CHARLES MORRIS SUTLER.
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Copyright, 1905, by Charles Morris Butler.
CHAPTER XII.
Th* Journey to the Convict Country.
We left our friends Lang and Den
ver in company with Regan and Gold
en, traveling toward the West. Upon
arriving at St. Paul, which was reach
ed, as Golden supposed, without being
detected, the group was reinforced by
another gang of female domestics of
about the shade of intelligence of
those already being taken to the coun
try, and embarked on board one of the
large Mississippi steamers on its jour
ney down the river. At St. Louis the
already large crowd was further add
ed to by a curious quartet; one was a
celebrated pickpocket, called “Limpy
Jim,” and his “stone,” “Pocketbook
Pete.” who were in company with
two women of questionable character,
Dizzy Lill, ’ a tumbled-down variety
actress, and “French Fannie,” a roper
in for a concert saloon.
iL was not uoiden s wish to travel
| in company with such a large gang
' °* crooks and thus court capture, but
in this he was not a free agent. How
ever, the vessel had been chartered
V for the gang’s exclusive use, and the
* more people carried the better for the
colony. Jim Denver, in the character
of a stowaway, managed to secrete
himself on board the boat, but at the
junction of the Arkansas and the
Mississippi, fearing that Regan and
Golden would discover his. identity
and being aware by this time of the
probable situation of the country
parted company with Lang and left
the boat.
The party turew off all restraint when
once the vessel began to ply the Ark
ansas. There was no one on board
now but the emigrants to the Convict
Country. Our German girls had by
this time, if they had not before,
learned their fate, which was to be
married off. even against their wills,
to the several farmers who supplied
the city with edibles. This to
them was no great misfortune. They
Louis Lang conducted himself nobly
in the fight which ensued. The attack
by the Indians was made by night.
The train had been on the move up
till ten o’clock at night. Just after
forming a solid circle, fe>r protection
at night; and while all was in con
fusion over preparing supper, while
the guards were busy with the tether
ing of mules and rubbing down of
stock, the charge of the Indians came.
The chief scout of the train, Cowboy
Charlie, accompanied by Lang, was
viewing the surrounding country from
the ridge, preparatory to mapping out
the next day’s march, when he caught
a glimpse of moving forms in the
wroods on one side of the train. It
was this fact alone that saved the
train from total annihilation. It took
the scout but a moment to warn his
colleagues of their impending danger.
The wagons wrere huddled more close
ly together, the women sheltered be
hind an impromptu barricade of boxes
in the center, and the mules securely
picketed as far from danger as pos
sible. The charge was not made im
mediately, but the Indians waited for
the moon to pass behind a cloud, so
I the boys were somewhat prepared
for them. Where a confusion reigned
a moment since, ominous silence
now held sway. Desperate men, used
to frontier life, upon one knee in a
half-sitting posture, with rifles resting
upon the spokes of the wagons and
their revolvers handy, listened for the
signal of attack. Cool and collected,
every one was waiting for the inevit
able.
All was darkness for a moment,
then the charge came! Now all seem
ed confusion; the women screamed;
the mules brayed; the Indians yelled;
the actual defenders alone were silent,
With grim determination painted on
every face, the emigrants awaited the
attack and were not caught asleep!
At last there came the discharge of
i arms—and yells of more unearthly
[ sounds, and when the moon again
Swayed back and forward.
were to find homes. This was to them
compensation enough and they made
themselves quite happy.
Louis Lang seems to be out of
place in this group. He is unlike any
other individual in the gang. A pas
senger paying his way into the city.
There had been just as foolish men as
he appears brought into the city be
fore, who, for fancied security had
paid over their all, and awoke to find
that their past was but a dream, and a
future of toil and slavery still ahead
of them. As we know Lang, we know
he expects to reap some benefit from
the expenditures of his fortune (sup
posed to have been stole!) from Jim
Denver). Eefore his eyes were the
terrible chances he was taking. Time
and time again had his life passed in
review before him (like the brief sur
vey of a drowning man) and he realiz
ed that he was rushing on to almost
certain doom. He had constantly in
mind these thoughts: riches or death!
