Nebraska Newspapers

    THE INVENTIONS OF HAWKINS
7^/0 EDGAR Tran KLI N
THE ALCOMOTIVE.,
u s a good while since you ve in
vented anything. Isn’t it, Hawkins?”
I had said the night before.
Hawkins had murmured.
"Must be two months?”
"Ah?” Hawkins had smiled.
"What is it? Life insurance com
panies on to you?”
“Um-ah,” Hawkins had replied.
“Or have you really given it up for
good? it can't be, can it?”
"Oh-ho,” Hawkins had yawned, and
there I stopped questioning him.
Satan himself must have concocted
the business which sent me—or started
me—toward Philadelphia next morn
ing. Perhaps, though, the railroad com
pany was as much to blame; they
should , have known better.
The man in the moon was no fur
ther lrom my thoughts than Hawkins
as I stepped ashore on the Jersey side
of the ferry to, take the train. Yet
there stood Hawkins in the station.
Surely something was working him
up. I wondered what it was.
As i watched, an apoplectic-looking
youth appeared in the door of the of
fice end handed Hawkins an official
appearing slip of paper.
The inventor snatched it impolitely
and turned his back, while the youth
gazed after him for a moment and
then returned to the office.
"Set of confounded idiots!” Hawk
ins remarked, wrathfully.
( Then ere I could disappear he spied
me.
"Aha, Griggs, you here?”
"No, I’m not,” I said, flatly. “If
there’s any trouble brewing, Hawkins,
consider me back in New' York. What
has excited you?”
"Excited me? Those, fool railroad
officials are enough to drive a man to
the asylum. Did you see how they
kept me standing outside that door?”
"Weil, did you want to stand inside
the door, Hawkins?”
“I didn’t want to stand anywhere in
the neighborhood of their infernal door!
The idea of making me get a permit to
ride on an engine! Me!”
“I don’t know how else you'd man
age it, Hawkins, unless you applied for
a job as fireman. Why on earth do
you want to ride on a locomotive?”
"Oh, it’s not a locomotive, Griggs.
You don't understand. Where are you
bound for?”
"Philadelphia.”
“Then, by George, you’ll be with
us! You’ll see the whole show!”
Hawkins caught my coat sleeve and
dragged me toward the train-gates.
“See, here,” I said, detaining him,
“whit whole show?”
"But why don’t you come and see
for yourself?” the inventor cried, im
. patiently. "It’s—it’s—”
He paused for a moment.
“Why, it’s the Hawkins’ Alcomo
tivei” he added.
“And what under heavens is the
Hawkins—”
"Well, you don’t suppose I’m carry
ing scale drawings of the thing on me,
do you? You don’t suppose that I’m
prepared to give a demonstration with
magic lantern pictures on the spot?
If you want to see it, come and see it.
If not, you’d better go into your train.
It’s 10:03 now.”
1 anew uu way ui ocuer Utilizing tne
remaining seven minute. I walked or
rather trotte 1—after Hawkins, through
the gates, down the platform, and
along by the train until we reached
the locomotive—or the place where a
decent, God-fearing locomotive should
have been standing.
The customary huge iron horse was
not in sight.
In its place stood what resembled a
small hat-car. On the car I observed
an affair which resembled something
an enthusiastic automobilist might
have conceived in a lobster salad
nigh'mare.
It was, I presume, merely an abnor
mally large automobile engine; and
along each side of it ran a big cylin
drical tank.
“There, Griggs!” said Hawkins.
“That doesn’t look much like the old
fashioned, clumsy locomotive, does it?” j
“I should say it didn't.”
"Of course it’s a little rough in finish j
—just a trial Alcomotive, you know— 1
but it’s going to do one thing to-day.” |
"And that is?”
"It's going to sound the solemn!
death-knell of the old steam locomo
tive," said Hawkins, evidently feel-!
ing some compassion for the time-hon- !
ored engine.
"But will that thing pull a train? Is !
that the notion?”
“Notion! It’s no notion—it's a sim
ple, mathematical certainty, my dear
f Griggs. In that Alcomotive—it’s run
by vapors of alcohol, you know—we
have sufficient power to pull 15 parlor
cars, 12 loaded day coaches, 20 ordinary
flat cars, 18 box cars, or 27—”
" 'Board for Newark, Elizabeth,
Trentou, Philadelphia, and all pbints
south,” sang out the man at the
gates.
