Loup City Northwestern
J. W. BURLEIGH, Publisher.
LOUP CITY, - - NEBRASKA.
It always seems like adding insult
to injury when the dentist sends in
his bill.
According to Dun “collections are
easier.” Our duns aren’t finding it so.
thank you.
There’s a revolution on in each end
of the island of Hayti, and the gol
den mean can’t be found at all.
A young woman in Cambridge has
discovered a new star. If it has rings
like old Saturn she doubtless is happy.
One surprising thing about wood
alcohol is that it has not been so
thoroughly adulterated as to be harm*
less.
No. Bright’s disease isn’t contagi
ous or infectious, but high living is.
It frequently amounts to the same
thing ultimately.
Venders of wood alcohol as a bev
erage may insist, of course, that it is
harmless, as it comes from the
"grain” of the wood.
In the New York city hall there is
a man who says he gets too much
pay. Was, rather; he’s probably in a
straitjacket by now.
And now a doctor asserts that drafts
are good things for people with colds.
They are good for everybody, if they
are properly endorsed.
Princess Chimay announces that she
is going on the stage. Let us hope
she will appear clothed in something
of greater length than her name.
_i _
One of the most effective excuses
for long summer vacations will be lost
forever if the new cure for hay fever
proves to be all that is claimed for it.
A Nevada young woman won sev
eral thousand dollars at faro, but quit
w'hen she found she had lost all of
it. Women are proverbial for cold
feet
A Nebraska boy wants to marry his
stepmother. This should serve as a
pointer to stepmothers. Let them be
kind. They never can tell what may
happen.
Prof. Jeems Corbett is said to have
written a play. Probably a red head
ed, freckled faced villain is knocked
out in the third act by a blow in the
solar plexus.
If that sea eagle that has just been
presented to John D. Rockefeller looks
too much like a bald eagle the oil
king will probably regard the gift as
a personal insult.
Another cure for dyspepsia is an
nounced. All you have to do is to
eat chalk. Thus there still is hope
for those unfortunates who have tried
the sand cure in vain.
If Princess Louise hadn’t eloped
she’d be the Queen of Saxony now.
This should be a warning to women
who are thinking of running away
with their French tutors.
We shall one day be able to do with
out sleep, a scientist says. We shall
need to if we are to exercise that
eternal vigilance which appears liter
ally to be the price of liberty.
It has become the fashion for nov
elists to go to Europe for the purpose
of recuperating after each book. Con
sidering the blood they have to shed
it is no wonder they require rest.
Charles Wagner, author of “The
Simple Life,” says he is charmed by
Washington society. And yet the
country has supposed that Washing
ton was the head center of the double
life.
A Chicago woman is suing for di
vorce because in eleven years her hus
band allowed her only four hats. To
most women this will appear as a
case for the criminal rather than the
civil court.
Titled foreigners are in the habit of
visiting this country under assumed
names, but whether it is for the pur
pose of dodging designing mammas
or the police court records has not
been made clear.
Since that little hitch in the chris
tening'of the battleship (Connecticut,
the young lady sponsors *now are
smashing the bottles with an appar
ent determination to scatter the flzs
and escape a fizzle.
It has now been fully demonstrated
that a woman can dress comfortably
on an allowance of $2,500 a year. Hus
bands who are working on a salary of
less than this amount will do well to
ask for a raise immediately.
Some of the members of the Italian
congress contemplate resigning by
way of protest against the, govern
ment's policies. This is a method
which the knockers of this enlight
ened country never gave a moment’s
thought.
Prof. Metchnikoff’s new microbe
which prolongs life indefinitely is
found in abundance in the Balkan
states. It was always suspected that
some day those Balkan states would
be discovered to have some good rea
son for existing.
A good fellow in public office, says
Judge Herrick of New York, Is loo
often a bad official. Speaking of good
fellows generally, It may be said that
their good fellowship frequently stops
at the threshold of their own house
holds on the way in.
It is just as well to bear in mind
that suicide may often mean only de
pression rather than ‘confession.
Those who might be supposed to haive
the best reason to kill themselves, sel
dom do it. while those who have had
WITH HIE WORLD’S
WRITERS
HEALTH FIRST.