Life (to him) was not worth the liv
ing unless he obtained wealth and
fame, even if he had to enter the very
jaws of death to accomplish his pur
pose. To look at him no one would
suppose him an extraordinary youth;
(he is as much an ordinary mortal as
can well be conceived, yet he is a
little different. He sings and dances,
plays upon the mouth organ and tells
funny stories, even the watchful and
sober Golden has to laugh at his wit,
and each of his German cousins is in
love with him.
The journey is uneventful up to the
navigable source of the river, where
the vessel was abandoned. The party
forms a pack train and proceeds over
land. Here the party was met by a
guard of ten rough border men, and as
many prairie schooners with six big
strapping mules attached to each
wagon. Lang, Regan and Golden, and
the other male personages were fur
nished with bronchos to ride, while
the women folks were placed in the
wagons. The whole outfit were now
furnished with defensive weapons, as
they were traveling over a dangerous
portion of the continent where might
made right and where it was worse
than folly to be caught napping with
anything on their persons worth steal
ing either by desperadoes or Indians.
It was just four weeks after the time
W' of leaving Chicago that the party set
put boldly across the plains. None but
(convicts’ wagons have ever passed
over the route taken, for they are now
In the “Bad Lands,” and unless fully
protected their lives will pay the pen
alty of their rashness. It is an eight
een day’s journey from Umbrina to
the Convict City by wagon (25 miles
a day), but in three days 108 miles are
1 made uninterruptedly.
On the third day the train was over
taken by a severe storm—a “north
feaster,” accompanied by sleet and
hail, lasting for over a day. It took
fully three days to rest up, and dur
> ing that time they were sighted by a
roving band of Indians who were out
after a herd of stampeded cattle.
burst out from behind the clouds the
first skirmish was over, and all but
the dead were out of sight,
i Two or three braves, more daring
! than the rest, in the first mad rush,
! had leaped to the front, and toma
hawks in hand, had managed to break
into the circle. One was met by
Bowie Bill; one by Cowboy Charlie,
and the third, a young chief, by Lang.
Long Rope, the chief, was out for
scalps, and had singled out Lang as
the easiest man to dispose of, and
thus break into the enclosure. But
Long Rope was mistaken.
Louis Lang was not taken un
awares. though unused to border war
fare. After firing one volley from his
repeater he laid it down before him
and was upon his feet just as he sdw a
form leap out from the darkness upon
i him. Louis was armed with that ter
rible instrument called a "detective’s
dirk” an instrument made in the
shape of a policeman’s billy and used
much as a sandbag, and by pressing a
spring through the head of the billy
protrudes a shining steel blade, which
can be used as a knife. This is a very
dangerous weapon, being both a
bowie knife and a club at the same
time. Long Rope expected to run his
hand against the barrel of a gun, and
tomahawk in hand, expected to cleave
the owner’s skull in twain. But in
this he wras mistaken. In the dark
ness the Indian ran quite unexpected
ly into the arms of our friend.
If Long Rope had succeeded In ac
complishing his purpose of besting
Lang, the game would have been won.
Knife in hand, the chief would have
stampeded the mules; confusion would
have reigned supreme; the women
perhaps have been trampled to death
beneath the hoofs of the infuriated
and half-tamed animals; the men to
save the train would have had to de
vote some attention to capturing the
horses, and that would have been
enough to have made them lose the
day in an encounter such as they were
in.
However, Lang was no "tenderfoot.”
even if he had been brought up in
the city. As he felt the earth jar as
the chief sprang toward him, he
reached out his arm and grasped his
foe, at the same time dealing him a
blow with his billy. If Lang could
have seen his foe in the first place,
the chief would never have moved
again. As it was, the blow did not
stop the rush of the chief, simply sur
prised him as the blow landed only
upon the shoulders. For a moment
Lang and the Indian fought hand to
hand. Lang held the Indian’s right
hand with *his left; the Indian held
Lang’s in the same manner, and they
swayed back and forward; each striv
, ing his utmost to get the best of his
antagonist.
