T'S a long shout from Ar- j
cate to Vermont, the first j
state to free its slaves;
but after Tiberius and I
had scuttled up to 'Frisco
with our jeans filled with
dross, we only lasted six
months. Tib was a wise
wizard in the open and
could coax the average
hyena to eat from his
palm. But a 'Frisco
theater sharp hypnotized us into back
ing au extravaganza, and in about the
same month the sweet girlish grads
are buying pink sashes and discover
ing Italy beyond the Alps we were on
the waiting-list of the ‘Down-and-Out
club.’
Then, to polish the climax, the man
ager bolted with the winter’s receipts,
ditto the leading skirt, and we were
left high and dry with only roses to
eat.
" 'He's gone like an idle dream.'
sighed Tib, meaning the manager. ‘I
hope all the box-office change is fonev
and that the squaw sues him success
fully for breach of promise. There's
but one thing left, besides our honor,
and that's to take a vacation. When
you've got a half-Xelson on prosperity
it doesn't pay to quit. But now that
we must loaf, let's do it orderly.’
“Naturally I fell on his neck and
swore I'd never desert him, presiding
he would square the railroads. And
as ne conned passes to \ ermont,
where he used to be born, he decided
it would be cheaper and more in
structive to go home. I call Vermont
my home, you know, as I never had a
home and because Tib always swore
I was a Green Mountain boy by adop
tion. Dear! dear! how loyal he was
to that state! Always hankering to
be there, and always threatening to
quit being a busy bee to inaugurate an
'old home week.’ No mountains were
so green, you know, as the home
mountains; no lakes were so clear as
the home lakes; and no people were
so kindly as the home people.
“Well, I'd been fed on that kind of
dope so long that I expected trusty
agrarians to crush each other under
hoof in an effort to reach us when we
stepped from the train and embar
rass us with gifts. It's not surprising
that 1 should fail to appreciate that
Tib had seen less of this state than
any other in the union. Nor did I
realize that up on the edge of Essex
county wfas a small settlement, utter
ly isolated from all railroads and
highways. But it does please me to
night, as I pause and allow the phan
toms of those times and scenes to
•troop by, to remember that every vil
lage is now reveling in and pondering
over a wealth of newly acquired infor
mation, all due to the careless coming
of my master.
"Perhaps in all our journeys my
benefactor never met with a more
grotesque and fanciful environment
than awaited us there. Possibly the
opera bouffe effects had remained dor
mant largely because the community,
known as Home Valley, was off the
line of any travel and was a neighbor
only to a few struggling French ham
lets. where the poorer and more illit
erate Canadians grub a living from
the rocky clearings. But one fact
was soon to be evidenced: those in
land Crusoes had never possessed the
incentive to pry into the world beyond
the rim of the rugged Dozen Hills.
“To revert to the southern boundary
of the state for three seconds. Wheu
we detrained I could see Tib was dis
appointed because the citizens didn't
meet us at the station and weep on
his last clean shirt and have the
school children there to wave flags
and sing ‘Welcome Home.'
"To be chemically correct, I couldn’t
see as he knew anyone in the state.
•Finally he confessed that his parents
had moved from Bellows Falls when
ihe was three years old, yet he re
mained positive that If we went north
and tarried in the older centers of
civilization we'd find hos'.s of people
who would quit their means of earn
ing a livelihood to bask in the sun
shine of his society. So we passed
from one joint to another, discovering
many Smiths, but not his Smiths, un
til nothing would do but we must
■drill over the hills, towards Canada,
where the black flies and grasshoppers
'have a life easement on the horizon.
The White-Whiskered Tease.
"I objected, for it was daily becom
ing harder to feed the army. But Tib
laid in a stock of tinned stufT at the
last crossroads store and, crying ‘Ex
celsior,’ we hiked on until we came to
a range of knobs that aren't down on
the map. Tib thought it was the boun
dary, and insisted that we surmount
the barrier and squint our orbs at the
Lady of the Snows. It was a tough
climb, but at sundown we reached the
top, where we pitched a small shelter
tent and camped for the night.
TIBERIUS SMITH
HIS JOURNALISTIC EXPERIENCE
By HUGH PENDEXTER
In the morning we beheld a small
settlement of rudely constructed
houses, sleeping in a cup-like depres
sion.