He was lying, but he didn’t know it.
"Wei!. I guess it's—it's time to start,”
Hawk.ns concluded, rather nervously.
"Well, may the Lord have mercy on
your soul, Hawkins,” I said, feelingly.
“Good-by. I'll be along on the next
train—whenever that is.”
"What! You’re coming on the Alco
motive with me!”
“Not on your life, Hawkins!" I cried,
energetically. "If this railroad wishes
to trust its passengers and rolling
stock and road-bed to your alcohol
machine, that's their business. But
they’*'e got a hanged sight more con- j
fldenea in you than I have.”
“Well, you’ll have confidence enough
before the day’s over,” said the inven
tor, grabbing me with some determina
tion. "For once, I’ll get the best of
your sneers. You come along!”
“Let go!” I shouted.
"Here,” said Hawkins to tte me
chanic who was. warily eyeing the Al
comotive, "help Mr. Griggs up.”
Hawkins boosted and the man
grabbed me. In a second or two I stood
on the car, and Hawkins clambered up
beside me.
Had i but regained my breath a sec
ond or two sooner—had I but collected
my senses sufficiently to jump!
But l was a little too bewildered by
the suddenness of my elevation to act
for a moment. As I stood there, gasp
ing, 1 heard Hawkins say:
“What’s that conductor waving his
hands for?”
“He—he wants you to start up,” tit
tered the engineer. “We are two min
utes late as it is.”
“Oh, that’s it?” said Hawkins, gruffly.
“Heneedn’tget so excited aboutit. Why,
positively, that man looks as if he was
swearing! If I—”
“Well, say, you’d better start up,”
put in the engineer. “I may get
blamed for this.”
Hawkins opened a valve—he turned
a crank—he pulled back a lever or
two.
The Alcomotive suddenly left the
station. So abruptly, in fact, did the
train start that my last vision of the
end brakeman revealed him rolling
along the platform in a highly undig
nified fashion, while the engineer sat
at my feet in amazement as I clutched
the side of the car.
In less time than it takes to tell it,
we were whirling over the marshes,
swaying from side to side, tearing a
long hole in the atmosphere, I fancy;
usage. There were visible bruises in
several cases, due, presumably, to the
slightly startling suddenness with
which our trip began.
But Hawkins was blind to anything
of that sort.
“Now, wasn’t that fine?’' he said,
proudly.
"Well—we're here—and alive,” was
about all I could say.
“I wonder how it feels to be back in
the cars. Let's try it,” proposed
Hawkins.
“But, say, mister,” said the engineer,
"who's going to run the darned ma
chine, ii you're not here?”
“Why, you, my man. You understand
an engine of this sort, don’t you? But
of course you do. Here! This is the
valve for the alcohol—this is the ig
niter—here are the brakes—this is the
speed control. See? Oh, you won’t
find any difficulty in managing it
The Alcomotive is simplicity on
wheel's."
“Yes, but I’ve got a wife and fam
ily—” the unhappy man began.
“Well,” said Hawkins, icily.
“And if the thing should balk—”
“Balk! Rats! Come, Griggs. It’s
time you started, my man. I’ll wave
my hand when we reach the car.”
Frankly, I think that it was a down
right contemptible trick to play on the
defenseless engineer. Had I been able
to render him any assistance, I should
have stayed with him.
But Hawkins was already trotting
back to the cars, and with a murmured
benediction for the hapless mechanic
who s:ood and trembled alone on the
platform of the Alcomotive, I fol
lowed.
We took seats in one of the cars.
“Well, why doesn't he start?” mut
tered the inventor.
“Maybe the fright has killed him,” I
suggested. "It's enough—”
Bang!
We stopped with such an almighty
thud that it seemed as if the cars must
fly into splinters. They rattled and
shook and cracked. The passengers ex
ecuted further acrobatic feats upon the
floor; they clutched at things and fell
over things and swore and gurgled.
"Well, by thunder!” ejaculated
Hawkins. That was about the mildest
remark 1 heard at the time. “What
do you suppose he did?”
“Give it up,” I caid, caressing the
egg-like eminence that had appeared
upon my brow as if by magic. “Prob
ably he fell into the infernal thing, and
it has stopped to show him up.”
“Nonsense! We’ll have to see what’s
happened. Come, we’ll go through the
cars. It’s quicker.”
* We ran through the coaches until
we h2d reached the front of the train.