During the time of this struggle
second charge was made upon the
train, and the moon uncovering Itself,
a second and third volley was fired
by the emigrants, with considerate
accuracy, which completely routed the
Indians. Bowie Bill had dispatched
his antagonist, and had propped the
body up before him as a shield, while
calmly meeting the second charge.
Cowboy Charley had gone to his last
account, nevertheless he had suc
ceeded in finishing his slayer. His
knife, plunged with the strength of a
dying man, was found embedded in
the heart of his enemy.
When the repulse had been success
fully accomplished the border men
turned in time to see the end of the
struggle between Lang and Long
Rope. Lang had succeeded in freeing
himself from the grasp of his antago
nist, and by a herculean sweep of
his arm had planted his trusty blade
in the breast of the chief, ending the
fray, becoming conqueror in a most
desperate encounter. The Indians,
now without a leader, made a few
feints, then abandoned the fight, fur
nishing victory for the whites with
but slight loss, considering.
Circumstances made Louis the lion
of the hour. His was the play before
the grand stand. Others may have
done more to merit approbation, but
his was the act seen. After every
thing had been made snug and com
fortable for the night, Louis was
feted to his heart’s content. He had
longed for just such a chance as this
to prove his skill in an emergency
and the test wras to his credit. It
made his reputation.
“You’re a hardy man with a killing
tool,” said Bowie Bill, as he patted
our hero upon the shoulder. “I kinder
thought you was a tenderfoot, but I
see you know how to handle your
self!”
“You can bet your bottom do.lar
on that, old sport!” said Louis, in
braggadocio. “I done him up brown.”
“Yes, done it neatly,” said the bor
der man.
“He robbed his bank as easily,” said
Golden proudly. Golden was a little
fearful of the responsibility he had
taken upon himself in bringing Lang
along, but now he was satisfied with
the result. Louis had gained the hearty
good will of these desperate men by
his bravery, and it is bravery, if any
thing, that all men admire in men.
French Fannie came over and em
braced Louis. “You are a duck of a
fighter,” she said. And as Limpy Jim
approached, she continued. “And if I
was not ‘Pete’s flam£’ I'd stick tight
er’n glue to you. See?”
“Thanks,” replied Louis, “you do me
proud!”
Then Dizzy Lill said that she would
sing and dance for him on the mor
row. This was quite a concession on
her part, as Louis had been trying to
get her to do this very' thing for him,
but had thus far failed.
“I'm your huckleberry,” he said. To
himself he allowed himself to admit
that at last he had the bull by the
horns, and was on the highway tf
the accomplishing of his intentions.
(To be continued.)
THE LINE HE DREW.
Professor Had Answer Ready for In
quiring Sophomore.
Prof. “Bill-' Bailey's recent visit to
New York recalls a story that is told
at his expense by a prominent sopho
more at Yale.
About a month ago. when everybody
was getting his spring clothes, the
professor noted with great annoyance
that the attendance at once of his
classes was falling off rapidly, due to
“illness.” On looking up the college
records he found that there were more
absentees from that one class than
there were names on the sick list of
the entire sophomore class. A general
rounding-up followed, and as a result
the attendance once more became nor
mal.
The next week, however, fate ironi
cally decreed that the professor him
self should be indisposed, and thereby
prevented from attending his classes.
The student in question called on his
instructor one afternoon, and after a
little general conversation, for the pro
fessor is a “prince of good fellows,”
and very popular with the entire uni
versity, the young man looked at him
as he lay there and said with a twinkle
in his eye:
“I say, professor, just where do you
draw the line on this sick business?”
“Bill” looked keenly at him for a
moment, then appreciating the humor
of the situation, snapped back with his
ever-ready wit: “Oh, I draw—I draw
the clothes line!”—New York Times.