“ ‘It isn’t on the time-tables,’ mur
mured Tib; and yet human beings
dwell therein. We ll go dowij,’
“Utterly fagged out, we struck the
burg late in the afternoon and found
it to be a lost town, the habitat of the
stay-at-home germ. I doubt if the
United States can furnish similar con
ditions, ransack its borders as you
will.
“The fact that French and half
breed farmers had settled down in
several communities within a radius
of twenty miles did not detract from
these people’s isolation, for they were
of our blood and had never assimi
lated with their neighbors. The very
air seemed ancient and somnolent, as
we looked on the houses, built largely
of logs, and observed that the inhab
itants who came out to meet us were
garbed in the styles of half a century
back.
“ ’I should say we are two scampish
flip Van Winkles and that this is a
dress-rehearsal,' observed Tib, as he
gravely bowed to an ancient master
piece whose face was covered with a
luxuriant growth of breakfast food.
"The white-whiskered tease eyed us
in surprise, and at last asked:
“ ‘Not French? You must have wan
dered far from your course to get
here.’
"Tib told him how we'd been fish
ing, and were strangers to the coun
try; how we were tired of the world
and would like to rest a bit.
“ If you stay you'll go back and tell
according to Old Time’s testimony,
they abhor the outside world and hope
to live indefinitely without being in
truded upon.’
“ But what’s that to us?' I gasped,
much perplexed at the situation.
“ 'Well,’ murmured Tib, ‘it seems
curiosity still remains. The mother
in ’em, I guess. The French and half
breeds they meet know nothing of
what's gone on, or is going on, in the
states; and consequently they are
hard up for news, about a half a cen
tury behind. When they came here,
cne of their number brought a small
hand press, and they obtained paper
through the French in Canada. But
the original printer died long ago. and
no one can run it, so they’ve had no
news for 40 years. The Dim Past
there opines that we, fresh from the
outer world, might supply the want
and get out a paper. Think of it, my
boy; think of it!’
“ But a paper won't pay here,’ I
blurted.
“ Not pay?- Tib replied, pityingly.
‘Why, the original immigrants brought
about $20,000 in gold with them; dis
trusted paper money, you know. It’s
all here. Hardly a dollar has rolled
over the hills. They can't use it; it’s
no good to 'em. Their medium of ex
change is corn and beans. They'll
think we're a godsend if we'll resur
rect the old press and toss off the
news once a week. I'll hire you now
as associate editor.’
“ But news!’ I cried. ‘Good Heav
ens! how can we get news?’
“ ‘To think,’ he apostrophized the
horizon, ‘that he should lead that card
after living with me all these years.
en Rule and never allowed his vocal,
chords to vibrate harshl/ at the rough
touch of truth.
“Finally we were shown to a house
of logs in the center of the settlement
where the old handpress and some
rolls of paper were stored. The own
er had left his property in fair con
dition, and the paper, some of it quite
fresh, some yellow with age, would
still take ink. We found a large quan
tity of the latter that Tib said he
could use by doctoring it up.
“ 'I suppose they’ll be willing for us
to visit the outside once in a while,’
I said to Tib, ’so that we can get the
news.’
“ ‘No,’ he explained, ‘we can’t do
that. They are willing to give us $50
a week apiece for one hundred copies
of my paper, containing what we can
remember of recent events. They
reckon that before the useless $20,000
are eaten up they will have become
satiated with new laid information.
They reckon on our being filled to the
brim with fresh recollections, and
they only ask that we jolt out a few
facts once a wreek. Now for issue
number one of the Tiberian Weekly!’
“And what do you suppose Tib in
sisted I should feed out to them?
The battle between the Monitor
and the Merrimac. Yes, sir; and
where my memory played me false
I worked the daffy corner of my
brain to the limit. Bless you, if
you could have read Tib’s edi
torial, comparing the merits of the
two boats and wandering off into a
dissertation of the mechanism of a 90
horsepower racing motor car, and then
my descriptive article of.the fight
TO STICK UP SOME BULLETINS.
what you’ve seen, and a crowd of
curious folks will be tramping up here
to look us over,’ objected a younger
man.