Hawkins went upon the platform.
The Aloomotive was apparently in
tact. The engineer stood over the ma
chinery, white as chalk, and his lips
mumbled incoherently.
“What is it?” cried Hawkins.
“How'n blazes do I know?” dertiand
ed the engineer.
“But didn't you stop her ?”
"Certainly not. She—she stopped her
self.”
“What perfect idiocy!” cried the in
ventor. “You must have done some
thing!”
“I did not!” retorted the engineer.
“The b.amed thing just stood stock
still end near bumped the life out of
me! Say. mister, you come up here
and see what—”
“Oh, it’s nothing serious, my man.
Now, let me think. What could have
happened? Er—just try that lever at
your right hand.”
"This one?”
“Yes; pull it gently.”
"Hadn’t we better git them people
out o’ the train first?" asked the en
gineer. "You know, if anything hap
' t
“We Struck Into the Hills.”
ami certainly almost jarring the teeth
from my head.
“How’s this for time?” cried the in
ventor.
"It's all right for t-t-t-time,’’ I stut
tered. But—”
“Yes, that part’s all right,” yelled!
the engineer, who had been ruthlessly
detailed to assist. "But say, mister,
how about the time-table?”
"What about it?” demanded Haw
kins.
“Why. the other trains ain't ar
ranged to give with this 9o-mile-an
hour gait."
"They should be. i told the railroad j
people that 1 intended to break a few
records.”
“But I guess they didn’t know—we
may smash into something, mister, j
and— ’
“Not my fault,” said the inventor, i
“if we do by any chance have a col- '
lision, the railroad people are to blame. ■
But we won't. I can stop this machine
and 'he whole train in 200 feet. That’s
another great point about the Alcorao
tive, Griggs—the Alcobrakes. You
see, w-hen i shut off the engine prop
er, all the power goes into the brakes.
It is thus—”
"Hev, mister.” the engineer shout
ed again, "here's Newark!’
I \v;l! say it for Hawkins that he
managed to stop the affair it Newark
in very commendable fashion. It seems i
so remarkable that one of his contriv
ances should have exhibited that much
amenity to control that it is worthy
of note.
Some of the passengers who alighted
to be sure, exhibited signs of hard
The Alcomotive had sprung into ac
tion ouce more. People slid out of
their seats with the shock, others top
pled head over heels into the aisle, the
porter went dojvn unceremoniously
upon his sable countenance and crushed
into pulp the plate of tongue sand
wiches he had been carrying.
But the Alcomotive was going—that
was enough for Hawkins. He sat back
and watched the scenery slide by kinet
oscope fashion.
“Lord, Lord, where's the old locomo
tive now?” he laughed, pityingly.
"Don't shout till you’re out of the
woods, Hawkins,” I cautioned him.
“We haven’t reached Philadelphia yet.”
“But can’t you see that were going
to? Won't that poor little mind of
yours grapple with the fact that the
Hawkins Alcomotive is a success—a
success? Can’t you feel the train shoot
ing along—”
"I can feel that well enough," I said,
dubiously; “but suppose—”
“Suppose nothing! What have you
to croak about now, Griggs? Actually,
there are times when you really make
me physically weary. See here! The
Alcomotive supersede;; the locomotive
first, lit point of weight; second, in
point of speed; third, in economy of
operation, fourth, it is absolutely safe
and easy to manage.
“No complicated machinery—nothing
to slip and smash at critical moments
—perfect ease ot control. Why, if that
feilo./ really wished to stop—here,
now, at this minute—”
Whether the fellow wished it or not,
he stepped—there, then, and at that
minute!
| pens, people just love to sue a rail
road company for damages, and—”
“Puti that lever!” Hawkins cried,
angrily.
The man took a good grip, murmured
something which sounded like a prayer,
| and pulled.
Notning happened.
"Well, that's queer!” muttered Hawk
! ins. "Doesn't it seem to have any ef
’ feet?”
“Nope.”
“Well, then, try that small one at
: vour left. Pull it back half way.”
The man obeyed.
For a second or two the Alcomotive
emitted a string of consumptive
coughs. One or two parts moved spas
modically and seemed to be- reaching
for the engineer. The man dodged.
Then the Alcomotive began to back!
“Here! Here! Something’s wrong!”
cried Hawkins, as the accursed thing
. i.Cvi. "Push that back where
it was.”