PROMfBE WAS TO LIVE ONE.
Circumstance Raised Obstacle to Mat
rimonial Project.
Mayor Weaver, of the awakened
city of Philadelphia, was talking to a
reporter about a very astute and wily
politician.
“It is difficult.” said the mayor, "to
get this man to do anything he doesn’t
want to do. Cornered, he advances
argument after argument against the
course you desire to pursue. He be
gins with weak arguments. You think
you've got him. But just as victory
appears assured he puts forth a final
argument that is insuperable, a fine
argument that floors you thoroughly.
“The fellow is like the fickle sailor
of the old romance. This sailor was
strong, handsome and gay. The girls
liked him, and he, I fear, liked the
girls. The following conversation, one
moonlight night in the tropics, passed
between him and a young woman:
“ ‘Then, Jack, when shall we be mar
ried?’
“ ‘But I promised my wife, sweet
heart, that I would never marry a sec
ond time.’
“The young girl, beautiful in the
flattering moonlight, murmured:
“ ‘Would you cast me off for the
sake of a promise to a dead woman?’
“ But she isn’t dead yet,’ said the
fiickle sailor.”
Breaking Up a Nevada Saloon.
They were exchanging the gossip of
the mining camps of Nevada.
“Did you hear,” said the fellow with
the diamond scarfpin in his sweater,
“how they did up Sullivan over in
Kawich.”
“Really?”
“Yep. Sullivan’s saloon at Kawich
is busted flatter than the bank at
Goldfield? You haven’t been over to
ivawich, have you? It’s forty-five
miles out in the wilderness, and water,
when there is any in camp, is worth its
weight in radium. Well, a fellow went
into Sullivan’s the other day with sev
en friends, and just out of pure cus
sedness they all ordered water.”
BETTER THAN MULES
CHINESE COOLIES TRAVEL FAR
WITH HEAVY LOADS.
Their Cheerfulness and Endurance Un
der Hard Labor Calls Forth Admira
tion of British Traveler—Need Little
Food and Less Sleep.
Wheelbarrows are used to a great
extent in China for the transporta
tion for long distances of passengers
and freight. Lieut. Col. C. C. Mani
fold of the British army writes as fol
lows of the wheelbarrow men in the
upper Yangtse provinces: “The plain
of Suicho is as densely populated as
any part of China and a great trade in
locally manufactured cloth is carried
on from its neighborhood and sent all
over the country. The only transport
used, until the railway or a navigable
affluent of the Han river is reached,
is the w'heelbarrow. There is no
doubt that a good cart road could be
easily made, but whether it is due
to the fact that draft animals are not
bred in any numbers or that from time
immemorial wheelbarrows have been
used, these latter alone hold the field
and no attempt has been made to con
struct roads suitable tor any other
form of wheeled vehicle. T.hese wheel
barrows. however, are by no means to
be despised as a means of transport.
Hundreds of them were passed by us,
each loaded with at least five and
often seven or eight of the bales of
narrow cotton cloth made in the sur
rounding districts, each of these bales
weighing about seventeen pounds. One
man would wheel a barrow carrying
350 pounds and make his twelve to
twenty miles a day, more than double
the amount which the government
pack mule is allowed to carry in In
dia, and the same human beast of bur
den will go on making the journey
cheerfully day in and day out, without
any halts for lameness or sore backs.
“My admiration for the Chinese coo
lie is unbounded; there is no man in
the world who does the same patient,
laborious work so cheerfully. Farther
on, when we came to the mountainous
watershed country, where only back
loads are possible. I became still more
confirmed in this opinion. Often after
a long and weary day with the sur
veyors, in the course of which we
would have climbed up from 5,000 to
8.000 feet, and made several such as
cents and descents, having, perhaps,
been on the move from 5 in the morn
ing until dusk. wTe would come in,
rather inclined to pat ourselves on the
back at the thought of what a hard
day’s work we had successfully ac
complished, only to find that the Chi
nese coolies had made as good time,
each man having covered nearly as
much ground with a load of 100
pounds on his back. This done on a
few’ bowls of rice and bean curd, for
a wage of less than ninepence (18
cents).