“’Silence, Reuben; let me talk to
the strangers,’ commanded grandpa,
sternly, and the other slunk back
abashed.
“I was surprised. The respect for
gray hairs, I've noticed, is not as
strong to-day as it was in the Rollo
books.
“Then the old man drew Tib aside
—I reckon he considered my striped
shirt to be too frivolous—and con
versed earnestly with him for some
time. Tih then jolted his hat over his
right ear, and I knew by that old
familiar sign that he had agreed to do
something unusual.
“ ‘Let me hold discourse with my
friend,’ I heard him say. Then to me
he whispered, ‘If we can be mean
enough to deal a few pictures from
the bottom of the deck, we can make
up what the manager appropriated, I
believe. List! This town is bedrid
den. Hasn’t seen any one but French
and half-breeds since the tristful days
of ’61. They’ll use us well if we'll
agree to stay through the summer.’
“ But why stay?’ I mumbled, utterly
at loss to comprehend any advantage
in so doing.
“ To earn a livelihood,’ explained
Tib. ‘Yon antique migrated here when
the civil war broke out. Did it to es
cape the draft. He and a bunch of
companions with their women folks
settled down in this well, believing
they were in Canada. He's the only
original forebear alive. They’ve never
written a letter or received a letter or
newspaper since coming here. Hence
the newer generation is in plumb dark
ness as to the events of the last 42
years. Y'ou see, the first batch of set
tlers was so opposed to being discov
ered and drafted that they never left
the valley.
" They call the surrounding heights
the Dozen Hills, as that's their num
ber. The prenatal influence got to
work, and all the children are perme
ated with the stay-at-home germ. Why,
Child'—and his voice took on the old
histrionic ring—‘we have 42 years of
history to drag on. They don’t even
know the civil war is over. The old
man is cloudy in his attic, and the
present generation doesn’t even know
how long their people have been here.
It is as if they had slumbered for half
a century.
“ ‘Their neighbors can’t read or
write, never heard of the great con
flict, and so have told them nothing.
It's true they’ve heard in a vague way
of the Spanish-American war, but
they think it’s a continuation of the
civil war. The battle of Gettysburg
occurred yesterday; the name is new
to ’em. Jeff Davis is fleeing towards
Texas, and Sheridan is only 20 miles
away.’
“The sublimity of it all dazed me.
‘Will they nibble?’ I whispered.
“ ‘Nibble! ’ he laughed. ‘Why, they'll
climb into the boat for the bait. This
is a virgin field, a lost town. It will
be like selling yesterday’s extras in
the moon. I can set type, or use to
when a maiden, and you can brush up
your history. I shall issue once a
week. The last very firmly.
“And it's the blessed truth that
those Alexander Selkirks had been
cast away with dim memories of the
civil war for nearly fifty years: the
curtain had rung down for them when
the north talked of drafting soldiers.
The children and grandchildren had
been taught to read from old hymnals
and Webster’s spelling-book. Their
literature consisted of a few ragged
volumes of the vintage of the first
half of the nineteenth century. They
feared the outside world. Every child
had been marked with, an abnormal
dread of the menace that crouched be
yond the narrow horizon. And yet
they hungered for news!
“Well, Tib told old Deacon Durgin
—that was the aged’s name—that we
were annexed, and would abide the
summer in their midst and furnish
real news. In private life Tiberius
was a most exact and honor
able man, but when it came to busi
ness he carefully locked up the Gold
itself, you would feel proud of us.
Talk about your red-hot lines from
the shot-riddled battlefield! r gave it
in rounds and wrote as if it were but
yesterday. Why, it simply staggered
’em, sir.
“You see, they'd lost all idea of
time. From observing them I can
now dimly appreciate the all-absorbing
interest the civil war excited. Those
people simply hung around from one
day to another, waiting for the paper
to leave the dinky, squeaking press.
It was a mere leaflet, all reading mat
ter.' Old Deacon Durgin, with hickory
staff clutched in his withered hand,
loafed in our office from morning un
til night. Tib and I had to stand out
in the middle of the grass-grown lane
when we wished to cook up some
warm, sassy ones.
•“What shall we give ’em next?’ I
inquired.
“ ‘Capture of Fort Donelson,' sug
gested Tib.