It is a bad commentar7 on the
physique of our young men tiat of 199
candidates who passed the mental ex
amination at the Naval Academy this
year, 114 were rejected because they
did not eome up to the physical stand
ard. It appears to be easier to produce
good book students than students who
are good specimens physically. Ath
letes are noS necessarily healthy sub
jects; in fact, most of them overdo
ana develop weaknesses. What we
need is more rational attention to the
common sense laws of health.
No amount of book learning is
worth much without the foundation of
good health, and at the pace most of
us are living these days good health
is bound to be the exception instead
of the rule. You can find half a dozen
scholars to one person who gives any
thought to the preservation of his
health. The average person goes on
the principle of abusing his health
and relying on medicine to fix him
up, instead of living in a way to fore
stall sickness.—The Beacon.
PLEA FOR EQUAL JUSTICE.
A few weeks ago a young Ontario
girl committed suicide in Montreal as
the final result of her deception by
a man who had disappeared. A few
days ago, another young woman was
arrested for causing the death of her
infant child, but no mention was made
of the father. Surely it is time that
our civilization outgrew the monstrous
doctrine: “Stone the woman and let
the man go free. The doctrine of An
other who dispersed the male accus
ers of a woman by inviting him who
was without sin to “cast the first
stone,” is more just. In such cases,
especially in the latter of the two
mentioned above, our machinery of
justice should track down the male
criminal as relentlessly as any other
cowardly scoundrel, and he should at
least stand in the dock beside the girl
who is very apt to have been his vic
tim. A man who sends a girl out
penniless into the world, encumbered
with an infant child, is certainly an
accessory before any act of violence
she may commit. This poor girl said
that she got rid of her infant because
“it kept her back” in trying to get
work. Under such circumstances, it is
impossible for the man who should
have supported both her and the in
fant to escape blood guiltiness; and
the law should recognize this fact.—
Montreal Herald.
VALUE OF ROUTINE WORK
Routine is a blessed thing when
something happens to reduce the
moral driving power which keeps us
going—the courage, purpose and good
cheer that give life present joy as
well as meaning. It is good in mo
ments of depression or weariness that
there is a path marked out ahead
each day which men follow because it ’
is there; that there is time which cus
tom has set for them to get up, to
eat, to work, to rest, to read, go to
bed again. They move along the
grooves of habit and get all the bene
fit of their inheritance and their ex
perience. The general may quit the
field for a time if he chooses; the
army has its marching plan and
knows what is expected of it.—New
York Mail.
SOCIETY AND LIFE.
What we call society is very nar
row. But life Is very broad. It In
cludes “the whole world of God’s
cheerful, fallible men and women. It
is not only the famous people and the
well-dressed people who are worth
meeting. It is every one who has
something to communicate. The
scholar has something to say to me if
he be alive. But I would hear also the
traveler, the manufacturer, the sol
dier, the good workman, the quiet ob
server, the unspoiled child, the skillful
housewife. I knew an old German wo
man, living in a tenement, who said,
‘‘My heart is a little garden, and God
is planting flowers there.”
“II faut cultiver son jardin”—yes,
but not only that. One should learn
also to enjoy the neighbor’s garden,
however small; the roses straggling
over the fence, the scent of lilacs
drifting across the road.
The real simplicity is not outward
but inward. It consists in singleness
of aim, clearness of vision, directness
of purpose, openness of mind, cheer
fulness of spirit, sincerity of taste and
affection, gentle candor of speech and
loyalty to the best that we know. I
have seen it in a hut. I have seen it
in a palace. It is the bright ornament
and badge of the best scholars in the
school of life.—Henry Van Dyke, in
Harper’s Magazine.
SAFETY IN HONEST WORK.
Every youth, no matter what may be
the quality and standing of his family,
who adopts a life of idleness and be
comes a street loafer will soon bloom
out as a criminal on the road to the
penitentiary or the gallows. There is
no escape from it but by a course of
honest industry in such lines as may
be open and available to each. Work
is the duty of every man and he should
devote himself to it until it becomes
a part of his nature. Honest toil is
the opposite of idleness, vice and
crime.—New Orleans Picayune.