“Then, on their arrival, one might
have thought that the coolies would
have been glad to rest; but if, as was
often the case where accommodation
was limited, I slept in the same.House.
I found to my annoyance that to retire
to bed wras far from their thoughts
and that my sleep was often disturbed
by the noise they made as they sat
up gambling long past midnight and
yet they wrould be again, on the road
before 6 in the morning, having risen
to make up their loads and get their
food cooked before 5 o'clock.”
On the Right Track.
Dr. Weir Mitchell relates the sad
case of a young woman from Balti
more affecting literary fads who at
tended a reception given by a Phila
delphia woman in honor of a well
known writer.
The young woman from Baltimore
was introduced to the whole roomful
of more or less celebrated individuals,
and it seemed to be a circumstance on
which she prided herself that she
could remember an amazing prhpor
tion of the names of those present.
When, however, she came to say fare
well to a certain rather distinguished
young man, who, by the way, was
probably the only person there whc
was not of a “literary” turn, she re
marked:
“Do you know. I’ve remembered
very nearly all the names, bnt when
it comes to yours I must confess that
I’m entirely at sea.”
With a smile the young man replied
“Then you’re not far from wrong. My
name is Atwater.”—New York Times.
His Return.
HE.
Ah. do you remember those halcyon davs
When I went barefooted and you made
mud pies?
On many strange scenes have I centered
my gaze
Since you bade me good-by with hot
tears in your eyes—
I have roamed o’er the world, all its won
ders I’ve scanned—
And here, where we parted, I'm holding
your hand!
SITE.
Ah, yes. I remember the pies and the
feet—
There was one of your toes which was
minus a nail—
It seems1 as if yc-steruay there in the
street
You left me a child, in short dresses
and frail;
And I wept, as you say. when you hade
me good-bye.
And—will you forgive me for wondering
why?
Hoodoo on June 1.
In deference to a superstition which
has prevailed for many years, there
was on June 1 a complete cessation of
work at I.ord Penrhyn's slate quarries
at Bethesda, in Wales, where 4,000
men are employed. The superstition
owes its origin to a succession of fatal
acidents on Ascension day. Some
years ago the management succeeded
in inducing the workmen to remain at
their posts, but, strange to relate, a
fatal accident occurred.
Bet on San Francisco’s Growth.
In 1900 Andrea Starboro, a wealthy
citizen of San Francisco, Ijet another,
P. C. Rossi, a dinner of twenty covers
at $10 each that in twenty-five years
San Francisco will have a population
of 1.000,000. Arrangements have been
made for the payment of the bet by
the heirs of the betters if necessary.
Improved Typewriter.
German newspapers speak of a new
typewriting machine which prints syl
lables and short words instead of sin
gle tetters, attains much greater speed
than others, and, it is claimed, will
revolutionize the art of typewriting.
No Letup There.
Tess—“Miss Hussle is in for every
thing. She’s constantly doing some
thing.”
Jess—“Yes, but the one thing she
is doing most constantly she won’t
admit.”
Tess—“What’s that?”
Jess—“Growing older.” •
Surprised.
"Ella gets her beautiful complexion
from her mother.”
“Is her mother a chemist?”
Made Himself So.
Neerbye—I called to see Brassy
last evening, but he wasn’t at home.
Subbubs—Oh! yes he was.
Neerbye—I tell you he wasn’t.
Subbubs—But I tell you he was—
very much at home. He monopolized
the hammock on our porch all even
ing.
Let Him Retire.
“I see that Jimmy Britt wants to re
tire from the prize ring.”
i “Well, who is holding him?”
A HARD BLOW.
Her Brother—Sister took up for you last night allright. Pop said you
were a fool.
Her Suitor—What did she say?
Her Brother—Sister said that he shouldn’t judge a man by his looks.