"Nit!” yelled the engineer, picking
up his coat and running to the side of
1 the cat. ”1 ain’t going to make my
wife a widow for r.o da r.e . nventiot
or no darned job! See?”
“You're not going to jump?” squealed
| the inventor.
“Y'ou bet I am!” replied the meehan
| ic. making a flying leap.
The Alcomotive was now without
! any semblance of a controlling hand.
There was no way or Hawkins to
reach the contrivance, for the car was
j four or five feet distant from the train
proper, and to attempt a leap or a
i climb to the Alcomotive, with the
; whole affair rocking and swaying as it
HE PAINTED HIS OWN FENCE
Why the Work Might Have Been Done
Better by a Professional.
Louis Weis, who recently built a
home in Virginia place, East St. Louis,
\ Is willing to acknowledge that there
are a few things a professional can
do better than an amateur. One of
them is painting a fence. The next
time Mr. Weis has any billboard dec
»
orating to do he will hire a man. It
happened this way:
Last Monday night Mr. Weis had a
little spare time on his hands. The
back fence was in need of kalsomine,
and after purchasing a can of paint
for one dollar and a brush tor 50 cents
he started in to do the job. It was
then about: seven o'clock, and Mr.
Weis remarked to his bettor half that
he would have the 25 feet of boarding
properly dyed in “about three shakes
of a sheep's tail." The sun went down
and the supper hour passed, but Mr.
Weis went on painting. It was too
early for the moon to rise and, as it
seemed necessary to complete the job,
Mrs. Weis offered to hold a lamp
while Mr. Weis painted.
The neighbors, attracted by the un
usuU scene, went over to investigate,
thinking perhaps burglars were at
work. Most of them remained to crit
icise, extol or offer suggestions. Mr.
Weis went on painting. At midnight
the job was finished, and Mr. Weis
took an inventory. He found that he
had ruined one $25 suit of clothes and
one $10 dress belonging to Mrs. Weis,
not to mention the damage suffered
by his temper. A painter who viewed
the job next morning said it would
have cost about two dollars to do it
right.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat.
was, would simply have been to pavs
the way for a neat "Herbert Hawkins”
on the marble block of their plot in
Greenwood cemetery.
"Well, what under the sun—" be
gan Hawkins.
“Good heavens! This train! The
people!” I gasped.
“Well—well—well—let us find the
conductor. He’ll know what to do!”
“Yes, but he can’t stop the machine
—and we’re backing along at certain
ly 50 miles an hour; and any minute
we may run into the next train be
hind.”
“Come! Come! Find the conduc
tor!”
We found him very easily.
The conductor was running through
the train toward us as we reached the
second car, and his face was the face
cf a l'ear-racked maniac.
“Wnat’s happened?” he shrieked.
“Why on earth are we backing?”
"Why, you see—” Hawkins began.
“For God’s sake, stop your machine!
“You’re the man who owns it, aren’t
you?”
“Certainly, certainly. But you see,
the mechanism has—er—slipped some
where—nothing serious, of course—
and—”
“Serious! ” roared the railroad man.
“You call it nothing serious for us to
be flying along backwards and the
Washington express coming up behind
at a mile a minute!”
“Oh! oh! Is it?” Hawkins faltered.
“Yes! Can’t you stop her—any
way?”
“Well, not that I know—why, see
here!” A smile of relief illumined
Hawkins’ face.
"Well? Quick, man!”
"We can have a brakeman detach the
Alcomotive!”
“And what good’ll that do, when
she's pushing the train?”
“True, true!” groaned the inventor.
’I didn't think of that!”
“I’m going to bring every one into
these forward cars,” announced the
conductor. “It’s the only chance of
saving a few lives when the crash
comes.”
“Lives,” moaned Hawkins, dazedly.
“Is there really any danger of—”
The conductor was gone. Hawkins
sank upon a seat and gasped and
gasped.
“Oh, Griggs, Griggs!” he sobbed. “If
I had only known! If I could have
foreseen this!”
“If you ever could foresee anything!”
I said, bitterly.
But it s partly—yes, it s all that
| cursed engineer’s fault!”
People began to troop into the car.
They came crushing along in droves,
frightened to death, some weeping,
some half-mad with terror.
Hawkins surveyed them with much
the expression of Napoleon arriving in
Hades. The conductor aproached once
more.
•‘They're all in here,” he said, re
signedly. ‘‘Thank heaven, there are
two freight cars on the rear of the
train! That may do a little good!