A VAST FORTUNE 13 NOT RICHES.
To be engulfed in one’s occupation,
swallowed up in a complicated life,
harassed by the striving and strain
ing, the worry and anxiety which ac
company a vast fortune, is not to be
rich. Time and opportunity and in
clination to help others are the most
valuable things in the world, and if
you cannot seize these, if you cannot
utilize them to your own enlarge
ment, your ow*1 betterment, yoi» are
poor indeed although you have mil
lions to the bark.—fneeeee. •
MAKE HOME LESS ARTIFICIAL.
Not one but will be the better for an
outing, yet the one settled conviction
that seems growing' on the American
people is that our homes are too arti
ficial and conventional—that they need
not be so far from nature as they are.
We flee to the woods for a part of the
time because we are naturally barba
rians. Civilization that is not an im
proved barbarism is a burden and
will be got rid of. Our homes are too
complex; our cities too far from the
groves; our lives too far irom sim
plicity. Half our social life is artful
and soulless. It naturally and easily
props into intemperance and false
hood. The part of good citizenship
is to help toward a clear-visioned and
clearer-hearted home. Who shall
dream the ideal? Who shall dare to
live the real?—The Independent.
PRIVATE AUTO RACE TRACKS.
If trials of speed between automo
biles are to be held in the future, a?
undoubtedly they will be, one radical
change should be made in the pro
vision for them. They should be per
mitted only on a private track. II
none of the courses already dedicated
to horse races can be utilized suit
able grounds should be secured else
where and carefully inclosed. Per
haps it might be deemed expedient
to erect a grand stand for spectators
and exact admission fees, but that is
a minor consideration. It cannot be
recognized too soon that public senti
ment will not and should not sanction
the continued use of public highways
for this purpose when a speed exceed
ing the legal limit is intended.—New
York Tribune.
WHY SOME BOYS FAIL,
Some of the very greatest failures
in life in America in recent years
have been failures of men whose'lives
and careers are blazoned abroad as
those of great, successful men. Their
sons are noted for their worthless
ness. as degenerate sons of worthy
sires, mere idle "sports” and volup
tuaries, wretched beings who some
times attain a cheap and ephemeral
notoriety for some monkeylike folly
and dissipation. These young men are
unfitted to make a living for them
selves, and they are unfitted to spend
the money which their fathers piled
up with infinite pains and labors. In
these cases it is extremely doubtful
if the worthless sons are to be
blamed; the fathers, the great, suc
cessful men, are primarily at fault be
cause, though they made money and
a name, they did not give any time oi
pains or thought at all to the most im
portant work in the world, which is
the rearing of honorable and useful
men.
"There is no sanctuary of virtue
like home,” and unhappy will be the
annals of the land where the beauty,
■affection and strength of the home are
sacrificed for any other interest.—
Philadelphia Ledger.
CARING FOR CONVALESCENTS.
In looking out for the healing of
patients authorities have been too apt
to spend money and use the most sci
entific appliances on the buildings
without consulting the needs of con
valescents. Modern medicine takes
into account not only the body but
also the soul and the intimate connec
tion between these. Cheerfulness is
a part of the treatment of to-day and
recovery from ailments is not assured
when patients can leave their cots.
Treatment of convalescents is a part
of the physician’s scheme. It is recog
nized that views from a window of a
hospital looking on blank walls or on
dispiriting surroundings affect recov
ery. Hopefulness is repressed; gloom
is encouraged.—Brooklyn Eagle.
PHYSICIANS AND THEIR FEES.
Following on a very important case
in this state all Paris is worked up
over a question that has been arous
ed by a legal suit to determine not
only the actual but the relative worth
of the services of a physician. As a
matter of fact, physicians as a rule
charge according to the ability of thf
patient to pay, and in many cases this
means nothing. Life seems very joy
ous to us all especially when It seemf
to be fading from our sight. We maj
be seeking a better land and believe
in its approach, but most of us are
willing to try this for awhile. 11
seems, on the whole, that beyond the
customary average of the fees charg
ed by physicians there ought to be
some arrangement in writing, so
that those who have not preserved
life may not set up its claim which is
based on shadowy conditions.—Pnila
delphia Inquirer.