“ ‘That was before the naval en
gagement, I believe,’ I objected.
“ ‘We are defying time,’ reminded
my leader. ‘But if you are squeamish
and desire to observe a strict se
quence of events, give ’em the Penin
sular campaign.’
“I didn't recall much about this
campaign, but I foozled up some
names, gave a list of 20 killed, and let
it go. It took like hot cakes. They
didn’t mind paying over the gold; it
was the least valuable of their posses
sions. If we’d asked for potatoes
they would have coppered us to lose, I
reckon.
“One physical trait I noticed they
all had in common. Where the bump
of observation should be, there were
hollows. Yes, sir. their brows had
a scooped-out effect and their fore
heads were ingrowing. The men
worked all day in the fields, and the
women spun and knit. They had
sheep and cows and plenty to eat in a
rough-and-ready sort of a way. Their
government was patriarchal, I reckon,
as Deacon Durgin seemed to be the
boss Injun. We boarded with him.
“The head of each family was re
sponsible for his children's education,
and all could read and write. Al
though they looked down on their
neighbors as an inferior race, their
brains panned out far below the aver
age. They had stagnated and inter
married so long that to deceive ’em
was as easy as stealing things off a
Christmas tree. Tib greatly relished
creating sensations, and one week
he sprung an extra in which incredi
! ble feats of valor were accorded to
both armies. The north and south
were clinched, hitting with one arm
free.
"His description of the battlefield
was the fiercest thing I ever saw out
side a gilded ten-cent novel. He in
vented names of men and even states,
and at the wind-up proclaimed in cir
cus type that England was about to
declare war against the north.
" 'My boy,’ he explained, with en
thusiasm. 'what we want is a uni
versal war. It pleases 'em to think
everyone is fighting and that this is
the only quiet spot on earth. Each
battle redoubles their sense of secur
ity and isolation. It's our duty to
make !em happy. Besides, the more
characters in the play, the more scope
you have. Nothing hampers a man
so as facts. Get above sordid facts
and make history. Now, if I were you.
I’d ring in an army of Chinese assail
ing Jersey City. That will dovetail
in with my chapter. .Make the Chinks
and English allies.’
"As it was Tib's game, and as they
seemed ready to swallow anything
from an egg up to a family Bible, I
dished up the next item in lurid style.
I remember it was a ‘Very Special
War Extra,’ and I figured out about
40,000 dead on the field of battle when
sable nig^it spread her dusky wings
o'er the plain. That last phrase was
Tib’s, and he admitted he had read
it in a novel, but he maintained it was
the best line ever in the paper.
it would nave done your heart
good could you have seen Tiberius
bustling out in front of our log house,
paste-pot in hand, to stick up some
bulletins on a tree. He really be
lieved, 1 reckon, he was running a big
paper, and I got so I took my work
seriously. When he would announce
that we were to issue an extra. I
would fight my watch as if I only had
five minutes to catch the press, and
Tib would stand over me bawling out:
'Copy! Copy! Look alive, Billy!
You’ve only two minutes!’
“Then he'd turn to the clutter of
women folks and declare: 'Mrs.
Whitten, you must remove your off
spring from the press-room. Children
are out of place in a great newspaper
office.’ And It all seemed real, too.
It didn't strike me as funny. 1 was
sincerely provoked because the kids
were swarming over the shop.
“1 shall always remember the style
of him when he'd dash out wdth his
bulletins. Frowning heavily, eyes
glittering with energy, he'd slap up
a wireless to the bffect that Gen.
Longstreet was dead. Then he'd walk
pertly back to the editorial room,
look over my shoulder and read in
my description that Gen. Longstreet
was beating a masterly retreat. Out
he'd dash again and correct the first
bulletin to read, ‘Gen. Longstreet Is
Not Dead.” And all the while he'd
be humming some catchy lilt from a
last season's chorus.
"Whenever we issued an extra we
had the youngsters run about the
Hollow shouting, ‘Extry! Extry!
North ’n‘ South in a death grapple!