But that express! Man, man! What
have you done!"
‘‘Did he do it? Is it his fault?” cried
a dozen voices.
“No, no, no, no!” shrieked the in
ventor. “He's lying!”
“You’d better tell the truth now,
man." said the conductor, sadly. “Y’ou
may not have much longer to tel! i„. '
“Lynch him!” yelled some one.
There was a move toward Hawkins.
I don't know where it might have end
ed. Very likely they would have sus
pended Hawkins from one of the ven
tilators and pelted him with hand
satcnels—an1 very small blame to
them bad there been time.
But just as the crowd moved—well,
then I fancied that the world had come
to an end.
There wa3 a shock, terrific beyond
description—window panes clattered
into the car—the whole coach was
hurled from the track and slid side
ways for several seconds.
Above us the roof split wide open
and let in ihe sunlight. Passengers
were on the seats, the floor, on their
heads!
Then, with a final series of creaks
and groans all was still.
Hawkins and I were near the tagged
opening which had once been a door.
We climbed out to the ground and
looked about us.
Providence had been very kind to
Hawkins. The Washington express was
standing, unexpectedly, at a water
tank—part oi it, at least. Her huge lo
comotive was on its side.
Our two freight ears and two more
passenger cars with them were piled
up in kindling wood. Even the next
car was derailed and badly smashed.
The Aleomotive, too, reclined upon
one side and blazed merrily, a fitting
tail-piece to the scene.
But not a soul had been killed—
we l'Mrued that from one of the groups
which swarmed from the express, after
a muster had been taken of our own
passengers. It was a marvel—but. a
fact.
Hawkins and I edged away slowly.
“Let’s get out o’ this!” he whispered,
hoarsely. “There's that infernal con
ductor. He seems to be looking for
some cne.”
We did get out of it. In the excite
ment we sneaked down by the ex
press, past it, and struck into the bills.
Eventually we came out upon tne
trolley tracks and waited for the car
which took us back to Jersey City.
Now, there is really more of this
narrative.
The pursuit of Hawkins by the rail
road people—their discovery of him at
his home that night—tbe painful trans
action by which he was compelled :o
surrender to them all his holdings in
that particular road—the commentary
of Mrs. Hawkins.
There is, as I say, more of it. But,
on the whole, it is better left untold.
(Copyright, 1906. by W. G. Chapman.)
* M mflNHi H xWAiw imrflAi n
, -V—-1»....
International Marriages.
A remarkable list, collected for the
first time, shows that American wom
en have, within a few years, gained
23 titles by marriages into English
families, 26 German titles, 14 French,
17 Italian and 6 Russian. It is fur
ther estimated that 160 American
heiresses have taken to Europe in
dowries no less than £30,000,000, or
an average of £187,500 each. In
Great Britain the American wives of
British husbands help to control
about 2,000,000 acres of land.
MADE RIDER A HERO
BALKY MULE GAVE SOLDIER
FIRST STEP IN CAREER.
Kasterlitzky’s Animal Refused to Re
treat and Charged the Enemy,
Action Turning Defeat
Into Victory.
One of the central figures in the
riots and battles between Americans
and Mexican miners at Cananea was
Lieut. Col. Kasterlitzky of the Mexican
army.
This daring fighter is not a Mexi
can, but, as his name implies, a native
of Poland. Coming to the United
States at 15 years of age, he gained a
good knowledge of English and drifted
into Mexico.
There he joined the Mexican regu
lar army, and now, at 45 years of age,
is known as one of the most intrepid
soldiers the republic has.
It has been claimed that Kaster
litzky was trained in the United States
army, but officers of the department
of Colorado say that he never was in
the army. His love of personal lib
erty and his instincts as a soldier of
fortune was developed here.
Col. Kasterlitzky is a tall, wiry,
strongly built man, trained in all the
art of his calling, and one of the best
shots in the Mexican army. He is
probably the best man in that country
to cope with a mob.
The colonel, who is a Pole of noble
blood, came to the United States at
an early age and enlisted in the reg
ular army. While stationed at El
Paso, so the story goes, he struck an
officer of the army for a fancied in
sult. Knowing the Revere punishment
which would be visited on him he fled
across the Rio Grande into Mexico.