FARMER OF TO-DAY.
You’ve formed your notions of coun
try people from “The Old Homestead
and these by-gosh Mirandy novels
The real farmers, nowadays, drive intc
town in double-seated carriages witt
matched bays, curried so that you
could see to comb your hair in theii
glossy sides. The single rigs sparkle
in the sun, conveying young men anc
young women of such clean-cut, high
bred features as to make us wonder
And yet I don’t know why we sboulc
wonder, either. They all come fron
good old stock. The young fellow*
run a little too strongly to paten;
leather shoes and their horses art
almost too skittish for my liking, bu.
, tne girls are all, right If their clothe*
set better than you thought thej
would, why, you must remember tha>
they subscribe for the very same fash
ion magazines that you do, and thert
ta such a thing as a mail order bus!
ness in this Country, even if you aren’t
aware of it—McClure’s Magazine.
Ease and speed in doing a thing dc
not give the work lasting -solidity 01
exactness of beauty.—Plutarch.
New Method of Hardening Metals.
A new patented process of harden
ing iron and soft steel has been in
troduced in Dusseldorf, Germany. The
carbon requisite for the tempering is
obtained by means of carbide and cer
tain fluxes. For instance, a mixture
of silicium carbide and sodium sul
phate is applied to cold iron or steel
and then heated to redness with it, or
the red hot metals is covered with the
mixture. The reaction is so rapid
that even thin objects can be harden
ed on one side. ^Vithin a short time
a plate two or three millimeters thick
becomes hard enough on one side
to resist the best tempered ^teel tool,
while the other remains wholly soft.
Interesting experiments were made
with armor plates. A plate of seventy
kilos strength was smeared six milli
meters thick with the mixture, then a
second plate placed upon the latter
and the sandwich maintained at red
heat for a couple of hours, after which
it was cooled in oil. At a distance of
twenty meters the hardened sides of
these plates received a dozen bullets
from a German rifle, model ’C8, with
out showing signs of a rip.
A Window Refrigerator.
In families lucky enough to possess
an ice chest or refrigerator it is gen
erally placed in the cellar, where it
is always cooler and where the ice
melts less rapidly, or sometimes it is
put out in the yard. Every time an
article is wanted, even if It is only a
glass of ice water, it means a trudge
up and down stairs, which is very
tiring to the housewife. A very com
pact and convenient substitute for the
refrigerator is shown in the ilustra
tion. It will be observed at a glance
how useful it would be and also the
time that would be saved. The inside
compartments can be aranged to suit
the individual taste and the box
placed where it would be most easy
to reach. The idea of the inventor is
Swings on Brackets.
to fasten the chest, as it might be
called, on swinging brackets just out
side of the kitchen window, where it
would be handy to reach. After the
article wanted has been removed from
the chest it can be pushed back
against the wTall out of the way.
Another very great advantage is
that it could be used in winter as well
as sumer. as in winter the cold air
would be sufficient to keep fresh all
perishable articles.
The inventor is H. C. McClung of
Kew York city.
Radio-Active Wool.
A new method for employing radium
in medicine has recently been discov
ered by Dr. E. S. London, and con
sists of using cotton wool which has
been submitted to the action of the
radium emanation. Dr. London, as the
result of a series of experiments, has
reached the conclusion that the ef
fects of the radium emanation and of
the direct action of the radium are
the same, consisting of an inflamma
tion on the skin and the destruction
of life. He subjected a number of
substances, including cork, paraffin,
paper and cotton wool, to radium em
anation, and found that they would
produce inflammatory effects on the
skin. The wool, owing to its spongy
nature, seemed to absorb the largest
quantity of the radium emanation, and
consequently was the most radioact
ive. Accordingly, Dr. London carried
on further experiments with wool so
treated, which he found was most
convenient for easy distribution over
the body and ready application at any
desired point. The “emanated” wool,
when packed in hermetically sealed
jars or other containing vessel, loses
its radioactivity very slowly and can
be sent to any distance desired.
Plan to Dam the Thames.