All about th’ big battle. Seventeen
hundred kilt!' And Tib would stand
beaming in the doorway and murmur, i
‘Ah, but it's heartsome. If we only j
had some embalmed beef and a rip
snorting scandal! But it'll come. Pa- I
tience, my boy, until we run out of j
embalmed history. Billy, see if we j
have another can of those preserved :
cavalry charges in the pantry. 1
guess we'd better feed 'em a little J
hoof-work next."
"Say, after working under that man j
you'd never want to return to hum
drum again. Why, I got so I was !
afraid some qne would spring my !
fairy news items ahead of me, and the
joy of knowing I was first in the lane
with an extra was never surpassed in |
Park Row. We became so keen in the j
game that on several occasions we got ;
out night extras. Yes, sir, we aroused j
those poor oblivious bipeds at three I
o’clock in the morning, and they got I
up and read the latest intelligence by I
candle-light. Of course, the night ex
tras were only when the news was
terrific and wouldn't keep until morn
ing.
“Only once did Deacon Durgin inter
fere with our policy. That was when
Tib wrote an editorial knocking free
silver and declaring for a gold stand
ard. The deacon insisted that when it
came to the currency question, Home
Hollow wanted only a bean basis. He
had no use for money, but a govern
ment established on beans would out
last the very hills, he said. We made
that the issue of the presidential cam
paign, and it hit ’em keenly, sir. An
unlimited currency of beans was their
slogan, and we supplied statistics to
prove it was the only possible solutioi.
of the monetary problem.
• "Shortly after that, Tib came to me
and said:
“ ‘That last edition touched 'em, and
touched ’em deeply, sir. Now, to
thoroughly interest ’em, we must
bring the danger nearer, and then by
dispelling it, we ll earn their everlast
i ing thanks. Home Hollow must be
threatened by an invasion.’
“Well, I got out a ‘Very Special War
Extra’ at midnight, telling the fearful
news. Hang me if it didn't brush ’em
off their feet. The women wept and
hid their children, while the men scut
tled off to the thick woods whispering
‘draff to each other. I had made the
army a combination of Chinks and
Turks, with a sprinkling of horrible
Indian allies. It was a tough proposi
tion for a band of innocents to stub
up against. But, do you know, that
extra was the beginning of the end for
us?
“So strangely does fear operate that
the most arrant coward in the Hollow
stole off to mount the granite wall to
penetrate the valley beyond. No man
in Home Hollow- had ever done this
before, but the spy was irresistibly
drawn to know the worst. I saw hint
set off. and at once decided to fade
I through the bushes in silent pursuit,
i Tib was-absent in some other part
J of the village, so my going was un
; known to any one.
“Well, the man crept up the rugged,
peaceful slope as if he were trying to
sneak by a party of Indians on the
war-path. I kept him in sight until
he reached the top. Then 1 saw him
Threw Up His Hands.
throw up his hands and sink to the
ground. It scared me. I'll admit it.
I had been writing yellow stuff so
long that I was quite hysterical. I
guess it wouldn't have surprised me
much if a gang of heathens had ap
peared on the summit with hack hair
down and scalping-knives up. At last
I made a detour and crawled up to
him. Hang me if he wasn't reading a
portion of a newspaper that Tib had
discarded from the sweat-band of his
hat when we first sighted the burgh.
As he read I could hear grunts of
surprise and exclamations of anger.
I recognized him as Reuben, the
young man who had originally ob
jected to our tarrying in the Hollow.
“ 'The bearers were veterans of the
north and south. The men who'd
fought under him and agin him bared
their heads in mutual sorrer an' re
spect,’ he slowly spelled out, and I
realized he had hit upon a description
of some military funeral. 'The strife
an' anger of '61 was no more,' he con
tinued. ‘The last few survivors of
the Blue an’ the Gray hobbled slowly
along an’ were brothers.’
“Then it sunk into my brain that
he had discovered our hoax and knew
that the civil war had ended.
“With great stealth I made a bee
line for the settlement, where I found
Tib explaining the general situation
to his amazed whiskers, the Deacon.
Clutching his arm, I tore him away,
saying to the old man it was impor
tant war news. Once aside, I whis
pered in my editor's ear that the
game was up, and that freedom beck
oned down the line.
“Tib quickly secured our small
stock of gold, and, stealing out among
the bushes, we made for the mountain.