He found it impossible to get a com
mission in the Mexican army, and, as
the privates in that country are re
cruited from the criminal classes, he
could hardly enlist.
knowing an auout norses ue was
finally attached to the army In the
capacity of a horseshoer. When on a
campaign in Siona his company was
attacked by a band of Yaqui Indians.
iThe commanding officer of the Mexi
cans ordered a masterly retreat. The
horseshoer was mounted on a mule,
which, with true obstinacy, refused to
retreat, but broke into a gallop, head
ed toward the enemy. Kasterlitzky
could not check his steed, so he drew
ja pistol and shouted for the Mexican
soldiers to follow him. They did so,
and the enemy was put to flight. For
this act of involuntary valor Kaster
litzky was made an officer and has
steadily advanced until he is now a
colonel.
Once at Magdalena, in the state of
Sonora, where the colonel was in com
>mand of the barracks, he entertained
an American friend. The next morn
ing, while dressing, the visitor heard
some gun shots. When he met his
host at breakfast he asked the cause
of the firing, and the colonel told him
he had just had three soldiers shot.
He was asked what they were charged
with, and replied: “Nothing in par
ticular. We just shot them to keep
up discipline.”—Indianapolis Star.
Seth Got His Store Boots.
An ex-mayor of one of our Massa
chusetts cities not 1.000 miles from
Chelsea recently related to me an
interesting story of his early days,
says a writer in the Boston Herald.
He was born and spent his boyhood
in York county, Me. It was the cus
tom in those days to have leather on
hand and employ a local shoemaker
to come to the house and make up
and repair a supply of shoes for the
coming year. Col. Day, the man em
ployed in that section, was not a very
stylish or finished workman, and as
the country stores had begun to keep
boots, the future mayor informed him
that he need not make him any boots, i
as he should get a pair of store
boots.
Day was angry, and said: “You are
getting d—d stuck up. I want you
.to know that better men than you
wear my make of boots. John Ham,
our representative, wore a pair of
my make to Augusta last winter.”
But Seth got his store shoes just
the same.
Was Strong on Manners.
Frederic Ireland, stenographer of j
the house of representatives, at the j
convention at Atlantic City of the j
National Association of Stenograph- !
ers, said, apropos of a rash course:
"I can’t approve of this action be
cause I am a foe to rashness. In
handling the affairs of a great body of
men I belileve in prudence and care
fulness. I am almost as prudent and
careful as the weak-minded Scot of
Peebles
“This Scot, a .-illy look on his face,
was skating near the famous iron
bridge of Peebles on a winter day.
Some young ladies wished to skate
under the bridge, but they did not
know whether the ice was safe or not.
So, approaching the Scot, the young
est and prettiest of them said: ‘San
ders, would you mind just gliding un
der the bridge and back so as to test
the ice?’
“The half-witted Sanders took off
his cap, and with a bow and smile re
plied: ‘Na, na! If I am daft I ken
manners. Leddies first.’ ”
Men as Public Mirror Gazers.
Persons who dig chewing gum and
candy from slot machines, having com
plained all summer because the ma- I
chines were not cooled with ice or !
electric fans to prevent the melting I
of the contents, have another growl, j
At the Brooklyn bridge station of the j
subway recently a girl in a short j
raspberry pink suit, severely plain
(though she wasn’t), and a hat at
such an angle it looked as if it were
pinned to the right ear, complained to
three other young women that it was
almost impossible to get near the slot
machines, there were always so many
men looking in the glass and fixing
their neckties and collars. “Why, be
fore .those slot machines with mirrors
.▼ere put in the subway,” said she,
“some men told us women were so
rain they would fight to get a peep in
the glass. Well, look at the thousands
rushing down here every day and
.you’ll find a tremendous majority of
those who pause before the mirrors
are not of the so-called vainer sex.”
/— ’
f
THE ANGEL CHILD’S LESSON.
Didn’t Result an the Penurious ParenA
Had Hoped, but the A. C. Had Fun.
The penurious parent had been in
structing the angel child in the art of
saving. The angel child had listened
dutifully, and when the P. P. present
ed it with a patent savings bank the
A. C. agreed to put all the nickels he
got into the bank.
At the end of the week of persistent
begging from the other members of
the family the A. C. gazed into the
■ ’■•’nk and discovered that he
had *4.90.
..^pa!” said the A. C., its dim
pled physiognomy erupted with smiles.
“I need only two more nickels to have
the required $5. Have I not been a
good boy to not spend them one by
one as I used to do?”