A royal commission is considering
the damming of the River Thames at
London. As there is a difference be
tween high and low tide of eighteen
or twenty feet, all larger vessels must
be handled in docks which can be
closed by tidal gates. The object of
this cotnmission is to devise means for
doing away with this inconvenience,
and thus increasing the shipping facil
ities of the port. Among the plans
presented is one of constructing a
great dam across the Thames from
Gravesend to Tilbury. This would
convert the river into a great Inland
lake extending from Gravesend to
Richmond. At the point selected for
the dam the river bed is of fine chalk,
and the structure would give a naviga
ble depth of thirty-five feet at Graves
end and thirty-two feet at London
bridge, without any dredging. The
proposed dam would be of concrete,
granite faced, and the four locks 300,
500, 700 and 1,000 feet, and from 80
to 100 feet wide. The^stimated cost
is 118,290,000. As all the docks could
be left open there would be an annual
saving of $250,000 in the cast of op
erating the gates.
“Electric Honey."
Electricity in all Its phases is en
tering into a great variety of opera
tions, but in one startling report at
least its use seems to be given rath
er undue prominence. “Making
Honey by Electricity” is the caption
of the report, and as we read we find
that in New Jersey is an apiary; that
tlie bees are fed on glucose; that the
glucose is manufactured at Edge
water; that $4,000,000 is invested in
the glucose plant; that the daily out
put is 12,000 barrels, and that elec
tric machinery is used in its manufac
ture. Hence “Making Honey by
Electricity.'*
I GOOD POULTRY HOUSE DESIGN.'
Meant to Accommodate Between Twen
ty and Twenty-five Hens.
M. B.—I enclose you a drawing of
a poultry house which I would like to
build. Please publish information on
the following points:
How much lumber would be re
quired to build it if rough boards and
battons are used for the walls? Please
give dimensions for posts, frame tim
ber, etc. I would like to have the roof
the same as the sides. The whole
house will have two or three thick
nesses of tar paper. Would four fee*
fall be enough for the roof? Would a
house 14 by 16 feet be large enough
for twenty hens? Would three loads
of gravel and two of sand make a sat
isfactory floor? Would the house as
described be warm enough for winter
if a canvas curtain is lowered in front
of the roost at night?
To construct a poultry house as de
scribed above, the amount of material
required would be as follow’s: Twc
scantlings 4 by 4 in. by 16 teet; twc
scantlings 4 by 4 in. by 12 feet; twc
scantlings 2 by 4 in. by 14 feet; If
scantlings 2 by 4 in. by 16 feet; EC
battons 1 by 2 in. by 16 feet, and 60C
feet rough lumber.
The 4 by 4-in. scantling should be
placed on stones or posts for founda
tion. The studding for the front of
the house should be cut 7 feet long
which, when stood on sill and allow
acce made for sill and plate, woulc
take 16 feet of lumber cut in half tc
board up the front of the house with
out waste. The studding throughout
should be placed about 2 feet C inches
apart.
The plates can be made of two 2
by 4-in. scantlings placed on top of
each other. Thfe studding for the back
should be cut 3 feet long, allowing a
16-foot board to be cut in four pieces.
Providing 10-inch lumber is used, it
will require about 50 battons 16 feet
long. These should be cut in lengths
corresponding with the length of the
lumber.
There should be two rows or plates
between front and back plates as a
support for the roof. It would be well
to place a couple of supports under
each. In roofing the house 16-fool
lumber will be necessary, with a small
waste, unless 15-foot lumber can be se
cured.
The cost of material described will
be about $20. To this will need to be
added, say, $5 for nails, sash, glass
and other small items, making a total
cost of material about $25.
Four feet slant in the root will bo.
quite sufficient. A house of these ui
mensions will comfortably house from
twenty to twenty-five hens.
To paper and board inside cf stud
ding on the west, north and cast sides
would not add greatly to the cost. Ij
this is not done, it would be well tc
box in the roosting quarters and usf
the drop curtain, as stated.
I think three loads of gravel and twr
of sand would fill as high as the sill
which is all that would be required.
Device for a Kicking Cow.