She Was Worried.
“Charles asked me the all-important
question last night,” said Clara.
“What—a proposal?”
“Oh, heavens, no. He wanted to
know if I would like the use of his
auto while he was away this sum
mer.”
“And what about the other ques
tion?”
“Oh, that will come; but I felt un
certain about the auto.”
Little Daughter Looks Ahead.
Mamma—My dear, what are you do
ing?
Little daughter—: aking a dolly for
my little sister.
Mamma—But you haven’t any little
sister.
Little daughter—No, not yet, but
Sally Stuckup has just got one, and
I know we always get everything the
Stuckups do.—Illustrated Bits.
A Plea for Mercy.
“You’ve been fishing,” said the stern
parent. “Come with me, sir; I’m go
ing to punish you.”
“I hope, father,” said the boy, “that
you will make the punishment fit the
crime.”
“That’s what I propose to do, sir.”
“Well, father, I only got one nibble.
That’s all the crime amounted to.”
Easily Satisfied.
“Stop and think, young man. Why
do you drink that stuff? Remember,
that water is the best beverage—it is
a priceless drink.”
“Sure, that’s all right But I’m not
extravagant in my tagtes—the best is
too fine for me. All I want is a drop
of something good."—Cleveland Lead
er. '
Following Instructions.
“Now,” said the magistrate, “you
must testify to what you know; no
hearsay evidence.”
“Yes, sir,” replied the female wit
ness.
“Now, then, what is you age?”
“I—er—won’t tell you. I have only
hearsay evidence on that point.”
Describing Her.
“But she goes to church regularly.”
"Of course. I don’t deny that.”
“Well, then, in the matter of her re
igious duties she’s a close observer—”
“Say, rather a ‘clothes observer.’
>he simply goes to observe the clothes
if the other women.”
Difficult N-avigation.
Church—Aerial navigation is still
ifficult, is it not?
Gotham—Why, yes. We had a very
:ard shower the other night when I
.vas at a roof-garden shown and the
navigation was something fierce! —
Yorkers Statesman.
A Good Reason.
“And, Willie, do you know why
Methuselah lived to such a good old
age?” asked the Sunday school
teacher.
“I s’pose there wTasn’t no automo
biles in his day,” replied the boy.
J
At the Top.
t “He’s at the top of the ladder,
isn’t he?”
“I guess so. He can hear of an
other man’s success without getting
sore.”—Detroit Tribune.
Not Devoured by Curiosity.
“Did th’ docther find out what it is
that’s ailin’ yez?"
“No. He said th’t nawthin’ but a
postmortem examination wud iver re
veal ut. An’ I haven’t enough curiosi
ty about ut to have ut done.”
A Gentle Insinuation.
“Is this the best dinner you can give
a man? I wouldn’t set such a mess
before a pig.”
“But, John, I haven’t ashed you to
wait on yourself.”
The Way He Painted.
Mrs. Subbubs—We’ll have to have
that back shed painted right away.
Mr. Subbubs—I spoke to the painter
about it, but he’s so busy he won’t be
able to attend to it for several weeks.
Mrs. Subbubs—We can’t wait that
tong, it needs to be painted very
badly.
Mr. Subbubs—Oh, in that case I’ll
do it.
The Last One In.
But you promised you’d wait for
me,” said the jilted lover.
At that time,” the beautiful girl
replied, “I had no reason to believe
that you would prove the Apache of
the bunch.”
Synonymous.
‘‘So he said I was a polished gentle
man, did he?”
“Well—yes. It was the same thing.”
‘ Ah! What was the exact word?”
‘‘He said you were a slippery fel
low.”
Telltale Physiognomy.
Moe Rose—Jagby has a dissipated
looking face.
Joe Cose—Yes, regular gin phiz.
A MISUNDERSTANDING.
Hiram—Maybe our boy Reuben will turn out to be a preacher. He’s
great on the Bible the President of his college wrote me.
Mrs. Hiram—Whatever did he write?