“You have, my child,” replied the
P. P. proudly, "and to show you that
the reward of economy is a comfort
able bank account, I will now give
you the money to fill your bank. It
can then be opened and your money
placed in the big bank down town.”
Saying which he handed the A. C.
two nickels and the little one danced
away happy.
“This only goes to show,” said the
P. P. to his yoke mate, “that the in
culcation of right ideas cannot begin
too soon with children. It is merely
the forerunner of a great and glorious
career for our child; and I feel that
he will look back upon this moment
in his after years, and remember with
pride the fact that I taught him the
first principles of good citizenship.”
Having gotten which sentiment out
of his system, the P. P. fell to perus
ing the financial gossip of the Even
ing Exciter.
And meanwhile the angel child, hav
ing pushed the two coins into the
bank, gave it the proper twist and
dumped the contents into his hat.
Then he proceeded to sneak around
the corner, gaiher up ten or 15 of his
alley acquaintances, and blow them
off to soda, ice cream and cubeb cigar
ettes at the nearest confectionery, re
turning home with an empty bank but
a full stomach.
Moral: You can't teach a young
dog old tricks.—Judge.
Anecdote:! of Dan O’Connell.
There are a good many Interesting
stories told of the famous Daniel
O’Connell. Once he was defending a
prisoner indicted for murder. The
principal witness against the defend
ant swore that the prisoner’s hat had
been found near the place of the mur
der. The hat was then produced in
court, and the witness swore positive
ly that it was the same one that was
found, and that it belonged to the pris
oner.
“By virtue of your oath, are yon
positive that this is the same hat?”
“Yes.”
“Did you examine it. carefully before
you swore that it was the prisoner’s?”
“Yes.”
“Now, let ine see,” said O’Connell,
as he took up the hat and began care
fully to examine the inside of it. He
paused with a curious expression on
his face, and then spelled aloud,
“J-a-m-c-s. Now, do you mean to say
that that name was in the hat when
you found it?” he asked, turning to
the witness.
“I do.”
“Did you see it there?”
“I did.”
"And this is the same hat?”
“Yes.”
“Now, my lord,” said the lawyer,
turning to the judge, "there's an end
to this case. There is no name what
ever within this hat.”
The prisoner was instantly ac
quitted.—The Sunday Magazine.
Shaw in the Pie Belt.
Secretary Shaw paid a visit to the
pie belt region of New England the
past summer.
He stopped one night at a small
country hotel, where the youthful
daughter of the proprietor officiated
as waitress.
Seating himself at the breakfast
table the next morning, Mr. Shaw
asked:
• Have you any oreaKiast iooa, young
■lady?”
The ingenuous little Vermonter
stared perplexedly at the secretary,
cast her eyes with significance over
the well laden table, upon which was
spread the usual assortment of pre
serves, jellies, pickles, Worcestershire
sauce, ham, sggs and bread, and stam
mered out:
“Etttuse me, sir, but what did you
want?"
“Why, some breakfast food, please,”
repeated Secretary Shaw, politely.
The girl frowned, and then, with
sudden illumination of the distin
guished geest's meaning, replied
glibly:
“Oh, yes. sir; we have apple, pump
kin, gooseberry, and—I believe—
squash pie! ’ And she hurried from
the room to execute Secretary Shaw's
order.
Dipsomania.
Charles J. Douglas defines dipso
mania as an abnormal demand of the
nervous system, either constant or
periodic, for the drug action of alco
hol—a demand so strong that the pa
tient takes the alcohol in spite of
his earnest wish and effort to avoid
it. Dipsomania partakes of the na
ture of both a neurosis and a psy
chosis. the predisposing cause being
a nervous system that is peculiarly
susceptible to the poisonous or in
toxicating action of alcohol.
Dipsomania is a curable disease and
not a mere habit, says the Medical
Record. The patient should be re
moved from home, with all its cus
tomary surroundings, and devote him
self to the business of being cured.
In the majority of cases the writer
administers some remedies hypoder
mically at stated hours. He usually
prescribes alcoholic liquors during
the first few days of treatment, grad
ually withdrawing them.
Milk and raw eggs are probably the
best nutriment. Apomorphine is the
most prompt and effective hypnotic.
All Changed,
“Don’t be so snappy,” said Wround
er. “There was a time when you
used to call me the light of your
life.”
“Yes,” replied his wife, “but that
was before you began to go out every
night.”