A simple device to prevent a cov
from kicking while being milked l*
represented in the accompanying illus
tration. It is made of a hardwood
stick either half or three-quarters oi
an inch square and 14 to 16 inchei
long, into which is fastened a hool
made of heavy wire or a light rod
with a proper curve to fasten on th*
outside of the cow’s hind leg, with
hooks passing half way round. A strij
is split half way up and each of th!
two ends fastened w’ell toward thl
outer end of the stick, as shown. Th*
whole end is passed around the cow i
leg and fastened to a buckle, which
is attached to the stick at the center
If properly adjusted this holds th*
cow's leg so stiff and rigid that it is
impossible for her to kick. The end*
of hook wires fastened to the stick
may be threaded for a nut at that end.
The upper hook is larger than th*
lower, to conform to the size of th«
leg at the two points. This outfit cat
be made at very slight expense. Ii
can be almost instantly adjusted to
the cow’s leg.
Hard or Soft Wood?
E. R.—Does poplar, basswood an3
butternut belong to the soft wood ex
hard wood class?
The term “hard wood” is usually
applied by lumbermen to all trees
which are not conifers, or, in other
words, which are not pine, spruce,
balsam, flr, etc.; but with the man
who sells wood for fuel some of the
“hard woods’’ of the lumberman ace
classed as soft woods. Each wood
dealer has his own classification for
“hard wood” and "soft wood,” but as a
rule poplar and basswood would be
c* ssed as soft woods, along with pine,
? /uce, and balsam fir, and butternut
as “hard wood.”
Growing Horse Radish.
W. W. R.—Please describe the meth*
od of planting and cultivating horse
radish. How much should one acre
grew?
The culture of horse vadish is very
simple. Pieces of roots about four or
five inches long are placed in holes
made with a sharp stick, the pieces
being set about two inches below the
surface of the ground. The roots may
be set ten or twelve inches apart in
rows from two to three feet apart,
depending on method of cultivation.
As to yield, so much depends on con
dition of .soil and care in cnltivation
that it would be difficult to give ga
estimate; but with rich, mellow sot)
it is lumallr a varv nmttahl* mw
BIBLE OF LONG AGO
SACRED BOOK BEYOND DOUBT
THREE CENTURIES OLD.
3iven by Fond Mother to Son Who
Left Scotland to Come to America
in 1611—Has Been Family Heirloom
Since That Time.
Yellow with age, yet held together
firmly by its strong calfskin binding,
“The Grate Booke,” which was print
ed in England more than three cen
turies ago, was exhibited to the des
cendants of John Cory and his broth
ers at the family reunion held in the
Cory grove, near Oaklandon, Thurs
lay. The book, which is a priceless
heirloom in the family, has passed
1cwn through nine generations, is now
the property of James E. Cory of
Pennsylvania, who at the recent re
union was re-elected president of the
Cory organization.
The history of the “Grate Booke’’
has been traced back as far as 1611,
when the family records show that
John Cory’s mother gave the Bible to
ner son as she wished him God-speed
when he left his home in Scotland to
:ry his fortune in America. John Cory
anded at or near Boston soon after
.he coming of the Mayflower.
For a while he lived at New Ixm
lon, Conn., where he was married. He
afterward crossed Long Island sound
and for a short time lived at South
ampton, where the reoords show that
on March 7, 1644, he was made whale
commissioner for the district of
Southampton. He died at Hasham
omack, L. I., in 1685, leaving four sons
and two daughters.
When John Cory died he willed the
Bible to his son Elnathan. Thus the
book has been handed down through
nine generations, and the time-worn
Bible that was exhibited in the grove
near Oaklandon Thursday bids fair to
remain a family heirloom for manj
years to come. It has about 500
leaves of English parchment of pages
8 by 12, and it is printed in old Eng
lish type in the spelling of that age.
It was published in 1603.
About 300 descendants of the young
man who first received the book with
I his mother's blessing: as he left to
j set sail for an unknown land gathered
on Thursday in the old Cory grove,
where the old volume was an object
of reverence. They came from vari
ous parts of the United States, repre
sentatives being present from Penn
sylvania, Alabama, California, Ohio
and Indiana.—Indianapolis News.
SHE GOT THE LETTER.