. Hiram—He says for one thing that he’s noticed Reuben *is much in
clined to be bibulous.
An Actor Knows.
Miss Sue Brette—“Some people say
‘chest’ tand others say ‘trunk,’ what’a
the difference, do you suppose?”
Foote Lighte—“Well, you see, a
chest is something you throw out and
a trunk is something you let down.”
Hard Luck.
“Funnysmith seems to be feeling
grouchy these days.”
"Yes; they settled th^t life insur
ance squabble before he got a chance
to work off a Jekyll apd Hyde gag.”
Sense Not Needed.
Poet—I’m sure I don’t know what
to do with this poem. The editor says
it’s utter slush and even my friends
pronounce it nonsense.
Friend—Well, I’ll tell you—why
don’t you have it set to music?
Went Deep.
“Is Brown’s wife one of those deep
feeling women?”
“I guess so; he says he can never
keep any change in his pockets.”—
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Breaking it to Mother.
I wish you wouldn’t encourage that
young man, my dear. He is ridicu
lously poor.”
“But he has expectations.v
“What expectations?”
“My little fortune, mamma dear.”
Alimony.
“Binks is getting a divorce on tHe
installment plan.”
“On the installment plan?”
“Yes—he has to pay a sum of money
every month in order tfi keep it.”
Slim Eating.
“Do you think there is any differ
ence in a man's weight before he eats
his meal and afterwards?” asked the
boarding house lady.
“Well, not if he gets the meal here,”
replied the thin boarder.”
The One Thing Needed.
“But it is no use to argue with &
woman.”
“Oh, yes, it is; only, instead of us
ing logical arguments you should use
convincing ones.”
Made a Clean Sweep.
Alas!” said the old horse. “There’s
no hope for me now; I see my finish."
"What’s the trouble?” asked the
Jersey cow.
“The new breakfast foods. My mas
ter tackled oats first; then he changed
to hay; then fodder and only this
morning I saw him looking yearningly
at the only patch of green grass left
in the meadow.”
Modesty.
W hizzer “I hear that you near])
killed a man this morning.”
toggles “\es; but I wouldn't have
done it if he hadn’t been just around
a curve.”
Whizzer—“Cut out the modesty, old
man. If you don't boost yourself nc
one else will do it.”
Seeing Things.
Mr. Crimsonbeak—“Wife, we’ll have
to set rid of some of those hatracks
in the hall.”
Mrs. Crimsonbeak—“What on earth
are you talking about? We’ve only
got one hatrack in the hall!”
“Why, when I came in last night, I
thought I saw six or seven.”
Not a Spendthrift Bridegroom.
He’s rather close, I understand.”
"Close! His uncle left him a for
tune on condition that he take a wife
and spend his honeymoon abroad.”
“Well?”
‘ He went over and married a
French girl so as to save her passage
one way.”
Incongruous.
‘“Pleasant duty,’” snorted the
chronic kicker, “that’s another ridicu
lous expression.”
Why so?” demanded the speaker
who had used it.
“Because no duty could really be
pleasant if it’s actually a duty.”
Ha! a Joke.
“Quite a number of Englishmen are
locating in that new suburb he’s build
ing up, and he's thinking of calling the
place ‘Shilling.’ ”
“I don’t quite see the idea.”
“Well, that's the English quarter,
you know.”
Looked Like a Procession.
“Was DeLush very drunk?”
“Was he? Say. I was trying to get
him to go home when Jones came past
in his runabout. And DeLush looked
at him and said. ‘Why, didn't you tell
me there’s goin' to be n automobile
p'rade?’ ”
Stung.
Bacon—“Did you ever go to a sew
ing bee?”
Egbert—“Oh, yes.”
“What happened?”
“Got stung.”
“Oh, you met your wife there, did
you?”
Proof Positive.
“I was not drunk last night.”
“You were.”
“What makes you think so?”
“I saw you trying to set your watch
by the fare register on a trolley car!”
—Cleveland Leader.