Soon we heard a great crackling of
underbrush ahead of us. Drawing
aside, we had the pleasure of seeing
the scout making for the village, wav
ing the fragment of the newspaper
and crying loudly as he went.
“ ‘It's farewell to the Tiberian
Weekly/ sighed Tib.
" 'It s us to the nusty highlands, I
added, and on we went.
“Back of us we could hear a great
outcry, but as we neared the top of
the rocks it died away. It was now
nightfall, and Tib paused and pointed
back, where the dusk was chasing it
self about the lowlands, and groaned.
'Look! They burn their only monu
ment to liberty. They squelch the
freedom of the press!’
“A bright blaze told where the office
of the Tiberian Weekly was being
sacrificed on the altar of an outraged
people.
“And so we left 'em. Tib always
said he was going back to square him
self, but he never did. And little we
recked it would be a long, long time
before we gazed on the Green Moun
tains again. So I do not know wheth
er they yet live secluded and unknown
in Home Hollow, or whether they
have braved a fringe of the world.
But I do know that somewhere up
there on the toy edge of Essex county
is a community that waited nearly
half a century for Tiberius Smith to
inform ’em that the civil war is a
closed incident.
(Copyright, by Joseph B. Bowles.)
Fox Kills Many Fowls.
A fox killed flftv-nine fowls In Poin
ton Fen, Lincolnshire, England, in two
nights.
WEST POINT’S GREAT CHAIN
It Weighed 200 Tons, Was One •file
in Length and Cost $400,000. I
From an ironmaker's point of view
the greatest achievement during the
revolutionary period was tbe making
of the great West Point chain. This
massive chain, which has probably
never had an equal since the first
luunmer struck upon tbe first anvil,
v‘'Vi'/;:'. . V"'-- 'C:
was stretched across the Hudson river
at West Point to prevent the British
fleet from making a second attack
j upon Kingston and Albany. It was
nearly a mile in length and weighed
almost 200 tons, many single links
being as heavy as an ordinary-sized
man. To complete it in six weeks 60
men hammered day and night at 17
forges and the cost of It was placed
at $400,000
*
“The great chain is buoyed up,”
wrote Dr. Thacher, “by very large
logs, about 16 feet long, pointed at the
ends to lessen their opposition to the,
force of the current. The logs are
placed at short distances from each
other, the chain carried over them and
made fast to each by staples. There.
are also a nnmber of anchors dropped j
at proper distances with cables made'
fast to the chain, to give it greater {
stability.” No British ship passed this i
iron barrier. With its aid West Point |
became the strongest military post la!
__Vtt'- 1.■
America—so strong that treachery
was tried where force of arms had
failed.
When Benedict Arnold was plotting
the surrender of West Point he wrote
Andre and said: “I have ordered that
a link he removed from the great
chain and taken to the smith for re
pair.” The chain, however, remained
in place till the end of the war and
links of it are still to be seen in the
museums of Albany, West Point, New
LIMIT ADVERTISING PAGES
Australia has placed a heavy duty
on all magazines containing advertis
ing matter in a proportion of more
than one-flfth of the general contents.
Mutilated magazines are one of the
first results of the new tariff. Sub
scribers to many popular monthlies are
writing to the Melbourne papers, in
| dignantly complaining of the condition
i In which the last numbers reached
them. Nearly all the advertising pages
' .-.'
were torn out by rude force. This was
done by the agents with the permis
sion of the minister of customs, who
has granted the publishers four
months’ grace to make fresh arrange
ments. The Melbourne manager of
one well-known magaxine says that it
has hitherto been sold in Australia at
12 cents, but if this provision in the
new tariff is passed the price in future
cannot be less than 30 cents.
IN MY FAMILY
“I Have Used Pe-ru-na at Various
Times for Several Years.”
|Mj^DWMyywniy|
I Recommend I'e-ru-na.
MR. EDWARD M. BURTT, 5 N. Jef
ferson Ave., St. Louis, Mo., writes:
“It affords ine much pleasure to an
nounce that I have used your medicine,
at various times for several years, and
that it liasgi ven entire satisfaction, not
only in my own family, but also that of
othersof my friends. And would cheer
fully recommend the use of Peruna, as
I certainly do endorse your medicine. ’
Catarrh of Head, Nose, Throat.