Cogent Reason for Wanting It Melted
Government Official.
Public officials who cross-question
petitioners in the discharge cf theii
duties expect and hope to receive
truthful replies; but once in awhile
they get an answer so pregnant with
truth that its crystal purity fairly daz
zles them. That is what happened ir
the New York po6toffice on Thursdaj
in the course of a conversation be
twjen a government official, gray
headed and pompous and a woman
young and good looking and in appar
ent distress.
“1 want to get a letter back that 1
mailed about fifteen minutes ago,'
said the woman. “Can I?”
“It can be done if you can prove
authorship,” said the man gravely
“but it will put us to a great dea
of trouble.”
“Yes, I suppose it will, but I can'l
help that. I really must have the let
ter. I shouldn’t have sent it in the
first place. I did it on impulse. I
wouldn't have it go through for any
thing.”
“Who is it to?” was the next ques
tion.
She mentioned a man’s name.
The solemnity and importance ol
her inquisitor's look became still more
intensified.
“Why,” he asked solemnly, “do you
want to get the letter back.”
“Because,” came the unhesitating
reply, “I am afraid his wife will gel
hold of it.”
She got the letter.—New York Press.
Why He Would Wait.
“When I was touring in the south
last fall,” said Lew Dockstader, “Bar
num & Bailey’s circus was booked tc
pitch tents in Macon, Ga. Walking
along the street one day I came upon
a group of darkies gazing open-mouth
ed at a yellow and red poster which
bore in letters of green this announce
ment:
“‘Wait. Wait. Wait. The Great
est Show on Earth. Sept. 1.’
“ ‘Ah, ain’t agoin’ to dat show,’ re
marked one husky mulatto to his yel
low companion.
“‘Whah foh you ain’t goin’?’ was
the response.
“ ‘Ah’s gwan to wait foh de othab
show wot's bettah,’ he said.
“ ‘They ain’t no bettah show,' saic
she.
• ‘Yes. they is.’ was his rejoinder
‘It say so on dat bill. Cain’t you read!
“Greatest Show on Ea'th” ’cept one.’ ’
—New York Times.
Taking No Stump.
A tramp up in Piscataquis count}
rang a doorbell the other day, anc
when the woman of the house, a raw
boned, determined looking person
came to the door, he asked, thinking
it a good joke: “Madam, will you mar
ry me?”
The woman unrolled her sleeves
reached for her hat and jacket anc
said:
“Well, I’ve buried four on ye, and
reckin I ain’t takin’ no stump!’—New
York Sun.
Mrs. Wynne’s Large Family.
Mrs. Wynne, wife of the acting
postmaster general, is one of the
best known hostesses in Washington
She is a remarkably young looking
woman to be the mother of ten chil
dren, but she was married when bare
ly out of school, and her first long
dress was her wedding gown.
None of Them Fit to Wear.
Eunice—Actually. Uncle George, )
naven’t anything fit to wear.
Uncle George—Yes, I’ve noticed
that all your gowns are in the height
of fashion --Boston Transcript.
ALL GO AFTER RE-ELECTION.
But Congressmen Say They Don’t
Care if They Never Come B-ck.
“There will come times in \o .. con
gressional career when you will ex
press the opinion that you don't care
it you never come back,” is a remark
(hat Speaker Cannon has made to
many new members. It Ttas been
stated that eight-tenths of the mem
bers occasionally declare that they
don t care whether they return or not
out more than nine-tenths of them are
hustling in every campaign for re
election. It generally occurs to the
man in his first and second terms thar
(here is not very much to be gained
n a career in the House of Represen
tatives, especially when a struggle
or renomination and another for re
dection is necessary every two years
It is during these first two terms that
‘.he new member finds that he is used
'argely to make a quorum and to vote
right on all party questions. To a
man who has been something in 1
>wn community, perhaps a state seni
or or representative, or a district at
iorney or judge of a court, the rear
rank to which he is relegated in the
House is not a very comfortable posi
tion. The many petty annoyances to
which he is subjected, the complaints
of constituents, the peremptory de
mands of the men who put him in
Congress, and the unpleasant news
paper paragraphs in opposition pa
pers have a tendency to make him
weary of life under the dome. Per
haps eight-tenths of thc-se men do say
at times that they will not seek an
other re-election, but after they have
established themselves in the House,
been given committee assignments
which afford them an opportunity t«
take part in the debates in the House,
and what is more, form associations
with men of character and intelli
gence, whose good-fellowship makes
them companionable, the new mem
bers are very glad to continue in the
House. Nearly every member will
assert that he can make more in
business than the salary of a congress
man. but as John Allen would say,
the salary of a congressman is “pow
erful regular.”—Washington Post.
