and with on“ accord we pushed the king against i the deserters and. as they tumbled j and romped on the ground, we bent j our tiot footsteps towards the goal. | “It. a second, it seemed, the hall - had disgorged more enemies, and the | whole pack were after us as we gained our perambulators and tried to hop the saddles. “ Where do 1 come in. Monmouth?’ howled the drummer. ■‘‘Lord, if we haven't forgotten the spy!’ cried Tib. ‘Here. Stiver, jump up behind me. Nay. choke in * not en tirely with thy caresses. Now. hang tight and steal away.' I And down the steep hill into the 1 black shadows we sped, with a fren | zied mob of King James' men in fear ■ some pursuit. When we reached the ; level and began climbing the next hill | they all but had us. But just as they j would have gathered us to their bosom i we reached the crest anti slid from | view. And the way the drummer clung ; to Tib would cause the champion trick cyclist to blush for inability. • And so we left them in all their glory and made Deauville in safety. And what do you think, sir! When we’d lodged complaint, and a posse of constables had gone over to Tanker s to straighten out the general brain tangle, they found no trace of the King James germ. But instead old Freeman Hucky was in the midst of J the belief that he was an algebraic [ \ equation that wouid never be solved 1 i if he kept perfectly quiet. And as he , didn't wish to be solved. Tanker's was J the most peaceful place on the map, j and, so l’ar as 1 know, lias never met j with royalty since the time Tib and I j joggled the throne." INSIGNIA OF UK MARKS THAT TELL THE VARIOUS GRADES IN NAVV. Some Devices Designed by Martha Washington and Other Colonial Dames—History Written Into Gold Braid. Boston.- There aie very "few men who can distinguish an admiral from a lieittenatii by the- uniforms they wear. There is probably not a single naval demonstration Where nine o'ii cers out of ten are not confounded b> the majority of the spectators. The same principles underlie the navy insignia as are present in those of the army. There is a picturesque story of the way these came into be ing. The choosing of the marks of rank in the arm.' and navy, the Story runs, was left after the revolution to some of the leading ladies of the coun try If legend is to be believed Mar lha Washington is- ies|ionsible for some of the devices. The whole world was drawn upon hv 'he resourceful colonial dailies for suggestions. The heavenly bodies were appropriately called upon to contribute devices for the highest ranks From them came the stats most coveted b. men in the army and navy. Descending to earth the eagle was availed of as most a'ppiopriate afte the stars, because of ps courage and lofty flight. For lessci tanks, all most honorable and awful notwithstanding, the leaves and i. iit of the oak tree. admiral R£AT? ADMIRAL CAPTAIN commamder LIEUTENANT JUNIOR LIEUTENANT. E.NSIGN. Insignia That Tell Various Grades in Navy. i noble in proportions and emblematic of strength, were chosen. The anchor, being distinctive of the navy, was used 10 indicate it especially.' In all the insignia silver is chosen to rank above the gold, because if usually lies near the surface, and so nearer the heavens, i Anyone versed in the marks of rank i in the navy can tei! at a glance not only the relative importance of the ! individual among his fellows, but not infrequently what especial work is as signed to them. "There comes an admiral.” says the friendly tar who has ventured to guide you through the navy yard.. For the life of you. what makes him an ad miral at a glance you cannot tell. From the dignity of his bearing he might be of any exalted rank. His distinguishing mark on the collar is four silver stars with a gold fouled anchor under each of the outer ones If he were a rear admiral he would wear two silver stars with a silver fouled anchor between them. The ; signs of rank are worn on the collar | except iu full dress, when they appear | on the shoulder strap. The captain who meets one on board the ship has ho stars on his collar, but a silver spread eagle in the center with a silver fouled anchor on either side. The officer who wears a silver oak leaf on eithpr side of a silver fouled anchor is a cotiimandei. The same device in gold indicates a lieutenant commander. Lieutenants are show n by two silver bars on either side of a silver fouled anchor. If they are of the junior grade they wear one bar instead of two. Knsigns wear only the silver fouled anchor. All the above officers are commissioned offi cers of the line. There are in addition aboard a ship the commissioned corps officers, the warrant officers and the petty officers. The same devices that the line of ficers wear are also worn by the corps officers on their epaulets on the cen ter of their shoulder straps, but the latter wear in addition certain devices to denote their corps department. Of ficers of the medical corps wear a spread oak leaf in gold, with a silver acorn on il. Officers of the pay corps have a silver -oak spray., If a silver eagle is combined with these devices it indicates respt>ctively, medical di rector and pay director. The engineer corps has been made one with the line officers so that they no longer have any corps device. Some of the devices of the .petty of fleers are not very intelligible at first sight, and a single device does service to identify several. • WA Y BRIDGET VIEWED IT A lady, wealthy and socially prom inent, once sought 10 break iu a new Irish maid-servant by putting her at answering door. The very first day, it chanced that a certain distinguished and titled Italian gentleman called during the lady’s absence. In broke/. English the foreigner asked for the mistress, and, being told that she was not at home, left his card and went away. When the lady returned she a’ r once inquired of the new girl if any one had called while she was away. "Yis, mum." answered the girl, care lessly nodding toward the card re ceiver; "an' he left his caird.” Picking up this card and perceiving the titled foreigner's name thereon, the lady became visibly agitated. "Oh, Bridget,” she exclaimed, “I’m so sorry 1 wasn't at home' when this gentleman called!" "Sure,” was the disdainful reply, "un' ye didn't miss anything, mum!" Her mistress stured at her in amaze ment. "Bridget, what do you mean?" "Th' dago didn't have his hand or gan wid ’im!”—Illustrated Sunday Magazine. A Mixture of Terms. “Miss Jones does lovely things in burnt wood.” “I heard she was a great pyro maniac."—Baltimore American. TOBACCO AT YALE Of 331 men in the present freshmen classes at Yale. 152 use tobacco in some form. Dr. F. J. Horn, medical as sistant in the university gymnasium, compiled the figures. He found that 54 freshmen use a pipe only, seven smoke cigarettes only, five nothing but cigars, 25 use pipes and cigarettes, nine smoke pipes and cigars, and 52 use pipes, cigarettes and cigars. I Of the 152 men, 112 began at pre I paratory school to smoke and 12 others began before then, so that S2 per cent, of the smokers started be fore they went to college. Last year In the freshmen classes at Yale there were 147 smokers, of whom 77 per cent, began at preparatory school. From these figures Dr. Dorn feels himself justified In making the statement that the majority of smokers begin before entering college, in spite of popular opinion. There is no men tion of chewers. Hydrophobia Plus. A little giri came running to tell about a triad dog she had seen. “We saw a mad dog!" she gasped, nut the words seemed too tame to do Justice to the situation. “Oh, he was mad! mad!” she added, frowning and pump ing her fists.' “He was furious!”— Harper's Weekly. As He Viewed It. • I have bad news, Henry," said the wife of the millionaire. "What is it, my rfear?” asked the old man, coolly: "Why—why, cur daughter has eloped with the chauffeur.*' The old millionaire twirled his glasses in meditation. "Oil, it might have been worse," he yawned. i . , . "Worse? - How could it have -been worse?" “W hy, she might have eloped with the chef* and then we would hare missed our dinner, my d4ir ”