Mr. Charles Levy, 80 Allen St., New
York, N. Y., writes;
“I am very glad to tell you of the
cures wrought by Peruna in my family.
‘•My son. aged seven, who had ca
tarrh'of the nose, was cured by two
bottles of Peruna. and 1 had catarrh oi
the head, nose, throat and ears. One
bottle of Peruna cured me.”
Pe-ru-na Tablets:—Some people prefer
tablets, rather than medicine in a fluid
form. Such people can obtain Peru
na Tablets, which represent the solid
medicinal ingredients of Peruna.
Ask Your Druggist for Free Peruna
Almanac for 1908.
Mean Revenge.
A man had been very badly treated
by the proprietors of a boarding
house, and when In temporary finan
cial difficulties had been forced to
leave. Some time later, smiled upon
by fickle fortune, he achieved success
and prosperity as a popular dentist,
and soon found means to revenge his
former landlady's slight. The method
he adopted was simple but extremely
effective, quite ruining the business of
his enemy. Directly opposite the
boarding house he opened his new
dental establishment, and upon the
largest window in bold letters ap
peared the following notice: “Steel
pointed boarding house teeth a spe
cialty!”
Laundry work at home would be
much more satisfactory if the right
Starch were used. In order to get the
desired stiffness, it is usually neces
sary to use so much starch that the
beauty and fineness of the fabric is !
hidden behind a paste of varying
thickness, which not only destroys the
appearance, but also affects the wear
ing quality of the goods. This trou
ble can be entirely overcome by using
Defiance Starch, as it can be applied
much more thinly because of its great
er strength than other makes.
Daily Thought.
A little fun.
A little play.
A little laughter
Day by day.
A little school
And we'll confess
A little bit of waywardness.
A little grief
A little woe
As down the later
Yea rs we go.
A little love.
A little strife,
A deal of hope—
And this is life.
Deafness Cannot Be Cured
hj local application*, a* they cannot reach the dis
eased portion of the ear. There !» only one way to
cure deafness, and that Is by constitutional remedies.
Deafneng is caused by an Inflamed condition of the
mucous lining of the Eustachian Tube. When this
tube is Inflamed you have a rumbling sound or tin
perfect hearing, and when It Is entirely closed. Deaf
ness is the result, and unless the inflammation can be
taken out and this tube restored to Its normal condi
tion, hearing will be destroyed forever; nine cases
out of ten are caused by Catarrh, which isnotblng
but an Inflamed condition of the mucous surfaces.
We will give One Hundred Dollars for any case of
Deafness (caused by catarrh* that cannot be cured
by Hall's Catarrh Cure, send for circulars, free.
F J. CHENEY * CO., Toledo, a
Sold by Druggists. 55c.
Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation.
He Knew Her.
Mrs. Highflyer—Yes, George was
away behind in his alimony, said money
was tight and all that, but I brought
him around.
The Platonic Friend—How did you
manage it? L
Mrs. Highflyer—Oh. I wrote him a
little letter threatening to go back and
live with him.
Important to Mothers.
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTORIA a safe and sure remedy for
Infants and children, and see that it
Bears the
Signature o.'<
In Fse For Over ;H) Years. .
The Kind You Have Always Bought.
Tough Luck.
Hewitt—You look glum; what's the
matter?
Jewett—I’ve had bad news from my
wife.
Hewitt—What is it?
Jewett—She's coming home.
FITS, St. Vitus Dance and ali Nervous
Diseases permanently cured by Dr. Kline s
Great Nerve Restorer. Send for Free S2.00
trial Bottle and treatise. Dr R- H. Kline,
Ld.. Arch St., Philadelphia, Pa.
An old bachelor says that some wom
en marry for the purpose of obtaining
a listener who can't get away.
PILES CL RED IN « TO 14 DA VS.
PAZO OINTMENT is guaranteed to cure any case
of I tolling. Blind. Bleeding nr Prulruaing Pile* in
# to 14 days or money refunded. SOe.
Insomnia is one of the Infant ail- i''
ments that is contagious. v
Lewis’ Single Binder Cigar has a rich
taste. Your dealer or Lewis’ Factory,
Peoria, Hi. ,
With old age comes the knowledge
of lost opportunities.
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