OF THE VULGAR RICH
Women Advertise Themselves as Not
“to the Manner Born."
Two women boarded a ear at Six
teenth and Chestnut streets yesterday
afternoon, and it was very evident
from their conversation, which was
pitched in an exceedingly high key.
that they were not used by birth to
the good things which Providence had
seen fit to shower upon them. One
wore eyeglasses, which she constantly
took off and then replaced. "I can't
see right through ’em,” she explained
to her companion. Then she produced
her purse and extracted a $20 bill,
with which she proceeded to wipe the
offending glasses. “I find,” she ex
plained, glancing around the car to
note the effect, “that the best way to
clean ’em is with paper money. A
handkerchief don't seem to do no
good.” “You don’t have to use a
twenty, do you?” asked the other
woman. “Don’t a one do just as
well?” “Oh, yes.” replied the other,
languidly, “but ones has more germs,
they tell me, because they’re so com
mon. I’m usin’ a twenty because it’s
the smallest I’ve got.” The conductor
and the man on the rear platform,
who had overheard the conversation,
exchanged significant glances, “And
yet some people wonder at crime,” re
marked the conductor.—Philadelphia
Record.
Bargains in Hearts.
Dan Cupid is a merchant bold.
Who deals in human hearts.
He has them all, both young and oM.
Some whole and some in parts.
The damaged ones he keeps in stock—
Of course, I mean the males—
And all the thrifty maidens flock
To Cupid’s bargain sales.
But Cupid doesn't guarantee a heart.
For lots of them are damaged by hit
dart,
And that Is why we all agree
That marriage is a lottery;
For Cupid doesn’t guarantee a heart.
Dan Cupid doesn’t advertise
His bargain sals of hearts.
But every maiden there who buys
Most gleefully departs;
And if a heart is broken when
She gets it home, you see.
She straightway takes it back again.
And wants a guarantee.
But Cupid doesn't guarantee a heart,
For lots of them are damaged by his
dart.
And that is why we all agree
That marriage is a lottery;
For Cupid doesn't guarantee a heart.
—Philadelphia Record.
Natural Inference.
At a dinner party recently given the
subject of regular hours and plain
diet was discussed. Several had spo
ken, when one of the guests remarked:
“You may not believe it, but for ten
years I rose on the stroke of b, half
an hour later was at breakfast, at 7
was at work, dined at 1, had supper
at 6 and was in bed at 9:30. In all
that time I ate the plainest food and
did not have a day’s sickness."
The silence that followed was awful,
but finally another guest asked:
“Will you permit a question?"
"Certainly,” was the reply. "What
do you wish to know.”
“Well, just out of curiosity,” said
the other, “I would like to know what
you were jailed for.”
Had Confidence in Mikado.
W. H. Crane, the veteran actor, tells
a story illustrating the characteristics
of the Japanese. A friend of his, an
English surgeon, was in one of the
Russian hospitals. While there a des
perately wounded Japanese prisoner
v.as brought in who had a large sum
of money in his possession. He was
asked if he wished the money sent to
Japan to provide for his children.
“No!” came the response. “My mi
kado will see that the family of a
man who gave his life for his country
do not perish. Keep the money for
the Russian Red Cross society.”—New
York Times.
Fine Gift to Museum.
The director of the Paris Museum
of Natural History has been author
ized to accept a gift made by M. Du
rand of a collection of herbaria and
a botanical library, a sum of 5,000
francs to pay the expense of transport
ing and classifying these collections,
and a further sum of 50,000 francs to
be invested, with a view to provide a
fund for the maintenance of the her
baria and the purchase of plants and
of works on botany.
